₦airaland Forum

Acme45:
You are even from my state. Visit any customary court they're in best position to help you deliver the bride price to the man's family. As far as the customary court get the bride price from you, they will call the Man's family to come and collect their bride price and never have anything to do with you again

Make sense. Will do just that, thank you

Acme45:
Which tribe are you?

I'm urhobo

Mariangeles:
I did send it that yesterday.

OK I've seen it. I have replied.

Mariangeles:
Thanks Jare.

I didn't see your mail

Ishilove:
If the father refuses to collect the bride price, go the the traditional ruler in his hometown and drop it there for them. They will summon the family to come and carry their tin. Marriage is not by force. Awon olosho oloriburuku destiny wasters.

When you're properly ready, file for divorce from your werey ex since you married under the Act, but be prepared; divorce proceedings are usually long and expensive, and sometimes traumatising because old woulds will be reopened, nasty memories, revisited. I really wish you God's grace and strength.

it is well oooooo

Mariangeles:
Are you on WhatsApp?
If you are, can you put your number on your signature? I want to talk to you.

I don't know how to do that. You can send me an email

Mariangeles:
Msjackson, your baby will always be proud of you for believing, and standing up for her.
She will never forget.

After you're done doing what you have to do, take your child and relocate to a place where they cannot monitor you, so that you can heal and start your life afresh.
Also, resist the urge to stalk them on social media.
Doing that will be like peeling the wound open over and over.
Just keep looking and moving forward.

Believe me, GOD has a way of restoring what you lost, in such a way that what happened will no longer matter.
Give all your hurt to GOD, let GOD soothe you.

Thank you so much ma'am for your encouraging words!

Kobojunkie:
I think I remember your story now. Please leave that family and the drama behind already so you can focus on your future. Also, do not forget to file for child support from the child'd father since even tradition obligates he at least provides for his own offspring (even though tradition fails woefully when it comes to implementing even such common sense statutes).

okay

Kobojunkie:
Wow ..I did not even realize a child existed.Did you at least ensure the abuser was reported to the police? Even if it turns out to be nothing in the end, having that record means a lot.

yes my child is involved. I did not report it at the time it happened, thinking it would be resolved within the family, because it was their 15 year old daughter that abused my baby. I wish I did. And no evidence because it was their word against my baby's. It's okay. It's all on my profile.

Onegai:
I need you to please understand that your pain and anger, whilst thoroughly justifiable, is not helping you. Please forgive your ex and his family. Every day, start your day with prayer and then end it with "Lord, give me the strength to forgive that man, those people and move on".

You don't want to be bitter about things. Save your emotions for rebuilding your life, making your life beautiful in the eyes of the Lord. Work on yourself, smooth out kinks in your character, focus on peace.

It is expensive to file in court so saving up for that will take time.

You're not the one to return the bride price though, your family should be the one doing that.

As for your FiL not knowing about the new woman and child, it may be true: I know a case where the MiL hid the fact that another woman had moved into the son's house, for a good 8 months, from his own father, who was working towards reconciliation. She was constantly undermining his efforts towards reconciliation, letting issues get bad in secrecy, then bringing it to his dad when it had blown up.

It's why people always say that when marital issues start, the problem is usually the husband's mother.

Now that Papa knows what his son is up to, he should go and face the badly-behaved child he raised and all the enablers around him.

it's okay I've heard you. Though I didn't return the BP, my family did. It's okay. Thank you ma'am.

pocohantas:
Thank you Onegai.
I was already about to type that if her FIL still wanted the marriage, what did he do all these years. Were they not same people that chased her out when she went to lay a complaint or didn't they see their son with a new woman?

My sister don't allow them stress you. This is not even a case of petty family issue. This was the s-abuse of your child and they trivialised it that way without giving you any closure or support. So allow him be with the other woman. Truly they love to keep the first wife close and it doesn't mean he loves you. But the shenanigans with a second wife thrives on the pains/presence of the first. When the first wife leaves, the reality of a Nigerian marriage hits her and you will notice the display of love begins to die a natural death.

yes it all started with the s-abuse of my 4 year old. They believed I would choose believing dem over my child. The marriage can go to hell and remain there, I don't care anymore.

