₦airaland Forum

Well I wonder about that because I have 8 kids and the happiness was everytime the same. Every child i domething specuial and a gift from God.
I appreciate it so much more when I see my husband doing something fot the kids that he is not the biological father.
And I tell you my children see him as their father in every way,
It way not easy at first but I gave him a free hand with the kids and allowed him to disipline them. When his own kids where born he started to realise that kids can misbehave too.

Now to your question Ono,
WHen I left my husband and my marriage, I gave up everything I worked to build up in Nigeria, my Career, friends.
The answer is NO Never. MY God that man treated me llike his servant in the day and his LovePeddler at night. No never.
There is no secret about why I rushed into my marriage - I was unwanted at home and despite my good education I was never the kind of girl who could live on her own.

Hmmm I have a PTA to attend, will post on this later.

Thank-you for your advice. I definitely will go for genetic counseling as soon as my husband gets back into the country. You have convinced me.
I do hope it does not ever end this way again.
I really have been burning the candles at two ends but I intend to slow down now.
So glad you are here to give quick advice. I do miss living in Nigeriawhere i had a few friends who were doctors and one could always discus issues

Ono, how in heavens sake should I go back. I mean I have  5 kids with my husband and they need me too. May ex would never even let them step into his house. You see even if I wanted to this situation is iirreversible.
The issue of forgiving my parents does not even arise. You know there is something marvelous about the love of a child, it is simply unconditional. IT took me a long time tio rrealizethat what my parents were doning was not right. but I cannot sit in Judgment over them. I have my hands busy trying to be a good mother to my children.
Ono, my question to you . Is it right to leave a man who has been so good to me to go back to an ex after 10 yyears

I can understand how you feel . I lost my mother in December after many years of illness. No matter how much you do, you can never believe you did enough for a loved one. But exactly that in itself is a true sign of love and commitment.

the abortions were all between the 8-10th week.
I guess age is not on my side with 40 .
What can I do to prevent this happening again?
Is it possible that a hormonal imbalance may also contribute to this problem. In all three cases there was no fetal abnormality.

An education does not make a woman ready made.
That is just a foundation and one of many options.

By being burnt as a child i mean that I have also been  maltreated with abuse as a child, mentally and physically.
Do you think Christ would have wanted me to hide in a corner and wait for Oga to decide one day that he desires me back? I do not think Christ would have wanted that, he represents love and compasion.  and forgiveness.
I have forgiven my ex, with all my heart and we communicate regularly, but that is where it ends
It is okay Seun, he is expressing his own opinion. I know it is  a bit hard to swallow but all the same he has a right to his opinion. Sadlythere are allot of people out there who think like him.

Do you realy belive God answers our prayers because we deserve it or because we prayed hard enough?
We are all sinners and fall short of his glory.
Maybe your pryers could not have prevented her death but they achieved something even more important - that she is recieved with a big welcome in her fathers hands.
Whenever you feel the pain, just look up at the sky, she is smiling down at you and waiting - for the day when we meet to part no more.

When i met my husband I already had three kids. I tell you when a woman has a kid already,she really wants the next relationship to work out. When youare nice to the kids that softens her heart so much.
One of the reasons i love and respect my husband above any person on earth is because of the way he treats all the kids fairly and shows them the same kid of love and treatment.

Alheri, I am very sorry to hear about hat. IT must have been a terrible loss.
It is not much of a consolation but one was able to out in special prayers and dedication, having had a ppremonition
May her soul rest in peace

Ishould stay away from the one man that realy loves me and showed me what it means to be loved and appreciated as a woman?
I am a burnt child you know. I was neglected very often by my parents, emotionally and financially. My father was a very aggressive man and i got alot of bashings from him right up to when I was married. That is probably what drove me so fast into that marriage.
And then after years of pain, I meet for the first time someone that changed my life for ever.
MY husband knew without my telling him that I had been through alot. Right at the beginning he said to me, he is going to be my motherr my father, my husband, my lover, and my friend, and he has kept his promise ever since.
I can trust him with my life, now i Know what it means to be one with a man.
Anyway Ono sorry to disapoint you but since no party involved is a christian I guess I can stay where am at.

You are right, but my husband wants a large family.
Thank God the medical treatment in Germany is pretty good.
A voicr in me says stop and another says just one more.
Crfazy isn´t it?

Seun is right but that was only years later. Alot of water went under the bridge.

This is my own family planning.
To be sincere with you I just miscarried three times now otherwise we would have been talking of 9 or 10

Please don´t laugh oh!

