₦airaland Forum

GenBuhari: nonsense!

because e no favor you?

Obasanjo maybe our Best President Ever

Have you noticed that since Obj left office we have retrogressed to sectarian politics?

Do you know that if Obj was still in Office there would be no Boko Haram?

Obj abandoned Bakassi peninsula to keep the Ibos and co in Nigeria. The man is committed to our Oneness!

Have you noticed the respect Obj commands on The Continent? Now to the world??

Do you know that because Obj and Gadaffi have left office the African Central Bank is dead in the Water?

And the continent is weaker?

DID OBJ PLAN FAROUKGATE? READ: FAROUKGATE: SHOW US THE MONEY: https://www.nairaland.com/1398859/faroukgate-show-us-money

ShymX: That's what up!! If Fash can get it, then I can!!!

Fash is like the smartest Nigerian guy alive, you can never outsmart him.

Anyway, the guy helped naija in retracing some of its stolen wealth in Swiss banks, and he's well connected across Africa. And he's also a very smart and cunning business man, a thorough-bred Yoruba guy.

Write him off at your peril!

The smartest Nigerian guy should be Ben Bruce. Fash is not TRUELY Nigerian!!

bokohalal: He is qualified.

oh mi god!! So it is true?!

[quote author=Oko_AGB]Hahahahaha nice write-up. If only ur story were all fiction, d laughter would ve reached my eyes and heart but alas it isn't. Shame[/quote]thank you sir. Please share on facebook!

ode remo: the same john fashanu that took egunje :@ wimbledon to throw macthes with that yeye liverpool goalie, grobular;?
nigeria is now a game abo ?

This one no be match-fixing again o. This one na election-fixing!

The time was 6:30 am when Farouk Lawmani woke up. He immediately reached for his reading glasses and book from the small table next to his bed. Farouk had been trying to read that book for 2 weeks but he had been too busy to read beyond the first chapter. The title was: How to Succeed as a Corrupt Government Official.

Farouk opened to chapter 2: Leave no Trace of Your Theft! He smiled; this would be very interesting. He started to read.

But then his phone rang. Farouk Lawman looked up at the clock on the wall and became angry. 'Who could be calling me by 6:33 in the morning?' He wondered. He then picked up the phone and checked the caller I.D. 'Abdullahi?!' Farouk said, getting even angrier. 'How can this man call me so early in the morning?'

Farouk put down the phone and directed his attention once more to his book. He smiled again as he read. But the phone rang a second time.

'Abdullahi! Why do you disturb me so early! I will send you the money to pay Bashirs school fees! The boy is my nephew for gods sake!' Farouk barked into the phone.

'Haba Farouk. I am not calling about that. I just wanted to know if it is true, and whether you need any help.' Abdullahi answered.

'Help? What are you talking about?'

'What they are announcing all over the radio. They say you stole money. Big money!'

'Let... Hold on... Let me call you back.' Farouk stammered.

Farouk almost ran to the radio on the table. He switched it on. 'Breaking news! We have received a report that Chairman of the House Commitee on Fuel Subsidy Probe, Honourable Farouk Lawman is wanted by the police for collecting $650,000 in bribes from an oil marketer. The act is said to have been caught on camera!'

'Jesus Christ!' Farouk Lawman exclaimed. He switched off the radio and started pacing up and down the room. 'Caught on camera. Caught on camera? Caught on camera! Jesus Christ!!'

He tried to think of what to do but his phone started ringing again.

'Good morning Hon. Awura,' Farouk said.

'$650,000!!' Hon. Mustafa Awura screamed.

'Hon. Awura please help me call for an emergency me-'

'You have been collecting money and choping alone! $650,000 from only one man! How much have you collected from others? Where is my share?!' Awura shouted impatiently.

'Look Awura. This is not the time to-'

Farouk's phone started to beep. He checked the caller. It was his mistress Genevieve.

'I will have to call you back, Awura.' Farouk pressed a button. He was smiling. 'Genevieve my darling,' he said.

'Farouk! So you have $650,000 and you refused to give me 1 million Naira to buy that dress in Paris! 1 million Naira! Ordinary 1 million Naira!' She screamed.

'Genevieve! Now is not the time to -'

'Now is the time!' Genevieve interrupted, 'look! The queen of England wants that dress! Oprah Winfrey wants that dress. Do you want them to get it before me?!'

There was a knock on the door.

'Yes, come in,' Farouk said.

'Good morning Baba,' Aisha, Farouk's daughter said as she entered the room. 'There are some men at the gate. They say they must speak with you.'

'I will have to call you back,' Farouk spoke into the phone and then he flipped it shut. 'What men? Who are they?' He asked Aisha.

'They are dressed in black suits. Some of them are wearing dark shades.'

'Police! SSS! Farouk exclaimed . He started running around the room. 'Tell them I will be down to meet them now now.'

This is part 2. To read part 1 go here! https://www.nairaland.com/1395971/faroukgate-inside-story

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ikepius

@IkePius


Read My funny story on I.B.B & BOKO HARAM!
Go here: https://twitter.com/ikepius

Ehen! And somebody said it was a joke!!

BigBabyJesus: WITH OBJ any thing is possible. No be im appoint that he-goat slowpoke Fani kayode as minister?

Who is Adaeze Igwe?

I beg my people?! I just heard a 'rumour' that Baba at Ota has endorsed John Fashanu for 2015. Can anybody confirm this? Because I wonder how a person who pronounces his own very yoruba name with an Oyibo accent can help this country.

