₦airaland Forum

Very funny officer, afraid of death

Mutiu the Lastma officer is a very zealous officer. But he's about to discover that not every 'customer' is a good 'customer'... Was this man serious when he made that call or was he trying to frighten the Lastma officila doing his duties?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/last-man---100

COMFORTABLE ATM WITHDRAWAL

The Introduction of ATM into the country is to reduce the rate at which people queue up in the banking hall to make withdrawal, and now you can now use the stairs as your waiting area while waiting for to use the ATM...........Laugh wan kill me when i saw this picture.........
Naija we too much!!!!

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/comfortable-atm-withdrawal/
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TRICKY IQ QUESTIONS


Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.


First Question:
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?
Second Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Third Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are, ?
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/tricky-iq-questions/
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LETTER OF COMPLAIN


March 20, 2015
The Area Manager,
IKEDC,
Lagos

Dear Sir,
[center]COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR SERVICES[/center]
I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and gentleness. I consider this a great opportunity to communicate with an entity as awe-inspiring as yourself. Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of my area in Lagos.
As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my civic responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens who are alive to their responsibilities. As a famous musician once said, "Ask not what your country can eat from you but what you can eat from your country."
I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I have decided to give back.
I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences which have been happening in my area. I want to sadly inform you that in the last 2 weeks, electricity has been stable. In other words, we sleep and wake up with electricity, we go to work and come back and electricity is still running. This is a terribly new and I must add DANGEROUS development in the lives of residents of my area. This is something we are not used to. This is too much electricity for us to handle. In the first week of constant electricity, I started acting strangely. I ironed all my clothes because I didn't know when "light" will be impounded on your orders. After 2 days, the "light" was still there. Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My fridge which had not seen "4 hours" of constant light for months suddenly started freezing. In order to enjoy the maximum effects of refrigeration, I have decided to be drinking 20 cups of cold water before I go to sleep. Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the fridge. After 10 minutes, the water cools and I drink. I just don't know what to do. All the Ceiling fans in my house have been switched on alongside my AC. My deck is playing at a high level. My life is now in state of chaos because of constant "light". My TV and VCD player are complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been terribly overworked in the last few weeks. Half of my light bulbs have gone on strike to protest their resurrection from blissful death.
All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are complaining that the beer is too cold and wants to destroy their teeth. Even the rats and cockroaches are complaining that human assailants find it easier to track and exterminate them under electric light than under candlelight.
All the witches and wizards that regularly visited me in my sleep have suddenly taken flight in the presence of "light". Now I have to review my membership of MFM (Mountain of Fire and Miracles) since their work has been done. Can you imagine what will happen to the membership of churches if constant 'light' persists? No more demons meaning No more offerings.
With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the reason behind this strange situation. This task was made easy for me when I realised that it was the work of saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for anything going wrong / right in our country. Therefore this constant "light" is the handiwork of saboteurs within your work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of progress who want you miss your set targets. These enemies want you to score very low on your KPI assessment. I realised this fact when I stumbled on a document showing your Key Performance Indicators for every month. These are:
1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and balcony-bedrooms
2. Massive boom in the sales of Candles, torchlight, generators, inverters and lanterns
3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees spending at least 16 hours at work because there is no light at home
4. Massive growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by the endless sound of generators that are switched on overnight.
5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes unchallenged by ceiling/standing fans
6. Incidence of heat rashes
7. Large Increase in Naming ceremonies: When people have no light at home, what else do they do with their time other than *******?

Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not be possible if we keep on having "light". The saboteurs in your workplace will make you look silly and incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of this charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you now. As a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this information, I know that I will be the one to suffer. The day you realise that I have been enjoying endless light for 2 weeks, you will pay me back with 2 black months. The end will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No I won't. This is because Evil triumphs when Good Men keep silent. Your incompetent staffs have left the light switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will take back all that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house in the day of recompense.
Your humble servant
Myself

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/letter-of-complain/
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YORUBA NAMES AND THEIR FUNNY MEANING


Don't take this too personal, am just here to have fun. Oya Leggo!
1. Anuoluwapo - Mercy of God plenty
2. Odeyemi - Hunter fit me
3. Pamilerin- Kill me with laugh
4. Olamide - My wealth don come
5. Timileyin - push my back
6. Adeyemi - Crown fit me
7. Motunrayo - I see wealth again
8. Bamidele - Follow me reach house
9. Femi - Marry Me
10. Tobi - Big
11. Ayomikun - My wealth don full
12. Oladejo - Wealth turns eight
13. Shile - Open house
14. Wale - Come house
15. Morenike - I see person take care of.
16. Funmilayo - Give me joy
17. Omoyemi - Pikin fit me
18. Tunbosun - Shift again
19. Feyintola - Rest back on wealth.
20. Motolani - Am big enough to have wealth.
21. Ifabiyi - Oracle born this.
22. Olaide - Wealth roll come.
23. Tunmise - repair me
24. Adedoyinsola - crown pour honey inside wealth.
25.Wemimo - wash me clean.
26. Pelumi - Be With Me
27. Bola - Meet Wealth
Ok, Lemme give you chance to add your Own...........

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/yoruba-names-and-their-funny-meaning/

Never live a day without laughter.......... Have a splendid evening

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT


This afternoon my departmental fellowship had her annual event and we invited our lecturers and in the course of the event things like this happened and I thought of sharing it. I saw most of this because I was ushering.


That awkward moment you leave your seat to get a drink and you get back to see your lecturer on the next seat. You be like ...yes sir yes sir welcome sir.

That awkward moment your pastor says you should tell the person beside you that you are greater than he/she and you realise the person is your lecturer.

That awkward moment when you finish praying for success and that God should deal with a particular lecturer and you open your eyes and found out he/she was beside you all the while you were praying.

That awkward moment you just mimicked a lecturer among friends and the person laughing over it the most is the lecturer himself.

Well that's all I got,let's have some of yours.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/that-awkward-moment/
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BANK HELP LINE CONVERSATION


I wanted to use my ATM card but the machine kept on rejecting the card. A frustrated me called my bank help line.
Me: (angrily) So what's wrong with my ATM card.
Call girl : Sir, I have checked your account, everything is alright here and You should be able to use your card, are you sure your card is not damaged or broken?
Me: Are you insane? What are you insinuating? No one takes good care of their ATM card like I do.
Call girl: Okay Sir, are you also sure the surface isn't wet or stained with dirt?
Me: You dey mad? ATM card wey I dey pet like egg. As a matter of fact, I even laminated it last week when I laminated my Identity card.
One Word for this guy?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/bank-help-line-conversation/
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FACEBOOK STATUS


No be small thing oh, I was just minding my business when I saw this status update on Facebook:
"To Hair Is Human, To Forgive Is Design"

I was like "hair ko.. Brazilian hair ni". I became curious and decided to go down to view her time line. No be small matter I tell you, come and see more updates:

- "I hate guys with low selves of steam"

- "I am a blessing to my generator"

- "I am a soccer for guys with six pack"

- "my bb charger is no longer walking"

- "any body hu supports this killing is a carnival"

- "Love his in the hair, valantine tins loading"

- " on my way 2 skul. Please play 4 me. Fedral univasity of sense and technology."

After going through the timeline I just ran to the nearest pharmacist and bought a whole card of Panadol Extra! Haba!!

One word for this girl?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/facebook-status/
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SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS


A professor is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response." "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic." "But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost.
‘‘You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The student nods and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dish! From back there it sounded like you said goats

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/sleeping-with-ghosts/

Did you know?

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

Happy Laughter filled weekend from us at Nigeria/Naija Funny Videos. Be Well!!!!!

