₦airaland Forum

Maeve7:
100 likes! I hope she is strong enough to resist him because he will try to change her mind along the way when sh*t hits the fan.

Onegai:
Eh?

Eh?




JESUS BE PRAISED!

GIRLLLLL!!!!!

WHOM THE GODS WANT TO DESTROY, THEY FIRST RUN MAD.

You are NOT divorced.

However, your Not-An-Ex-Husband is in trouble. Like in, "How long do you want him to be arrested for and how much do you want him to settle at Police station" trouble.

The Law of Marriage Dissolution in Nigeria is clear and absolute.

1. Neither Party to the Marriage can file before a Separation of 2 years has been completed. No ifs, no buts, nothing.

2. The Petitioner must serve papers to the Respondent notifying them of the legal process.

No judge in Nigeria will sit and pass a decree of Dissolution on a marriage where the respondent had no idea. That's begging to be disbarred. My cousin's wife abandoned him years ago to the US and she still had to be notified via email of the process. You have to show up in court because Nigeria doesn't do No-Fault Divorce, both of you must accuse each other of something, anything.

3. No court sits that fast in Nigeria. And in Marriage Dissolution, there must be a Decree Nisi given and then 3 MONTHS after if there is no change, a Decree Absolute. Only when you get that Decree Absolute does it mean you are legally divorced.

Unless you did only Traditional Marriage o, but if you did Court Wedding those are the steps to end a marriage. Even Customary Court has their own steps and do it with Magistrate. And you didn't get married under Islamic law.

What that Id.iot did was what a lot of FOOLISH NIGERIAN MEN have been doing for a while now:

He paid a clerk at court to fake divorce documents and get a corrupt judge to fake-stamp it.

IT IS ILLEGAL.

YOU ARE NOT DIVORCED, YOU ARE VERY MUCH MARRIED.

Don't believe me, ask any Lawyer. Google it!

These foolish men are banking on the fact that Nigerians tend to be ignorant of how Nigerian laws work.


So, in my next post, amma tell you what to do.

Teespice:
OP,

Write an letter to the chief Registrar asking to verify the authenticity of the decree nisi that was made absolute. Make sure you attach a copy of the certificate that contains the suit number. Trust me that decree is fake with a capital F.

Matrimonial proceedings especially in Lagos takes years. I have never seen where a petition for divorce was filed in March and dispensed with in June. In this Lagos where I dey so. Lori Iro!!!!!!

Also find out the lawyer who filed that petition as well. As well as the judge who presided over the case. They will come in handy in the next steps you want to take.

Advision:
Were issues around the upkeep of your child sorted?

It is his responsibility to contribute significantly towards her upkeep even if he is not interested in being physically present.

Other than that, please move on with your life and find happiness in someone else or something else. Your best revenge is in being successful notwithstanding the divorce

folake4u:
Hi Ma'am.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

You can message Teespice, she's a good Divorce lawyer.

Cheers.

Onegai:
Alright, here's what you're gonna do!

(If this was a movie, there'd be upbeat tempo music cued here )

Step 1: DOWNLOAD THAT FAKE DOCUMENT, SAVE IT AND SAY NOTHING TO THE I.DIOT. No reply, nothing. Don't tell the enemy your plan.

Step 2: get the best wig you can muster, get your nails done, get makeup did, get 3 perfect outfits, I don't want to see ankara, go and find out what May Edochie, Anita Okoye is wearing. Be inspired! You need to take 3 different pictures and upload it like it was different days, on your Facebook page. Your captions should be light and airy, you must look like you're living your best life. Post one with your little sweetheart, make sure her hair is done and she looks amazing.

Why? Because when this shi.t blows up, people will rush to your page to check you out. You have to come correct, so they can shout "Ah Ahnnn, see the lovely family this man threw away, he is useless!!"

Step 3: go to Twitter/X and post this story and that document there. Mention his govt name, Mention the fact that this started because your child got defiled. Tag the popular female accounts there. Ask for a lawyer.

All the so-called "Angry, Bitter" Feminists will get pissed and retweet it. And everyone will go and look for his FB page to drag him.