Onegai:
I think you can go and ahead and file in court, even if they reject the bride price. His father had plenty of time to keep talking to his own son, if he wanted a reconciliation. But I believe from your previous threads, most of his family seemed to be in support of their son's divorce from you and were attending church with his side piece (as Bigamy is not allowed, that's what she is until you guys legally end the marriage).

So ask your relatives to tell your ex-FiL that he should have insisted that he wanted a reconciliation to HIS SON since and he should accept his son's decision to end the marriage, you're just obeying that directive. Papa should also be aware that his son has a child with the new woman and that being in a polygamous setting is not acceptable to you.

A lot of times, this happens and the man's parent (usually the father, as the mother is too busy supporting her son) will do this. They're safeguarding their interests because they've seen plenty cases where a man is deeply infatuated and destroys his marriage, only to regret it later. So the trick is to keep the wife on ground until their son's eye hopefully clears.

And it will definitely clear o, but it doesn't mean he will come back to you. A lot of times, people prefer to accept the consequences of their actions due to pride and fear.

If they had truly not supported their son, he would have been rebellious but he won't have gone this far.

yeah I thought so too. Father still wanted the marriage but didn't make any major reconciliation moves in two years we were separated. I believe he's pretending so that he won't be blamed for the marriage failure. He even denied knowing about the new wife and child. Not possible. I will file for the divorce, saving towards it. But one thing I know for sure, I'm not waiting for anybody. When I am fully ready to make major moves maritally, no jupiter will stop me, whether the bride price is returned or not. But first, I will divorce him. Thanks to all of you who advised me during the course of this sad journey. I am better and stronger now for real.

Kobojunkie:
Just to be safe, I suggest you legally file for divorce from him so you are completely cut off from him, since you said your marriage was registered. The last thing you want is for this man to be able to come back, in the future, to claim your property as his, because being married to someone means that everything you have, particularly for the woman, technically belongs to the man, too.

wow I wasn't aware of this. Thanks! Will do the needful

Kobojunkie:
1. Could you please explain what you mean when you say he illegally filed for divorce?

2. Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman. It does not matter the opinion of other parties in this, so long as the man and/or woman is no longer interested in the union.

3. It is likely a selfish reason, so I would suggest you not concern yourself too much with such things. Humans are notorious for doing anything to protect their interests, no matter who is involved. What matters is that this man does not want to be with you and probably dislikes you at this point in time. Your priority should be to distance yourself from him as soon as you can so you can begin focusing your energy on yourself and developing yourself.

So long as the union was registered in the court, nothing stops you, as the woman, from initiating the process towards gaining your freedom from the union. Do not make yourself some sort of kickball between a father and son whose disagreements should have nothing to do with you.

I agree. I've made up my mind. By illegally filing, I mean that we were separated for only two to three months before he brought divorce papers of dissolution of the marriage without me being served any court summons, everything happened without my knowledge. But regardless, I'm gone from there.

Kobojunkie:
If the marriage is registered in the courts, then all she needs to concern herself with is filling out official divorce papers in the courts.

2. Has the woman officially filed for divorce? If yes, was she denied the divorce for some reason? I am trying to understand why it should matter whether his family accepts the returned bride price or not.

no i haven't filed. He did the filing, though illegally. It's my story. His dad insists he still wants the union and reconciliation but his son is saying no. And I want to move on. I was just wondering what reasons could make the father reject the bride price. Anyways, I won't allow that deter me from moving on.

Kobojunkie:
No need returning bride price to a man who turned out to be a deadbeat husband and/or father to his own children.

Anyways, I don't see the point in the bride's family worrying themselves much in this day and age of such things. So, long as the marriage of was never registered in the courts, the two might as well have been living as baby-mama & baby-daddy all the while. If the man's family no wan collect back their bride price, it shouldn't stop her from moving on to legally marrying someone else out there. 🥱🥱🥱

oh the marriage was actually registered in court, but he brought fake divorce papers exactly 3 months after the separation, without any summons to the estranged wife. Now his family are refusing to collect the bride price. He said return the bride price, but his father said no. Hope the woman can move on without any consequences?

What could make a man's family reject return of bride after their son ended the marriage? Even the ex husband asked for it to be returned but his father said he will never collect it and even refused after repeated attempts by the bride's family to return it?

