₦airaland Forum

How sadly right you are Bettyboop.
And it is really true you sometimes have to learn how to be happy.

Hmm that was over 20 years ago!
My mum is late now mydad remarried so it ´s all history.
Anyway I learnt my lesson real fast. Besides what was the point, he was constantly poking the women.
Married women, the househelps, he could not take his hands of them.

I never really forgave my dad but that does not prevent me doing my duties as a daughter.
It was not only a very humiliating experience but also terrifying.
Most times the men are so madly in love or god knows what that nothing matters anymore?
I also had a stepdaughter, she came to me at around the age of 2 and the best way i can describe it is that she was my daughter. As she grew older her mum told her not to call me mum and all sorts of things and she was so brainwashed, poor girl! I could see the struggle withen her. Anyway the way my ex treated her, I got the impression that she was the wife and I the child. I could not even discipline her because if her dad came home and met her sulking it was a problem. He would yell at me and abuse me and even hit me in front of the kid. As she grew older the problems only increased.
When my ex took another wife, she left, mostly because of this child. She even called me and complained that the child was more like the wife than she The first time Isaw my daughter about three years after i divorced my husband, she was all in tears, she told me I was the only mother she had ever had, and she regretted being so mean.
I guess not only the stepmother but also the kids and the dad ,should work at the relationship. It makes things alot easier.

Thank God I was already in my early 20s when I was blessed with a step mother.
The first time I really met her was when fled home from my husbands house because he had given me one of those usual beatings and had brought women into the house.
The lady was not happy, I had come without money and my father had to buy the baby milk.
She banned my friend comming into the house complained to the family etc. She was so mean. I could not even help myself to food in my fathers house
To cut a long story short after about three days my father stripped me naked outside, threw me on the floor and treid to cut my head with a matchet! My stepmother stood on the balcony and was laughing , "some people are naked".
MY father begged me for forgiveness after that. But can one forgive everything?
I fled back to my husband.
THe biggest mistake I ever made was to tell my husband what happened. He suddenly felt he could do anything since he knew I would not dream of going home again.

Okay now.
ABOUT TURN
Forward march, one -two one, two.

My Mum once asked me if I would tell her if I caught my dad cheating and I said no. She felt really bad. So when I did catch him Decided to tell her.
To cut a long story short - at the end of the day. My dad gave me a real trashing and warned me to keep my mouth shut. My dad told my mom I lied and she believed it. She even accused me of wanting to spoil the marriage.
No if I could turn back the hands of time - No never. It is their life and their problem.
Whether your dad or mum is cheating does not affect the love the have for the kids. It is only bad if the time for the kids falls short.

On behalf of all the mothers in the world I say THank-you.
It has not been easy, and we love you, but sometimes you drive us crazy.

@ dominobaby . I´m only 40 years young
Mamaput nawah O.
Money talks and bullshit works. Even inlaws have a price!

This is a very difficult topic. My son also got married to a German woman. I do not think she would be interested in living in Nigeria. I do not even know if it  would be fair to ask it of her. Certainly it has some problems but these are minor problems that can be sorted out.  Sometimes she does things I just have to shake my head. I mean no Nigerian girl would do such things, but I think she does it out of ignorance.
A Nigerian girl would also have her own problems more I maybe.
Anyway I cannot live my sons life for him, that was his decision and I have to respect it. IN fairness to the girl - I must say she is trying her best. Yes I think i am content with her as a daughter in law.We are quite close.When she had her child she wanted me to be there with her and not her mum. That was a wonderful experience and also a sign for me that I mean something to her.

´Thanks guys,all I neednowis a little luck.

I need the Adress of the Bauchi Police Headquarters, at least the street. Its very urgent! Can anyone help?

I have this interview with an American company and I really need some tips.
What questions to expect etc.
In Germany it is all stiff- necked and very formalbut I get the impression that I have to go about this interview differently.
This is urgent the intervie is tomorrow.
Do I address them by first names,?

In Islam a man os allowed to marry christian. VOR has said it all. I could not have said it better.
Amazingly there isn´t much difference between the two religions.

