Hello Everyone. . .this is yours truly, CyberG!  I promised a couple of days ago to introduce some "very serious" issue that will open your eyes on why you may be having such a hard time in your relationship with him or her. This is not some BS because if you have ever been in a relationship like this, it is something that can change your life for the worse forever. Hopefully these topic and ensuing conversation does help someone. I invite you to read further at the source links that may show-up on the thread from time to time as posting all the content here will inundate NL with too much text which a lot of people don't like to read anyway! I hope people feel free to discuss their own specific situations and I will be happy to provide some more insight and links for further reading. So here we go:

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is a term that refers to a certain kind of a personality disorder (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD) and a narcissist is a person suffering of this disorder. As you continue reading, please keep in mind that the purpose of this website is not to mock or judge narcissists since they are considered to be mentally disturbed individuals. The purpose of this website is to help the victims of narcissists by providing information regarding this personality disorder along with support and individual feedback regarding one's situation.

There are countless of men and women in the world who are suffering in their relationship without understanding that they are involved with a mentally disturbed individual. These "victims of narcissists" are often depressed and anxious and they often blame themselves of the problems in their relationship. The aim of this website is to spread the information of this personality disorder that is affecting so many people around the planet. If you find this website to be helpful for you, please feel free to spread the word so that more people can find help from here.
Are you in a relationship with a narcissist?

In order to "qualify" as a narcissist, a person must meet some or all of the below criteria:

    * Inability to empathy
    * Expects special treatment
    * Feeling of entitlement
    * Inability to admit that he or she is wrong
    * Inability to receive criticism
    * Unexpected, strong bursts of rage in situations that would not trigger rage in normal people. There aggressive outbursts are referred to as narcissistic rage.
    * Does not react to tears. If other person starts crying due to the cruel behavior of a narcissist, that may even aggravate the rage of a narcissist
    * Perceives oneself as omnipotent, superior individual
    * Strong need for admiration. Admiration serves as a form of a narcissistic supply. Without sufficient amount of narcissistic supply a narcissist feels empty and unsatisfied. A narcissist is like a drug addict, and narcissistic supply in its different forms is the drug.
    * Is often envious and mocks other people (often behind their back)
    * In the beginning of the relationship idealizes one's partner and often talks about supreme, never-ending love. However as the relationship proceeds a narcissist often withdraws his or her attention and may become cold and uncaring, even cruel.
    * Is often untruthful and due to this often ends up cheating in a relationship. Cheating is often a consequence of other traits of a narcissist, such as the feeling of entitlement (it is impossible for a narcissist to do anything wrong and so a narcissist does not perceive cheating to be a huge "crime", inability to emphasize with the cheated partner and the need for admiration (narcissistic supply).
    * Double standards: A narcissist twists the rules so that they fit to the current needs of a narcissist. For example, if the spouse of a narcissist is cheating on a narcissist, the spouse is considered to be dishonest and bad person, whereas if a narcissist is cheating it is not wrong, because a narcissist simply "fell in love" and followed his or her heart. Double standards also apply to other areas in life.

In a relationship with a narcissist - The different phases. . .

Idealization. . .Devaluation. . .Discarding

Read more details here: http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/narcissism/narcissistic-personality-disorder-how-to-recognize-a-narcissist.html

Sleeps

*iya switches on the AC and tucks Dyt to bed. switches off the light on this thread as she leaves the room tiptoeing so as not to wake Dyt

Hmmm nice read !

And true, alot of people have dat disorder but they claim its self-discipline or laid-down principles

iyatrustee:

*iya switches on the AC and tucks Dyt to bed. switches off the light on this thread as she leaves the room tiptoeing so as not to wake Dyt

Iya and dyt e sun re ooo/ sleep well oool

googles:

Hmmm nice read !

And true, alot of people have dat disorder but they claim its self-discipline or laid-down principles 

It is nice to see someone who gave a thoughtful and encouraging response to this issue. A lot of people who come here on NL describe partners who exhibit exactly or very closely the attributes of a partner or someone who has NPD. If I had more time, I would dig up some of those threads and I am quite certain that if you heard the person's story a year+ later, it was a failed relationship or one that could NOT be saved despite their best efforts or one that is totally on life support and its death is a question of "when" and not that of "if". I know at least two people who have been in these kind of relationships and I write about things I have seen.

Unfortunately, everything in Nigeria is viewed from a religious point of view. Nigerians, and the black man generally, does not like to read or study. It has been said that if you wish to hide anything from the black man, write it in a book! Spouses who have NPD will be termed as "possessed" and the services of a pastor and unending pastoral counseling is the usual solution. It is usually never long before the narcissist charms the so-called pastor and before you know it, the "devil" has afflicted both the physician and the patient. Enough said, I will post real life stories of people who have been in this situations and maybe someday someone will read about this and be able to put on his thinking cap. Most Nigerians stupidly think and believe that it is God that will solve a problem that he has given you brains to solve? No wonder, we are where we are in the 21st century!

