₦airaland Forum

picture president

NairaEffect:
Does it access heavenly pages?

Or access to my beautiful neighbour's pussy.

Ksslib:
This is my honest review of Mtn data plans. I added an 's' because I have used almost all what they have to offer in terms of data across a very very long period of time but for the sake of this review, we are going to assume you want to want to subscribe to their popular 1.5gig monthly plan or like I suspect, already subscribed to it. Pls keep in mind that everything in this review applies to ALL their data plans. The only difference being price and amount of data, that's all.

Price:
For 1000naira, you'll be given 1,500 kilobytes that look like megabytes to the untrained eye, but brethrens, let ye not be deceived. If you're the type that likes to make something sound bigger than it actually is, you can call It 1.5gig. The plan lasts a month (in theory) and Mtn will allow you roll-over any un-used data if you're the type of person that can manage one cup of rice for 2months.


At first, 1.5gig for 1000naira might seem kinda fair from Mtn who, not too long ago, sold 10mb for the same amount it'll take to cater for a child who wants to study Medicine abroad. However, you'll begin to slowly chew back your words- one by one - the moment you begin to understand what happens behind the scenes. This plan will last a week with decent browsing. Yea, just decent browsing. Two weeks, if your level of stingyness is out of this world.

Verdict: This plan is a RIP-OFF for the price(as you'll later find out in this review). It is an overpriced scam. 1000naira can buy you 5 spaghetti. One thousand naira can get you a rubber of white garri if you can beg. My roommate sold his working standing for 1k. With 1k, you can get a used heart in cotonou that will pump atleast 3 cups of blood before failure. Should I continue?

Deduction rate:
The deduction formula Mtn uses to deduct data remains a mystery even to engineering students like myself. I have observed, observed, observed and carefully calculated, yet all my answers keep pointing towards one direction - the deduction is spontaneous. That is, the computer program(i like to call it "robot" ) assigned to carry out this task deducts data base on its mood at your time of browsing. 1mb for each Google page viewed(if Oga robot is in a good mood) or 200mb for an image of hushpuppi(if Oga just woke up from sleep).

I see no reason why how data is deducted should fluctuate. This is robbery, of the highest order. In Today's world where Internet data is beginning to carry the same wieght as food given how many business and lives depend on it, it is heartless, wicked & criminal to leave your customers at the mercy of melancholic robot who will deduct 300mb just because it didn't sleep well last night.

Verdict: Are you a magician? Are you fascinated with magic? Do you like sseing things dissappear? Things like animals, humans and of course, data? Mtn data plan is for you.

Webpages:
You ll think 1.5 gigabytes will be more than enough to surf the web since most of the Webpages you visit are kind of plain & light( like Nairaland ) and have little or no moving content unlike busy sites like skysports and xvideos where something is always guaranteed to be moving at any time of the day.

But as it turns out, viewing a simple, traditional Webpage sometimes takes as much as it would a YouTube video. Sometimes, more than. Other times, lesser than. But still not less enough to make you agree it's fair enough. I'll browse Nairaland sometimes and log out after 5-10mins and 100mb will be deducted. Sometimes, 60mb. Sometimes 80mb.

Offline Mode:
I think this is the most annoying part of being subscribed to any of Mtn's stupid data plan - they charge you for doing nothing. Absolutely, fffucking nothing. Between the hours of 12am and 2pm today, the deduced 80mb despite data connection being off. This has become a constant occurrence and I've learnt to channel energy I'll waste on complaining to customer care(as usual) to better use.

Verdict: With background data set on permanent restriction, data switched off, I wonder what steals data. Wait!! maybe, just maybe, my home button needs mb to take me from gallery to home screen.

Apps.

Twitter:
Twitter could - to a certain degree - qualify as a webpage since most of the activity there is text-based, save for funny memes and videos (which is optional to watch by the way), but the amount of data that constantly gets deducted for very little activity on this app is nothing to smile about.

I was charged an outrageous chunck of data few days ago by Oga robot for twitter activity that didn't last upto 7mins. Maybe it was because the joke I tweeted didn't get any retweets.

Facebook:
This one is for old people who don't know something like instagram exists. For stalking Amaka(your classmate) who refused to say yes to you in Nursery 2 has gotten pregnant for her street boy yet. Or for checking if the class olodo has managed to succeed in Life.... so I don't even bother with this app. However, considering it deals with lots of images and videos, I expect Mtn to use this as another avenue to make their already overweight bank account obese.

Instagram:
.... *ok calm down. ksslib breathe.. breatheeee**

I spent months in denial but I've finally accepted the bitter truth that Instagram is only for the rich. Atleast that's what Mtn wants me to believe. Watching funny videos, short comedy skits and smiling at images of Buhari's head swapped with various household items is only for the rich.

So expertly have Mtn perfected the art of deception and stealing that they would not deduct a questionable amount of data after my first, second, third and maybe fourth usage of Instagram after a fresh subscription. I'll just use Instagram at surface level (few videos, images) then log out and check my data balance, then smile at what I see.