By the way if any of you want to know THE TRUTH about FAROUKGATE, then check out the link: https://www.nairaland.com/1395971/faroukgate-inside-story

This Parody is written by Ike Pius

PLEASE SHARE WITH FRIENDS!

‘Your fee is 3 million dollars,’ Honorable Farouk Lawmani said, not smiling.

Otedollar laughed. ‘Honorable! I know you will not believe me if I tell you that I don’t have that kind of money.’

Farouk Lawmani shook his head and sat up on the luxurious leather chair. He adjusted his cap. His face was quite grave. ‘Listen my friend, if you consider the way you have been kidnapping government funds in the last two years you should be happy to pay this small change and move on with life.’ He said.

‘Erm, but I am not the only one that profited. I am not a stingy man!’ Otedollar protested.

‘Prove it now! Prove that you are a giver. 3 million dollars will not kill you. Besides, this government is very serious; if your name appears on that list you could lose your company and go to jail! But if you pay this money I guarantee you …all the evidence against you will disappear!’

Otedollar sighed. The blank look on his face indicated that he was lost in deep thought.

Farouk Lawmani saw that his argument was effective. He pressed on: ‘Think about the press. Just think about what the papers will say!’ He spread his hands theatrically, ‘Femi Otedollar, chairman of Xerom oil indicted in fuel subsidy mess!! All those thieving union leaders will then start with their own drama; calling for the “rule of law” to take its course. Pay the money and let us help you. We will do it like magic! But if you think 3 million dollars is too much then-’

‘Oh please wait Honorable,’ Otedollar interrupted, ‘I have not said I will not pay. The problem is that I do not have that kind of money right now.’

‘Erm, so what do we do, my friend?’

‘Let me pay it in 2 parts. I will give you $650,000 now, and then give you the balance next week.’

Farouk Lawmani shrugged. ‘No problem. I will simply explain the situation to the other committee members. They are reasonable men. They will understand.’

‘Okay. Please give me a moment,’ Otedollar said as he got up and headed for the stairs.

Honorable Farouk Lawmani nodded. He then picked up his half-full glass of cold champagne from the small table near his chair. He started to reason with himself: I must call my investment managers. That American company they were talking about. I hope it’s not too late to buy a stake. Ah! It pays to be corrupt.

Femi Otedollar quickly returned carrying in both hands a huge stack of green paper.

Farouk Lawmani’s face lit up! His eyes widened and he started to lick his lips. He put the empty glass of champagne on the floor, next to his briefcase.

‘Here it is sir, $650, 000,’ Femi Otedollar said, putting the money on the small table near his guest.

Honorable Lawmani pulled up his sleeves and gathered the cash, putting it on his laps (his kaftan holding it well) ‘$650,000 you say?’ He queried.

‘Yes, $650,000.’

‘Hahahaha…don’t worry! All the evidence against you will disappear! Abracadabra….the more they look the less they see! Hahahaha…it will be like magic!’

‘Thank you, sir,’ Femi Otedollar said.

‘Don’t worry at all!’ Farouk Lawmani picked up his briefcase, opened it, and started to transfer the cash into it. ‘If 2 solid ships could disappear, what is paper evidence? I am the chairman of the probe!’

‘Thank you sir,’ Femi Otedollar repeated.

Honorable Farouk Lawmani then stood up and shook hands with his host. He turned towards the door and started to leave. ‘Na we get the government! Even for bible; corruption no be sin!’ he said.

This is part 2. https://www.nairaland.com/1398859/faroukgate-inside-story-2

Read more of my crazy writting. Twitter: https://twitter.com/ikepius

@IkePius

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Please follow on Twitter or Facebook to Read part 3 and My funny story on I.B.B & BOKO HARAM!

doctorbabs: if u have a broker, paying those dividends into ur account with them, they will use it to buy shares for u if thats what u want.

yes, but I dont have a stock broker right now. Is it possible to walk into a stock brokers office and tender the certificates without paying much more money? Thanks.

Hello Bros,
I have asked this question here on Nairaland without a response. I hope you will help.
I have 2500 units of Access Bank, and 4000 fidelity bank shares. I have filled the edividend but I think i no longer use that bank abount.
The shares are still paper shares o.
So my question is: is there a way I can use the dividend to buy more shares? I mean automatically?
I appreciate your advice.

Hello People,
Please help me. I own about 2500 shares in Access bank, and 4000 in Fidelity bank. I have the certificates. I dont even remember where I put the edividend.
Pls, is there a way i can use the dividend to buy more shares? I mean Automatically?
Thanks.

supremebeing09: Ha-ha! Fair enough. I'm sure they do focus on a variety of chicks. I don't want to sound controversial but I'm sure the cameramen do keep an open mind. Light skinned, dark skinned, we love 'em all!
But boy! I've seen some stunning girls so far!

nah... Those girls are not prettier than the girls in my street here at Okoko.

[quote author=ndlife]the guy made some valid points here. Our F.A is a joke. And why cant we watch the match on normal T.V ? E no make sense to me o. Anyways, up naija!

And who is the gentleman cheering him on as he drinks the garri?

Long time I heard such plain talk. If you cant send holy ghost fire to kill your enemy, i dont know how you are different from the person who goes to babalawo to do the same.

It is what you believe that works for you.

Nah... His name is Babangida .

Thats odd! I am sure I read somewhere that they are giving a bonus.
Anyway, thanks sha.

Hello all,
Please I will like to know if Access Bank has started sending bonus.
I know the whole bonus is just to hood wink us but at all at all na im be witch.
Anyways, thanks.

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