₦airaland Forum

Haha. Did the test for when I got married and now

Then== 8 cows and one million naira

Now == 5 cows and 600 thousand naira (Chei! I have suffered!!)

Now factoring my husband--- 8 cows again. Na wa o! Thanks God I'm yoruba. No stupid bride price.

Its a lie! Her father actually a year before those pictures

OLD POST

Housework is a job that supports the finances of the family. Just because Nigerians look down on it doesnt make it so. You say slave labor because it is taken for granted that someone will always do it (obviously, DickDastardly has never done it). The day you know this is REAL work is when you no longer have grunts (aka dogs and monkey in Papau New Guinea) to do it for you like in developed first world countries. In US and UK, it is very common for a spouse (usually the wife) to step down from work after 2-3 kids. Why?

It is cheaper than to have 2 people work full time and pay someone for the services listed below
Because in UK, nursery charges 400 pounds a month per child for daycare == 1200 for 3 children
Because in Lagos, house help charge 30,000 naira a month to cook and clean
Because this work starts at 7 am and ends at 8pm == 13 hours work day
Because the working spouse is free to go on business trips because he does not have to worry about arranging child care. 2 income families usually turn down such trips that can advance their careers
Because the working spouse doesnt need to miss work days because a child is sick
Because people who have stay at home spouses actually make more money than their dual income counterparts (fact. a few studies have been done on the topic)
Because it is scientifically proven that their children do better in school and are more emotionally stable

Dont call it grunt work. You are dissing the people who grunt worked to raise you and calling them monkeys. My mom did the grunt work and I love her for it. Folks that stay home with kids arent lazy. Work in the office is just work, you rarely put your heart into it or care about the outcome. Home is labor and you pour your heart and soul into people's lives. The only reason why it looks easy is because most folks have been trained to do it since they were 3 years old. Medicine or engineering is only hard cuz you only spend 4-8 years training for it.

Nah God o! I remember my friend's family switching to 1-0-1 (that is breakfast, no lunch and then dinner) and we wondering if we were next. There was always light sha because one of his generals lived in our area and NEPA did not DARE take light or else someone would find their way to kiri kiri. We also got used to people dressing terribly in mismatched hand me down clothing. NO ONE had clothes... no Christmas dress...if you had gold, you never wore it to church or wedding because you afraid someone was looking and would suspect you had foreign connections to get the gold. Another trip to KiriKiri for questioning.

Do you care about this child or not? Listen, you must discipline him like you would a junior. I was 6 years old when I stole from my mum's bag and the beating that both my parents gave me set me straight for LIFE. Listen, forget about being soft or anything. Deal with him without pity if you want to save this boy's life. He is at a critical stage now. If he doesn't stop stealing by like 14, he will be a thief for life.

As for the mother, if she is the type to cry that she is a single mother in order to get pity, then she is the cause of the problem. You must tell her without mercy that her son is a thief. If possible, set him up and film him in the act so she cant not deny that her son is an "angel".

The reason why he is stealing is because there was no consequence for his actions. What is a hot slap? These boys are hard and that is like pinching their cheeks? When they have something to lose, that is when they shape up. If the beating is severe enough to make him fear for his life, or he is disgraced in front of his friends/classmates, then that is a real consequence.

Will you allow anyone to live with you? If the answer is yes, then of course she can live with you.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yeee!! I laugh wan die! Im wiping tears from eyes as im typing. Sege! Na wa for this your pap o! It go run bele!

Don't be deceived.

One: NO these runs girls don't get married first. In my experience, the ones that married early were those who got pregnant and runs their boyfriends/ sugar daddies to marry them. It doesn't end well for them but they know the game they entered so they play it to the bitter end.

Two: They meet their husbands inside church...true. What they don't realize is that church is full of playas and runs boys who are looking for a 'godly' girl. These two sorry folks marry and are mutually shocked at what they get. "I was deceived!" they cry.

If she gets godly man, she wont be able to handle him. With her own two legs, she run out of the house. When the godly man questions her going out, says no more parties, she must dress modestly, pray for 2 hours every day, she must donate at least 10-20% of her OWN money to church... In addition, religious people have the most children so she must be ready to drop 4-5 children quickly....

I think its because you lead a life of uncertainty and they cant predict your future. If you say you will marry, they know what will happen. If you go to school or dont go to school, they can predict the future of that decision. If you say you will follow God, they look at it like you are following the wind and God knows where that wind will carry you.

