₦airaland Forum

A boy met a girl, after a little conversation,the boy wanted to leave and the following conversation took place: Boy: Sorry, I didn't get your name. Girl: OK. I'm Dike SandraThelma Vera, you can call me DSTV Boy: (I no fit carry last) well I'm Godwin Obinna Tochukwu Victor, also known as GOTV # Lolzzz ... If it was you, what funny fake name will you give? Mine will be Alhaji Turawa Musa (ATM)

A dog was so faithful that the woman could leave
her baby with it and go out to attend other matters.
She always returned to find the child soundly
asleep with the dog faithfully watching over him.
One day something tragic happened.
The woman as usual, left the baby in the "hands" of this faithful dog and went out shopping. When she
returned, she discovered rather a nasty scene,
there was a total mess. The baby's cot was
dismantled, his nappies and clothes torn to shreds
with blood stains all over the bedroom where she
left the child and the dog. Shocked, the woman wailed as she began looking
for the baby.
All of a sudden, she saw the faithful dog emerging
from under the bed. It was covered with blood and
licking it's mouth as if it had just finished a delicious
meal. The woman got angry and assumed that the dog
had devoured her baby. Without much thought she
beat the dog with a wood to death. But as she
continued searching for the"remains" of her child,
she beheld another scene.
Close to the bed was the baby who, although lying bare floor, was safe and under the bed where the
body of a snake was torn to pieces in what had
been a fierce battle between the snake and the dog
which was now dead.
Then reality dawned on the woman who now
began to understand what took place in her absence.
The dog fought to protect the baby from the
ravenous snake.
It was too late for her now to make amends
because, in her impatience and anger, she had
killed the faithful dog. How often have we misjudged people and torn them to shreds with
harsh words and deeds before we have had time to
evaluate the situation?
This is called SIN OF PRESUMPTION Presuming things
our way without taking the trouble to find out
exactly what the situation really is. A little patience/ understanding that no one is the center of the
universe or the ultimate authority on life/
mistakes...a little forgiveness... some minor
communication...can drastically reduce major
lifelong mistakes. Don't think/react on what you
think others are thinking. Take time to get the whole truth.

Someone forwarded this message to me and I think
it's worth sharing.......................
This is to inform you that there is a new technique
being used by robbers and other criminals to
escape arrest. Robbers are now collecting used
recharge cards, and once they abandon hijacked cars or where they dump the dead bodies, they
leave the already used cards at the scene or near
the victims.When the police arrive, they are using
the scratch card's serial number to track on which
phone number it was loaded; and they start
tracking the owner of the phone number. Already, two people who fell victim of the trick are in Kirikiri.
To be on the safe side, once you load airtime, make
sure you destroy the card before you dispose it to
avoid access of these undesirable elements. Kindly
circulate for the safety of your loved ones. Be
cautious!.

READ AND GIVE ME YOUR ANSWER:
A widow mom leaves her house and goes to fetch
water, leaving her only child asleep. On her return,
she found a large crowd around her burning
house. On the inside, her son is about to die in the
fire. Throwing her bowl of water on the floor, and crying, she wants to get into the burning house to
look for her son. Everyone keeps saying, "You're
going to die too, fire is very great." Escaping from
their hands, she enters the fire and wrapped her
son in a blanket. The child, tight against her breast,
is not touched by the fire. Mummy comes out severely burnt and is only narrowly saved; thanks
to the care of the hospital, but she lives with scars
and unrecognizable. Many years passed. The child,
under the guidance of his mother, completed his
studies and was appointed minister. He organized a
party at his villa on his appointment, and invited all the dignitaries of the city and his friends. While they
were in full party, noises were heard at the door of
the entrance to the villa. The son was forced to go
and resolve the situation. He found that the security
officers were preventing his mother from joining
the party. He had not invited her but she also wanted to join the party. Faced with this situation in
front of his guests, he said tenderly to his mother:
"Please, Mom, I would be ashamed to have you
appear before my friends. We can discuss later. "
And in secret, he ordered the security services to
throw out his mother because of her scars ... What inspires you in this story? This woman
represents Jesus Christ who sacrificed himself for
you and I. Today, what place do you give him in
your life It is He who has received the scars because of you and me. If you are ashamed of Him,
keep this message and don't send it to anyone. If
you are not ashamed of the scars of Jesus Christ, if
you have received Him as your Lord and Savior in
your heart, convey this message to the one who
sent it to you and eleven others. " You still have time to tell at least 12 people that Jesus loves
them. As for me, I started this mission with you.
Know that Jesus loves you

