₦airaland Forum

Saw this

JOHNATHAN: a bully who as a kid had no shoes, and is weak against the strong and strong against the weak

Twitter: the place of abode to all who the president blames for everything wrong with his administration

GEJ SYNDROME: a disease that affects the brain thereby causing cluelessness in every form known to man. Symptoms include Gluttony, self-pity, unambitiousness amongst others, no known cure yet

Comrade: A man who still wears a safari suit even when the temperature is over 100 degrees centigrade.

Deacon/Deaconess: A title you get when you are too contaminated to be a pastor and yet too valuable- for your tithe – to be an ordinary floor member.

Religious Merchant: a pastor, bishop or Imam who has mastered the art of psychology and the use of placebo effect on his followers.

EFCC: An agency that pulls down the pants of a disfavored crook until the crook drops something.

Boko Haram: Government agency whose idea of industrial action is bombing and killing of innocent citizens when the government doesn’t pay its wages

Bishop: Any man who is able to convince a group of people that he was at the manger when Jesus was born.

Immunity: Like a bullet proof vest given as a baptismal gift to armed robbers.

Detractors: name given to everyone opposed to any evil agenda of the GEJ administration, every other thing from bombings, rape and miscarriage is also blamed on them.

Treason: a grave offence for abusing the president or calling for regime change. Its also punishable by death or life imprisonment.

Intellectuals: People whose only job is to think for their country- even if the country is burning and their bucket is full of water

Facebook: A medium which has earned the Nigerian president a place in the prestigious Guinness Book of record as the “World’s Most Cursed President on Facebook”

Labaran Maku: A clueless Information minister who has mastered the art of keeping himself trending by pissing down his leg.

Police Orderly: A glorified Politician’s Personal Assistant and baby sitter who also picks up laundry from the drycleaners.

National Assembly: A place where people allergic to honor decide when its okay for the ordinary man to start earning $2 a day when they earn $2million per year.

Testimony: Public rehearsal of wannabe Nollywood actors, typically in front of a church’s congregation.

Palliatives: like devil promising to give Jesus what already belongs to him

Ayo Oritsejafor: Johnathan’s Senior Special Assistant on Spiritual matters.

Cassava republic: the new name given to Nigeria, has exceeded all the qualities of banana republic.

HIV/AIDS: that virus that we all possess but which comes in positive or negative form (definition Contributed by Dame Patience (aka Queen Gbags)

Devils Dictionary: the definitions from the mischievous imaginations of a Nigerian youth.

Hope you enjoy it

LagosShia:
i never knew this thread was this lively and boys are serious in finding wife.

i would not make the mistake to get a wife or a[b]nother wife from Nairaland[/b].she could be the one to poison me!!!

can you share your NAIRALAND WIFE experience with us?

The letter read "resignation" other thing is speculation

BREAKING NEWS: POLICE boss Hafiz Ringim, has tendered his retirement letter with immediate effect, AIG of Police,M.D Abubakar is New IG.

Yes
Are you coming?

*happy* they are back

I used to know mine, i can't recall it now.

mukina2:
^
when you inviting us?

am expecting your invitation THIS year.

The silence of the oppressed is the strength of the oppressor.

The silence of the oppressed is the strength of the oppressor.

I am a poor man

If i amin your position,i won't be confuse because i have only a choice, that is chose OAU,i mean OAU simple.

No,

Is it true that GEJ resign

Frosbel, When America takes 1 million lives in Iraq for oil:
Not Terrorism.
When Serbs rape Muslim women in Kosovo/Bosnia:
Not Terrorism
When Russians kill 200,000 Chechens in
bombings: Not Terrorism
When Jews kick out Palestinians and take their
land:
Not Terrorism
When American drones kill entire family in Afghanistan/Pakistan:
Not Terrorism When Israel kills 10,000 Lebanese civilians due to 2 missing soldiers:
Not Terrorism When Muslims retaliate and show you how you treat us:
"Terrorism?" It seems like the word
"Terrorism" is only
reserved for Muslims.
and let the world know,
Muslims are not terrorists!

Odunnu:
Lawdofmerci! I hope you have no intentions of writing English Language in the next JAMB?

What is the meaning of that?

Love your signature.

The joke is clear enough If you don't get it, it's not meant for you.

Where are the singles? or una dey plan to leave this club?

violent:
I feel seriously heart broken and let down by the fact that i'm just finding this thread a little too late to do anything about it.

Should i have found this earlier, i could have very well employed the[b] "becomerich"[/b] approach by creating several users who will be more than willing to vote for me and tell all that care to read what a wonderful poster i am. . . . . . plus i won't feel the slightest moral guilt , even the government does this.

The only Aare of Canada.

A Nigerian man living in Sweden decided to marry a Swedish lady in order to be legally certified via
resident status, but the lady was not aware of this. She felt he really loved her. Anyway, seeing that Nigerian
men had a bad rap in that particular part of Sweden, our chap decided to lie to the lady. He told her he was
from Uganda.
Upon marriage, the lady came home one day and informed our man that she had just met another Swedish
lady who had married a Ugandan and they must all have dinner together.
The Naija man was somewhat perplexed, although not perceptibly, and wondered how he'd get out of this
spot. He postponed and postponed until he could do so no more.
Finally, the day came when they were to have dinner. The other Swede came in with her Ugandan husband
and they all sat at the table. Our Naija chappie was very quiet. "My own don spoil today" was all he could
think.
The two Swedish ladies, wanting their husbands to mingle, being from the same homeland, asked them to
speak to each other. "Hey! It's not every day you meet people from home!" they admonished.
Our Naija man, being a man of great savvy, decided that he would just speak Yoruba, and the guy would
probably assume he was from some part of Uganda where they spoke a different language. So looking across
the table he said: "Egbon Eko ni mi se? Ni bo lo ti ja wa?" ("I'm a Lagos man. Where do you come from?"
The fellow looked up at our friend. His eyes lit up as he said: "Ah, bobo gan! Omo Eko le ni naa ke! Omo Eko
gan gan!" ("Hey buddy! I'm a Lagos child. A REAL Lagosian!"

beds
seed

m1npk2

Nod Don

Most people on this thread are use to watching Atlantic conference league with few having time to watch Savannah conference, up here the league is more interesting, we parade top players like Makarfi and VP Sambo (between them they share a goal record of 50b goals in their 11years strikers in kaduna league), we also have the Akume and Suswan, holding firm the benue wing of the team, what about Dariye (always sharp as ever), the experience players include T Y Danjuma (now retire to the oil rich club), IBB, Abdul Salam. So when next the team list will be presented, these players deserve a place in the team.

Bunmi, when will you start thinking?

'We' are following

^^^ you see what your LONG absence has cause this thread. Welcome back. Mualima Deols

^^^ frosbel, Grw up now.

What is happening,people are no longer creative, look he just stole my joke. next time search before you post if not.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-671133.0.html

Joker, Jokeing, Jokeee of the year, why do you steal MY JOKE, who give you the copyright?

Make, Meek

deols:
^^^ the above. 9iceeee.

@ op, I also love-
Qul inna salaati wa nusuki wamahyaaya wamamaati lillahi rabbila'lameen.

say: Surely my prayer and my sacrifice and my life and my death are for Allah, the Lord of the worlds. ( 6:162)

I love the rhyme in that Ayah, it also put smiles in my face\.