₦airaland Forum

@ Figures,
Each union has its own challenges.
Don't allow many of these green people ruin your relationship.
What's the problem with co-owning a family account? It would've been a different kettle of fish supposing :
1. You didn't have a joint-account or
2. He was the one earning bigger.
But as it is now, don't even try opening another account or restricting his access to the J-Acc cos if you do, you will make him cast a doubt & air of suspicion on you, you'll bruise his ego more & drive him more into his cocoon, which will defect your purpose/intention.

I do tell people to check themselves too when I hear issues like this. Someone raised an issue of how you may be treating your MIL but ThoniaSlim was quick to attack the suggestor. What even baffled me was calling him a fool ! Ha ha !!! Please Thoniaslim, softly softly.
It's even the perceivedly or seemingly small/negligible matters that forms the bedrocks of either the success or failure of a union like the proverbial tiny rudder of the airplane.

Lastly, to be candid, the ideaism of gender equality will make more marriage suffers because it cannot address the problems the people intend it to. Trust me, I'm not a bigot nor sexist, and what I detest most in human is Bossy/master/domineering trait. A simple respect for all our fellow humans, irrespective of colour; closeness; caste, will solve the issues that the Seesaw balance-like Gender equality/woman emancipation is trying to solve.
The God that made man & woman differently was not a novice or trial-ist.
Please, don't equally underplay the role of personality compatibility & adjustments.
All will be well.

ajirapsy: It is not uncommon to spot gbagauns on NL bruv. You have to watch your back. That said, the OP deserves a lot of credit for the write up. Enough said already. @kadata; nice posts, keep it up.

Seconded ( your applause of the OP ).
On the 'gbagaun's, you are on point brother. I just enjoy hearty laughter with the numerous slips I witness though I quite agree it's not worth too much fuss beyond the thrills it ripples out.

@ Docs in the House,
I've always known that doctors are the most occupationally-harassed.
The populace, as evidenced by their posts here, just reek of one of the maladies afflicting the nation - misinformation & mediocrity. What is the difference between the basic salary of a newly- employed graduate & a fresh doc? They fail to realise that it is the call-duty allowance that account for the difference in the Total monthly Emolument of the docs & non-docs, which on a normal day does not even commesurate with the level of suffering & stress!

People talk as if this problem started 2wks ago. They talk as if the government is responsible. Is there any other negotiative tactics that they the government understand? The strike- action self, do they respond well? While the government is showcasing her irresponsibility, dishonesty, given to proving how much power it wields, manipulative attitudes & poli-tricky nature, people are busy spewing absurds out of sheer contempt & envy for the perceived better-living docs, having forgotten that the only well-to-do docs are the Private Practitioners.
Go to the Teaching Hospitals, GHs & FMCs to see for yourselves that the Admin Staffs are even living better off than the docs!
Have you forgotten the proverbial whip used to beat the 1st wife is awaiting the potential oncoming 'nth' wife? Siddon there dey take delight in the acrimony against the embittered docs while your own is just around the corner.
It will shock all of una.

@ Blink182,
What kind of battle or deals have you had with docs to warrant such level of animosity? Even at that, can't you still deliver logical & fair judgement as against that emotional-laden gaffes you posted?

@ Niyitogun,
I hope you are my doc from UCH. Are you?
It's your guy, Shemeh(Oosa)

@ Van Snickers & Ajirapsy,
Una go kill me with laughter.
Imagine! You nailed that post. I guessed it must have been typographical mistake.

@ Babe 1,
Eventhough we don't have to tow one another's reasoning/line of arguments by fire/force, we can still be courteous & polite while disagreeing with our colleagues without dropping un-begged inciteful remarks. I see many of the post here as waters from uncouth spring.
I guessed ( don't yab me oooo! ) you were always drawing the 1st blood.
Meanwhile, your rubbishing of M9's talent is just clearly revealy of the sheer disdain & contempt you breed for him. I, for one, do not say you have to appreciate Rap genre by force but if it has to do with xter flaws, then treat the Personality issue rather than attacking his Talent!
This guy has consistently been the Channel O African Music Award & Nigerian Music Award Recipient of the ' The Lyricist'. You can check it out.
Na yams?

