hello nlanders, i'm loosing my husband, just want your view on a piece i wrote at one of those do nothin - sitdown and wonder times, don't write poems, written few essays, so wouldn't know what to call this, i read a lot of poems and essays though and really love the "love ones", this is totally mine , what do y'all think


[b]
I think I married an angel
And I think I’m losing him

The whole world is tumbling down and I rush to him for help.
All I get is a smile; as if we won’t be touched

I do not know where he keeps his white linen,
I haven’t found a scratch mark on his body;
Perhaps where the wings used to be

He’s got the eyeballs of any man
But one you couldn’t look deep into for long
Because he’ll break into a smile
And I would too

Sometimes he stands by our window for hours
Simply looking at the world around us
At some point, he’ll smile;
Some point he wouldn’t.
But throughout these times, he never says a word

He speaks with such grace
And versed in all manner of learning
Whenever he plays his guitar;
It was heaven

Oh he loves to listen to country
The one’s that’ll talk about love,
Family, parenthood, childhood and the likes

He’s never fast paced
Often forgets things easily
Holds no worries about anything

Everyone should be respected
Everything should be taken lightly
I could never make him angry


I wish heaven would do an head count
And hope I could have the result
Because I know someone would be missing
And I think it’s my husband.

He speaks so soft
Most times hardly heared
I might have to strain my ears many a times to hear him
But with the simplicity with which day turns to night
And night to day
He speaks

And to me
He’s the greatest gift;
The greatest I could ever have wished for,
Though he never looked it when we met

But hour by hour
Day by day
His transformation is fast paced
He’s becoming more perfect a gift
Tending towards heaven


And yes, this is my single fear
I fear he’s going back
I think he’s leaving me
[/b]

sad peom
u need to be concious of ur tenses and some words
but i dont get how his being perfect translates to ur loosing him

fe32:

hello nlanders, i'm loosing my husband, just want your view on a piece i wrote at one of those do nothin - sitdown and wonder times, don't write poems, written few essays, so wouldn't know what to call this, i read a lot of poems and essays though and really love the "love ones", this is totally mine , what do y'all think


[b]
I think I married an angel
And I think I’m loosing him

The whole world is tumbling down and I rush to him for help.
All I get is a smile; as if we won’t be touched

I do not know where he keeps his white linen,
I haven’t found a scratch mark on his body;
Perhaps where the wings used to be

He’s got the eyeballs of any man
But one you couldn’t look deep into for long
Because he’ll break into a smile
And I would too

Sometimes he stands by our window for hours
Simply looking at the world around us
At some point, he’ll smile;
Some point he wouldn’t.
But throughout these times, he never says a word

He speaks with such grace
And versed in all manner of learning
Whenever he plays his guitar;
It was heaven

Oh he loves to listen to country
The one’s that’ll talk about love,
Family, parenthood, childhood and the likes

He’s never fast paced
Often forgets things easily
Holds no worries about anything

Everyone should be respected
Everything should be taken lightly
I could never make him angry


I wish heaven would do an head count
And hope I could have the result
Because I know someone would be missing
And I think it’s my husband.

He speaks so soft
Most times hardly heared
I might have to strain my ears many a times to hear him
But with the simplicity with which day turns to night
And night to day
He speaks

And to me
He’s the greatest gift;
The greatest I could ever have wished for,
Though he never looked it when we met

But hour by hour
Day by day
His transformation is fast paced
He’s becoming more perfect a gift
Tending towards heaven


And yes, this is my single fear
I fear he’s going back
I think he’s leaving me
[/b]

bluespice:

but i don't get how his being perfect translates to ur loosing him

The word is Losing, NOT Loosing ^{(It is a common mistake Nigerians make)}. The two words have two different meanings

True Brit:

The word is Losing, NOT Loosing ^{(It is a common mistake Nigerians make)}. The two words have two different meanings

Biko well done o. . . .

Mr and Mrs. Thesaurus

"

doyin13:

Biko well done o. . . .