Step 4: get the most serious lawyer you can. Not charge and bail, which is why I said Twitter. Run a Twitter search with the word "Divorce in Nigeria", look up who posts on it and make sure you tag them all to your thread.

They see this kind of fake documents a lot and will tell you that it is a criminal offence. The clerks who do this tend to get in trouble and get reported.

The only reason it keeps happening is that Nigerians don't know the law and don't Google or speak to a lawyer, even the educated ones.


Make sure you keep this copy of a fake divorce. You will need it in court after the 2 years have passed and your filing (you're going to be the Petitioner) because you're going to go after his job for child support and custody. He committed a crime, he can't get joint custody, you're filing for sole custody. This will allow you make plans such as japa and anything serious without waiting for his input.

But yes, you will allow him visit his child. Why? Because you're a good person and you want your child to see for herself that her father is useless, don't tell her, let her see it for herself.

Oh and one last thing: Once a lawyer is involved and you may have gotten a document from the court stating that his fake marriage dissolution paper doesn't exist, attach both documents and email it, plus a short explanation and full govt name, to all the embassies of countries that Nigerians tend to japa to: UK, USA, Germany, Canada etc. If you have a copy of his passport dat page, add it as well.

Also, have someone monitor his page and that of the babe. In case they're daft enough to attempt to get married, you need evidence of Bigamy. Which yes, you should inform the church he attends of and yes, that is a criminal offence under the Penal Code of Nigeria. You can even get police to harass him on his fake wedding day in front of the guests (you should )

You're doing that for fun

Onegai:
Eh?

Eh?




JESUS BE PRAISED!

GIRLLLLL!!!!!

WHOM THE GODS WANT TO DESTROY, THEY FIRST RUN MAD.

You are NOT divorced.

However, your Not-An-Ex-Husband is in trouble. Like in, "How long do you want him to be arrested for and how much do you want him to settle at Police station" trouble.

The Law of Marriage Dissolution in Nigeria is clear and absolute.

1. Neither Party to the Marriage can file before a Separation of 2 years has been completed. No ifs, no buts, nothing.

2. The Petitioner must serve papers to the Respondent notifying them of the legal process.

No judge in Nigeria will sit and pass a decree of Dissolution on a marriage where the respondent had no idea. That's begging to be disbarred. My cousin's wife abandoned him years ago to the US and she still had to be notified via email of the process. You have to show up in court because Nigeria doesn't do No-Fault Divorce, both of you must accuse each other of something, anything.

3. No court sits that fast in Nigeria. And in Marriage Dissolution, there must be a Decree Nisi given and then 3 MONTHS after if there is no change, a Decree Absolute. Only when you get that Decree Absolute does it mean you are legally divorced.

Unless you did only Traditional Marriage o, but if you did Court Wedding those are the steps to end a marriage. Even Customary Court has their own steps and do it with Magistrate. And you didn't get married under Islamic law.

What that Id.iot did was what a lot of FOOLISH NIGERIAN MEN have been doing for a while now:

He paid a clerk at court to fake divorce documents and get a corrupt judge to fake-stamp it.

IT IS ILLEGAL.

YOU ARE NOT DIVORCED, YOU ARE VERY MUCH MARRIED.

Don't believe me, ask any Lawyer. Google it!

These foolish men are banking on the fact that Nigerians tend to be ignorant of how Nigerian laws work.


So, in my next post, amma tell you what to do.

Onegai:
Mute his WhatsApp status on your daughter's phone. Never keep your eyes on whatever he's doing, how much he's spending, whom he's loving up.

The most important 2 things to do:

1. Speak with your lawyer. You need to be prepared.

2. Go for therapy and counselling. You need to improve yourself, work on your flaws and mistakes. It takes 2 to break a marriage up, so accept that which was your fault and correct it.

Put yourself in the best possible position for Life to be good to you. You're in the 2nd half of your journey of your Life, do better.

Avoid any physical place you will ever see him or his family, for now. Avoid it. Find new places to worship and hang out.

Forgive him and his family. Not because they're good, but for your own sake. Bitterness can kill your spirit, so release any sorrow via forgiveness. It will take time, but you must do so.