@ Obakovich,
Don't take glory & delight in the guy's misfortune. You win some & you lose some. In truth & all sincerity, I think you won this one though it looked apparently as if you lost it

@Slimyem,
It's good to reemphasize it that not all human, irrespective of the gender, are the same. And equally, try to see the real, true & big pictures of issues rather than allow that sweet/bitter personal experiences tunnel our introspection & hence take myopic view.

@ OP
I wish everything you said is that quite simple but I'm very sure there is more to this your story.
Prima facie, a divorcee is most likely going to have issues more than not, all things being equal & if we are to work logically, steering clear of emotions. So what endeared you to him?
Also sometimes, we find it easy to see imperfections in other people including ou spouses meanwhile those imperfections are actually the reflections of ourselves in the others.
Check yourself well, try to strike balance between emotion & logic/being rational ( that ain't easy in love but it saves a lot of these incessant heart- break stories).

@ Mynd_44 & Odiaero,
You guyz are too baaaaaaad!!
I too dey gbadun una & got me hilarious on this one .

@ OP,
What are you waiting for ?
You too you better run go to any ARV clinic in any city about, at least, 50km to you & commence your own HAART asap.
Your 'zobo' / 'kunu' is too sour for our intellect to gulp in one shot!
Happy weekend

@ Korrej,
Despite my being a movie freak, I haven't seen 'Shutter Island' but that movie appears to be a 'bomb' as revealed by excellent movie critics & avid movie watchers.
The plot was said to be great with unexpected & breath-taking twists. I wish it'd live up to the excellent remarks accorded to it.

@ Sesanayo,
You are absolutely right. She was a queen from Ilaje/Ikale side (what you will call the Ijaw part) of Ondo State who lived long us till her 80s.

@ Poster,
The list is inexhaustive for keen listeners & avid collectors.
Hip-Hop :
1.Belinda by Remedies
2.Knock of off (Original version) by Plantashun Boiz
3.Mr Goody-Goody by Pastor Goody Goody
4.Come back home by Eedris Abdul-kareem
5.Gen-gen by Sound Sultan
6.Shoodie by Blackie

For Highlife
1.Ukwu Nnayi/Arabanko/Along time darling by ND Stanley Nnorom
2.Iba f'eledumare/Oro seniwo/The horse story etc by Chief Ebenezer Obey
3.Omo Pupa by Roy Chicago
4.Mo n wase labe yin/Acada woman etc by Victor Olaiya
5.Osita Osadebey & Yoba Chukwu by Osita Osadebey

For Contemporaries
1. Opportunity by
2. Time na money by Mike Okri
3. Sweet Mother by Nbanga Brothers
4.All songs by Tunji Oyelana
5.Obaro by Evno Oghadaro (Hope I got the spelling right)
6. Ifeoma by

For Gospels
1. All songs by Voice on the Cross ( Joy of Salvation etc)

For Afro-pop
1. Power show; Coffin for Head of State; Beast of No Nation; Trouble Sleep, Yanga go wake am & Water no get enemy by Fela
2. All songs in Lagbaja's debut album e.g Coolu Temper, Akebaje Part 1, Baby tani ko fe wa etc

I

@ OP,
That's where we got it all wrong. Stuttering, similar in features to Tics, is an Acquired disorder & it is more pronounced in heightened emotional states e.g anxiousness, being worried, having to explained yourself well especially with long/complex-compound sentences or using multitude of words etc.
It is a well known fact that Stuttering also simulate spectrum of another class of disorder referred to as Social Phobic Disorders where performance with a third party & sometimes a 2nd party is usually faulted.
Hence, in that family friend of yours, I'm, until seeing otherwise or proven contrary, faulting the child-raising skills, especially that has to do with vocalization & speech-making.

