₦airaland Forum

Ono you really believe that every woman deserves being beaten?
Well I was not rude nor was O doing anything to provike him.
I was constantly looking for ways to keep him happy and content.

Ono what a wonderfull sugesstion!
I should punish myself futher after already being punished by a cruel man.
MY second husband was my reward from God for enduring so many years

I give my husband my paycheck and he is also in control of all the finances.
I always ask him when I need any money.
We have always done it this way since we got married and it was actually my sugestion. Since my husband is very reasonable with money, it has been only to my advantage.

Certainly divorce should be the last option and indeed only used as a last option, but it has to remain an option.
It has always been and would always be.
Ono I really thank God, that your Uncle has turned a new leaf, but many stories do not end that way.
Do you know that a woman can be in a desperate situation that she would rather prefer suicide if she had no other way out.

MYdear Ono,
It just so happens that as a woman I think have the need for a man i my life. And yes I also have the need for love and affection.
WHy should I live alone waiting or my man to one day come back, maybe with aids etc.
If you are prepared to sacrifice yourself for a woman so be it- I mean as a man you are exposed to different hazards as a woman.
IR is not as if I did not put in years of effort in the marriage, but it only got worse.
My husband used to beat me so bad and i did no have a chance to protect myself. Would you beat a woman who is already on the floor and begging you to stop?
Would you force your wife to have sex with you two days after your child is born?
Would you demand of your wife that she waits for you at the door till you come home, so that you don´t have to ring the bell and them come home at 2 every morning.
Granted I have an obligation to my husband, but I also have obligatons to myself and to my kids.
I lived those days in fear. As aoon as i heard his car driving in my heart started beating uncontrollably.

When I read some of these postings here I get a bit worried -
Perhaps we should try to define what should be regarded as slavery.-
Does respect and tolerance make a woman a slave?
Does not taking a boyfriend, when your husband cheat on you make a woman a slave.
Now here is a young woman in the prime of her life- I mean allot of girls are married at this age - and many of you are advising her to leave a relationship she has invested so long in.

I really think one should be careful about asking a woman to stay at all costs in a marriage.
I mean in extreme cases the man can even kill her.
A woman that lives under pain and emotional turmol is jeopadising he health and this is no kiding. High blood pressure etc.
Belive me at 40 i see the world from a different perspective now.
Certainly one should give everything to make a marriage work, but when you start hurting yourself to please another person, then it is no longer right. Because your very first obligation is towards yourself and as a mother you owe it to your children to take care of yourself, so that you can take care of them.
After my first marriage, my family and friends felt I wwould never get married again. But I did. With 3 children I still got a very caring man and we still went on to have 5 kids. MY husband had never been married before and did not have any kids, but it has been a beautiful and peaceful marriage.
MY ex has married 3 times since i divorced him so that says it all.
What I am trying to say. is that sometimes in life you have you have to move on.- you have to accept the things you cannot change.
I belive strongly that God has rewarded me with such a loving husband today to compensate me for so many years of suffering at the hands of an evil man.

It is really sad that people belive that a woman gets beaten because she deserves it.
That is also the reason why most women swollow so much and do not dare to leave.
When I met my husband i was young and full of life, and people also sometimes felt it was my fault that the he was so cruel to me - all this talk about educated girls etc not having respect - till the had a deeper look.
MY ex would beat me so badly and then call a conference of his family and friend or other officers and i would get this lecture on respecting my husband etc- well noted sometimes two hours on my knees!
I guess because of the considerable age gap between us, nobody was even ready to hear my opinion.
I treid even harder to please him but after sometime I found out that I the problem was not that i was doing anything wrong but that he just took pleasure in humilating me and hurting me.
, do you know what it does to a child to see its mother being beaten and verbally abused everyday?

Seun you are right about that. Even his fellow officers where wary of him.
Another problem is that we came from different tribes. My family could also not wield much influence on him through this method either.
All my friends where scared to put me up, when he started raving and he used to look up all of them threatning them not to hide me.