If you ever see any of them outside and they speak to you, calmly offer an apology any shortcomings you may have had and tell them you'll always be cordial. That entire apology should be one very short sentence, no begging, no grovelling, not a single word of reconciliation. And you are to make it to only one person, so thar they can go and share it amongst themselves.

You're forgiving them and apologising for your shortcomings because you need to be light and free so that God's blessings can come inside you. God's blessings can't come inside a dark, heavy heart.

Now, move on.

Your success story is ahead but you need to not look back, so you can claim it.

One last thing: go and get a tambourine. Keep it. Because as you heal, get better and grow into your new life and hopefully there's Love in your future (that's why you're doing that therapy, some negro out there has worked on his flaws and is praying for his Sarah), you'll shake that tambourine in praise to the Most High Lord.

All the best.

RealityKings:
Divorce him first before he divorce you

JONSYN7154:
where's your location?

Onegai:
Mute his WhatsApp status on your daughter's phone. Never keep your eyes on whatever he's doing, how much he's spending, whom he's loving up.

The most important 2 things to do:

1. Speak with your lawyer. You need to be prepared.

2. Go for therapy and counselling. You need to improve yourself, work on your flaws and mistakes. It takes 2 to break a marriage up, so accept that which was your fault and correct it.

Put yourself in the best possible position for Life to be good to you. You're in the 2nd half of your journey of your Life, do better.

Avoid any physical place you will ever see him or his family, for now. Avoid it. Find new places to worship and hang out.

Forgive him and his family. Not because they're good, but for your own sake. Bitterness can kill your spirit, so release any sorrow via forgiveness. It will take time, but you must do so.

If you ever see any of them outside and they speak to you, calmly offer an apology any shortcomings you may have had and tell them you'll always be cordial. That entire apology should be one very short sentence, no begging, no grovelling, not a single word of reconciliation. And you are to make it to only one person, so thar they can go and share it amongst themselves.

You're forgiving them and apologising for your shortcomings because you need to be light and free so that God's blessings can come inside you. God's blessings can't come inside a dark, heavy heart.

Now, move on.

Your success story is ahead but you need to not look back, so you can claim it.

One last thing: go and get a tambourine. Keep it. Because as you heal, get better and grow into your new life and hopefully there's Love in your future (that's why you're doing that therapy, some negro out there has worked on his flaws and is praying for his Sarah), you'll shake that tambourine in praise to the Most High Lord.

All the best.

Marvyx:
I really hope you take every advice given to you here because your gender is really complex because I don't know why you are still checking his status after he replaced you. It shows you've not moved on.

This is one of the reasons why men avoid single mothers because of complicated relationships with their exes. With your current state now, even if God sends another man your way and your ex comes crawling back later (because I trust he will), you may still give into your ex.

I read your thread in 2013 and it's really sad that you focused on the superficial qualities - he's funny, cute, humble etc, instead of looking for a man with solid principles that comes from the foundation of the word of God. Godly men don't easily divorce their wives, abandon their daughter and remarry over what you've documented here for the past 10 years.

I'm a guy and but I'm moved by your story truly because I know the pain of a failed marriage by virtue of people close to me.

Please seek a closer relationship with God because only He can comfort you on those lonely night, only in Him can you find the true meaning of life again and move on.

Lastly, forgive your soon to be ex husband and family. I know it's hard right now but do it for yourself so that your healing can start.

Stay strong sis.

akosatech:
Hello,
This is going to surely pass and you need to be strong. Guard your mental health first, learn to trust in yourself, don’t depend on any one to be happy.
Take care Survivor…

Onegai:
I swear, Humanity is such a foolish race than God must shake His head in disbelief at our foolishness.

The way we needlessly destroy our lives is amazing. We spend our old age full of regrets because Time has shown us our foolishness.

Which is why I would never allow my sons to ever complain about their wives to me. If it is not proven Domestic Violence, I don't wanna hear shi.t. Go and tell her mother. Your wife can come and complain about you to me, too.

Because the worst thing a parent can do is validate or influence their son to hurt their grandchildren.