These stories were taken from: http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/narcissism/narcissistic-personality-disorder-how-to-recognize-a-narcissist.html


I thought it was me. My wife insulted me belittled me, even hit me on occassions.
I did everything i could to make our marriage work not it was not enough.
We split up on numerous occassions,always her making it impossible for me to stay.Everytime she had a new bloke within a matter of weeks.
We got back together at xmas and she told me she loved me and we would never part but once again made it impossible for me to stay and 2 days after i left she returned to her new bloke.
I dont know if she is narcissistic but reading your article has certainly given me food for thought! and some comfort. Thanks

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[b]same here, I can relate. No other choice, than to end it. But I havent yet. and not sure what will happen this time. He threatened recently to break up with me, and i said 'do what you gotta do'. he was very upset i was leaving for a last min trip to vegas. He tried everything to get me to stay, including saying hed get $100 so I can stay with him, and hed drop his friends for the weekend, so we could be alone. He begged to go with me (I was going with a girlfriend, honestly to get away from him!). He wants me with him ALL the time, but i live 50 miles away , and when id leave, hed be so sad, telling me to please come back and why am I leaving. I used to stay for a wk at a time, but he was draining me financially. He also is in debt over his head, 2 unpaid truck pymts, check bouncing fees, & he brand new cell phone got shut off after 2 mos of not paying the bill.

right now, my boyrfriend is givng me the silent treatment. we've been together for 3 yrs, off and on, hes broken up with me twice and always returns several wks later. this recent silent treatment has lasted one wk today. He is mad because I wasnt happy that he neglected to call me.Its all about him, and time will go by, even a whole night, without a call. Then he will call, and expect me to answer to call him or text him right back. If i dont, I can be sure to get another call or text that will say "hello. hello. where are you??" Just had to share a small portion of my story, but there is so much more to it.
[/b]
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[b]I was married for 26 years knew my wife for 32 had 3 kids,big house,finacial security,good health,vacations,I thought everything was great. our relationship was not easy at times but it was wonderful for 20 years then it fell apart I found my wife was cheating on me when I found out she never admitted who,why,and never commiktted to say it was over with her lover.I caught her in lies,2 phones,computer flirting it was one thing after another . She lied to me and my children I tried to work it out but she was coming home at 2 in the morning at least once a week along with secret phone calls. I stood around for my children and tried to keep things going for my kids to have that feeling of a family but I was living in hell everyday. I stood around until my daughter turned 13 my boys are in college now. I left my houise 14 months ago and now finalizing my divorce. Your site helped me come to terma with my decision I tried to stay but she never tried I could not figure out but she is a true narcissist everything that decribes a narcissist is her behavior she feels that she is entitled to everything.
My advice is never to change yourself for a narcissist you become someone you are not if you can not live your dreams with your spouse that includes love,honesty,going out of your way for the other ,being there when needed,having no secrets get out of the relationship the longer you stay the worse off you will be. Its hard because you feel betrayed but surround yourself with honest friends and family you will be so much better off. My new life is a adjustment but I feel so much better I look better, went back to school,enjoy my kids, I used to walk around mad everyday never able to enjoy anything but in time it will get better.[/b]

. . .i think i am going to go grab some yogurt, i heard they are good probiotics!

I loathe narcissism, but I approve of vanity. . .

Narcissim is not essentially a bad thing, like every other thing, what is most required is a right balance, I like to think of myself as intelligent,  . .I flirt with girls wherever i go just because i can. . . .however, i have since been able to draw the right lines between acknowledging my sense of superiority with a superb sense of comradeship with my friends. . .that's how i achieve perfection!

@ this thread. Its nothing but a load of all the animals in the world manure in a huge foul compilation. No one can assess me but myself.

Its just like these doctors who came up with ADD, its not a freaking disease, all these kids need is some good azz whopping to be better kids.

takes myself out of this nonsense thread

^^^ Man hater?? LOL. Enjoy your permanent spinsterhood. It's not by force to say something when all you have to offer is "non-sense"! 

Carolece:

@ this thread. Its nothing but a load of all the animals in the world manure in a huge foul compilation. No one can assess me but myself.

Its just like these doctors who came up with ADD, its not a freaking disease, all these kids need is some good azz whopping to be better kids.

takes myself out of this nonsense thread

Its a good idea you took "your nonsense self out of this thread". . .if you don't know much about a topic, the least you should do is to shut the hell up and fúcking learn!

^^
That is so true. I hope you are taking your own advice and do away with these nonsense threads.

Anyways, you have a pair of very sexy lips. I'm not hitting on you, its just a mere compliment. I am expecting a simple thank you.  

I am taking a tally of the r etards that women take advantage of hahahahahahaha

OMG this is good life!

I think I should stop hating and start having pity on some of these r etards.

@Violent, out of curiosity: have you ever actually met someone who is narcissistic before?

@Thread, at least one of the "non-" people on this thread is N-, no wonder they will do anything just to get some attention. Writings like these only expose their overly-used fowl yansh. . .LOL. . .hence, they will attempt anything to derail it. 

Most men haters are N-. . .it is always someone else's fault but never theirs!

Carolece:

I am taking a tally of the r etards that women take advantage of hahahahahahaha

OMG this is good life!