Mr and Mrs. Thesaurus

Why on earth would anyone need a thesaurus for simple basic English. Moreover, you obviously do not know what a thesaurus is used for. There is no way you will look for the synonym of lose and have the thesaurus throw loose at you as one of the options. All that might have been required here is a dictionary NOT a thesaurus. ^{Try not to punch above your weight (your sarcasm fell flat on its face).}

@bluespice,

thanks so much for pointing out, i must stress that i'm an iron bender(engineer) not a writer, if you could please stresss your point, will really appreciate it, i get most of this things at moments when i'm alone thinking of many things, i just have interest in poems, lots of books and any thing that deals with classics and i  love history too, thank you, i wrote this on a sunday morning at work, work sundays, i was real lonely then and the word just came, and as you experts say that the 1st rule to writing is to write not think, muchas gracias




@truebrit,

thanks 'for the correction man, hope the bullet din't hit too 'hard, i've made the changes, so what do you think about the poem

True Brit:

Why on earth would anyone need a thesaurus for simple basic English. Moreover, you obviously do not know what a thesaurus is used for. There is no way you will look for the synonym of lose and have the thesaurus throw loose at you as one of the options. All that might have been required here is a dictionary NOT a thesaurus. ^{Try not to punch above your weight (your sarcasm fell flat on its face).}

Oh Gosh. . . .

We Nigerians must really suck jare.

First loose for lose.

Now can't even understand the fundamental difference between a dic and a thesaurus.

Bush people walahi

nice poem fe32 though i dont get the correlation between a perfect man and him leaving you
is he ill at the moment or depressed.

doyin13 n truebrit abeg no fight for here o lets face the issue
the idea behind the poem is the most important thing

fe32:

I think I married an angel
And I think I’m losing him

there is nothing wrong with the line.
If she were to say perplexed in the relationship and needs to know where she stands, she could let him be for a while and he may come back to her, i.e. let him loose

There is nothing like good or bad art so we should not be too concerned about the grammar in a poem because she is expressing herself

fe32 pls continue jare

biolabee:

nice poem fe32 though i don't get the correlation between a perfect man and him leaving you
is he ill at the moment or depressed.

doyin13 n truebrit abeg no fight for here o lets face the issue
the idea behind the poem is the most important thing


there is nothing wrong with the line.
If she were to say perplexed in the relationship and needs to know where she stands, she could let him be for a while and he may come back to her, i.e. let him loose

There is nothing like good or bad art so we should not be too concerned about the grammar in a poem because she is expressing herself

fe32 please continue jare

wonderful one there biola, thank you, the idea's is that the wife's amazed of the many wonderful qualities she finds in her husband that she sees him as an angel , the part that i really dint work on is that, she fears she may one day loose him to being who he was, that she might be woken up by an angel one moning explaining why he has to go back,

she's amazed that the husband is becoming more perfect by the day, and wondering where his faults her,

hope u get the gist a likkle, but i'll work on that, as i said, i'm only an iron bender and rite now, i can't even write "A B C" cos am not in the mood

There is nothing like good or bad art so we should not be too concerned about the grammar in a poem because she is expressing herself

don't know if this's bout me, i'm a guy, anyway, thanks

fe32:

wonderful one there biola, thank you, the idea's is that the wife's amazed of the many wonderful qualities she finds in her husband that she sees him as an angel , the part that i really dint work on is that, she fears she may one day loose him to being who he was, that she might be woken up by an angel one moning explaining why he has to go back,

she's amazed that the husband is becoming more perfect by the day, and wondering where his faults her,

I didn't get the losing part too at first, but I get it now, and its a really beautiful poem.