THE EGYPTIANS


Nawao for last Sunday service
I was in church when pastor said: "It's time to say hello to your neighbours, shake hands and lets get to know each other." I said hello to the person sitting to my left and to the one sitting to my right.
We introduced ourselves and both said they were Egyptians(you suppose know Abuja people from other countries do flock their) Preaching time came and pastor decided to preach from Exodus 14:13.. Telling us about how God saved the Israelites from Egyptians. My people, I remember that there were Egyptians on my left and right.
I was thinking to myself "How do these two Egyptians feel knowing that their people are the bad guys in this Bible verse"and the worst part be say this guys them get muscle Well, I just sit-down my own je-je-je oo. The next thing oo!!, pastor shouted: "The Egyptians made the people of God to suffer for years!!!, I said they made them suffer!!!, Turn to your left and to your right!!! And tell your neighbour!!!
The Egyptians you see today!!!, You shall see no more!!!" mehn I just pose like idiot dey look pastor....Pastor cum talk d same thing again...immediately I turn look this Egyptian guys as I see muscle I just pretend like say anointing catch me just fall for ground dey sleep...
My friend, if you were in my position will you repeat what the pastor said?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-egyptians/
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ANSWER IF YOU'RE A MATHAHOLIC

Answer this if you're a Mathaholic, This is another form of studying and helping ourselves in our respective field. Let's know how many people will get the correctly.
4*4+4*4+4-4*4=?
73% people will fail to answer this.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/answer-if-youre-a-mathaholic/
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I SAVED A LIFE

I saved a life today. I asked a beggar how will he feel if i gave him #5,000. He replied "I'll die of happiness", so i didn't give him again.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/i-saved-a-life/
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WAEC EXAMINATION


In WAEC examination, JOHNNY was asked to complete the
following:
1) WAEC : He who fights and run away?
JOHNNY : E don surrender be dat, na fear catch am
2) WAEC : A rolling stone?
JOHNNY: No fit just dey roll, na person push am..
3) WAEC : He who lives in a glass house?
JOHNNY : Na rich politician ego be...
4) WAEC : A stitch in time?
JOHNNY : Dey prevent further tear tear...
5) WAEC : Birds of the same feathers
JOHNNY : Na de same mama born dem...
6) WAEC : One good turn?
JOHNNY : Na correct power steering fit do am...
7) WAEC : A bird in hand?
JOHNNY : Wetin e wan be again? If no be barbeque.... Them plenty for chicken republic
WAEC : Half a loaf is better than?
JOHNNY : beans and garri, soaking without sugar...
9) WAEC : A journey of a thousand miles?
JOHNNY : Na de person wahala be dat, na why eno enter car or aeroplane jeje...
10) WAEC : He who laugh last?
JOHNNY: Get brain problem, make dem examine am because na beginning of madness be dat...
11) WAEC : A patient dog?
JOHNNY : Na hunger go kill am...
12) WAEC : All work and no play?
JOHNNY : Na bank job be dat bros...
13) WAEC : Once beaten?
JOHNNY: Na revenge go follow be dat...
14) WAEC : A fool at forty?
JOHNNY : I never see for Naija, our own dey start at 50..
I beg help me score Johnny....
WAEC : A journey of a thousand miles?
JOHNNY : Na de person wahala be dat, na why eno enter car or aeroplane jeje...
WAEC : He who laugh last?
JOHNNY: Get brain problem, make dem examine am because na beginning of madness be dat...
WAEC : A patient dog?
JOHNNY : Na hunger go kill am...
WAEC : All work and no play?
JOHNNY : Na bank job be dat bros...
WAEC : Once beaten?
JOHNNY: Na revenge go follow be dat...
WAEC : A fool at forty?
JOHNNY : I never see for Naija, our own dey start at 50..
I beg help me score Johnny....

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/waec-examination/
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TEACHERS ARGUEMENTS


Two Teachers were arguing in the class and the students were watching.
Other Teachers were trooping in one after the other.
ENGLISH TEACHER: What a pugnacious and combatant fight teachers maneuverating themselves in the presence of their pupils.
CHEMISTRY TEACHER: Stop this now or I'll balance your equation with acid and base.
MATHS TEACHER: please please stop before i divide and subtract your names from our teachers' list.
CRK TEACHER: Oh God of Abraham, forgive them cos they do not know what they are doing.
ECONOMICS TEACHER: What a human behaviour, I'll draw a scale of preference to know who's at fault.
MUSIC TEACHER: Stop both of you lack voices to win an argument, your phonet is voiceless, your treble, and your alto lack vocal sound.
HISTORY TEACHER: oh my God of century 2015 I'll compare this fight with that of Iran and Iraq.
BIOLOGY TEACHER: What a shame between these two species of Homo sapiens. The knot of your Medula Oblongata is loosing I must get a Spanner to stop this Osmosis.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/teachers-arguements/
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A good amount of laughter a day can make the weight of the world seems so light. Be Well!!!!!

From Nigeria/Naija Funny Videos.

Nigeria will prevail no matter what.

Naija for life!

SILLY QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Sees your picture and ask "Na you be this?" Answer: Na my papa wen him small be that
Sees you after a long time and ask "Na your face be this?" Answer: No na my hip
Sees a Police station and asks "Na police station be this?" Answer:No na primary school you no see their uniform.
Give me your number you call 0803356......... "Na MTN you dey use?" Answer:No Na NEPA.
Tour friend sees you on your wedding day and ask "Na your wife be this?" Answer:No na my mama classmate
A guy call you at 2am and ask"You dey sleep?" Answer: No I dey pound yam
Add yours

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/silly-questions-and-answers/
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WOMEN MEN COMPARISON


WOMEN:

- Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
- Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
- Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
- A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
- Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
- The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.
- They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

MEN:

- Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and sometimes killing spiders.
TRue or False?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/women-men-comparison/
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I'M JUST KIDDING

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/im-just-kidding/
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THE MISSED FLIGHT


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Abuja.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-missed-flight/
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FACT OR FICTION


A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A snail can sleep for three years
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the '30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as competition.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
The sentence, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
You share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/fact-or-fiction/
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HE GOT ANGRY


I was employed as an English teacher in a junior secondary school. I gave the students in Jss 1 class homework saying, "Write a story that ends with, ''And so, he got angry''." I didn't specify the amount of words to be written.

A little girl didn't even go home to write hers, but used only 3 minutes to write it in class after I left.

The next day, all the students submitted their work. I marked till the last one which was the little girl's. I was smiling while marking because, all the students did well. Some were able to write about 400 words and over.

I opened the girl's and it read, ''Our teacher gave us homework, but I didn't want to do it, I wrote only two lines, and so, he got angry''.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/he-got-angry/
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GREAT ADVICE TO PASS ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS


Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
Sadly, all men are created equal...

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/great-advice-to-pass-on-to-your-daughters/
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HOLD THE LAMP


A young father-to-be awakened the village Doctor in the middle of the night saying "Doctor! Doctor! Come fast now! my wife! Her water is broken! She is about born a child !"
The Doctor came over and told the father "Hold the lamp higher! Hold the lamp higher now!"

The father-to-be, obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard.

The father cried out: "Praise the Lord! A boy! I am the proud father of A baby boy !"
The Doctor again told the father, "Hold the lamp higher! Hold the lamp higher now man!"
The father again complied, and to be sure, another cry was heard. The father excitedly proclaimed: "Is twins!! I got twins! I am doubly blessed! Glory be to God!"

The Doctor instructed, "Hold the lamp higher! Hold the lamp higher now!" Sure enough, a third cry was heard!
The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Thank you Jesus."
The Doctor repeated, "Hold the lamp higher!. Hold the lamp higher now man!", in a short while yet a 4th cry was heard.