Story of Two Frogs
A group of frogs was traveling through the woods,
and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other
frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how
deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they
were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to
jump out of the pit with all of their might. The other
frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as
good as dead.
Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the
other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog continued to jump as hard
as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled
at him to stop the pain and just die.
He jumped even harder and finally made it out.
When he got out, the other frogs said, “Did you not
hear us?” The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He
thought they were encouraging him the entire time.
Lessons to be learnt:
1.There is power of life and death in the tongue. An
encouraging word to someone who is down can
lift them up and help them make it through the day. 2.A destructive word to someone who is down can
be what it takes to kill him or her.
Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who
cross your path. The power of words… it is
sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging
word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to
continue in difficult times. Special is the individual
who will take the time to encourage another.
Pls Share this:
Sharing is caring.It takes just a second
FoR → Seasoned Jokes
→ Prayer updates
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→ Brian Teaser
→ Riddles
→ Entertainment news → Relationship Advice
→True life stories and lots more.

I decided to go and chill out in crunches when I saw one guy with his girlfriend enjoying themselves. Not too long, in front of them was the waiter with the bill which was about 20k. To my surprise the girl quickly opened her purse brought out 21k, paid and told the waiter to keep the balance. After the waiter had left, the guy started asking her, baby why didn’t u allow me to take care of the bills. It was then the girl said something that impressed me, she actually told the guy that she’s not after his money that the only thing she needs from him is his love, care and attention. Hmmm Almost immediately, I heard a voice ”cut! cut!! cut!!! cut!!!!! It was the director and right behind me was the camera man, it was then I said to myself “Okaaaayyy” I for fear oooo. Na movie dem dey shoot, no wonder !!!!!!! because de last time dis kind thing happen for real life na in the year 1900 during the time of Lord Lugard. Or can this still happen these days?

A job interview is always challenging and stressful because we have to answer a lot of questions and we have to answer them right. But there are such questions that you do not have to answer at all. In fact, hiring manager cannot ask some questions that are inappropriate and promote discriminatory hiring processes. Here are 8 of them:
Questions about your age are simply illegal. Everything a hiring manager needs to know about your age is that you are 18, so you are old enough for work. Questions about age are illegal and the interviewer doesn't have a right to ask you about age directly or indirectly. They can't also ask your graduation year. Of course you can answer this question if you feel comfortable, but if you don't - you don't have to.

