₦airaland Forum

"I have to thank my friend Albert Fantrau for my success. We played together for a youth club. When people from sporting arrived, they told us that whoever scored more goals would be be accepted to their Academy"
"We won that game 3-0, I scored the first goal, then Albert scored a header, and the third was a goal that impressed everyone.
Albert went on one on one with the goal keeper. I was running next to him, he went round the keeper, all he needed to do was just to get the ball into the empty net. But,
he passed it to me and I scored. I was accepted to the Academy. After the match, I approached him and asked him “why” and he
answered;

“You’re better than me”.

Several years after, journalist went to Albert’s house, and asked whether the story was true. He confirmed. He also said that his career as a football player finished after that match and he is now unemployed. “But where did you get such a gorgeous house, a car?
You seemed to be a rich person. You also maintain your family……
where is all from? Albert proudly replied; "its from Christiano!".

SOURCE: http://dwitch.com/actions/view/10229 [picture]

Minimum of three years of experience working as an application developer
Experience working with Web technologies, XML and emerging web standards
Web application deployment / maintenance
Full life cycle development including testing (nUnit)
Cross-browser web application development
Knowledge of web portals and database
Must have a strong working knowledge in the following: JavaScript / DOM, HTML, XHTML, PHP, MySQL,CSS, jQuery, MS IIS, C#.NET / Visual Studio and ASP.NET
Must have strong database skills preferably with SQL (T-SQL, Subversion source control and SQL query performance tuning would be a major plus.

The point is, they dont know what they want.

CHANNELS TV a leading news television broadcasting station in Nigeria has open vacancies for the following Positions:

JOB TITLE: WEB PROGRAMMER/DEVELOPER

Roles

He/She would be responsible for design, development and implementation of short- and long-term solutions through new and existing applications.
He or she reviews IT requirements and processes; codes, tests, debugs and implements software solutions.
Must be able to provide application software development services or technical support in a defined project or existing production system.
Must be able to develop program logic for new applications or analyses and modify logic in existing applications
Leads the creation of program specifications and diagrams, and develops coding logic flowcharts.
Must have experience in coding, testing, debugs, documents, implements and maintains software applications using either .NET or Java/J2EE technologies.
Ability to analyze requirements, and maintain, tests and integrates application components.
Ability to analyze, design, create and implements databases, including data models, logical and physical databases, data dictionaries and schema s, access methods, device allocations, validation checks, organization and security.
Ability to support and implement new applications.
Ensures that system tests are successfully completed and documented and all problems are resolved.
Liaises with software vendors and external technical support on issues such as software upgrades, problems and potential solutions.
Analyze and evaluate existing or proposed systems, and devises computer programs, systems and related procedures to process data
Prepare charts and diagrams to assist in problem analysis, and submits recommendations for solution
Ability to debug code functionality while supporting multiple in-production websites.
Design, develop, maintain, support and enhance an existing suite of applications.
Application and technical support to internal users.
Full life cycle development with strong attention to detail with testing
Problem solving and troubleshooting


Educational Qualification:
The candidate should have a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science or a related degree.

Working Experience: (the impossible part)
Minimum of three years of experience working as an application developer
Experience working with Web technologies, XML and emerging web standards
Web application deployment / maintenance
Full life cycle development including testing (nUnit)
Cross-browser web application development
Knowledge of web portals and database
Must have a strong working knowledge in the following: JavaScript / DOM, HTML, XHTML, PHP, MySQL,CSS, jQuery, MS IIS, C#.NET / Visual Studio and ASP.NET
Must have strong database skills preferably with SQL (T-SQL, Subversion source control and SQL query performance tuning would be a major plus.


Interested candidates and Qualified candidates should send their application letters along with current CVs to jobs@channelstv.com


Responses from PHP NIGERIA (Nigerian Association of PHP web Developers: http://www./169274473187646/permalink/344114602370298/)

1. "Must have a strong working knowledge in the following: JavaScript / DOM, HTML, XHTML, PHP, MySQL,CSS, jQuery, MS IIS, C#.NET / Visual Studio and ASP.NET" lwkmd lol well well

2. Dem don forget to put C++, JAVA, etc........ask them how much dem wan pay....100k P.A........lol

3. 100 what?
You will be hearing around 50-75k.
Plus they'll over load you with their daily news work

4. you guys are vexing oo.... they expect any programmer they see to be like the machine he is programming.... God go save us from all this naija matter.