It was not a show. that was what he set out to enforce in our marriage. HE did not mention it again uuntil much later when he got posted to the north. Then he used to bring home fellow officers home everyday for lunch and I would find myself pounding yam for almost 10 people .After some days I asked him if he did not pity me and why the did not go to the mess sometimes.

Oga did not answer me. In the evening he suggested we go for a drive. He drove down a ddeserted express, then he stopped his car and insisted we take a walk. We left the road and I was kind of scared. there was no one miles away. After some distance he just stood still and pulled out his gun and told me he could kill me and no one would find my body.
HE said I should thank God I have a husband to cook for and from this day on I should not only serve him his food on my knees, but wait for him to finish eating and then thank him for eating my food.

This was a man who claimed he first got attracted to me when he saw me in my mini

my worse nightmare is that my teeth keep falling out -one after the other.
I also dreamt once that my son drowned, but I take szuch dreams more like a revelation of things to come. After that dream I kept praying about it and I did not allow my son to go to the pool without me.
Then one day he went playing with his friend at the banks of the river without telling me, which flows quite strongly, luckily his friend was able to draw him out when he fell in .
Than God nothing happened.

The way out remains open to both parties. I totally agree that women can be terrible too.
God save us from marriages that can torment us.
When I left my ex I did it with the consent of my family. It was a sort of constructive dissertation. He just made things so impossible for me to remain there,
HE wanted to take a second wife and really started going bunkers. Stopped eating at home. HE asked me to pack out and whenever I leave the house, he´ll come and drag me back.
He first started locking his room, them he started locking me out of my room as well.  When he comes home late in the night or early in the morning he would open the door.  HE stopped buying food an  providing for the house and at the same time would demand I give him my whole salary. He also took the car keys away from me. It was so terrible, try getting to work when you live in Lagos without money and a car.
I  tried pleading with him but he would not listen, his intended wife was a lot older than me and she did not have any intentions of sharing
Anyway he used to beat me so bad them this time not just to humiliate me but really with hate. He kept bringing people to the house to ask me to leave.
Finally I went to his village to talk with his family, they where sympathetic and promised to intervene but did not, i guess my ex was the bread winner and called the shorts.
When I saw no way out I decided to leave the country, it was just too much, comming from all sides. His junger cousins had also confided in me that he my ex was consulting mallams to "weaken my spirit" because the new wife was afraid to enter the house while Iwas there.
The day I was leaving for Europe he brought the new wife in, he could not even wait for me to leave

sadly most rapes go unpunised especially when the occur withen the family.

I would love to get in contact with this child.
I am terribly moved by this story.
Who can help me make the connection?
I want to help her.

Perhaps I too can get some advice here.
I have had 3 missed abortions in the last year. How can I prevent it happening and what could be the reason.
MY Doctor here un Germany insists I do genetic tests with my husband but we already have 5 kids together.

As a wife i take orders from my husband.
HE is the boss as long as i say he is

It is really very taxing the first encounter, when one does not know what to expect.
My ex came from the middle belt and I am Ibo.
The first time we travelled to his home I just felt like a jo-jo : up and down, up and down Trying hard to keep my eyes on the ground etc.
My ex is an orphan but his sisters are allot older than him.
Now I did a really good job of it. the greeting and serving them on my knees, and they were all very happy. But then my husband requested for his food and after I gave him his food and went into the room. HE stormed into the room: I had apparently insulted and disgraced him in front of his sisters-I should have served him his food on my knees
Youcan imagine my shock. We had met in Lagos and i actually considered us as a very modern couple

even more inhuman is leaving the baby there and fleeing

it is certainly embarassing. but not a reason not to marry.
With time he willl learn from you

I would never investigate my husband.
I never look at his mail, take his calls on his mobile or even open his wallet.
A Relationship should be based on trust.
If I have a suspicion I would ask him. Asking is different from accusing.

Not liking to cook and not being able to cook are two different things. My husband cooks very often too. That is because there is so much to be done because we have so many kids and no househelp. So he helps me out and since he likes to cook he does that. I also get bored from always eating my food and really look forward to his cooking.

Once beaten twiceshy.
This time I was able to make the right decision.
If my husband starts beating me I would not end the marriage, although I would be extremely unhappy.
But my ex was not just beating me, there was alt more.- Mental abuse and humiliation.
He was also bringing his girlfriends home.
HE was also insanely jealous.
No it would be difficult to bump into such a man again

unless the husband can afford househelps etc-
In Nigeria this might still be easy.

A woman that does not know how to cook will probably also not know how to do other domestic work. It would be very difficult to live with such a woman.

I have got 8 -5 boys and 3 girls.
I hope I am done