There's no amount of prayer and forgiveness that will stop God's wrath on falling on you when you do so. You must face the consequences.

That's why Prosperity Gospel is so annoying, we need to be preaching the Old Testament so you'll see how God kept dealing with people who mess up. You reap what you sow. God is a God of Righteousness and Justice, nobody gets away with anything no matter how it looks from the outside.

I've got far too many male relatives spending their 60s/70s in regret to allow myself come between my son and his wife. Even the ones that remarried will tell you that if they had emotional maturity, they'd never have divorced.

There's a reason God hates divorce in the Bible, go and read up Malachi 2: 13-17. There's a reason God literally told men "I hate divorce, don't leave the wife of your youth". How incredible it is that our Heavenly Father addressed His remarks on Divorce TO MEN! Even Jesus said "your hearts are hardened but whomever divorces his wife and remarries commits Adultery", HE WAS TALKING TO MEN!!

Wives are supposed to keep their homes, but Husbands are supposed to keep their marriages. Because you can't be the Dangote in your marriage and expect the Chinese engineers to secure the NNPC deal or let the Nigerian staff find crude oil to refine, that's your job, you're the Head of the House, the buck stops on your table. Everyone's (your wife and kids) job is to follow your leadership, Dangote.

Nigerian men are so effed up because they keep breaking this covenant with God and thinking it will work out well, ogbeni...
IT NEVER DOES! YOU'LL BE 65 WITH SILENT REGRETS, TRUST ME!!

They need to take the mic from these banger boys podcasters, red pillers and Pastors and give it to 70 year old men. Because when you're done seeing their lives, you'll be terrified as a man and delete all your side chics and spend your days researching how to love your wife and bring the spark back into your marriage.

Do you know what it is to be 70 and making yourself uncomfortable following your wife to omugwo, because you know you messed up all your marriage and are scared she'll leave? Do you know what it is to have adult kids who don't talk to you, your wife has spent years of resentment and is now living her life separately so you're always indoors or walking alone on the street, lonely? Do you know how common and silent male depression is? Do you know how many men have died on top of their side chics, their last moments in fright, not surrounded by love and grief from people who care, because the side chics always panic and protect themselves, they'll be screaming upandan inside of cradling your head, showing you love and sorrow as you leave this life.

Why are your Pastors not preaching this??


/rant over

Onegai:
OP

Right now, you need to get a pretty good job. Ensure your accommodation is very good too (if you need to move in with your parents, stay there). If you have your family's support, do so.

Accept any amount he sends for upkeep without a murmur, document all your conversation with him (no calls, just texts or emails).

Make sure you never badmouth him to his kid. The few, infrequent times he will attempt to play at Daddy and visit his kid, ensure you allow her meet her father without complaints to him. Show him a calm demeanor and a beautiful exterior. Document every visit.

You have 2 years from Separation to Divorce. That's the Law. You can't file until then, neither can he. Go to a lawyer for more information.

Most courts will NOT award custody of a girl child to a single father, they will favour the mother. Unless he remarries and then you have to prove that your home is a safe place and you're more than capable of caring for your child.

Get a cheap phone, give him the no and politely tell them that should he ever wish to speak to his daughter, he can either call you or use that line. (He won't call it more than once).

Take your eyes completely off him. Your mind will be harder. Try and go for counselling, to heal and to reflect upon your own mistakes. So you don't repeat them again.

I wish you the best.

Now, let me face that oloriburuku you married.

He's an as.shole, he and his family knew what they were doing. They are willing to destroy your marriage because he never valued you and they want to protect their se.xually abusive niece. That girl he's dating, oh boy she's in trouble. Her chi isn't working, if it was she would never have fallen inside calamity. He's not going to marry her, she's the first of numerous girlfriends. If he marries her, then she doesn't have a praying mother. You will see him looking happier than you've ever see him flaunting his new gf/wife, his family full of praise for her, loving her like they never loved you.

Cry into your pillow, show a stoic face, dress well, smell delicious and give them no quarter. Go out and date.