The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.
The Doctor for the fifth time commanded "Hold the lamp higher man! Hold the lamp higher now!"
The father then asked "Doctor, I think we should off the light now .Don't you think maybe it's the light is that attracting them?."

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/hold-the-lamp/
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Did you know?

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
Have a laughter filled evening and enjoy the rest of your day and week.

Courtesy Nigeria/Naija Funny Videos

CAN THIS HAPPEN

When will we ever believe our leaders and their promises?, this is what happened when they make promises that won't be implemented. Even president Jonathan met the light issue before becoming the president........No Matter what Nigeria will survive.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/can-these-happen/
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LETTER FROM A STUDENT TO HIS PRINCIPAL.

A student wrote a letter to the principal about his intention to leave the school due to the English teacher not appreciating his euthusiasm to learn and perfect the subject.
below is what he wrote:
LETTER FROM A STUDENT TO HIS PRINCIPAL.
Dear Sir,
I am very happy I write dis letter to you, how are you,your wife and childs. I am write this letter to told you that am leave your school forever. Why because in your school the teachers are cane us all very hard one and sometimes I wanted to cried but my friends tell me that man is not crying so I never cry. The last time be today that we write English exams in the school that I am get 2%.
Teacher tell me that "my head is die".. Oh it pain me too much that e tell me that tin. Shebi with this my letter, abeg principal, I suppose get 2%? I no suppose get
100%?
So that is why me am go away forever to another school which are not cane people hard and do wayo for exams.
On behalf of myselves, I say byes to you sir, me am gone forever.
Yours faithfully,
XXXXX
Guess who wrote this letter?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/letter-from-a-student-to-his-principal/
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WORDS WRONGLY PRONOUNCED


It's Sawmill not Sawmale
It's Fashion Designer not Fashion Decider
It's Federal Government not Feather Government
It's Cabin Biscuit not Cabin Bea Skit
It's Borehole not Boil Hole
It's Tissue Paper not Tea Shoe Paper
It's Make-up not May Cup
It's Stereo not Storeo
It's Lip Stick not Limp Stick
It's Underwear not Honda Wear
It's Jose Mourinho not Hose Mouninho
It's Chicken not Sicking
It's Slippers not Sili Pass
It's Bournvita not Bornfita
It's Newscaster not Newscatter
It's Sanitary Pad not Sanny Tree Pad.
Add Yours

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/words-wrongly-pronounced/
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CUSTOMER SERVICE

Lady: hello, good evening, thanks for calling MTN customer care service, my name is Judith, what's your name and where are you calling from .
Me: hello, good evening, my name is shegsky, and i'm calling from Ibadan
Lady: How may i help you, shegsky?
Me: i'm looking for a wife to marry...
Lady: is that why you called this customer care service?
Me: Yes, and i think i'm already in love with You...you know you have a very nice voice... Lady: Hellooo, please, we only attend to issues about your MTN line, okay...
Me: yes 0... This is an issue about my MTN line too...because i spend much credit calling so many girls asking them about marriage.
Lady: please, I would have to put an end to this call...
Me: Baby don't talk like that now. I promise to make you happy... you would be happy with me... can I have your number?
Lady: *raises her voice* come, mr man, I think something is wrong with you...
Me: *cutting in*... Hey, hold it there... I hope you can now feel how frustrating it is to receive a call and hear rubbish? From today, warn yourself and every other staff there..let nobody call me with a funny number only for it to be an advert or send me those nonsense messages you guys disturb my phone with daily like say am dating MTN...
Thunder_wey_go__fire_u_still_dey_do_NYSC

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/customer-service/
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AT THE ATM MACHINE


Differences Between The Sexes Observed At The Drive-Up ATM Machine.
HIM:

1) Pull up to ATM
2) Insert card
3) Enter PIN number and account
4) Take cash, card and receipt

HER:

1) Pull up to ATM
2) Check makeup in rear view mirror
3) Shut off engine
4) Put keys in purse
5) Get out of car b/c you're too far from machine
6) Hunt for card in purse
7) Insert card
Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9) Enter PIN number
10) Study instructions for at least 2 minutes
11) Hit "cancel"
12) Re-enter correct PIN number
12A) Hit "cancel"
12B) Call husband to get correct PIN number
13) Check balance
14) Look for envelope
15) Look in purse for pen
16) Make out deposit slip
17) Endorse checks
18) Make deposit
19) Study instructions
20) Make cash withdrawal
21) Get in car
22) Check makeup
23) Look for keys
24) Start car
25) Check makeup
26) Start pulling away
27) STOP
28) Back up to machine
29) Get out of car
30) Take card and receipt
31) Get back in car
32) Put card in wallet
33) Put receipt in checkbook
34) Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35) Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36) Check makeup
37) Put car in gear, reverse
38) Put car in drive
39) Drive away from machine
40) Travel 3 miles
41) Release parking brake
Women we are too much.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/at-the-atm-machine/
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JEALOUS WIFE

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a mop stick and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
The wife Fainted!

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/jealous-wife/


Do have a laughter filled week and enjoy the rest of your week.

THE BARBER

A priest walked into a barber shop in Abuja. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community." The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.
Who no like better thing?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-barber/
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JESUS IS WATCHING

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?".
He spots some money on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it!
He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird Moses??" The parrot reply "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/jesus-is-watching/
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THE MAGIC POOL

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."
So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"
Guess what he landed on?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-magic-pool/
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THE 85 YEAR OLD MAN AND THE DOCTOR

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Jane, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
I know you where thinking something else like the doctor............lol

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-85-year-old-man-and-the-doctor/
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SOME WISE, FUNNY AND INTERESTING QUOTES TO NOTE

The whitest man on earth still has a black shadow.
No mechanic can repair breaking news.
No matter how tall you are, you can never see tomorrow.
Even if you have millions of cars, you still have to walk to your bedroom.
Being the best swimmer doesn’t make you a fish.
The strongest man on earth can never carry a mountain.
The smartest Assassin on earth can never kill Water.
No matter how smart a police is, he can never catch the air.
No matter how sad you are, you will still laugh to Nigeria/Naija Funny Videos Jokes

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/some-wise-funny-and-interesting-quotes-to-note/
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Do have a pleasant evening from Nigerian/Naija Funny Videos Team.

THE CONTRACT

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at AsoRock. One is fromEast, another is from West, and the third is from North. All three go with an Aso Rock official to examine the fence. The Northern contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about #900,000. #400,000 for materials, #400,000 for my crew, and #100,000 profit for me".
The Weatern contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for #700,000, #300,000 for materials, #300,000 for my crew, and #100,000 profit for me."
The Eastern contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Aso Rock official and whispers, "#2.700,000" The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Eastern contractor whispers back, "#1,000,000 for me, #1,000,000 for you, and we hire the guy from the West to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-contract/
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THE LAWYER AND THE POLICE

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a police. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from Abuja and has a better education than an police from the north.
The police asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The police responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," says the police impatiently.
The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can take me to the station.
If not, you let me go and don't take me to the station." The police says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the police takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The police says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-contract/
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WHY SOME GUYS DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND


Some guys where interviewed on why they are yet to have a girlfriend and then proceed to marriage and below are some of their reasons.
Ladies Handbag - #9,000 while Men's Wallet- #700
Ladies Fixing of Hair - #5000 while Men Hair Cut is just #150
Ladies Fixing of Nails - #1500 while Men Nail Cutter is #50
Ladies Bra is #1500 while Men Singlet is # 200
A set of G string is #1500 while Men Boxers is #300
Sanitary Pad is #250 while Men Handkerchief is #50
Ladies Stomach is extra large while Men"s Stomach is extra small
.IF I DON'T TAKE GOOD CARE OF MYSELF WHO WIL blessed are men who remain single they will be the richest man on earth..
.Abi I lie??