The Secret of Drinking Water on EMPTY STOMACH
revealed. Pls don't ignore A Must Read.. It is popular in Japan today to drink water
immediately after waking up every morning.
Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value.
We publish below a description of use of water for
our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as
modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a
100% cure for the following diseases: Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast
heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis
asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases,
vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes,
constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and
menstrual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases. METHOD OF TREATMENT
1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing
teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water 2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or
drink anything for 45 minute 3.. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as
normal. 4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner
do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours 5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to
drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may
commence by taking little water and gradually
increase it to 4 glasses per day. 6. The above method of treatment will cure
diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy
life. The following list gives the number of days of
treatment required to cure/control/reduce main
diseases:
1. High Blood Pressure (30 days)
2. Gastric (10 days)
3. Diabetes (30 days) 4. Constipation (10 days)
5. Cancer (180 days)
6. TB (90 days)
7. Arthritis patients should follow the above
treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from
2nd week onwards – daily.. This treatment method has no side effects, however
at the commencement of treatment you may have
to urinate a few times.
It is better if we continue this and make this
procedure as a routine work in our life. Drink Water
and Stay healthy and Active. This makes sense .. The Chinese and Japanese
drink hot tea with their meals not cold water. Maybe
it is time we adopt their drinking habit while
eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain... For those who like to drink cold water, this article is
applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal.
However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff
that you have just consumed. It will slow down the
digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break
down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than
the solid food. It will line the intestine.
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer.
It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a
meal. A serious note about heart attacks: · Women should know that not every heart attack
symptom is going to be the left arm hurting,
· Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
· You may never have the first chest pain during the
course of a heart attack.
· Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
· 60% of people who have a heart attack while they
are asleep do not wake up.
· Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep.
Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know,
the better chance we could survive... A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this article
shares it to everyone they know, you can be sure
that we'll save at least one life.
Please be a true friend and share this article to all
your friends you care about. N/B: To order for Greenlife products or become a
distributor, Contact us: call 08083377504,
Whatsapp/sms: 08066695999

I was sitting in my car on a very long queue from the Mobil petrol station in Maryland. This queue was almost getting to Anthony bus stop (a stretch of almost 3 miles!)
It was one of those days when fuel was scarce. Suddenly, a guy ran past my car with a Jerry can in one hand shouting, "They have started o!" in Yoruba.
I quickly jumped out of my car, opened my booth, got my Jerry can and ran after him. He kept running towards Maryland.
When he got to the petrol station, he shouted again, "Won ti bere ooo!" This in Yoruba means, "They have started o!"
He ran past the petrol station and headed towards Sheraton hotel. Anyone who knows these places I'm mentioning will understand how quite afar they are. I tried to run faster to catch up and ask the boy what have they started, but the boy ran faster. I looked back and I saw like 6 people had joined us running with Jerry cans in their palms.
We continued past Sheraton and headed towards Ikeja bus stop. When we got to Ikeja bus stop, he shouted again, "They have started o!"... and continued his run. We asked each other what was happening but nobody seemed to know as we ran behind the boy.
Finally, we got to Oshodi and he shouted again, this time, we were like 40 people running behind him, all of us with a Jerry can in one hand. He shouted again, "They have started ooo!"!!! He continued his run towards Isolo and finally, after getting to Isolo, he stopped and we were all gasping for breath, all of us , men and women, some with pot bellies. I moved closed to him and asked, "What have they started?"

The boy replied, "Chelsea vs Arsenal, the match has started!"
I fainted.

Let catch some fun here Guys: Who do you think has a better chanch of surving between number 1 and number 2??

INSPIRATIONAL INDEED OP PLEASE I WILL LIKE THIS TO HIT THE FONT PAGE PLEASE

Junaknoni:
where is the man?

Here is d man

If this man slapped any of your family members/your spouse for no reason,what will you do?

Lessons from the HEN:
1. She first lays enough eggs before sitting on
them: GOOD PLANNING.
2. When she starts sitting on her eggs, she
minimizes movement: DISCIPLINE.
3. She physically loses weight while sitting on her eggs due to decreased feeding: SACRIFICE
and SELF DENIAL.
4. She can sit on eggs from another hen:
INDISCRIMINATE and GENEROUS.
5. She sits on her eggs for 21 days, patiently
waiting and even if they don't hatch she will still lay eggs again: FAITH, HOPE and COURAGE.
6. She detects unfertilized eggs and rolls them
out: SENSITIVE and DISCERNING.
7. She abandons the rotten eggs and starts
caring for the hatched chicks even if it is only
one: WISE, CONSCIOUS and REALISTIC. 8. No one can touch her chick: PROTECTIVE
LOVE.
9. She gathers all her Chicks together: UNITY of
PURPOSE.
10. She doesn't abandon her chicks before they
mature: MENTORING Live your dreams, one day they shall hatch and
you shall see them grow.