Come to think of it good people of NL, as my tribe dey talk am for our proverb say na thief fit track the footprints of another thief on a rock, who do you think is best placed to understand a Stutterer more?
No be another Stutterer?
There are more important traits, qualities, features, personality xteristics etc to use in weighing the dynamics & prospect of a union rather than things that were not under the individual's control, more so that it won't contribute much to the breakdown of the relationship.

@ Bennyraz,
I'm so sorry for you !!!
That's quite something to have experienced, which in real fact qualifies as ABUSE. If only they knew that it wasn't you. After all, it the defect could have even been from them from errors arising during your up-bringing.
Ignorance in humans, myself inclusive sometimes, doesn't cease to amaze me! A poor mother rejects vaccine, child develops fever, instead of mother to take him to clinic or at least use anti-pyretics e.g Paracetamol syrup, she binds baby in heavy clothing like 'sigidi', then baby starts convulsing. They start thinking it is the baby's fault & then to correct that, they stick his/her legs into fiery flame! Imagine?
That's what you call 'animal in humanskin'! ( If I may borrow Baba 70's song )

@ HNOsegbe,
Hmm!!!, too bad that you are allowing emotions to cloud your 'sight' so to speak.
For one, Barca played better, had sharpest attacks, had higher ball possession, were fouled plenty times. But you & I both know that input doesn't easily readily translate to output in the world of soccer!

Please, don't even go there ( I don't mean offense ) about Tello because if we are to objectively pick the MVP of the match, I'll nominate him among others like Ronaldo, Messi, Dani Alves. That he 'frittered' away chances, that ordinarily we won't have seen if not for him being outstanding & skillful, is not enough to hang him.

It's not as if Murhino was superb today. Meanwhile, Pep simply didn't change who he has always been. Therefore, let's cast-aside the idea that Murhino's tact overtly won the game. That's untrue.

If you try to follow the posts on this thread, someone who desires ABSOLUTE truth will be misled because most of the Soccer-fans here are Anti-Barca & the root reason is not far-fetched - The better or 'best' you are, the more enemy you garnered. Nobody hates the down-trodden. I, for one, don't like Messi, Xavi etc He steal my yam? No, obviously. He's being persecuted because he's apogee of excellence.
Everybody wanted Barca to lose & that's the succinct but bitter gospel.

Anyway, I hope you were entertained (More of compliment than question)

Yeah !, you can despite the fact that you need to, perhaps, travel to other planets before you can get a perfect being.
2 or more imperfect beings could have very perfect relationships.
I'm assuming your 'perfected relationship' doesn't implies that it's devoid of the 'ups&down' but rather, it infers that the personalities of the people involved blend so well that no crack is visible on the proverbial wall of such relationship to an outsider.
The perfection in the relationship, so to speak, is the ability to rub on one another, iron-out our differences while, all along, the bliss it brings is well savoured.
Mind the fact that even our relationship with the PERFECT Almighty God is laden with 'peaks & troughs'.

Meanwhile @ OP;
Why 'smiling & suffering' (apology to Fela Kuti Baba 70) at being a Capricornite?
You don't cease to amaze me with this pseudo-clairvoyant voodooistic belief called Zodiac !
Haven't you come across Mentally-challenged/Retarded (Apology people. I don't mean to be derogatory plus I appreciate the fact that I'm not better than them. I just want to use the fact to demonstrate) who were born in that month? I have seen uncountables!