Its poignant and sweet at the same time. I never woulda guessed a guy wrote it, and that's a compliment

fe32:

wonderful one there biola, thank you, the idea's is that the wife's amazed of the many wonderful qualities she finds in her husband that she sees him as an angel , the part that i really dint work on is that, she fears she may one day loose him to being who he was, that she might be woken up by an angel one moning explaining why he has to go back,

she's amazed that the husband is becoming more perfect by the day, and wondering where his faults her,

hope u get the gist a likkle, but i'll work on that, as i said, i'm only an iron bender and rite now, i can't even write "A B C" because am not in the mood

There is nothing like good or bad art so we should not be too concerned about the grammar in a poem because she is expressing herself

don't know if this's bout me, i'm a guy, anyway, thanks

That's gay material right there, but there is no shame in it _{I guess}

doyin13:

We Nigerians must really suck jare.

Yeah, you Nigerians must suck if you are the specimen or standard of what Nigerians are.

doyin13:

First loose for lose.

You should go back to the basics if you do not know that "Losing" is the present participle for the verb to "lose" and Loosing a present participle for loose (which if it had been properly used in this situation would be an adjective [but can also be a verb]. However if used in the manner prescribed by Biolabee (i.e. let loose), the word Loose would be an idiom). ^{(You'd do best to go back to Primary School).}

doyin13:

Now can't even understand the fundamental difference between a dic and a thesaurus.

It is apparent that it is YOU who does not know the difference between a dictionary and a thesaurus. If you had, you won't have tried to make a dumb joke about a thesaurus which was not relevant to ascertaining a simple distinction between "Losing" and "Loosing".

doyin13:

Bush people walahi

LMAO. . . That is no way to talk about yourself Mr. Doyin13 (nor about your country folk for that matter). . . LOL.

Anyway, I'll leave you to continue wallowing in your ignorance. I have pointed out a real error and the appropriate correction, if that does not sit well with you (or anyone else for that matter), then that's just TOO BAD.

@ Fe32, Apologies for the digression. Your poem is quite poignant, but I do believe that it still requires some work.

H2O2:

That's gay material right there, but there is no shame in it _{I guess}

How does a guy writing about a guy translate to his material being gay material? He wrote the poem as a woman talking about her hubby not as a man talking about his lover/partner (at least that is the impression given. Not that it would matter if it had been one guy talking about another). Would it be different if he had written a story or book as a female character who has these feelings about a man? All these homophobic expressions are not in good taste.

True Brit:

How does a guy writing about a guy translate to his material being gay material? He wrote the poem as a woman talking about her hubby not as a man talking about his lover/partner (at least that is the impression given. Not that it would matter if it had been one guy talking about another). Would it be different if he had written a story or book as a female character who has these feelings about a man? All these homophobic expressions are not in good taste.

Lol   
Whatever, that's the way you see it. The way I see it: this is a man writing romantically about his perfect man.  He's just nursing some funny tendencies, huh    Like I said, there's nothing wrong with it, just as there's nothing wrong with my "homophobic" expression.

True Brit:


You should go back to the basics if you do not know that "Losing" is the present participle for the verb to "lose" and Loosing a present participle for loose (which if it had been properly used in this situation would be an adjective [but can also be a verb]. However if used in the manner prescribed by Biolabee (i.e. let loose), the word Loose would be an idiom). ^{(You'd do best to go back to Primary School).}

OMG. . . .

Bloody Jobsworth

doyin13:

Bloody Jobsworth

ROFLMAO. . . Obviously another word the meaning of which you are ignorant of. . . LOL. ^{I repeat what I said earlier STOP PUNCHING ABOVE YOUR WEIGHT and thereby displaying your lack of knowledge}.

