₦airaland Forum

nnamod: Lol at old hag. @cameronpride , It crossed my mind seeing how cross she/he sounded. @ bowunm.... To each man, his own!

CAMEROONPRIDE: khiaa go back in the street.ain't got time for u today. Hood rat

CAMEROONPRIDE: I suspect her to b Chima

debosky: @ OP

I think you have a much bigger problem with your Yoruba man than his family can pose. In general (i.e. not all the time, but predominantly) if a Yoruba man is interested in keeping a child/marrying you, he will come out and say it immediately. He won't typically say something as opaque as he will 'support you regardless of your decision'.

If the guy himself isn't sending clear signals then I think you need to settle that bit first before even talking about family. Being 'supportive' sounds like he is still waiting for you to make a decision as to whether you are keeping the child or not, OR saying that he isn't interested in marrying you but will support the child if required. Again, in my view that's not the type of message someone actively seeking a deeper/longer term relationship would use.

As for the family? He's in his mid 30's and financially independent - it's unlikely they'll put up much of a fuss if he wants to marry you, unless of course he sends them signals that he isn't really interested in you long term or doesn't really want the baby.

In terms of cultural norms, it would be relatively more acceptable if the pregnancy was announced to the family as simply something that has happened to hasten plans for marriage that were already in progress. Some families are definitely disapproving of pregnancy before marriage, but most will generally overcome any such resistance if marriage is already planned.

That's why I feel it's really dependent on the guy - the way he frames the pregnancy/his relationship with you will be the biggest influence on how you are received. If he acts like you're the one he wants to marry, then it's likely to be smooth sailing. If he comes off as you trying to trap him or he not really being interested, then you could face significant opposition.

nnamod: @mrs chima , all wise , Thank you
@ roonyboy , the above is a troll and a tosser

Rooneyboy: What the F.... are u saying woman

What truth do u know

Pls go to the kitchen and cook for Mr Chima .

*A Naija wife will be in the kitchen cooking for her boo, while a chinko - - - - - - *

2buff: What's your beef today?

Donxavier: After all these years together, You want to throw it all away just cos of one small mistake..hmmn SMH. And if the next MR chima cheats too you also sue for divorce abi....

2buff: @OP I feel you man.
That's why I decided not to date foreigners no matter how many of them want my babies....cuz I know at the end of the day it's a Nigerian girl I want to settle with.
Nothing beats our sistas for real. Wahala et al

....But the lovely lady you now have is a unique beauty too.
Remember you are her confidant. Her life partner. The one she forsook all others to be with.
Whenever you feel that way about another woman... maintain that state, but refract it instead to loving and kissing your wife. (I didn't say fight it. you go lose)
Don't entertain those ideas towards another woman again biko.

nnamod: @boobyman, my marriage has been fine, this is an attraction that's just come up lately.
@mrs Chima. I will be polite to you this time . You neither know what country I live , the years and countries I studied nor their immigration laws. Your first question was as assumtive as it is a question and you followed it up with your "thoughtless" (pardon my lack of vocabulary) dismissive sentiments.
Be reasonable , I don't think you are that naive,you are better than that.

Donxavier: Did you just hear of HIV/AIDS what's with the paranoia If Mr Chima protects himself during intercourse with an infected person he wont get it, and I believe he is smart enough to know how to protect himself properly. So the disease aspect is no issue. Besides he has gone for a test and he is clean. It was just an unfortunate spur of the moment action that wasn't planned and he is remorseful but Mrs Chima still wants a divorce

Okontami: @OP, Get these facts into your skull.

1. Yoruba parents are very protective of their sons.
2. You will receive resistance from the guys parents if he is not a very independent person. I mean someone who at least have a shelter of his own and can conveniently take care of him self and some of his siblings.
3. If he is a very stable guy when it comes to financial independence, then the family resistance will now be more of morals and cultural assimilation of both of you
4. The stand and confidence of your boy friend really matters, as parents always have soft spot for their children , no matter what they might have done.He need to be able to convince his parents to have a better view of the issue , not minding the initial situation
5. Do not panic so that you dont loose that baby. Please dont hurt your self with the worries. Yorubas love children and our mothers will do everything to be sure our happiness is guaranteed. The initial resistance will vanish away with time.
6. Be very quick to assimilate into the Yoruba culture. The most important is respect and greetings. Please dont joke with this. A sign of respect is bowing and kneeling . These are very important ingredients to win the heart of any parent.
7. Be open minded and hope for the best
8. Finally...next time u wanna f*uck hard...use a condom

cold: Yeah for better for worse until someone is seriously hurt or at worst the death of either one or both parties. Religion should not be an excuse for stvpidity. Some common sense is required. Divorce remains a sensible option in extreme cases

Donxavier: So you would leave Chima just cos of one instance of infidelity

ImJustMe: I appreciate your response. I do not want to have an abortion. I included that in my question because I am not sure what his family's views on abortion are. As a tribe, I am unsure of where Yorubas stand on the issue. I have already told him about the pregnancy and he is supportive.

Morgan1092: Lets be specific here must a wife know how much her hubby earns monthly?

ImJustMe: I think you may have missed my question. I am not concerned by how the father will respond. We have already discussed this. He has been very supportive. I am just wondering how his family will respond. I am just trying to get a sense of how accepting they may or may not be of me and the pregnancy/child.

And I don't recall you asking if I took the morning after pill. Whether I did or not it none of your concern. I did not ask about the process of conception or safe sex practices. Like I said, I am educated. I am aware of such things. I am asking for someone to comment on what I may be up against with regards to his family.

nnamod: As usual some "know it all" being judgemental. I studied abroad for more than 6 years and have been working over 2 years before I met my wife. Try asking before you cast blindly.
@kambo Thanks. Its just something I noticed and lately it troubled me. cheers

nnamod: I have been married for over 6 years to a foreigner and we have a lovely child together. However, whenever I am in close proximity to a Nigerian girl I find myself drawn to them. It happened last when I was at a Nigerian Independence party, A very good friend showed up with his girlfriend and their Nigerian friends and siblings. I was overwhelmed with the urge to kiss one of the girls who happened to spend quite some time with me. I am not into the front and backyard assets. Is something wrong with me? or is it a pitfall of inter racial marriage?
Thank you

P.s

I would prefer respectful, civil and mature responces. I believ in God but please lets keep this as normal as possible. Thank you.