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/why-some-guys-dontt-have-a-girlfriend-2/
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Remember to laugh no matter how tough the going gets

THE YOUNG ENGINEER

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the University Of Lagos, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of #1,000,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-young-engineer/
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THE UGLY BABY

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Who insulted her more? Driver or the Man?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-ugly-baby/
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THE FART

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the African salad(ugba). The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!"
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-fart/
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THE TEACHER AND STUDENTS

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-teacher-and-students/
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LIFE'S FOCUS

Life is a field of learning,a school where we are made into what we become in the future,a filed of struggle,where there's always competition to becoming a better you.
An auditorium of lecture,a hall of several assignments,exams and failures,its not how often we pass the exam but how we do rise above the tide of failure? Some people let the set backs of life weight them down never seeking positive outcomes,never optimistic but always moving around with negativity spreading to whoever's ready to listen to them.
Never let the noise of the world derail you,never lose focus and the positive in all you do.
*There's an old saying "What doesn't kill you usually succeed in a second attempt".

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/lifes-focus/
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THE BIRD QUESTION

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?”
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!” The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?” The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence.
” The teacher replies, “Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!”
The little boy then says, “Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?”
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, “Well, I guess the one sucking her cone.”To which the little boy replies, “Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!”

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-bird-question/
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A Blessed evening from us at Nigerian/Naija Funny Videos. Remember Laughter is the food for the heart.

LIFE

Life It’s easy to forget what an amazing gift life really is. Our lives are nothing but a cosmic blink. Even our seemingly all-encompassing world is just tiny blue dot circling an average sized star spiraling around a galaxy of 200-400 billion stars, which itself is just one galaxy among billions more. Yet for one brief moment, we get to experience the wonders of existence, of consciousness.
Having a positive outlook on life is a crucial part of finding inspiration. In the paragraph above, did you feel inspired reading about the vastness of our universe and our unique place within it, or did you feel overwhelmed and depressed at the insignificance of it all? Our brains are wired to find things we’re looking for – if you’re always cynical or waiting for things to go wrong, then your life will reflect that. On the other hand, having a positive outlook on life will bring you joy and provide you with inspiration when you least expect it. ***********
“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Roger
“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’"– Sydney Harris
“Nurture your mind with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes.”– Benjamin Disraeli
“Look at the sparrows; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us literally live from moment to moment.”– Mahatma Gandhi
“Whoever loves much, performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.” – Vincent Van Gogh
“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/life/
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LONGITUDE LATITUDE AND DEGREES

The geography teacher was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/longitude-latitude-and-degrees/
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HUNTING TRIP

Chinedu decided to follow his friend Osas on a hunting trip deep in the forest of Okomu reserve in Iguobazuwa. Chinedu has never gone hunting while Osas has hunted all his life.
When they got to the middle of the forest, Osas told Chinedu to sit by a tree and not make a sound while he checks out an antelope trail. After he got about a quarter of a mile away, Osas heard a blood-curling scream which scared away nearby antelope.
He rushed back to Chinedu and yelled; "I think I tell you say make you quiet?" Chinedu replied : "Shuo, I try o, I really try. When green snake waka pass my leg I nor shake body or make peem sound.
When gorilla come they breath hot and smelly smelly air for my face, I nor shake body or make shekele sound. But when two squirrel waka enter my trouser leg, one come tell the other one say,
"Chei, see as this two palm kernels big like coconut, we nor go fit chop dem finish for here, so make we pluck and carry dem go home", naim I come start to halla.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/hunting-trip/
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DO YOU KNOW THE ALPHABETS

A teacher asked a student, “Do you know the alphabet?”
The kid said no,so the teacher said, “Well, tomorrow you going have to say the alphabet to me.”
The kid went home and asked his mum, “Mum, what’s the 1st letter of the alphabet?” His mum responded, “Sshhh I’m on the phone.”
The kid asked his dad, “Dad, what is the 2nd letter of the alphabet?” His dad said, “Yes!”
He then asked his sister, “What’s the 3rd letter of the alphabet?” She said, “Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson.”
He then asked his little brother, “Bro, what’s the 4th letter of the alphabet?” The little brother said, “Driving in my bruum bruum car. Driving in my broom broom car.”
The next day, the kid met the teacher, she asked, “What’s the 1st letter of the alphabet?”
The kid answered, “Sshhh, I’m on the phone.”
The teacher got angry and said, “Do you want to go to the principal office?
The kid responded, “Yes!”
The teacher said, “Who do you think you are?”
The kid said, “Michael Jackson.”
The teacher said, “How do you think you are going to get away with this…”
The kid said, “Driving in my bruum bruum car driving in my broom broom car.”

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/do-you-know-the-alphabets/
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http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/who-is-your-daddy---91
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LIFE


Life It’s easy to forget what an amazing gift life really is. Our lives are nothing but a cosmic blink. Even our seemingly all-encompassing world is just tiny blue dot circling an average sized star spiraling around a galaxy of 200-400 billion stars, which itself is just one galaxy among billions more. Yet for one brief moment, we get to experience the wonders of existence, of consciousness.
Having a positive outlook on life is a crucial part of finding inspiration. In the paragraph above, did you feel inspired reading about the vastness of our universe and our unique place within it, or did you feel overwhelmed and depressed at the insignificance of it all? Our brains are wired to find things we’re looking for – if you’re always cynical or waiting for things to go wrong, then your life will reflect that. On the other hand, having a positive outlook on life will bring you joy and provide you with inspiration when you least expect it. ***********
“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Roger
“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’"– Sydney Harris
“Nurture your mind with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes.”– Benjamin Disraeli
“Look at the sparrows; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us literally live from moment to moment.”– Mahatma Gandhi
“Whoever loves much, performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.” – Vincent Van Gogh
“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/life/
========================================================

Never live a day without laughter because laughter helps you live longer and moreb fulfilled, Be well from Nigerian/Naija Funny Videos.

THE PRESCRIPTION

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license. They’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-prescription/
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HARRY AND HIS TEACHER


A primary school teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for primary 3 class . My sister is in the primary 5 and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the primary 5 too!”
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to primary 1 and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3×3?”
Harry: “9”
Principal: “What is 6×6?”
Harry: “36”
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to primary 5.”
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants.”
Ms. Brooks: “What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
Harry: “Coconut.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Harry: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Harry: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in primary 5, I got the last seven questions wrong…”
One word for the principal?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/harry-and-his-teacher/
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FUNNY BUT TRUE


Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police..
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a camp fire?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at boxing.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Why do Nigerians choose from just two people to run for president and 36 for Most Beautiful Girl In Nigerians?
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/funny-but-true/
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GEOGRAPHY TEACHER

A secondary school geography teacher went to drink at a beer parlour after school on Friday. His wife was at home waiting for him to come back as usual. Past 4PM, he's not
yet back, so his wife thought he is staying for evening class.8 PM, he's not yet back so the wife became worried and alerted some friends.
They all went to the school to find where he was.They called the principal and he said the man left for home immediately after school. This made the wife to become more worried 11pm, they've not found him.
They reported to the police who joined in the search. At about 2:30am, they found the man sitting at a corner, awake and not sleeping. They reached to him and asked why he has refused to come home.
He replied, "You are all bunch of illiterates! You lack the knowledge of Geography... since the earth rotates with everything in it, I decided to sit here and wait for my house."

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/geography-teacher/
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Laughter is the best medicine From Us At Nigerian/Naija Funny Videos

GREAT QUESTIONS WE DON'T ASK


1) Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

2) If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

3) Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4) Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?

5) Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an
alcoholic'?

6) Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

9) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

10) Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

11) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes
out'?

12) What do people in China call their good quality plates?

13) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the
bathroom is?

15) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

16) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

17) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

18) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell
you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/great-questions-we-dont-ask/
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THE RICH STINGY MAN

An abjectly poor came to a stingy rich man Chief Johnbull for help. The poor man began saying his problems and hurdles.
Below is the conversation.
Poor man: sir,I was very rich,early stage of my life but later problems came up, my house with all my credentials got burnt, when I reached home that fateful day I lamented,my wife was also involved in a ghastly motor accident just yesterday, when I saw her I wept,wept,wept.I could not pay my children school fees I was in tears,I wept,wept,wept.
Johnbull:{angry}Mr man stop beating around the bush, go straight to the point.
Poor man:sir I will need like N5 million to start up a business or else I will weep,weep,weep.
Johnbull:Monday next week I will be going to bank to withdraw money.
Poor man excited, thank you!
Johnbull:when I am coming I will buy you a lot of tissue to clean your tears

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-rich-stingy-man/
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THE NIGERIAN AND THE DIVORCE LAWYER


A Nigerian(Igbo) man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds? - Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? - It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? -No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like? - All my relations still in Poland

Is there any infidelity in your marriage? - We have hi-fidelity stereo
and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up? - No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger? - No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce? - She going to kill me.

What makes you think that? - I got proof.

What kind of proof? - She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Black Remover"

I see that 10,000 Black people have come to stay with us in Blackpool, another 10,000 in Dublin, Glasgow etc- its not the same 10,000 travelling around is it ?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-nigerian-and-the-divorce-lawyer/
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HOW TO KEEP TOASTERS AT BAY


Ladies, if you are tired of guys who keep on inboxing you silly questions, here are some few tips on how to answer them:

Question: "Hey beautiful, what are you busy with?"
Answer: "Looking for my engagement ring, lost it."

Q: "Hey gal, can we meet?"
A: "Nope I'm 8 months pregnant, I can't meet anyone at this stage."

Q: "Can I know more about you?"
A: "Sure I LOVE MONEY! Please send me N5,000 MTN card."

Q: "Do you have a BF?"
A: "Yes, we have two kids and he's a soldier."

You can add more below...

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/how-to-keep-toasters-at-bay/
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FILL IN THE BLANK

USA will never forget Abraham Lincoln
RUSSIA will never forget Vladimir Putin
SOUTH AFRICA will never forget Nelson Mandela
GHANA will never forget Kwame Nkrumah
ARGENTINA will never forget Cristina Kirchner
NIGERIA will never forget..........?
‪FILL‬ IN THE BLANK

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/fill-in-the-blank-2/
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CORRECT CHILDREN

Chidi's father accompanied him to his school graduation awards party. As they sat watching amidst loud ovations, the beneficiaries were called to the podium for their awards. The following conversation ensued:

ANNOUNCER: Best student in sciences; the winner is Kwame.

FATHER: (applauds and eyes Chidi scornfully) See correct children!

ANNOUNCER: Best student in commercial studies; the winner is Kemi.

FATHER: (hisses and eyes Chidi again) See correct children!

ANNOUNCER: Best student in Arts; the winner is Helen.

FATHER: (fuming with anger) See correct children!

And so, all the awards were presented without any going to Chidi. At the end of the event, they left and went to the car park but as his dad got ready to start the car, the engine refused to respond. He opened the bonnet and touched a few things but his efforts did not yield any response, so they resorted to pushing it. Just as they got to the exit of the school, the rickety car sparked up.

Exhausted and profusely sweating, Chidi rested on the gate just as his mates were driving off with their parents in Hummer, Sequia, Infinity, Escalade, Bentley, Lincoln Navigator, Range Rover and other exotic cars. All of a sudden, Chidi burst into laughter.

His puzzled father asked, "What??s so funny?"

Amidst teary eyes, Chidi responded, "SEE CORRECT FATHERS!

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/correct-children/
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LOVE ONE ANOTHER

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father.......with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.
Devastated by his own actions.........sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .
Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life..... Things are to be used and people are to be loved,
But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved... During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things are to be used, but People are to be loved ... Be yourself....This is the only day we HAVE. Have a nice day
Best regards
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become character; Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder. God bless you; I hope you are having a wonderful day! If you don't pass this on to anybody, nothing bad will happen; if you do, you will have ministered to someone. The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not PROTECT you...
Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/love-one-another/
======================================================
Have You all a fun and laughter filled Friday and enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Love from Nigeria/Naija Funny Videos.............

LOVE ONE AONTHER


While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father.......with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.
Devastated by his own actions.........sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .
Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life..... Things are to be used and people are to be loved,
But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved... During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things are to be used, but People are to be loved ... Be yourself....This is the only day we HAVE. Have a nice day
Best regards
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become character; Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder. God bless you; I hope you are having a wonderful day! If you don't pass this on to anybody, nothing bad will happen; if you do, you will have ministered to someone. The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not PROTECT you...
Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL
http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/love-one-aonther/
=====================================================

KID'S PLAY


If you didn't kill earthworm with salt.
If you didn't play rubber band.
If you never played in the rain.
If nobody told you about India versus Nigeria 99-1.
If you didn't sleep on the couch and wake up on the bed.
if you didn't throw your milk tooth on the roof for the lizards to take it & give you new ones.
If you didn't just wash your hands and legs instead of bathing
when going to school.
If you didn't act film in uncompleted building or under bed with friends.
If you never flew a kite.
If you didn't use your two legs to build houses with sand.
If you didn't write your name on paper and insert into your pen so that no one will steal it.
If you didn't close the fridge door really slowly to see when the lights went off.
If you never waved at white birds expecting your nails to be whiter.
If you never heard of a ghost that stays under mango trees at nights.
If you didn't drive a single car Tyre with a stick & called it your car!
If you didn't mix garri and sugar in your pocket and eat while walking on the street.
If you never did mama and papa play.
If you didn't play bottle cover ball (canter ball).
If you never bath inside bathroom and went out naked, with
your cloth in your hands.
Then we guess your Childhood wasn't Fun.
Who did all / Most of these? Anyone?
http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/kids-play/
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WHAT DO WE SAY?

If there is too much WATER in the soup, we say the soup is WATERY.
If there is too much SALT in the soup,we say the soup is SALTY.
If there is too much PEPPER in the soup, we say the soup is PEPPERY.
But if there is too much MAGGI in the soup,,,,
WHAT DO WE SAY?
http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/what-do-we-say/
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FAITH IN HUMANITY

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a policeman drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the wind shield with a note of apology and two tickets to a comedy concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Basket mouth Uncensored.'
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from the house, from bedrooms the kitchen.
And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through school somehow, don't I?"
http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/faith-in-humanity/
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LAUGH OUT LOUD

*Dangote's son cheated on me and you say I should break up? Don't you know that Love is all about forgiveness.
*Beloved sisters in the Lord,if your boyfriend can finish 5 loafs of bread and 2 fishes; you are dating 5000 people.
*How can a pastor be preaching about charity and put a password on Church WIFI?
*When you are kissing your girlfriend and you see the person owing you money, what will you do?
*One stone is enough to break a glass, one word is enough to break a heart, one second is enough to fall in love BUT Why is one chapter not enough to pass exams?
*When you see a Nigerian couple outside staring at the moon, It's either NEPA (Nigeria's Electricity company) took the light or they are waiting for the smell of the insecticide to subside.
*I just saw a Tricycle (Keke Napep) with an inscription "Trust No woman" I have a feeling that guy once had a range rover.
*If you want to change the world, do it now that you are still single, because when you get married, you can't even change the T.V station.
http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/laugh-out-loud/
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TEN SINS COMMITTED ON FACEBOOK