Sometimes as a woman, when you get into such a situation, it is very hard to just turn your back and leave.
I was terribly abused and beaten by my first husband, he even drew a gun at me, it took me years to leave.
it didn´t start at once and initially he used to really apologose etc. But later the beatings got very regular and he got more violent and there where no more apologies only treats. My heart used to beat when it I heard his car comming.
Not very many people, not even my family seemed to be very bothered . It is almost as if the man has a right to beat his wife.
YOu kno the crazy thing about it. That man would beat the hell out of me, wit his army belt and kick and still go and call all his family and friends and at the end of the day I would have to apologise, I was constantlyapologising for doing nothing.
My nieghbours where all very sorry about it, but none of them dared intervane when they heard screams because they where scared of him. The next day they would be apologising. I always told them it was better theydid not intervane because that would only madden him the more.
As a woman in Nigeria it is verydifficult to stand up for your rights. Sometimes the financial aspects and sometimes the family pressure.
In fleeing from this man I had to make some very bitter sacrifices. I had to leave Nigeria - I never wanted to live outside Nigeria if I had the choice.

Hi, I really want to make isi ewu, and I want it to taste really good. What is the secret to real good Isi ewu? I have read what is in the net, but I have the feeling that something is missing.

You need to know that men do not forgive being unfaithful quite the same way women do.
There might just have been too much water under the bridge and if both or either party is not ready to forgive and forget it will always be a shadow in the relationship.
As for being his slave, my dear i can tell you now.
As a woman you are always a slave, to your husband, your children - not because you are sold into bondage but because you sacrifice everything out of love.
You can have your opinion but it all depends how you get it across - always in the right tone and at the proper time. ALways with respect.
There was a time in my marriage, when I was the sole breadwinner in the family. That was when I had to repect my husband the more and left the financial aspect to him. I even asked him when i needed a little money for myself. I never demanded he did any housework and I always thanked him extra if he did . Today I can boast of a husband that treats me the way most women would be dreamed of being treated.
Let me also give you one good advice as a woman -
You see all these women advising you to drop him- most of them swollow alot more crap in their relationships but pretend to the outside world that all is okay.
Never heed a womans advise when it comes to breaking up- follow your heart and your mind.
There is no garantee for a good marriage but bringing God into the home helps a great deal. - get more religious with your partner and you will notice a great change.
PRay together with him regularly and you will notice a change

Women and men are equal. They have the same right to dignity and life etc.
They do nat have equal roles and positions in the family.
The way a woman can run her household, cook, clean , go to work, all at once, hadly any man can cope.
It is a woman that makes a home, not because she is the head but because she accepts the man as the head.
When a woman has respect and tolerance for her husband the marriage works out alot better.
When a woman is always respectful and doesnt raise her voice etc. The man with time also treats her the same way. The children also learn from watching their parents.

It is not a problem having different religions when there is toleranz and respect.

I find it very sad too.
But you have to understand something. The Masses are just being manupulated and have no Idea of the true teachings of Islam.
IT is against the will of Allah to arm and hurt other people, especially innocent once.
Most of these Peolple are poor hungry and desprate and have been indoctrinated.
Islam has a very high regard for Christianity and I don´t know why most ISlamic Scholars don´t emphasise on that.
There is so very little diference between the Koran and the Bible.
Allah is kind and mercifull, just and forgiving.

I am really sorry to hear that and i guess you must be hurting real bad. I know what it feels like to give up everything for a man and get nothing back. Your heart, your pride everything hurts.
You ´may not belive it today but you will get over it, and be a wiser and stronger person in your next relationship.
I think most men have a polygamous streak in them.

I think that is a great idea and with a bit of help, you can certainly achieve your goal.
I live in Germany and could help you out with more information.
You need to specify what kind of products.
There is also a differience in price between Eco products (no fertilizer etc) and normal products.
To Import the products to Germany you have to make all the costom arrangments prior to shipment, have a partner or agent here and also someone who is intrested in buying the goods whole sale.
It all sounds complicated but it isn´t really.