This trick - as i later painfully discovered - is Mtn just trying to gain my trust, make me feel at home before allowing me to foolishly decide it's time to carelessly dive deeper into the unsteady, dangerous waters of Instagram videos.

If you're foolish enough like me to trust Mtn, the look on your face after checking your remaining data balance will quickly help you forget about that funny video you just saw on kraks TV. Abi you wan compare the effect of a message like "Dear customer, you have 66mb left of your current data bundle" to one video where all the people being interviewed on the street kept swearing they will not attend anybody's funeral that doesn't attend theirs. Lol

Verdict: Mtn says Instagram is not for poor people like me. We'll see what Etisalat, Airtel and others have to say.... minus Glo abeg. What's the use of having 100gig when I am only allowed to legally use 10mb due to poor service. Glo with pride indeed.

YouTube:
This is easily my favourite platform(clolsey followed by instagram) but it's a forbidden area for obvious reasons. YouTube is like stepping into the badlands.

Night plan is the only alternative here. Which means I am always awake at night browsing videos when my mates are in covoon hustling. And I also feel not getting enough sleep is too much a price to pay for thrills of YouTube but I am also not quick to forget I am Nigerian afterall, suffer is suppose to be my middle name. Therefore, Night plan it is.

Verdict: Know this: Using YouTube on Mtn's hourly, daily, weekly, monthly or whatever plan is tantamount to opening the flood gates of hell. You and your data will be flooded with fire and brimstone. For safety reasons, i dont even have the youtube app installed on my phone anymore because I might decide to want to watch a youtube video and later change my mind, but Oga robot will go ahead and deduct 300mb because apparently, the first law of data deduction states that "Habouring the thought of watching a YouTube video in your mind is the same as watching it".

Final verdict:
Mtn data plan is a big scam that anybody who knows the value of money - especially in this biting recession- should never subscribe to. This will be my last subscription. Even if all the angels of heaven descend and vouch for Mtn, I will never trust them. It's almost unbelievable that these corrupt piece of shameless thieves get away with this fuckery and daylight robbery...but wait! I almost forgot we are still in Nigeria.

The uncertainty, terror and suspense that comes with checking my remaining data balance every single f*cuking time - whether I surf the net or not - is too much for my young body to cope with. I am just 24 for God sake. I cannot be paying you one thousand naira almost every 4- 5days to give me high blood pressure and stroke.

Will I recommend this plan or any Mtn data plan?:
Yes, I will absolutely recommend this plan to anybody who will ask this question after reading everything.

aka gum , abeg hustle and make money and stop disturbing us here with your useless analysis

michael142:
Looking at her alone you can tell she is a prostitute. Rip

Not cool bro , we all have to eat some way , she did her best please let her be, you no holy pass.

justwise:
Coming to the UK without enough money is suicidal though many don't want to hear this but I will keep saying it.

You can't enjoy the UK student experience if you are so worried about money to pay rent and bills

i swear my brother, i learnt that the hard way, if you fortunate to get a part time job you would find out that most of your wages end up as rent or bills with very little left to travel, meet new people and create memories, if any one truly want to go to that country and live a sane life just come with enough money for at least 8 months rent and bills or else when you finally arrive murtala mohammed after your visa expires , your people will not recognize you because you go don turn skeleton because of suffer.

Thebest12:
My boyfriend is always asking me my facebook logging details. And this is bringing misunderstanding between us. Please what should I do ?
.

you have a right to your privacy, even married couples have this right, if he can't trust you to be faithful in your relationship then i don't see why you still with that boy. Trust is very important in any relationship be it platonic or otherwise.

Nigerians always taking things to the extreme , why would you carry football matter on your head as if you are a board member there .

there is money in this country

They way things dey go for this country very soon human being go turn food , if hunters catch you for bush , na bush meat things you go be .

justwise:
This fraudulent activities will lead to policy change in nearest future, i can see British govt introducing blocked account system where by money has to be deposited in British bank with a withdraw limited when you arrive in the UK.

The money in that account is for you to use in the UK and not just to show up then withdrawn.

One of the reasons why some schools started asking for bank statement is because of dishonest behavior like this, lets remember that our actions whether good or bad will have an impact on future prospective students.


That money is not only for 28days then end of the story..no, you need to have that money available for you in the UK because you desperately need that money to survive here

Very very soon my brother , the way Nigerians are desperate to travel abroad , I see this happening by 2020 or earlier .

Evaberry:
cheers to those that fvck anything and everything in skirts


cheers to those that love casual sex

cheers to those that invite girls over with the sole aim of fvcking them

cheers to those that belong to the ashewo thread in sexuality section.

May HIV fall on you guys
continue to refuse condom.

Fine girl why ur blood dey hot this afternoon abi you no know say skin to skin sweet pass

KayDEAN:
Anybody who goes into smoking because of music videos has a very weak, timid and confused mind. Smoking is not really bad but it's a decision that can ruin your life if done without moderation. I personally smoke a lot of marijuana and can't say my life is falling apart, I won't advise my jnr bro to, but if he does, I'll respect that he does it in moderation.