fe32:

wonderful one there biola, thank you

Thanks you're welcome anyday

fe32:

don't know if this's bout me, i'm a guy, anyway, thanks

What

True bit, whats all your "i too know attitude" for havent you heard of poetic licence?
go check it out and see if that register a thing in your mind

at poem,
nice but dint get the title connections to the poem till i read the synopsis from biola,
guess some people are real good at deciphering meanings
kudos

princesa lol good to see you not harrassing our celebs

when D choice is between good & evil, choosn good doesnt make u a saint

as per ur siggy what makes one a saint

well i moved ahead
dnt have time much for celebs wannabes
SOMETIME I WOULD

as per my siggy,
no one is a saint girl
atleast not in nigeria sha,
okay only those in the religious arena ,
no they aint holy either,
then who is holy,
NOBODY

princesa:

as per my siggy,
no one is a saint girl
atleast not in nigeria sha,
okay only those in the religious arena ,
no they aint holy either,
then who is holy,
NOBODY

u no holy pass, abi?

lol

Why can't some people just appreciate a beautiful poem instead of acting like its an abomination that it originated from a dude. . .

If you must criticize be constructive,otherwise shut it. People are actually getting creative here and all some literature layabouts can do is pick faults. Jeez.


And no,I'm not mad. Just irritated

True Brit:

ROFLMAO. . . Obviously another word the meaning of which you are ignorant of. . . LOL. ^{I repeat what I said earlier STOP PUNCHING ABOVE YOUR WEIGHT and thereby displaying your lack of knowledge}.

and there i was thinking Brits were classy people. . . .God knows I am not going for that visa again

You are a dickhead. . . .and no, I am very sure I got that one right

Cristalz:

Why can't some people just appreciate a beautiful poem instead of acting like its an abomination that it originated from a dude. . .

If you must criticize be constructive,otherwise shut it. People are actually getting creative here and all some literature layabouts can do is pick faults. Jeez.


And no,I'm not mad. Just irritated

Oh please shut the hell up, this is a 4king 4room.

H2O2:

Oh please shut the hell up, this is a 4king 4room.

H2o2 u have an issue with cristalz

good question
does he

i go with cristalz, all you people unduly criticizing the poem should go read some wole soyinka, then you'll understand the need for poetic liscence. and please, stop lashing at the poet because he wrote 'loosing' instead of 'losing'. it's a nice poem regardless of one incorrect grammar that was probably mistakenly typed, so why throw the baby away with it's bath water? Jeez, quit overreacting!
p.s. true brit and H2O2, i must say you are both jerks!

and before y'all pounce on me, I'll correct my mistake: why throw the baby away with its (not it's) bath water?'

teeyah:

p.s. true brit and H2O2, i must say you are both jerks!

ROFLMAO, coming from someone with limited powers of expression like you, I'll take that as a compliment.

teeyah:

i go with cristalz, all you people unduly criticizing the poem should go read some wole soyinka, then you'll understand the need for poetic liscence. and please, stop lashing at the poet because he wrote 'loosing' instead of 'losing'. it's a nice poem regardless of one incorrect grammar that was probably mistakenly typed, so why throw the baby away with it's bath water? Jeez, quit overreacting!

teeyah:

and before y'all pounce on me, I'll correct my mistake

While you are busy doing your corrections, you forgot that one. It's Poetic Licence (or License if you are using the American spelling). . . ^{(oh, you are very welcome peabrain. . . LOL)}.

Oh, and by the way, if you are so confident of what you say, you should post with your regular Nairaland ID instead of creating a new ID. You do know that your ISP remains the same regardless, you jackass? . . .LMAO.

True Brit:

ROFLMAO, coming from someone with limited powers of expression like you, I'll take that as a compliment.

While you are busy doing your corrections, you forgot that one. It's Poetic Licence (or License if you are using the American spelling). . . ^{(oh, you are very welcome peabrain. . . LOL)}.

Oh, and by the way, if you are so confident of what you say, you should post with your regular Nairaland ID instead of creating a new ID. You do know that your ISP remains the same regardless, you jackass? . . .LMAO.

make una see this boy oo

go and lick san gwe gwe jo

Uncle Tom wannabe

doyin13:

make una see this boy oo

go and lick san gwe gwe jo

Uncle Tom wannabe

Does anyone hear this dog barking? LOL

true brit i think u are taking this too far u have also derailed the thread
pls fe32 come out now,