I think I should stop hating and start having pity on some of these r etards.

Why don't you go eat a billy goat somewhere and leave the adults to play in peace?

CyberG:

@Violent, out of curiosity: have you ever actually met someone who is narcissistic before?

Its a very thin line between self confidence, cocky attitude, arrogance and narcissism. . .many times, its really difficult to tell the difference, I once have a neighbor with an overwhelming self confidence, i wonder if that qualifies as narcissism

Oh yes indeedy! EVERYDAY he wants to know WHY i love him to validate his greatness!
LOL. He's my boo tho. You know who you are

In actual fact , dont we all exhibit some narcissist traits ? dont we all want to know how good we look ? dont we all crave for attention ? 

who wants to be criticized ? and we all do the double standard thingy,we can do sommin but wont take it from other pple, whilst all these things seem to

be natural. Can we then say we are all narcissists ? maybe soft narcissists and extreme narcissists ?  there are some things I do which to me seem like

my laid down principles but to some pple am exhibiting strong narcissism traits by not reacting to pples' tears or ever accepting dat am wrong just because

I know am very very very very smart  . So are we all narcissists in nature ? or some of the narcissist traits just happen to be coincidentally natural ?

If everything said by this article is true,then my ex is the narcissiest narcissist alive(ignore that term)he exhibits all the traits listed and he does it to a fault,i really did love him but i just couldn't continue cos of most of these traits.But come to fink of it don't we all have some bit of narcissism in us? like madam google said,but i guess it becomes a disorder when one exhibits almost all.

Cyber G, my main man. Waadup

obowunmi:

Cyber G, my main man. Waadup

Hey. . .I am good man! How are you doing?

@Googles. . .yes, all humans have a lot of the traits that a narcissist has but it is very minute and "in the right size". I hope that phrase helps to communicate that because we are all humans, we share certain traits but there is a range where those things are "normal". Now, reading about N- is one thing but meeting and relating with is a totally different proposition. All those things you listed and more are traits exhibited by a narcissist only it goes beyond what a "normal" human being can understand and that is where the problem starts! I can tell you that being (very, very, very smart)! is not sufficient to never be wrong and not being able to admit wrong. . . and there are lots of very smart people who understand that true smartness is to be able to also learn from others and their mistakes. A n- cannot accept wrong, so he/she can never be smart (in the true sense). The only person who cannot be wrong will be God (or a supreme being), so it is very obvious why this feeds into the attributes of an n-.

Relating to an n- is the most frustrating thing you would ever do and clearly, most "normal" people are able to negotiate common grounds on most things, appreciate the human condition, empathize or love! Any manifestation of any of these things is superficial and for the wrong reasons. An n- cannot love or respond to love. . .yes, it sounds weird until you see people who are like this and you will really wonder how it is possible! These are things that cannot be observed by an n- but only the people around him/her who have a relationship with such people can know. All the friends who are around him/her for a few hours or days every now and then are totally blinded to these things. On one hand you feel sorry that an n- has their brains wired wrongly (which was not their personal fault 'cos it happened based on their early circumstances in life) but at the same time you can do anything about it when they get what they deserve in the end but it won't come until later in life. It is is sad but I hope people can learn about these things and make the best of a potentially bad situation!

Not like I'm a narcissist _{yea ryt like i would confess to it if i was} am only playing devil's advocate here

CyberG:

@Googles. . .yes, all humans have a lot of the traits that a narcissist has but it is very minute and "in the right size". I hope that phrase helps to communicate that because we are all humans

Wat do you mean normal humans have these traits in the right size ? who defines the right size ? wat looks the right size to me might be extreme size to

my neighbor. . then who has the final say on wat the right size is ? Considering again the fact that we all have different temperaments which

makes us all act individually different and makes us react to things differently. would you consider yourself that is moved by tears normal and consider me

who isn't moved by tears abnormal or a narcissist ? or because I love to stare at my mirror all day and fish for compliments and admiration am suffering

from something ? its called self-appreciation in some books y'know?

googles:

Not like I'm a narcissist _{yea ryt like i would confess to it if i was} am only playing devil's advocate here


Wat do you mean normal humans have these traits in the right size ? who defines the right size ? wat looks the right size to me might be extreme size to

my neighbor. . then who has the final say on wat the right size is ? Considering again the fact that we all have different temperaments which

makes us all act individually different and makes us react to things differently. would you consider yourself that is moved by tears normal and consider me

who isn't moved by tears abnormal or a narcissist ? or because I love to stare at my mirror all day and fish for compliments and admiration am suffering

from something ? its called self-appreciation in some books y'know?

"Normal" is subjective and you made good points!

Hi Guys
I'm Michael...
I created a WhatsApp page for individuals who had at one time was in a Relationship with a Narcissist Individual, and who is seeking healing... I know it really hurt concerning the things a victims goes through in the hands of Narcissistic individual. Please, feel free to contact me on WhatsApp 08167114856. Let's grow a communities to share ideas on this prevalent issues.

Persons with Narcissistic Personality disorder

- Idealization
- Devaluation
- Discard

And the cycles repeat itself.