Personally, my parents got shocked when I became born again in SS1. I had a big personality change and i became more quiet and spent a lot of time alone praying and reading my bible. They didnt like it. I think it was also because they never went through such an experience so they didn't know what to expect.

I don't mind. i think it was necessary for me to learn how to stand strong in faith in times of opposition. It strengthened me for my future.

Father christmas is also known as Saint Nicholas. He was a great man of God who used to help the poor by anonymously giving them money at night so they would not feel ashamed of collecting charity. He particularly had a great heart for poor children and was showering them with gifts. He became associated with Christmas because some years after his death, some nuns from his church bought a lot of gifts around christmas and presented them to an orphanage saying they were from Old Saint Nick. Other people started following the example, giving good children gifts at Christmas from Saint Nick who loves children so much.

Beans only works when you are a child o! Once you don grow old, it is too late o! Sorry for your short friend o. There is no hope....

What kind of question is this? Do you want to obey God or do you want to please man? Are you a learner? If every man wants to have premarital sex....so what?? Will you turn your back on your faith on top of man? On top of marriage? Countless women have been destroyed for such. Do you not know that as Christians you will be persecuted for your faith and beliefs?

Yes, there are men of faith who will not compromise on sexual purity. I know a friend who broke up with his girl because she was pressuring him for sex. Do YOU have the faith to do similar?

Christian men make mistakes too. David sinned even though he was "spirit filled". The reason why God loved him is because he was humble enough to admit his sin before God. Your man obviously is not as favored. "Having a form of godliness but denying the power. From such people, avoid." 1 timothy 3 verse 5. Your boyfriend seems holy but is denying the truth of the gospel.

Just because his friends are doing it doesnt mean it is approved for marriage. Several marriages are suffering greatly because of the mistakes made before marriage. When God says dont do something, it is not for His benefit. It is obviously for yours, to protect you and keep you safe. God is not a fool. Sinning against God's word, regardless of the reason or excuse, will never end well. It may take 1 year, it may 20 years, but everyone reaps when they sow.

Sorry for the long sermon. When i was 19, my non-christian older friends and cousins told me how I would never find a guy that would not compromise. They showed me several examples of "sisters" and "brothers" who I looked up to that were sinning. I decided that if all men fall around me, I will stand alone with God. I also cut off from taking advice from such people and sought out godly friends. I took it like being persecuted and prepared for the possibility of never marrying. Well...I entered school and didnt get scoped. Girls had 2-3 suitors at any time and I had maybe 1 or 2 my whole 5 years in school. My family was worried. In my last semester, I reconnected with a christian friend. He scoped me and I told him immediately that if he asked for sex, it would mean the end of our relationship because I would break things off immediately. He later on told me that was why he decided to pursue marriage with me, because he felt I would not compromise on anything I believed in.

If you want to attract a queen ant and you pour sugar on the floor, the first thing you see are worker ants. You must wait. Then you see soldier ants. You must wait. Finally, the queen will arrive. Focus on making yourself the best Christian woman you can be. Perfect love, faith, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and patience within yourself. And obey God when he speaks to you. Your man will come. God is faithful. You must reap what you sow. If you sow good seed, you must reap it eventually.

The mistake is that you are under the wrong premise. Listen... ALL children are born full of sin! We have inherited this sinfulness and are doomed to hell without Christ. If you dispute this, then ask yourself-- didnt your parents spend all their time trying to teach you to do good? No one teaches a child to fight or beat his brother or sister, we have it inside us. It is God's grace that lets us remove that sinful nature and put on God's holy character.

So yes...children born out of wedlock are full of sin. Children born inside wedlock are full of sin. ALL of US are FULL of sin.

nonsense! the guy will soon dump...just wait. He is so swayed to the wishes of his people, to his own and fiancee's detriment. I f she marries him, i feel sorry for the life she will have with this mummy's boy. indecisiveness my foot! just a little boy parading in adult's trousers

I think it depends on what emotional means. I have found that men are often just as emotional as women. Think about it? How many men can you describe as passionate, angry, proud, stubborn? Those are all emotions. I find that what women most likely cry about, men get angry about. It seems that men just react in an emotionally different way. Its just that anger is seen as more acceptable in public than crying is because anger is looked at as strength but crying is viewed as weakness.