5. Here in Mauritius you will never see such, infact that ads is for 3 different developer.

6. After mentioning Javascript they now mentioned Jquery.. After mentioning MySQL they mentioned MS IIS. Then Mentioned HTML with outdated XHTML. To cap it all, they freestyled C#.NET on a Visual Studio Levels
ASP.NET and PHP also included.
Applicant must also have a Bsc in Computer Science
with at least 3 years experience
Applicant should be able to work with XML and emerging web standards
Full life cycle development including testing (nUnit)
Then
Must have strong database skills preferably with SQL (T-SQL, Subversion source control and SQL query performance tuning would be a major plus)

No Salary specified
Good luck

7. I think! These people added up all it job descriptions and divided by 10, without considering their needs. Hahahahhahaha!

8. The worst is that its a news company that only needs a web admin that can manage their portal

9. This channels people are a bunch of clowns ... how do they expect a single person to know all that its impossible from my view cos that's a jack of all trade master of non............ for them to have that they at least need nothing less than 5 programmers who are going to work together.....

10. lol..... what they will need im sure is just som1 to help manage their web portal and do little of other stuffs but the fact is that they will look up for job description on like for a particular position and start joining everything together..... dont be surprise that if u apply and get their the IT head if they have will not even know jack of all this shit... thats naija system....

11. The IT head is the one who prepared this shit.
He should be brought out for thorough flogging
#gbam!

SOURCE: http://dwitch.com/actions/view/8231

Pics or it didn't happen. That's what some on the Internet called out after President Obama told the New Republic, in an interview released on January 27, that he had gone skeet shooting at Camp David.




Obama shoots skeet a lot. "Yes, in fact, up at Camp David, we do skeet shooting all the time," the President told Franklin Foer and Chris Hughes. He went on to talk about his respect for hunting culture and traditions of the United States, and touched on gun control and the his attempts to bridge the ideology gaps between Republicans and Democrats during his second term.

In response to some commenters disbelief and inability to imagine the President shooting at clay pigeons, the White House quickly posted this photo on their official Flickr account.

The photo was taken on Saturday, August 4, 2012 at Camp David. Looks like President Obama is a lefty and has a tight square stance. Nice shot, Mr. President.

Photo by Pete Souza/White House

SOURCE: http://dwitch.com/actions/view/8215

What will become of Goodluck Jonathan if he attempts this pose?

1. After recovering from a fatal 3 day coma 'i dey kampe'
2. When asked if Buhari would beat Jonathan in the election
'he he he i just dey laugh'
3. The Nigerian house of assembly is filled with criminals.
4. On hearing that ibb said he squandered Nigeria's resources and that ibb was celebrating his 70 birthday
'he he heee! IBB is a fool at 70!'

i have this chance now, and i chose a different course - computer science.

Bakare is not a pastor. He is a frustrated politician.
You kneel for someone to pray for you, its humility to God and respect for age and authority.
Bakare is jealous.

According to Hiphopworldmagazine the duo split some days back.

"Born to the same mother, on the same day within just eight minutes of each other, grown up doing almost everything together, the duo of Peter and Paul of P-Square have in January, 2013, have parted ways........... to two different vacation spots

For many, December is the holiday month they look forward to every year. This is not the same for P Square who do back-to-back shows, helping fans enjoy their holiday by performing at concerts, end of year parties and various kinds of events.

P-Square definitely had one of their busiest seasons last year. Now, for these hard working Jacks, it’s time to play; and they are choosing different vacation spots in the United States.

Last week, Paul was spotted in Atlanta, while Peter told us he’s hanging out with in San Francisco with kids Cameron and Lola. The multi-award winning duo and triple Headies winners at the 2012 edition say they’re "chopping their money""

SOURCE: http://dwitch.com/actions/view/7366

lol

An Oregon woman was freed after dangling for hours in a narrow space between two buildings, where she had just eight inches of wiggle room in the early-morning cold as rescue teams worked to cut a pathway out for her.