We4all:
You need to keep tabs on your enemy na. It is easy to ask her to move on because you are not in her place.

Thank you

Kobojunkie:
Thank goodness you finally realized this! If he committed fraud, there is no reason to ignore what he did, but it also gives you grounds to seek your own divorce and compensation for the troubles he put you through with his actions.

2. Abou, returning the bride price, do you mean you did not register your marriage in the courts? If yes, you should seek alimony and child support, assuming there are children involved, before returning a bride price.

3. Please take time to read through the submission posted here by a lawyer practising in Nigeria. https://www.nairaland.com/8487250/returned-bride-price-youre-not

THIS ARTICLE IS GOLD. It clarified a lot I didn't know. I'm contacting her already. Thank you!

Kobojunkie:
Thank goodness you finally realized this! If he committed fraud, there is no reason to ignore what he did, but it also gives you grounds to seek your own divorce and compensation for the troubles he put you through with his actions.

2. Abou, returning the bride price, do you mean you did not register your marriage in the courts? If yes, you should seek alimony and child support, assuming there are children involved, before returning a bride price.

3. Please take time to read through the submission posted here by a lawyer practising in Nigeria. https://www.nairaland.com/8487250/returned-bride-price-youre-not

thanks for the enlightening article

Kobojunkie:
The fact that the man filed divorce papers(even though you claim it was fake) means he probably knows that he does not deserve a return of bride price in all of this. I know it sounds -ish, but listen, if you were both married in the courts, you do not owe him anything. Rather, you should go seek a divorce and require that he share custody of your child(provided he was not a bad father to the child). He wants to move on without the responsibility of caring what his own child, meaning he would prefer you carry the load of raising the child all by yourself. Don't give him that satisfaction. Take him to court and demand that you both share custody of the child. After all, that child deserves to be raised both by his father and his mother? , whether they live together or not.

will do just that. I'm talking to my lawyer about it. Thank you

Onegai:
I know this is hard, but please forgive him and pray for him as you take the next step.

Sin is a terrible thing to live under and the devil will make it so sweet in the beginning but it always turns to ash in your mouth.

Please don't let the devil win by harbouring any ill-will in your heart for your husband and his family. Don't hate him, don't live in bitterness, certainly don't keep updates on his life, don't use your child to fight him, don't even gloat or be sad no matter what you see or hear, find your joy and peace in the Lord.

And the marriage was worth fighting for, still is worth fighting for. Just hand everything over to God, ask Him to order your steps and face your future. The battle isn't yours, it's time to pick a Champion that has never lost a war. Not once.

You'll be fine. Love to your kid.

PS: work on yourself o. God has a plan for you and you don't want to be caught napping unprepared when it comes to fruition.

Yes ma'am. Thank my dear. I have left the battle to God. He will fight for me. I will work on myself and pray for the best.

Helpout12345:
Stop stalking them. Face your life and let them be.

According to you, the man is a bad person. Now the "bad man" is living with another wife and you are still stalking them. Leave the "bad man" alone.

Gosh!

Please leave me alone, can you? Please. Thank you

Onegai:
Hello,

I remember you from last year.

Please keep focusing on your life and your future. It is bright and all will be well and I am not saying that to console you. I'm speaking from experience.

Did you eventually speak to a lawyer concerning the fake divorce letter he gave you? Because that was a big deal and he needs to properly end his marriage.

A man who gives you a fake divorce letter, remarries swiftly and starts a new family should be left to God. Trust me, He will fight your battle and win. So please, be at peace.

It wasn't about you, it's not anything you did wrong (not saying you were perfect, I'm stating clearly that you could have been Mary and a man that has no fear of the Lord and the devil has entered his brain will run to Jezebel). And he won't be at peace until the void that is in him is filled by God.

Forgive him, pray for him, work on yourself, keep facing your future and leave that to God.

I assure you, it won't end well for him, sadly. All you can do is pray for his soul. I'm serious, pray for him, give him to God in repentance.



It didn't end well for my uncles, my cousin, infact in my family, as a man you cannot end your marriage abruptly and bring another woman saying she's the "love of your life", we go beat you sotay police go arrest everybody. 60 years of living through those mistakes has given most of the men in the next generation in my family sense.