As for logical, most of the purchasing decisions for families are done by women. That means food, housing supplies, clothing needs, and others. That is obviously not emotional but very logical budget and accounting. Taking care of 3, 4 or 5 individuals is very difficult. You prepare for school, sometimes drop them off, feed at least once or twice a day, check assignments and reports, and others. If you were doing the same duties in a company, you would be called a senior supervisor.

I believe men and women are different and have unique skills that make them useful both of home and office. For example, I read that women CEOs are exceptional at crisis management in a company that is going downhill.

I think women make better homemakers (stereotypically) because they are just trained better. My husband was clueless with our first baby but I had been forced to take care of every relative's baby since i was 10. But now after 2 years, he is better with him than i am (in my opinion). Meanwhile i think most guys are trained to be leaders cuz they have been told since they were 2---you must be a man! You must provide!

So i think half of it is naturally inbuilt, but i think the other half is training. At the end of the day, natural talent is always defeated by good training and effort.

it wont stand up to any court. And its is still self defense. How do you know when someone is unconscious? have you been in a fight or battle? I will assure you that you will not have time to check. All these things happen in less than 10 seconds...no time to think...just time to try to survive.

Plus like the bible quote says....the guy is still in your house. its not like she killed him the next day. His blood is not required of her

oh darling! Congrats! I'm not so sure that your baby has a problem! It usually hurts for a week or two. its a learned skill, like eating with a spoon. We all make a mess of it at first, but with proper training, we all get it.

First, use shea butter or cocoa butter or an oil that is edible since baby will be drinking some of it in her milk. Lanosil is so hard to find in nigeria. Im not too fond of coconut oil but only because a few babies have allergic reactions. Use it at all times, morning, evening, night

Second, try and make sure the baby's mouth is very wide open when you insert your tip and he/she should have almost all the dark part of your bosom in his mouth. if he latches to just the pointy tip, that hurts a bit. There are several books that can help teach you to get a better latch. Most important for me was that when baby is finished, i put my tiny finger in the side of his mouth and use that to break the hold on my bosom. And then remove bosom. If i didnt do that and just pull away, i would always crack and bleed.

You can use bottle to give yourself a rest but its okay if baby drinks even while you are bleeding, it wont harm them.

Of course she is "dumb". If someone told you at 14 that you were going to be executed, would you be able to talk? I'd be so scared i would faint

Perhaps she feels you are always pressuring her for intimacy. And yes its is very annoying if the only reason a guy kisses you is because he immediately has ulterior motives. Both of you should go to counseling though because this issue can get much worse in a hurry.

im so sorry to hear about that. Dont worry about her too much. While she should be eating more, she will at least be okay with bosom milk but she will just be a little skinny. You should have started her on bosom milk in a bottle by 3-6 months so she gets used to both bosom and bottle. Try to entice her with something sweet. For mine, I used mashed sweet potato ( or sometime boiled, mashed apples from a blender) and feed with finger since he liked chewing on my fingers when he is teething. If she likes the taste, she will accept more. At the same time, try bosom milk with bottle and try different bottle styles. My own would only take from one type of bottle where the tip was actually shaped like a bosom and was very soft.
I hope she picks us very soon!

What would be even more correct is if she packed out before he comes back the next day

Point is....whatever you do in self defense....even if it involves killing someone....is NOT murder. Self defense is the counter measurefor protecting oneself from harm. Exodus 22 vs 2-3 f a thief is found breaking in and is struck so that he dies, there shall be no bloodguilt for him, but if the sun has risen on him (i.e. you see him on the street tomorrow and you kill him), there shall be bloodguilt for him.

There are several cases of self defense in the bible but I use David because there was judgement from him. Abner (David's enemy) is being pursued by Ashael. He warns Ashael to leave him alone. Ashael still pursues him and Abner kills him. Ashael's brother, Joab, kills Abner later on. The judgement on Abner as pronounced by David on his death bed was that he should be executed because he murdered a man in cold blood. Abner was considered innocent because he killed a man in self defense.

A beg. True o! everyone is pointing out the real thing! my guy, se you dey play around and are now looking for excuse to cut loose from your wife? Because paternity test and birth control is a cheap excuse to look for fault in your wife. I dare you, go tell your mother and even she will immediately suspect that your wife is tired of having children, NOT cheating on you.

Ive heard this game before. You accuse her of cheating on you so it eases your conscience to be unfaithful to your wife. Abeg o! No go catch AIDS and give your wife o!