The incident, which occurred at a downtown Portland apartment complex, began at about 3:45 a.m. Wednesday, when the Portland Fire and Rescue Department received a call from a bystander who heard the woman yelling. The screams were coming from a tight space between the apartment building and a cinder block parking garage adjacent to the complex, said Lt. Damon Simmons, spokesman for Portland Fire and Rescue.

"Somehow, she was on top of this 20-foot-high wall and fell down between the walls," he said. "The space that was in between them, at the widest, was probably eight inches and it got narrower from there. She was wedged in. She fell down about 10 or 12 feet."
Advertise | AdChoices

It wasn't clear why the woman was on top of the wall. Officials did not identify her; NBC affiliate KGW.com reported she was a 30-year-old who did not live in the apartment complex.

The woman was upright and conscious, but visibly agitated when firefighters arrived, Simmons said. Simply pulling her out wasn't an option because she was so embedded into the tiny space; breaking through the wall was the only solution, he said. Urban search and rescue teams, who normally respond to earthquakes and building collapses, were called in.

"They were going to cut the wall in front of her, and just pull it away from her. [But] that was creating a major dust issue," Simmons said. Instead, they cut out two "windows" in the wall on each side of her -- smaller holes that would give rescue teams some access to her without causing her to have to breathe in as much dust.

The "windows" also enabled paramedics, who had been pumping heat from the top of the wall, to get their radiators closer to her. Meanwhile, the woman's husband had also arrived, and was talking to her to help keep her calm.

Don Ryan / AP

Building maintenance man Josh Granados measures holes cut by rescuers to free a woman who fell part of the way down a 20-foot wall and got stuck between two buildings in Portland, Ore., on Wednesday.

"It's 36 degrees, and she's up against these two cold concrete walls. So they're pumping heat into her, and they're talking to her, and paramedics are assessing her. At that point they elongated one of the windows and turned it into a 'door,' and then they were able to use soap and basically grease her up if you, will and slide her out of that doorway," Simmons said.

Once she was freed, the woman -- shivering, but happy -- was taken to the hospital.

"She seemed really excited, obviously," Simmons said. "She seemed in good spirits. The hope is she'll be able to leave the hospital today."

The entire rescue took more than three hours and the coordination of more than 25 people, Simmons said.

Had the woman been stuck for longer, her situation could have been dire, Simmons said.

"In situations like that, where people are trapped and can't move around a lot, another concern is compartmentation syndrome," he said. "Your body is not able to circulate blood as well as it normally is with you moving around and walking around or lying down. And so you can almost get a blood poisoning: Your blood isn't getting cleaned like it should. And then when you're freed from that position, that blood starts circulating, and all those poisons start circulating. The rescue didn't take that long, so that didn't become an issue."

SOURCE => http://www.dwitch.com/actions/view/7275

A Nigerian student enrolled in one of the numerous tertiary institutions in Ghana has cut and swallowed his penis. The incident occurred last Friday. Although no one is sure what prompted the 25-year-old student (name withheld) to chop-off and practically ingest his manhood, Daily Sun gathered that he is currently on admission at one of Ghana’s teaching hospitals.

In Ghana, the average tuition fee per academic session for a non-Ghanaian student hovers around $6,000 (over N900,000). If his parents could pay his fees for studying in Ghana, it was doubtful hunger was not the boy’s reason.


So, was he jilted by a lover? Was it some senseless act of bravado or as a result of failure or poor grades? The student, who hails from Zaria, Kaduna State told Mr. Andrew Idi and other officials of the Nigerian High Commission Accra who visited him in hospital that he believed he was under a spell, when he carried out the bizarre act. Mr. Idi is Consular Officer at Nigeria’s mission in the Ghanaian capital. Reliable sources indicated more than 20,000 Nigerians are students in various tertiary institutions across the former Gold Coast.

And, the number is rising by the semester, as countless Nigerian parents are confident a child studying in a Ghanaian university is sure to complete her/his programme on schedule, whereas, back home some students had spent seven years on a four-year programme, without graduating because of suspension of academic activities, consequent upon incidences of labour strikes, closure of schools over terrorists’ attacks and other incidents.