1. You buy some cheap underwear at a Bend-down-select under market & on Facebook you write:”I love Gucci underwear” *God is watching you*
2. You’re a married man with 2 kids & on Facebook you always claim to be single *God is watching you*
3. You’re 21 years old and you’re dating a man of 59 years, your updates say “can’t wait to see my baby.” Is that your baby or your ancestor? *God is watching you*
4. You’re are drinking ice water and you update “I’m drinking Johnny Walker on the rocks” *God is watching you*
5. You’re in the house Listening to a radio but you update “watching superman man of steel at the cinemas” *God is watching you*
6. You sell retail biscuit, airtime and chewing gums or in an grocery shop and you update “had a long day in the office” *God is watching you*
7. You are waiting for a mat/taxi and you update “stuck in traffic thank God for the air conditioner in ma car” *God is watching you*
8. You are using some fake Chinese phone and you update your status “My laptop is slow” *God is watching you*
9. You are in some fake slum and you update your status “near Mayfair Garden Lekki” *God is watching you*
10. Your real name is Bizibu/Kekimirenzyo or some funny names and on facebook u call yourself Mcute Pretty Bootylicious Fly *God is watching you*
http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/ten-sins-committed-on-facebook/
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These twins don't they just look alike?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/twins/

SUICIDE ATTEMPT

Emeka’s father’s tenant came into the room and saw Emeka trying to commit suicide. The following conversation ensued:
Tenant: Emeka! Wetin you de do so?
Emeka:I dey try commit suicide, as Papa dey always complain say my life dey worthless!
Tenant: That one no good now, but why you come tie de rope for your waist?
Emeka: Bros, no be small thing o! I bin tie de rope for neck, I NEARLY DIE!

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/suicide-attempt
==============================================

UP NEPA

Wikipedia : I know everything.
Google : I have everything.
Facebook : I know everybody.
Internet : Without me, you are all nothing.
NEPA[IKEDC]: Keep talking …we shall see.
NEPA disappointing since 1960

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/up-nepa/
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A LADY'S AND A GUY'S INBOX DIFFERENCE

A LADY'S INBOX:
1.I love you dear (Bello)
2.Can I take you out tonight? (Bassey)
3.I always feel bad when I see you with another man (Okoye)
4. Sweetie don't forget d trip (MD)
5.Darling, have you seen d credit I sent you?(Collins)
6..Honey, I will do whatever it takes just for you to be by my side (Evans)
7.Consider it done (Senator)
8.Baby, check your account balance and call me back (Chairman)
A GUY'S INBOX:
1.Your data bundle will soon expire (MTN)
2.Hey dude, give me a break! I told you am married (Jane)
3.Don't dare call me again, cheat (Patricia)
4.Am warning you, let this month not be a story telling event like the last 3 months (Landlord)
5.Brother am still expecting d money for the NECO form (Junior brother)
6.My pikin, you dey? Abeg send chop money quick, hunger wan finish us here o (Mama)
7. I dey hospital, please send d N120,000 quick quick for d appendix operation or you can keep and use it for my burial (Papa)
8.I have not seen my period for 3 weeks (Neighbour's daughter)
How true are this statement?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/a-ladys-and-a-guys-inbox-difference/
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http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/wowo-boyz-presents-whats-your-major---89
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http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/wowo-boyz-presents-an-african-thanksgiving---88
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http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/wowo-boyz-presents-trapped-in-the-toilet---87
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EMAIL PAST WORLD

Anybody that can really help me with my email past world would be handsomely appreciated,you don't have to be Merlin to know the past world.Laughing in mixed language.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/email-past-world/
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WORKAHOLIC

One day, a man was sitting in his office on the 19th floor of a building when a man came running into his office and shouted,"John, your daughter, Anna just died in an accident right opposite this building".
The gentleman was in panic. Not knowing what to do, he jumped out through his office window. While coming down, when he was near the 14th floor, he remembered he does not have a daughter named Anna.
When he was near the 7th floor, he remembered he was not married yet.
When he was about to hit the ground, he remembered he was not John! This is what stress does.
Important!
Take things easy and relax as much as you can. It is not all about work! Work! Work! Work

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/workaholic/
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BRAVERY DURING WORLD WAR 1

A man was telling some of his war stories to his grandchildren.
"When the World War I was on the verge of end, I was awarded for my bravery for I had saved a group of my men." He coughed and then added, "When we were fighting in northern France, an enemy soldier threw a grenade at us. Before it could explode, I picked it up and threw it away. For my act of bravery, right before the war ended, A General gave me a sword engraved with the words "Awarded for Display of Bravery and Heroism in World War 1"."
Hearing this, one of the grandson spoke up. "Grandpa, this is not a true story. It can"t be true!"
The truth is that it was not. How did the grand children know it?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/bravery-during-world-war-1/
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Laugh more and be happy

A GRAMMARIAN AND THE FIRE STATION

A grammarian woke up in the night and found his roof on fire, he took his phone n call 2 the fire station when the contact was reached he asked for the combustion officer? Please granulate here with a tremendous acceleration and alacrity because a gigantic conflagration has engulf my domestic in-habitation,but the officer could not understand d grammarian before he could flip up his dictionary and derive d meaning of those words the whole house was burnt.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/a-grammarian-and-the-fire-station/
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BIRTHDAY IN NIGERIA

Somewhere in a Nigerian village there's birthday song going on and this birthday photo was taken. They never had much but there's the joy of celebrating ones children.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/birthday-in-nigeria/
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MADE IN NIGERIA


Nawa oooo Imagine! I bought a DVD player yesterday, later when I got home, I connected it to a source without inserting any disc, hoping it would write "NO DISC" on the upper left corner of d screen, but when I looked at the screen, guess what I saw? "DISC NO DEY"! I wondered, then I inserted a DISC hoping it would display LOADING but when I looked at the screen again, guess what I saw? "E DON DEY LOAD"! the most annoying thing was that it was not playing so I checked d back of the DVD to check where it was made..... I met the shock of my life. MADE IN ...............
Comment WHERE?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/made-in-nigeria/
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WHERE ARE THE ADULTS OF ISRAEL

At a Sunday school class, one Sunday morning, after an interesting topic, the teacher asked, “Any question?
Johnny, looking puzzled, raised his hand, and the following conversation ensued:
Johnny : “You said the children of Israel escaped from Egypt?”
Teacher: Yes
Johnny: “You said the children of Israel crossed the red sea?”
Teacher: Yes
Johnny: “You said the children of Israel also brought down the mighty walls of Jericho?
Teacher: “Yes Johnny!” “What exactly is your question?”
Johnny : “When the children of Israel were doing all this, where were the adults of Israel?”
Lol one word for Johnny?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/where-are-the-adults-of-Israel/
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ANNOYING 8 YEAR OLD SON

Father: Son can you please go buy me a soft drink
Son: Coke or Pepsi?
Father: Coke
Son: Diet or regular?
Father: Regular
Son: Bottle or can?
Father: Bottle
Son: 500ml or 1liter?
Father: Dammit!!!! Just buy me water!!!!
Son: Natural or mineral?
Father: Mineral
Son: Hot or cold?
Father: I'm going strike you with a broom you idiot
Son: Stick broom or soft broom?
Father: Stop this you little animal
Son: Cow or pig?
Father: Get the hell out of here you bastard!!!!
Son: Now or later?
Father: Now!!!!
Son: So you going throw me out or not?
Father: I'm going kill you!!!!
Son: With a gun or knife?
Father: I'm going shoot you little bastard!!!!
Son: In the head or stomach?
Father: You pest!!!!
Son: Cockroach or rat?
Father: Bleep you!!!!
Son: With a condom or flesh?
Father: (Faints)
Son: Are you dead or sleeping?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/annoying-8-year-old-son/
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ATM ROMANCE

A girl was passing by,and saw her boyfriend standing by d A.T.M machine.she immediately hide and send a romantic text to him "honey if you are sleeping right now, send me your dream. If you are laughing, send me your laughter. If you are eating, send me some food. If you are withdrawing from the A.T.M, send me some money. Her boyfriend replies; I'm in the toilet what should I send....