Lessons from the HEN:
1. She first lays enough eggs before sitting on
them: GOOD PLANNING.
2. When she starts sitting on her eggs, she
minimizes movement: DISCIPLINE.
3. She physically loses weight while sitting on her eggs due to decreased feeding: SACRIFICE
and SELF DENIAL.
4. She can sit on eggs from another hen:
INDISCRIMINATE and GENEROUS.
5. She sits on her eggs for 21 days, patiently
waiting and even if they don't hatch she will still lay eggs again: FAITH, HOPE and COURAGE.
6. She detects unfertilized eggs and rolls them
out: SENSITIVE and DISCERNING.
7. She abandons the rotten eggs and starts
caring for the hatched chicks even if it is only
one: WISE, CONSCIOUS and REALISTIC. 8. No one can touch her chick: PROTECTIVE
LOVE.
9. She gathers all her Chicks together: UNITY of
PURPOSE.
10. She doesn't abandon her chicks before they
mature: MENTORING Live your dreams, one day they shall hatch and
you shall see them grow.

samseen02:
I must b famous. Walahi!

No do charm o

USB (Universal Serial Bus) is considered a very
simple and flexible way of connection between
personal computer and other electronic
devices. However,USB can malfunction if you
are not using the quality type. There will
always be partial contact when using fake USB, thereby delaying your job which is very
annoying. Today, i want to share with you, a very simple
way of identifying a fake USB. Its as simple as
ABC. Get your USB, check the two holes that
reveals the bus/contact. If the conductor there
is Golden colour, it means its copper which is
original. Copper has high conductivity than aluminium, copper also has relatively high
tensile strength (the greatest stress a
substance can bear without tearing apart). Now to identify a fake USB, check the two holes
again, if its silver colour, it means its aluminium,
which is fake. Although aluminum has only
about 60 percent of the conductivity of copper,
but the tensile strength is very low( which tears
apart when subjected to stress) Which makes your USB to to fluctuate. If you are using this
type of USB, you will be experiencing partial
contact. Most universal modems in Nigeria
market today are made with this aluminium
contact, because aluminium is cheaper than
copper, and the manufacturers/ importers make more money from such. The photo below clearly shows the two holes
that reveals the bus/contact. The bus used for
the USB is made with copper, that is why its
golden in colour.

USB (Universal Serial Bus) is considered a very
simple and flexible way of connection between
personal computer and other electronic
devices. However,USB can malfunction if you
are not using the quality type. There will
always be partial contact when using fake USB, thereby delaying your job which is very
annoying. Today, i want to share with you, a very simple
way of identifying a fake USB. Its as simple as
ABC. Get your USB, check the two holes that
reveals the bus/contact. If the conductor there
is Golden colour, it means its copper which is
original. Copper has high conductivity than aluminium, copper also has relatively high
tensile strength (the greatest stress a
substance can bear without tearing apart). Now to identify a fake USB, check the two holes
again, if its silver colour, it means its aluminium,
which is fake. Although aluminum has only
about 60 percent of the conductivity of copper,
but the tensile strength is very low( which tears
apart when subjected to stress) Which makes your USB to to fluctuate. If you are using this
type of USB, you will be experiencing partial
contact. Most universal modems in Nigeria
market today are made with this aluminium
contact, because aluminium is cheaper than
copper, and the manufacturers/ importers make more money from such. The photo below clearly shows the two holes
that reveals the bus/contact. The bus used for
the USB is made with copper, that is why its
golden in colour.