Every body wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die

Cook! Cook and take it to work, my dear friend! Otherwise, eating out will literally eat you alive

Oh please, foolish people. When was self defense considered murder? You know in the old testament, that if they caught the guy, they would still kill him, right? And are you going to inspect the guy to see if the hammer blow incapacitated him so that he can rub his head and molest you a second time? What kind foolish question is this? Even the Nigerian court will throw out this case as long as she can prove he molested her.
Abeg...double tap! Hit him once, and then hit again to make sure he is down and is not getting up! When did being a Christian mean that you cant defend yourself?
Would you feel bad for shooting an armed robber that has shot your father and was preparing to shoot your mother? Would you stop with just a hammer blow? so that he can get up and finish his work?
You obviously know nothing of self defense or military training. I am a christian woman and I know of self defense because honestly, men prey on women and I'm not giving up what God gave me without a bloody fight. You dont hope someone is down, you make SURE someone is down. In a fight, you dont hit once and wait. You hit until you are SURE the person wont bother you again.

As long as it is between husband and wife ONLY ( no third party thank you!), it doesnt embarrass or make anyone feel pressured and uncomfortable, everything is holy on the marriage bed

SO for example, porn is not good since its more than just u and spouse involved (the actors in the film are third party)

for an outsider o, lagos will look like hell. Now while i dont appreciate the uncomplimentary picture he used for Lagos (as if it was on the river that he used ATM), i will agree that Lagos is tough to live in. I think the real reason why he rated lagos worst was because Lagos doesnt make any SENSE! there are no rules, anything goes.

In Dafur, you know for sure you could get shot. In Phillipines, you can get kidnapped. In Liberia, you can get ebola. In Lagos....you are not sure what you will face. I live in Abuja. I go to Lagos one time, its area boys that are the problem. Next time, its "one chance" bus that i have to be careful of. Next time, its killer indomie.

You never know what can deal with you in Lagos and that's what foreigners cant handle. You have to sharp and on your feet at all times. i remember the first time i went to Mushin to see a boyfriend several years ago. It was festival time and before you know it, a masquerade was harassing me and my boyfriend. He paid the masquerade and he left us alone. My boyfriend said the way i was walking and looking made me a direct target. EXCUSE ME? I was walking straight and looking ahead, i wasn't looking lost or like JJC. He said I was smiling. No one smiles in Mushin. SO smiling when you are walking makes you a target for people to obtain you? Na wa o. If this makes sense to you, you are from Lagos. If you are still scratching your head as I still am, you are JJC.

If I am a nigerian and i dont understand, abeg pity a poor foreigner.

By the way, i'm sure he tried to collect money from foreign currency bank account and the ATM suaved him with exchange rate. Thats why he felt he got the wrong amount. Same thing would have happened to him if he sat in a bank with a real human

They will last if they are mature. "this is 2014, not 1920" that is story jo! Life is easier now than it was then so less stress on marriage. But folks are not mature these days. Running away from marriage for every reason under the sun. Marriage is not easy... but neither is parenthood, going to school or keeping a job. People just stick to it.

Ive seen my friends who married at 27 get divorced at 32. I have also seen a dear friend who married at 17 to her 18 year old boyfriend stay married at 40 years of age now to the same man. And may i mention they have 10 children!

So if they are mature enough, they will weather the storms of marriage and come out on top. I pray that I will raise my children to be mature enough to marry at 19. But i will demand they finish university first so maybe 21 years is more realistic for me

Godmystrength:
who says the good gook is not beautiful? because she is tying a scarf and with no make up? wash off the beautiful wife's make up and dress her up like the cook and see what she will look like... do likewise for the cook and see....

True that!! True That!! You'd be surprised what women look like when they dont wear makeup. You wont even recognize them.

haba! no offense, i think you are getting paranoid if you are thinking of divorce because your wife is using birth control. But i completely understand your feeling of betrayal. As a wife myself, NO it is not right to hide such an important thing from your spouse. I suspect she did it because she doesnt want any more children. And i suspect you have been green lighting that you want to try again. so to avoid hurt feelings, she started using it secretly. Unfortunately, you have found out and now your feelings are hurt even more.

You need to talk to her, as gently as you can because im sure she is already scared. And scared women do scary things. Put her at ease that if she doesnt want kids just yet, you can wait until she is ready. My husband did that before we had our first child and it really built my trust for him. He even confronted both of our parents and told them we would have kids when we are ready.

Please, dont be offended about it. It was an ignorant thing she did, probably to protect your feelings. If you open up to her, you will show that she can trust you and she will have no need to hide such things in the future.