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/atm-romance/
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HOW OLD IS YOUR FATHER?

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: 1 year older then me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
How true is this statement?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/how-old-is-your-father/
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ENGLISH WORD THAT CAN BE USED WITHOUT MODIFYING?

There is an English word that can be used up to four times in a row without modifying the spelling and form a valid grammatical sentence.
Do you know what word is that?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/english-word-that-can-be-used-without-modifying/
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Never live a day without laughter from NAIJA FUNNY VIDEOS

BOVI Gives Blind Man Urine To Drink --( 2015 COMEDY PRANK )
http://naijafv.com/1Do6WuI

Pastors Meashark and Coco
http://naijafv.com/16Sz9gG

COMEDIAN ACAPELLA ARRESTED BY POLICE
http://naijafv.com/1ICmGze

Miss Ukwu Guilty and Sentenced
http://naijafv.com/1C9s9Vb

The Campaign Speech By Basketmouth and Buchi
http://naijafv.com/1C9s9Vd

City of Goons Episode 1/2, The Chicken Story
http://naijafv.com/1C9s9Vf

AY SKIT - USE YOUR HEAD
http://naijafv.com/1zNYhzj

FUNNY YORUBA INTERPRETER
http://naijafv.com/1KmL853

Comedian Displaying Different Dance Styles
http://naijafv.com/1uUnHqI

Mc Shakara Driving With Umbrella
http://naijafv.com/16mjzub

Smart Igbo Man
http://naijafv.com/1vIpsNE

Who's The Wisest?
http://naijafv.com/1vIpqp4

Teddy And The Police
http://naijafv.com/1vIpqp6

I Want IPhone 6
http://naijafv.com/1zR3SpZ

How Many Of You Men Love Your Wife
http://naijafv.com/1zR3SWN

WHO IS THE THIEF
http://naijafv.com/1zR3Vls

The Nigerian Police
http://naijafv.com/1zR3SWV

Explaining Words To Children
http://naijafv.com/1zR3Vlu

The Girl And The Neighbor
http://naijafv.com/1zR3SX0

THREE GUYS
http://naijafv.com/1KSzxca

Hope you all had a splendid week with Naija Funny Videos where laughter is the best remedy to a longer life and a fulfilled day amidst the troubles going on in our daily activities. We are always your daily comedy shop ready to make you laugh and forget the worries of life and also to motive our hearts, body and soul.

Have fun and a love filled Valentine celebration!
The #NFV Team

SHARP MUM

A mum visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a room mate. During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his room mate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his room mate.
Reading his mom's thought, his son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just room mates."
About a week later, his room mate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose your mother took it,do you?
He said, "Well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure!"
He sat down and wrote,
Dear Mum
After your visit me, the silver plate has been missing. I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I'm not saying that you don't take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your son.
Several days later, he received an email from his mother which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you do sleep with your room mate, and I'm not saying that you don't sleep with her: but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
Love,
Mum
http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/sharp-mum/
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JESUS IS THE ANSWER

You go to school and your score sheet is this type, you graduate and blame ASUU and the government,brother/sister i comment my reserve

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/jesus-is-the-answer/
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BEDSHEET PALAVER 101

(Urgent Advice Needed)
How do I start this brief story kwanu where ‘ISH’ means ISSUES?
We have plans as in “PLANS” nah.
So she sent me this pix saying “Baby, I just ordered 12 of these bed sheets with your mastercard, for our FUTURE USE, take it as our ‘ISH’ bed sheets because when we SETTLE DOWN in FUTURE and I SETTLE IN your house, I would make our bed with this bed sheet if we MUST go to bed with UNRESOLVED “ISSUES”
– your honey
Chei! I don die cos this babe don kii me!
Calling a full grown man like me “Baby” Just Imagine!
Ok make I reason the matter as follows o:
1. She ordered a dozen pieces ( meaning enough issues fit dey in future, walahi water don pass garri o)
2. She sleeps on the white side and me on the black ( so she dey angelic and me na devilish nah? Make I hear!)
3. My sleeping on the dark side means I can’t manage white like her ( kai! I don dey see red stars o)
4. Her side is larger than mine though she is slimmer ( on top say na my mastercard she colobi buy am o, yeepaaaa see 419!)
5. Look at the pillow, my own pillow is half portion ( so she fit stroll enter my side of pillow at will with her face on top the ISH wey suppose dey ground nah?)
6. The bed sheet is for a small bed, so meaning she would remove the kingsize mattress and put in a smaller one ( so I no fit roll far for the bed when ISH dey nah, infact I go dey crash for floor or for garage!)
7. etc
8. etc
9. etc
10. etc
PLEASE FREELY ADVISE ME o on top this matter because I am confused!

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/bedsheet-palaver-101/
===================================================

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND


One day a man saw a old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Volvo was still sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He did not look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. I t was that chill which only fear can put in you.
He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.”
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough.
Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from a neighboring town and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.
Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.
Bryan never thought twice about being paid.
This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, “And think of me.”
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small restaurant. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan .
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a thousand naira note. The waitress quickly went to get change for her thousand naira note, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.
There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: “You don’t owe me an anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”
Under the napkin were four more thousand naira note.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard….
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.”
There is an old saying “What goes a round comes around.” Today, I sent you this story, and I’m asking you to pass it on .. Let this light shine

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/what-goes-around-comes-around/
====================================================

Pastor Meashark and Coco converting souls in this hilarious preaching

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/pastors-meashark-and-coco---85
====================================================

Have a laughter filled one on Naija Funny Videos

DRIVING INTERVIEW
Employer- So,can you drive?
Me- Sure I can.
Employer- I see,this job will require rough handling and dangerous driving.
Me- I drive rough so that shouldn't be a problem.
Employer- Working experience?
Me- I've been driving since i knew my left from right.
Employer- Ok?
what kind of cars have you handled if i may ask?
Me- Well, Ferraris, Bugatti's, Range rovers, Land rovers, BMW.......
Employer- Wow interesting, nice and expensive cars. Do you own any?
Me- Yeah,a yellow ferrari,I just bought it Infact.
Employer- Oh my gosh,that means you're stinking rich, then you don't need this job, how much is the ferrari and did you purchase it in Nigeria?
Me- Well um.... I had to unlock the car after gaining 300,000coins, and I bought it in Need For Speed 7, do you need a ferrari too? I can help you unlock it that is if you have Need For Speed 7 on your Android, that game has expensive cars die.
Employer faints.
Shey na my fault?