@KKK17,
You got it all wrong! All men can't be same on this. I'm not sure of so many things about me I've done a lot of evils but the aboved can't be done by me.
Generally speaking, the scenario above only depicted a misplaced values & priorities in disarray.
Ab initio, the husband placed the value of a child over his 1st wife's value which is the fundamental problem here. If he had seen the wife as his better half, would he have done what he did?
The essence of Life & the theme of Christianity has always been The Cross and this should be the yardstick to assess & evaluate matters arising/issues.
What's the Cross? - Relationship between an individual & other humans the environment on one hand & this interlacing with this individual's relationship with God on the other hand. Pronto!
Use this rule or idea to adjudicate matters & you can't be far from the panacea e.g for the OP's case, how many people can you say that dastard act actually made happy? - God?, the OP ?, the husband? Or the maid self?
Nothing can ever take the place of the Cross!
I keep telling my clients that fertile or barren, rich or poor, tall or dark, bottomful or bosomless,educated or illiterate, 12inches or 1cm .....etc, it's only a variable & it's only a means. It is not the end nor the essence.
@OP,
Humans can be unexpectantly wicked. Just look up to your God & forgive. If you grieve too much & perhaps, you forget to forgive, you are only doing yourself a disservice because it can block your womb. Scientific facts & Experience has proven that Anxiety, Worrying or 'highly tensioned' mind disrupt fertility.

Good evening good people of NL
Let's put aside our emotions & try to be as objective as much as we can.
The reactions being displayed by the SIL of the OP are simply stemming up as IMMATURE defensive mechanism (called Reaction Formation in Psychology) from deeply-rooted
Self-centredness;
Insecurity &
Lack of Love.
There is a big difference between what's expected/normal & going extra length.
Fine!, if he had primed them of his/her coming. This will mean being extra-responsible or nice. But going to your brother's house whom you have mutual understanding with unannounced is not a crime as portrayed by most of comments here.
After all, if this was the issue, the logical reaction would have been to tell the visitor frankly his/her crimes to forestall future repeat & then forget about it. Which one be to dey keep soap, carry pot of soup inside the bedroom, suspicion-laden praying against witches&wizards etc.
@ OP, I have them plenty.
The most painful thing is how bitter the people usually feel when the person eventually leaves. If they could truly bare their mind to you, you see how terrible they feel even though they may feign 'useless freedom'
This is not limited to female. It is a core trait of a Natural Man - the Ideaism of 'Me & my own '. I've seen enough of males displayed this xter.
In fact, to be candid, I used to be badly afflicted with this trait & I'm still trying to wriggle myself free of it.
Too much epistle & yet, I feel as if I didn't nail it well!
Hence ,
@ Outstrip & Chaircover, let's preach tolerance, fairness, love & consideration
@ afam4eva, you can't be more right. You nailed it succinctly.
@Whitelady, I quite share your view.

1. Ai Du in ' Unfaithful '.
2. The original score for 'The Figurine' which resembles the above.
3. 'Get away' by TQ & Krayzie Bone in 'The Blue Streak'
4. 'Deadly Zone' by Mobb Deep & Bounty Killers in 'Blade Trilogy'
5. 'Higher' by Creed in 'The Skull'
6. 'Life' by KCi & Jojo in 'Life'
In fact, I can't exhaust the list.

Guys & Ladies in the house, please help me out.
I saw quite plenty of the Indian movies but my problem was that I usually don't get the title.
There's this particular movie where there was a guy who ran mad because his only sister, who he raised single-handedly when their mother died, was raped by one irresponsible guy ( a son of a highly-influential & wealthy family )& 2 of his friends.
The guy was on the top of coconut-tree trying to prepare the dowry for his sister's wedding when he heard a shout & when he saw them, killed the 2 friends but couldn't kill the main guy.
I think he eventually found vengeance by killing the irresponsible guy in the prison because they met eventually in the prison.

I don't know the title.
Can anyone kindly help me with the title especially Rokiatu who seems to be the goddess of Indian movies

'....you are so wrapped up in the sugar business that you've lost the feel & taste of real honey...'
By Al Pacino as Gen. Slade in 'Scent of a Woman'

@md4real,
You were referring to ' The man behind the mask ' which was actually true-life story of King of France ( I'm not sure but I think it's King Louis XXVI ) in 15th century adapted to screenplay incorporating part of the bestseller ' The 3 Musketeers '

But my best movie of his is ' The Beach '
The concept of the movie made my naive self understand little of the strange ' Women's world '.
I equally made a life-long friendship with someone seeing the movie together with me & discussing the xters & plots.