In about 3-5 years' time, that rat bas.tard will start sniffing around you again under the pretext of checking on his child. YOU MUST NEVER TAKE HIM BACK. If you do, Amadioha will laugh and know he can destroy you. You serve a Living God, He removed them from your life neatly.

They'll notice that the stability you gave him in his life is not there (married or not). Even if he looks happy, he's not really happy. So he's acting for the world to see, so that nobody says "I told you so".

Second marriages tend to be worse because the useless party involved in the first marriage rarely ever learns from their mistakes, so they repeat it. Only that the "Peerless Queen" 2nd wife is usually ready to deal shege with him and his family. So trust me, his family will grumble that "this one is not even as tolerant as the one we pursued out".

He'll repent and regret in leisure. No, he'll never admit it (his ego is too big). He will want you back (no, he still won't have learnt his lessons). Which is why he will suddenly become a "Good Father", checking on his kid frequently. No dear, he's keeping tabs on you and also trying to audition for you, that he's a great guy and your issues before were just "silly little misunderstandings".

You will probably never get an apology. Don't wait for one. He will definitely express regret, but never to you. Only a very brave and strong man will look you in the eye and admit his fukup.

Which is why you should move on with a vengeance. The best revenge is a Life well lived.

I'm saying all of this because this sort of story is as common as pure water. And it always plays out like this, rarely does it deviate. The only deviation is that sometimes, the wife take the husband back.

The Bible is the book of Life because if you read the Old Testament, you'll see humanity's innate desire to constantly self-destruct from time to time (think the Israelites or the prodigal son). We can't help it, we can only ask God to give us the strength to overcome the need to use our own hands to destroy our lives. I've self-destructed, everyone has (made mistakes that derailed us for such a long time, we hold regrets forever). You have self-destructed, now this is your ex-husband's time to self-destruct.

But you shouldn't. Because he was willing to side with his family against his own child.

I wish you the best.

Jozilinn:
That's is a problem with most men in Nigeria and some part of the world immediately a woman gives birth for them they hardly give her importance and crave for another one, even the child is nothing to them they don't value the word "children". Some families are very useless that they support everything their own does, I have seen a sister taking her brothers wife for abortion because they're just getting married and he's building a house, so the pregnancy would hinder him, he told her and she took his wife for abortion.
Your mother in law is just trying to protect her daughters marriage, mother in law love their son in law than their daughter in law no cap 🤨, they're obviously trying to handle it down you made a mistake by not taking action on her, anything that wanted to happen should happen. You gave them the chance you 👊👊👊🤏... 10 years obviously they should have been a lot of understanding except there's something you aren't telling us because you didn't mention your family in all these.
Now

1. If he's going to divorce you do so first if you have the chance involve welfare for your daughters sake so he will still be handling even if it's part time fees, stabilize yourself I don't know your age but it's not the end of the world dear, don't worry for your girl you can do great, women who are faithful always find it hard moving on especially the man was everything to them, sister don't think about him I know you just wish it was a dream but it's not, just try to get help from your church anywhere, work, work and trust God keep your little girl safe trust me when I say she's trying to comprehend everything not all families allow room for daughter in laws , if he's divorcing you this new person is their choice obviously.
2. Get everything about him out of your mind and focus on just how to build your life . Since it's obvious there's no room for you after you have begged and begged it's just that you also need to accept where you also did bad and try to change as well.

Charmingrascal:
If it's only a child you have then you should be happy to leave that bondage of a marriage.
Your story is pathetic, I pray you find help.
Have you gotten a job yet?

Bobodee09:
My advice to you is stop seeking validation here.
Most people here are still teens with zero knowledge about marriage.

There is no were marriage was promised to be peaceful and without challenges.
The did Is done....... moving on won't be easy at all trust me.

Prepare yourself for
Lonely night, tears, struggle, regrets,depression etc

No matter the method they tell you to use......you will surely experience all this.

Since there is a child between you both try avoid using her to get at him.
When it remains only you in the room, just ask God for strength to navigate this next phase of your life.

I know you must learn some lessons and seen your own mistakes.....use them to make yourself better.