Oga Ono it is clear that you have never had such terrible experiences.

Qhat is rhar sueposed ro mean-stupid Igbo man?
From oneNigerian to another- Nawah O!

I am surprised that a woman can say that a fellow woman deserves a beating I mean I can understand that a man may loose his temper once in a very rare while but what of men who habitually beat their wife?
I do not think I did anything to deserve being beaten mby my ex and I actually suspected then, that he used to derive some sort of sadistic pleasureand arousal from it.

My dear Ono you must be some kind of sadist that delights in other peoples pain.-
Chief has after a long jourmney found true love and happiness and that means nothing

Hmm lets not even go into the issue if all the insane women being raped. THe little hawkers on the road.
I wonder would it make any sence making it an offence in Nigeria for a man to rape his wife.?

In-laws can break a marriage. When your in-laws are against you there is a real problem in the marriage, I guess that is why wonmen are very uncomfortable.
One problem we also have in Nigeria is that the family of the man tends to think that the woman is finishing all the mans money leaving none for them. Then we have those in-laws who come with this "my brothers house" mentality.
Infact those from the village are even more deadly when it comes to scheming and plotting.
So a wise woman will be uncomfortable because she always has to be on the guard.

I really meant by right and possession both partners, but obviously you mean to interprete it differently. I am not talking of domination here, but legal aspects. For instance if the woman ets pregnant.
Anyway, you do not need to clear the women in Africa or Nigeria up on their rights, theyare vrty much aware of their rights.
The greates enemy to human rights or womens rights in Africa today is simply poverty.

THe crazy thing is that you got pregnant because you wanted the baby? Why put the life of the baby at stakenow?
You know you guys may patch up and even if you do not, you still have a lovely baby and a future ahead of you.
A woman with a child can go to school and get married and do everything she wants to as lon as she has the will.

Brideprice is very important in customary law because it also signifies "rights and possession" over the other partner.
Now with statutory marriage it is very clear, this takes place as soon as the documents are signed, but what happens in a customary law?
The customary marriage goes over a period of time, infact sometimes the rites are never even completed. Sometimes the brideprice is paid before the woman even officially packs to the man.
When the brideprice is paid the interest of the woman, not only the man are protected. Otherwide there can always be an argument that the traditional rites where not completed.
I think this longer process involved, as well as the whole family adds allot more emphasis on the marriage institution. A registry wedding is over even before it has started, more like signing a contract than making a union.
I am veryproud of our tradition and I hope we can keep it alive

Even if one is married there is no guarantee that something like that cannot happen, so if the relationship has been a lovely one till now is it worth breaking up?

´That is just it, Even though our society still condones polygame, most women are not really prepared tp share. IT does not work out so smootly these days and it involves alot of pain for both women,

Poor man! WHy did he not secure his title before the girl graduated?

Why not our culture allows it.
´MAny women however that I have seen as second wife, allways try to frustrate the older wife or even kick her out. Remember she was there before you. That means you have to respect her and her children.

There is no reason aahy you cannot continue the relationship if you all are mature about it.
THe best thing is talking it over. I can understand your junior sister. It is normal that the always get attracted to the older Sisters boyfriend. Only here something went wrong it went too far.
I think if you love him and he hads been good to you -forgive and continue the relationship. Funny enough I pity your sister too, she must feel so bad.
ITs hard but you just have to have a big heart. That child in you womb was concieved out of love, dont let this incidence change that.

But when he starts reducing the money world war 2 will break out

Now just a moment, she is his mother and only God knows what she went through raising him.
I do not think you have a right to interfere, let him do what he feels is right.
If you ever get married to him and have kids, well there will not be so much money for his mother.
You have to be very diplomatic. if you do not want to lose him. You cannot win against a mother in law.

No but I can change that, I have an axe somewhere

It must have been annoying and painful for you to read some of the replies here. Don´t let it bother you. A girl that just wants to sleep around does not think of babies.
I understand exactly how you feel but try and make the most of you life now. The older you get the faster time flys. At the right time the babies will come and it will be a wonderful experience.
Think about it , you would alsö want your kid to be properly educated, so start by setting an example.