Read More => http://www.dwitch.com/actions/view/6703/Nigerian%20Student%20In%20Ghana%20Cuts%20Penis%20And%20Swallows%20It%20%5Bpicture%5D

lol

kingingkinging: Moral of the story is 'do not be proud'.

Exactly

Lol

I don't know if this is a waste of money.
But its good for improving customer trust.

Lol

991: I don't care what happens to patience jonathan!!! her husband should be ashamed our country has no single world-class hospital upon all the oil money....

My Prayer goes to ODUTOLA EMMANUEL---Get well soon Bro.

Is he the cause? Where were you when your mates were becoming president

A while ago we saw this news from Forbes

The influential Forbes Magazine, has listed the country as ranking high in global index for harbouring one of the world’s saddest people, saying the country’s leadership must move from corrupt practices and official profligacy to render quality leadership to the people.

This is contained in the annual development analysis index that was released on Thursday culled by LEADERSHIP from the Magazine’s website, stating that citizens of the country ranked 20th amongst their counterpart sampled across the globe, thus making the country one of the worst country to live in.

Nigeria also shares the same unenviable position with several other African and Asian countries of the world with the war torn Central African Republic topping the chart as the country harbouring the saddest people in the globe.

Forbes has ranked Nigeria as the 20th saddest place to live in the whole world. Nigeria ranks 123rd overall on the Legatum Prosperity Index. Decades of corruption have squandered great oil and gas wealth, while new concerns involve sectarian violence, Forbes wrote

See the top 20 saddest countries on earth
1. Central African Republic
2. Republic of Congo
3. Afghanistan
4. Chad
5. Haiti
6. Burundi
7. Togo
8. Zimbabwe
9. Yemen
10. Ethopia

11. Pakistan

12. Iraq
13. Liberia,
14. Angola
15. Sierra Leone
16. Guinea
17. Ivory Coast
18. Sudan
19. Mozambique
20. Nigeria

Issues with the List Above
1. Why are African Countries at the top of this list while the middle east is going up in flames of assasinations, bombings, suicide attacks and revenge missions?


2. How can Nigeria possibly be in this list when people come out into the Open in places like US and shoot school children then kill themselves out of unprovoked sadness.

3. Nigeria is just a happy nation as these picture confirm

4. What was their criteria?

5. Poor doesn't mean Unhappy, Fighting corruption doesn't mean unhappy.

Jacuzzi Jare!
N/B the person playing table tennis with marijuana on the other hand in the picture is the Great Fela
[b]SOURCE and READ MORE: [/b]http://dwitch.com/actions/view/6431

Life is Short. Dont ever forget that.

You could find more of such in the url on my signature below

www. B r a i n t e m . Com has got exactly what you are looking for.
Take time out to go through the questions and tutorials in 'Business and money' and 'Jobs and Career sections.
You will thank me.

.

funky medina: Your site is sooooooo slow to open!!

Thanks alot sir for your keen observation, very few people actually notice. All sites are slower to open the very first time.
This because your computer/phone takes time out to store calls from the site in its cache for future faster access.
But that doesnt mean things cant be done better. Everything can be improved on.

My skill of being able to develop large and complex database systems, social networks, forums from scratch is invaluable.
This exposed me to some average pocketted clients, starting from feb I was making about 300k per month(per site) alone whiping huge sites.
Recurrent fees from hosting of past clients was coming to about 150k.
Between august and october I worked with a company that paid 90k as a side project. As an extra.
Am currently building a custom school management site for a private university that's worth well above 1M.
My major problem last year was whipping up sites much faster. I don't even look at those 10k website people.
I found out that they are the ones who would trouble you the more.and they never just get satisfied.
Am so fast, yet I wish I could double that speed thi year.
Thinking of employing other coders
My own personal social network, built from scratch grew to 22,000+ users. I was forced to employ mods.
Daveozoalor AT gmail.com
Am looking into 2013 with endless possibilities.

Always inciting violence.

na so e dey take start

tantan: The bible is equipped with man made laws. The only clean and unchanged scripture is the QUR'AN

Explain the bombs