LilMissFavvy:
You should have mentioned your child's age/gender. You stand a good chance of having custody of that child and he will be mandated to pay for child support. He will surely be made to pay for the child's basic needs (education+feeding), you may support in providing for accommodation.

I have not really read all the previous posts, but truth is that if you were a good wife and played your part to make the marriage work, yet it didn't, then don't be surprised to see his next marriage collapse again with time. I have seen such happen.

I do not think he will divorce you, but if he does, with time you will surely be able to forget him and move on. Get a job and live your life.

chukwuibuipob:
That u are alive,HOPE still dey..Write Seun,he fit help u secure teaching job @ Ambassadors sch,OTA..

FourQu:
Exactly 💯

Because nobody on social. Media would have the opportunity to be putting things into her head that she will use against he husband or family at home.

I can't even date a social media freak talk more of one who as a wife brings all our family life history on the internet 😐

The op was destined to be single. The marriage was always a mistake on the man's part because he refused to read the writing on his blackboard

laivwire:
Just to add, I don't think there's a law but if it is proven that the woman is not in a stable state (finance and living space), the odds are not in her favour. She also can't rely on child support which will evidently stop after one or two months and won't be sufficient in itself. I don't think the husband would even want to take the daughter in.

@msjackson, I had to run through your old threads and it's good you document things to refresh your tree of knowledge. Having known close people in similar circumstances, I would advice you move on. There are some battles you leave to fate. Your priority should be protecting yuor daughter now because the girl child in this kind of circumstance is vulnerable to life's vices.

If you can, send her to a boarding house or your parents' place so you can focus on getting your life together. You need a job now even if it means squatting with friends until you get something going. If there's no job, start a training in nursing, catering or whatever, in 3 years max, you would be well equipped to make money on your own. You can then get your daughter back and give her a good life or perhaps get remarried...and please don't waste time with men who would only want to chop you and run (except its just the sex you need of course)

Last paragraph, don't waste your time and efforts on a protracted battle with your husband. If yoou're so inclined, report him to community courts like Ordinary President or something. Otherwise, close that chapter and move on like I profferred earlier.

All is well.

laivwire:
Just to add, I don't think there's a law but if it is proven that the woman is not in a stable state (finance and living space), the odds are not in her favour. She also can't rely on child support which will evidently stop after one or two months and won't be sufficient in itself. I don't think the husband would even want to take the daughter in.

@msjackson, I had to run through your old threads and it's good you document things to refresh your tree of knowledge. Having known close people in similar circumstances, I would advice you move on. There are some battles you leave to fate. Your priority should be protecting yuor daughter now because the girl child in this kind of circumstance is vulnerable to life's vices.

If you can, send her to a boarding house or your parents' place so you can focus on getting your life together. You need a job now even if it means squatting with friends until you get something going. If there's no job, start a training in nursing, catering or whatever, in 3 years max, you would be well equipped to make money on your own. You can then get your daughter back and give her a good life or perhaps get remarried...and please don't waste time with men who would only want to chop you and run (except its just the sex you need of course)

Last paragraph, don't waste your time and efforts on a protracted battle with your husband. If yoou're so inclined, report him to community courts like Ordinary President or something. Otherwise, close that chapter and move on like I profferred earlier. Thank you for your wise words sir. I read all you said and will do it

All is well.

ItisWell22:
And today, almost a decade after; a divorce.

May God help us all.

Michelle55:
Get busy, work and take care of yourself and child.. stop acting like your life revolves around him.
If he wants to divorce you, let him do that at least you get to leave with your life and peace of mind, nothing beats that.

JovialJune:
Then let him be and find your own way, unfortunately Nigerian laws doesn't favour women, take that as your cross and do better for yourself.

correctyourself:
The whole story is sad and things are not supposed to go this way, however, i have a strong feeling that, if the husband narrate his own side of this issue the whole narrative would change, becuase no woman that coorperate with her husband, the family would experience what both of them is going through.

For your in-law to asked her to leave, its a sign of so many cases involving her (frequently reporting matters to inlaws) in other words they are tired of her reporting matters always.

I am not judging her, but its just my thought.