You’ve probably read or heard about the 14
year old boy who made a digital clock and got
arrested by the Police after his teacher mistook
his homemade clock for a bomb. Awful, right? Now here’s the good part: The news got on social media and people from
all over the world condemned the act and gave
massive support to Ahmed for his ingenuity.
But it didn’t end there. Ahmed got shout-outs from President Obama,
presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton and
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg invited him to
Facebook. Ahmed has also received invitations
to work at Twitter and Reddit, been offered a
seat at the Google science fair and a scholarship to NASA’s space camp – just to
name a few. Thanks to his teacher! But what if Ahmed’s teacher had not called the
Police on him? Ahmed’s clock and 13 other
inventions by him may have gone unnoticed.
The world may not have known there was a
14 year old genius somewhere in a Texas high school.

By Editor on September 19, 2015 6:19 am ONDO State Governor, Dr. Olusegun Mimiko has
promised that his government would continue to
invest in the state’s health facilities until it is
established as a point of reference in medical
tourism in Nigeria and beyond. The governor also called for proper verification
of emerging data from different sources in the
health sector so as to differentiate genuine data-
backed results from politically generated ones. Mimiko, who was on Thursday conferred with an
honorary fellowship award by the National
Postgraduate Medical College at its 33rd
Convocation ceremony in Ijanikin, Lagos, while
receiving the award, challenged scholars at the
event to be more proactive in verifying data emanating from different sources. The governor promised He noted that at the
inception of his administration, “it was clear there
had to be a total overhaul and reform of the
health system and we chose to put maternal and
child care at the front burner of medical
attention.” He added: “We were resolute in our conviction
that finances should not be a barrier to
qualitative healthcare and that for us to succeed,
all pregnant women must be tracked from
conception to delivery.” He explained that six years down the line, the
government’s home-grown Abiye (safe-
motherhood) programme is today arguably one
of the most successful and talked about
healthcare initiatives in the developing world. He said at the inception of his administration in
February 2009, the government met a poorly
funded, poorly equipped health infrastructure
manned by an ill-motivated and under-staffed
professional work force. He said it did not help matters that the 2008
Nigeria Demographic Health Survey (NDHS) put
Ondo State as having the worst maternal and
child health indices in the South-West, stressing
however that the state has reduced Maternal
Mortality Ratio from a baseline of 545 per 100,000 births, a reduction of over 70 per cent,
adding that the state had the unenviable
reputation of being the only South-West state
and one of the few nationwide without a state-
run teaching hospital for both under and post -
graduate training at the time. “Perhaps, this is another noteworthy record set
by Ondo State. With your endorsement, we now
have teaching hospitals in the state, something
we have lacked since her creation almost 40
years ago,” he noted.

Ladies And Gentlemen Can You Rock This Outfit?

for d sake of safe sex, Nafdac has introduce a protection cream in replace of CONDOM Its safe, affordable and controllable, moreover, their will b no need to use CONDOM again. The advantage of using this cream is that u can now enjoy flesh to flesh without d fear of HIV/AIDS. Wow!! At lest we can now enjoy ourselves skin to skin, go to any pharmacy close to u and request 4 ABONIKI BALM

WOMAN: My Husband is not interested in sex. DOCTOR: Ok! give these pills to him. Everyday, put 1 pill in his tea. the woman did and they had sex which they enjoyed. Next day she puts 2 pills in his tea and they enjoyed much more sex. 3rd day, she emptied the whole bottle in his tea. … Two days later Doctor called to know the progress. Son picked and replied: “Mom is in coma at the moment, Aunt is in the hospital, Maid is suing Dad for rape, My own ass hurts and bleeding and Dad is still running naked in the garden, shouting Bingo! Bingo!! Bingo!!! Even the Dogs are running 4 their lives!

Wife:How much do you love me Husband:l love you so much ,l can't measure. Wife:No just tell me. Husband:Okay, l am like a cell phone & you are my sim card, l am nothing without you. Wife:wow! dats so romantic. Husbandsaying to himself):Thank God she doesn't know l'm a China phone, with FOUR sim cards........

majamajic:
its really sad. Next time demand for cctv replay ::: Rob, I think

Sorry i mean she lobbed my money

MY EXPERIENCE IN THE BANK TODAY
PLEASE I CREATED THIS THREAD FOR STUDENTS TO LEARN A VERY GOOD LESSON. @ OP I WILL LIKE IT IF I CAN C THIS THREAD @ THE FONT PAGE SO THAT WE CAN ALL LEARN OUR LESSON.