Yes I spoke to a lawyer, but decided against pursuing the case because I now realized that the marriage wasn't worth fighting for. So I'm going to divorce him myself. My family are preparing to return my bride price, at my behest. After that, then I'll properly divorce him. I refuse to leave myself in such situation. I have left him and his family to God. I was secretly praying that you'd see my update, so I was glad to see your reply. Your words really encourage me a lot. My God will bless you ma'am. THANK YOU.

Hello guys. The new wife just gave birth some days ago. It is well.

Hello guys. The new wife just gave birth some days ago. It is well.

Hello guys. The new wife just gave birth some days ago. It is well.

Hello guys. The new wife just gave birth some days ago. It is well.

Dogalmighty17:
OP can I have your email? I think this matter needs the input of professionals versed in handling issues like this.

Good evening. Sorry I'm just seeing this, logged out for a long time. My email address is ejirodetermined01@gmail.com.

folake4u:
Hi Ma'am.

You've got mail from me.

Hello ma'am, I have responded

Teespice:
I have replied your mail.

The email address I used to register this account on nairaland has become dormant, so I can't access messages in there. Please use this : ejirodetermined01@gmail.com. I'll be expecting to hear from you, thank you

Onegai:
Alright, here's what you're gonna do!

(If this was a movie, there'd be upbeat tempo music cued here )

Step 1: DOWNLOAD THAT FAKE DOCUMENT, SAVE IT AND SAY NOTHING TO THE I.DIOT. No reply, nothing. Don't tell the enemy your plan.

Step 2: get the best wig you can muster, get your nails done, get makeup did, get 3 perfect outfits, I don't want to see ankara, go and find out what May Edochie, Anita Okoye is wearing. Be inspired! You need to take 3 different pictures and upload it like it was different days, on your Facebook page. Your captions should be light and airy, you must look like you're living your best life. Post one with your little sweetheart, make sure her hair is done and she looks amazing.

Why? Because when this shi.t blows up, people will rush to your page to check you out. You have to come correct, so they can shout "Ah Ahnnn, see the lovely family this man threw away, he is useless!!"

Step 3: go to Twitter/X and post this story and that document there. Mention his govt name, Mention the fact that this started because your child got defiled. Tag the popular female accounts there. Ask for a lawyer.

All the so-called "Angry, Bitter" Feminists will get pissed and retweet it. And everyone will go and look for his FB page to drag him.

Step 4: get the most serious lawyer you can. Not charge and bail, which is why I said Twitter. Run a Twitter search with the word "Divorce in Nigeria", look up who posts on it and make sure you tag them all to your thread.

They see this kind of fake documents a lot and will tell you that it is a criminal offence. The clerks who do this tend to get in trouble and get reported.

The only reason it keeps happening is that Nigerians don't know the law and don't Google or speak to a lawyer, even the educated ones.


Make sure you keep this copy of a fake divorce. You will need it in court after the 2 years have passed and your filing (you're going to be the Petitioner) because you're going to go after his job for child support and custody. He committed a crime, he can't get joint custody, you're filing for sole custody. This will allow you make plans such as japa and anything serious without waiting for his input.

But yes, you will allow him visit his child. Why? Because you're a good person and you want your child to see for herself that her father is useless, don't tell her, let her see it for herself.

Oh and one last thing: Once a lawyer is involved and you may have gotten a document from the court stating that his fake marriage dissolution paper doesn't exist, attach both documents and email it, plus a short explanation and full govt name, to all the embassies of countries that Nigerians tend to japa to: UK, USA, Germany, Canada etc. If you have a copy of his passport dat page, add it as well.

Also, have someone monitor his page and that of the babe. In case they're daft enough to attempt to get married, you need evidence of Bigamy. Which yes, you should inform the church he attends of and yes, that is a criminal offence under the Penal Code of Nigeria. You can even get police to harass him on his fake wedding day in front of the guests (you should )

You're doing that for fun

Step 1 done. Step 2, on it. I dey go Twitter straight. To think I already mentally accepted that it was done. Honestly I don't wish to go back to such evil man because a man that can act this way without human compassion can kill. But I want to make him pay. For emotional damages through the years, all the sleepless nights, my sacrifices, physical, financial, mental and emotional investments I made for him, he must pay for it all. I'm going to Twitter. Thanks ma'am, you are a gem.