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/driving-interview
=====================================================
THE ACT OF MOVING
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge,he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too distrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale #10,000." The next day someone stole it

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-act-of-moving/
====================================================

HONORABLE PATRICK ON ELECTION POSTPONEMENT

Below is Honorable Patrick obahiagbon press release on the recent postponement of the Election:
The grand initiation of Election postponement is a lancinating loss of another stentorian voice, against retrograde and prebendal forces of primitive mercantilism. That through transition on matters pro bono publico, bears eloquent testimony to our state of dystopia.
Such is the evanescence of politics. It's all vanitas vanitatum.Pathetically,they have APCilize and PDPlize our democracy into saga vicissitudinous wahalarism! Gratias.
Anyone who interprets what the Honorable said in plain English should comment below

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/honorable-patrick-on-election-postponement/
=====================================================
Let Laughter be your best therapy on Naija Funny Videos

DEFINITION OF POLITICS

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "Daddy what is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The house help, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the house help's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the house help. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is messing with the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."
Read More Below:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/definition-of-politics
==============================================================

APPRECIATE LIFE

You Were Born In A First Class
Clinic, I Was Delivered At
Home, But We Both Survived. You
Went To A Private School And I
Went To Local Government
School,But We Are Both In The Same
University/College. You Woke Up
From The Bed And I Woke Up
Woke From The Floor,But We
Both Had A Peaceful Rest. You
Drank
Hennessy & Champagne & I
Drank Cheap Wine,But We
Both
Still Got Drunk. Your Outfits Are
All Expensive, Mine Are All Simple
And Cheap But We Still Cover Our
unclothedness. You Ate Fried Rice
And Roasted Chicken, I
Ate Pap And Akara{Beans Cake} But We Still
Ate To Our Satisfaction. You Ride
On Lexus Jeep And I Use Public
Transport,But We Still Got To Our
Various
Destination. You May Be Reading
This Post From Your Samsung
& I Typed
It With My Outdated Nokia But
We Still
Understand The Same Thing...
You See Life Isn't About What
You Don't Have
But About What You Have & How
You See Yourself. One Is Only
Poor If They Choose To Be. Make
Yourself Proud And Keep The
Hustling Spirit Going And
Remember Better Days Are
Coming Because After a Dark
Tunnel There Is Always Light.

Read More:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/appreciate-life/
==========================================================

WHICH ORDER WILL YOU OBEY?

Which of the following public announcements would you obey with immediate effect?
1. "We advise Nigerians not to panic; they should go about their daily businesses as our men are scattered all over to provide security for them..." -Nigeria Army
2. "We advise Nigerians to stay indoor for a week as our men will be out to discharge their official duties for the next one week..." -Boko Haram:
Which would you OBEY?
Find Out More On:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/which-order-will-you/
==================================================

HOW BRILLIANT ARE YOU?

Test your I Q.
Are you Brilliant?
Intelligent?
Well, Here is the place for you;
HOW MANY OF EACH SPECIES DID MOSES TAKE WITH HIM TO THE ARK?

Know More:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/how-brilliant-are-you/
=============================================================


Comedian Acapella gets arrested by Police for answering call
Watch What Happened:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/comedian-acapella-arrested-by-police---84
==============================================================

Miss Ukwu Charged & Sentenced

Watch Here;

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/miss-ukwu-guilty-and-sentenced---83
=============================================================

Find Out what presidential aspirant Buchi promises in his campaign Speech.

Watch Here;

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/the-campaign-speech-by-basketmouth-and-buchi---82
=============================================================

Selfless act of Love

Click on The Link Below To Watch:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos/city-of-goons-episode-12-the-chicken-story---81
=============================================================

Obedience is Important

Watch More Here:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/ay-skit-use-your-head---80

For more funny videos, jokes and inspiration: NaijaFunnyVideos is your one stop place

HEIGHT OF WICKEDNESS

Wickedness: Is when you put Taribo, OBJ, Taye Taiwo and Bance in front of kids
& tell them to sing
'All things bright & beautiful'".
Hehehe. Lwkmd it is not well oo
The woman who made the phrase " All men are the same" was a woman who lost her chinese husband in a chinese crowd.=))

Click the Link Below:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/height-of-wickedness/
===============================================

MR JONES SLEEPING IN CHURCH

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hat pin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you

Click The Link Below:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/mr-jones-sleeping-in-church/
===========================================================

Funny Interpretation of the Bible

Watch More:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/funny-yoruba-interpreter---79
=========================================================


FUNNY NIGERIAN PROVERBS

*Craze no hard to form,na the trekking be wahala. English translation : Easier said than done.
*No matter how hot your temper be,e no fit boil beans. English translation: Calm down, your temper won’t solve the problem.
*Chicken wey run from Borno go Ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup. English translation: You can’t run away from your destiny
Read More Below;

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/funny-nigerian-proverbs/
=====================================================

WISE SAYINGS

A Frog decided to reach the top of a Tree. All frogs shouted, "Its impossible, Its Impossible" Still the frog reached the Top. How?
Because He was Deaf and He thought, everyone was encouraging him to reach the top
Click Here For More Wise Words;

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/wise-sayings/

Have a BEAUTIFUL weekend

BE MY VAL

Dear Baby?
Nigeria has decided to fix election on Valentines day,I want to be there for you now and always; I want to be the man you can depend on anytime. So am using this medium to profess my undying love for you this day.
Do not break my heart.........

PLEASE DO NOT SAY NO- BE MY VAL:

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/be-my-val/

SONGS BETTER THAN SHOKI AND DOROBUCCI

Songs Better Than Shoki and Dorobucci
Mama you do good oh, you do good, mama wey cook for us by Indomie Noodles
Nokia Welcome Tune Taranran Tan Tan.
Somebody call my name' by Daddy Showky"

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/songs-better-than-shoki-and-dorobucci/

FUNNY THINGS WE NIGERIANS DO.

We love arriving late to an occasion just because we feel others would arrive late too - AFRICAN TIME.
We flash with private number.
We are very loud especially when we are talking on the mobile phone.
We wear sun glasses at night.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/funny-things-we-nigerians-do/

Laughter is the best medicine @ Naija Funny Videos

TEACHER AND STUDENTS
========================================
Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw the strap of your bra.
Teacher: Get out! Don’t come to class for the next 2 weeks.
Another boy laughs….
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw both straps of your bra.
Teacher: Get out! Don’t come to class for next 1 month.
The teacher bends to pick a chalk, Johnny starts walking out of the class.
Teacher: Why are you going out?
Johnny: With what I saw I think my school days are over.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/teacher-and-students/

THE DRIVER AND THE OLD WOMAN
====================================
An old woman boarded a bus to Lagos from calabar told the driver; "driver, if u reach Benin tell me o!" The driver nodded and then she shouted again "my children, do you hear what am telling him? Everybody responded YES MA". On the long journey to Lagos, everybody slept off but dis woman never blinked. They never knew she doesn't know Benin. After several hours of driving to Lagos, the Driver forgot to stop over at Benin. About 4 hours behind, the poor woman then asked, Driver, we never reach Benin ni? Ooooh!! the Driver exclaimed; madam Benin is like 4hrs behind us. The woman started crying "take me back to Benin abeg". After all said, and considering the age of the woman it was agreed that the Driver should turn back to Benin. On getting to Benin, the driver came down, opened the door told the woman she is in Benin. The woman simply opened her hand bag, brought out a sachet of panadol, removed 2 tablets and swallowed them with water. She then smiled and said, my daughter said if I reach Benin I have to take 2 tablets of panadol. Oya! We have 2 go Lagos now.

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-driver-and-the-old-woman

THE IMPORTANT RECIPES FOR LONG LIFE
===============================

The important recipes for long life...
1. Do NOT wait until you are hungry before eating food
2. Do NOT wait until you are thirsty before drinking water
3. Do NOT wait until you are weak before sleeping/resting
4. Do NOT wait until you are caught before quitting armed robbery
5. Do NOT wait until you are caught before quitting sleeping with another man's husband/wife
6. Do NOT wait until you are hit by HIV/AIDS before quitting flirting around
7. Do NOT wait until I catch you before sharing this

http://www.naijafunnyvideos.com/post/the-important-recipes-for-long-life/

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I No Be Chinedu Again
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My Watch
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Dear Customer
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Funny Court Room Questions
http://naijafv.com/1yCIGDP

Smack His Ass
http://naijafv.com/1yCIHro