At about 2:30pm yesterday i went to the bank to make some cash deposit totalled -> #125,000.00
As i approached the counter where the banker was i forward my teller to th lady and arranged all the denominations accordingly after few minutes she returned all the money to me and she said the account number is not correct i said o.k and i counted the money it was not complet and i told her dat my money is remaining 1,500.00k she denied it quite alright i thought it was only me bt she did d same thing to the person @ my back. So please when we are going to bank let us be vigilant and consentrate because bankers are now robbing money in bank.

Section A 1. No nd kia 2. Mook 3. Na the University weh get d highest number of girls using blackberry nah 4. Buhari doesn't know what facebook is so they re not friends 5. Cost of moi= 5.25 6. General Sani Abacha SECTION B 1. Nigerian politicians 2. Nawa oh this one follow? 3. Hermophrodite 4. x boyfriend/girlfriend= 50,000,000 ,friend cancel friend=x boy/girl=50,000,000 hence xboy=50,000,000girls since research show dat boys equal girls 50.3:49.7 then 50,000,000girls = 50,603,621,730.1boys hence X = 50,603,621,730. 1 Extra sheet pls and make it two

Akpos Question! 1st SEMESTER EXAM Attempt all questions. Time: 1hr 30 mins Section A (All questions carry equal marks) 1. What are the names of the two people holding hands when you switch on a Nokia phone ? 2. If the past tense of Take is Took, what is the past tense of Make ? 3. Which university in Nigeria has the highest number of ladies using blackberry phones? 4. If Buhari is a friend to Obasanjo on facebook, who sent the friend request and why ? 5. if the cost of moi-moi is N10.50, what is the cost of moi ? 6. Who ate the missing part of the apple logo? SECTION B 1. Between the Nigerian police and Nigerian girls, who likes money more? 2. Using the almighty formula, calculate the diameter of elegushi beach. (take pi=3.142) 3. If Ada is a girl and Obi is a boy,who is Adaobi ? 4. If your x-boyfriend/girlfriend wins N50,000,000 on who wants to be a millionaire after you broke up, find the value of X? 5. If it takes Goodluck 1 hour to deliver a typed speech in a national conference, how many days will it take Patience to deliver the same speech on the same occasion? SECTION C 1) Tuface was given a Prado and Ferarri on his traditional wedding and white wedding respectively. There is every likelihood that D Banj has gone ahead to print wedding invitation cards without an available bride. Discuss. 2) Write an essay of 1, 500 words on 'My Oga At The Top' NO SIDE TALK CHEATING GOOD LUCK =)) =)) Your time starts now!.

Buhari goverment announced that if u have 5 kids ur salary will be increased to #500,000. A man heard the news and said to his wife, i have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids. When he came back, he saw only one of his kids remaining. He asked "where are the other 3?" His wife replied "you are not the only one who heard the news. Their fathers have come for them"

YES BT SOME NEW COUPLES CANT EVEN DO DAT

good

PHONE RINGING *** ME - Hello! UNKNOWN - Do u hav a boyfriend? ME- Yes! Why do u ask? UNKNOWN - It's me ur father! So this idiot hav a boyfriend at this age? We shall see wen I get home ME- Dad pliz, I was just joking I can explain........ *He hang up* PHONE RINGS AGAIN ME- Hello! UNKNOWN - Do you have a boyfriend? ME- No!!!! UNKNOWN - So honey u re ashamed of me ME - I'm sorry sweetie I thought it was my dad UNKNOWN - Yes it still ur dad u fool come back home am waiting 4 u HANG UP.