It should be given serious thoughts before starting, not after seeing a music video

But you are a fool if u inhale Benson

Different stoke for different folks mr man, nobody holy pass, keep your views to yourself

[quote author=Chukazu post=59633108]The trend can only go upward.

We need to pass a law that forbids public officials and civil servant from sending their wards abroad to study... That is the only time our government would be forced to fix our comatose education system, till then "abroad is abroad" [/quote
Shut up , enemy of progress

chiamaka4g:
A talent that brings positive change. Which do you have?

Check my bio , my talent is fucking , if you a girl , you might want to holla , you won't regret it

naifizzy:
This gross. Damn!! YOU GUYS NEED TO SLOW DOWN ON SUCH GRAPHIC DISPLAY

Everything about life is gross bro , from birth to death, even sex is gross, we only engage in it becos of the pleasures it brings, so grow some spine.

LordofNaija:
Buhari back on Saturday.
Address Nigerians on Monday.
Need rest on Tuesday.
Start working from home on Wednesday.
Return to London on Thursday.
Start sending pictures on Friday.
APC members visit him on Saturday.
Promise us he`ll be back again on Sunday.
This is the future of Buhari`s return!
I hope this isn't hate speech?

I can bet all I have that he would go back to UK before December , he only returned because the pressure was too much , all the same I wish him well , he is the president for now and he should be respected

headhunter1:
Buhari is a terrorist
Thunder scatter Buhari Insha'Allah amin
Thunder scatter Buhari Insha'Allah amin
Thunder scatter Buhari Insha'Allah amin

Why bro , wetin him do you .

michealdeco:


Look at this one

He should be thanking God they didn't mine his SKULL

There plan was to mine his skull

Skull miners are janjarous beware





#EvermayoR

lol, nairalanders are crazy, this comment nearly killed me with laughter , i fell of my sit , i don't think i would leave this site in a while, too funny

Solitin40:
Hmmm you are back here again since 2015 smh ��‍♂️ you just came here to seek for help and after again you will disappear as usual nothing to offer the Newbies

thanks bro, tell them, do they care ?

chiamaka4g:
As usual, the only talent to be hunted is singing and dancing. Mtchewwww

And what talent do you have ?

Caustics:
i have an excellent business plan that can fetch you 4 times your capital in 5 months. Give me 350k for it and use the remaining 350k to start the business. You wont regret it.

Scam, scam , scam , thunder will fire you and your business plan.

1StopRudeness:
Some sentence sound great but are wrong cos rules of grammar example concord isn't obeyed

Whenever u’re talking about something that isn’t a reality at the moment, It doesn’t matter whether we are referring to a single person or a group of people subject. As soon as we cross the border between reality and speculation, “were” is the word to be used...

Examples of what I mean:

I was rich and I owned a house at the seaside.(reality: was will be used)
If I were rich, I would have owned a house at the seaside. (hopeful reality i.e non existent at the moment: were will be used)

He was the captain of the team and he chose a different strategy.

If he were captain of the team, he would have chosen a different strategy.

So, for ur above statement:

If it happens that all animals were tamed, domesticated and turned pets, which animal would you love to have as a pet?

Brilliant explanation, many 'graduates' don't understand grammar , I don't know what they learnt in school maybe how to twerk or dab or troll people stupidly on social media.

goldedprince:
16years old in naija is not a kid. they will Bleep craze commot for your head

Pervert , child molester , you time would soon come

Timfreds:
You are a confirmed full-time zombie. Pls keep it up.

Thank you my brother , that guy has Bsc, Msc, PhD zombie studies majoring in Buharism, it over for that guy , he such a fanatic , he can sell his mother and sisters to his slave masters for their deviated pleasures, it's a pity we have to live with these people.

MrHistorian:
PMB's tenure might not have been characterized with the good governance,social welfare,improved security and excellent healthcare System he promised.

Sincerely,things will be way worse had it been GEJ won.

How do you know , are you a seer? Can you see the future ? The earlier, people like u stop your tribslistic ways the better for us a nation

Plastic awards , awards are worthless in this zoo country unlike America and other developed countries where substantial monetary incentives are attached to awards , he can as well bin all of them.

HonNellymike12:
Abi wetin man won do naa, enjoy the ride brother and we shall laff last noni, no time to be sober again jaree.

Amen bro

HonNellymike12:
Welcome to the queue of delayed visas, just seat back relax, fasten your seat belt and enjoy the cool ride of the persistent delay, pray it comes out soon or better still wen u are fedup with the hullabaloo of the embassy, you will jejeli defer your admission to the next intake, lots of people have deferred due to long delay. Hope my two cents will cool your anxiety and HBP.

Lol , my guy, you got me at fasten your seatbelt, I was in the poster's position some months ago , dry fasting until i almost had ulcer, disturbing everybody on the thread with questions until I tire ,na me use my own hand defer , this australia hustle no go give person heart attack

UTEWUOJO:
Ugly something

Hater , you don chop this morning? Go and hug Vaseline

Factfinder1:
I know know for sure that am more beautiful than all the females in your whole family generation prove me wrong with their pictures..... Ignorant dimwit

Why so you can use it to do money rituals , try again IPOB masquerade ��