Life will definitely not throw you a diamond, it will throw you a rock from which you make a stone and refine your diamond.

I started my career with a 30k monthly stipend, I took the offer because I saw in it what will feed me for life and the opportunity to launch myself to the world...
My total working period with the company was 7months and since then, I have gone ahead to create for myself a working model.
I pay myself, keep expanding and continuing to create a good working network.

At 31, I have few choiced properties, got myself and wifey 2 cars... Employed 2 more guys to work with me.
In few years... I want to reach the peak of my career and God's willing retire at 40-45!.

Nigeria will never want you to have it easy, you must be the one ready to take it by force.
I hope I have been able to inspire someone to do more today.
I see a better day for us!

alasan007:


Really checking car document is not part of their job but first thing they ask is car document n driver linces I’m surprise to hear you say that they will even book you if your widescreen is crack

I got a booking for a cracked widescreen.
These idiot said I had many offenses and I would pay 10k......
After all said, they said I should drop the 10k with the booking paper that they wwoukkd help pay.
Told them to sign on the copy that I glance paid to them, they refused and I took my money and paper from them....
It was later when I got home that I knew my offence was actually 2k.


One officer Jingi at Zuba bridge.... Told him I would be the one to break his leg next time I see him... This idiot booked me because the only offence was that my extra tyre is expired.
Even when his superior was telling him it was minor, he whispered something to his ears..

Now I don't even care to wait for them even if they flag me over.
If them born them well, let them stand in my front... Very annoying thieves

Thanks guys, in fact problem no dey finish o.
I wonder how insensitive people could be... So the fiancee has even been cooking my food to take to his Man and few others on site�.

How do people end up with such bad manners?
It is a must that I let them leave and I will pick the best method in few days.
Happy Sunday y'all

BabbanBura:


Tell him to arrange to move out, your wife is coming over for sometime. True true invite her to come and reclaim her home

That's a good suggestion but it will cost me a whole some....
Imagine they just walked in at this time, they like late night movement .

yomi007k:
In life you should learn to say NO, it helps with peace of mind.

It sure does.... I am still trying to destroy this emotional part of me that people tend to prey on

xProfx:
You caused it... Politely tell him to give you space and that you're no longer comfortable with him being around.

Give him a few days to gather his things and get out. Stop making food available in the house, let your woman prepare for both you and her or just keep buying food outside till he goes.

Next time, you will respect the sanctity of your matrimonial home.

Thanks alot, the reason is that I operate two houses in different states and my family doesn't stay with me on a norms cause she works somewhere else.
But staying with me or far doesn't mean I shouldn't still respect the sanctity of my matrimonial room

BabbanBura:



Ya story just no add up. A company provided accommodation is not to his taste but his taste no pass squatting with a married man in one bedroom flat?

The company provides him with a room though the company is more like a firm /trying to balance one.
The Man also promise to finance his new apartment if he decides to work for him.

Part of the reasons I don't feel comfortable in my heart to accommodate him is his refusal of that offer .
So if he doesn't know anyone in Lag would he reject the offer and I felt he has an ulterior motive for coming to my place.
All said and done I guess since he knew my families are usually not staying with me in Lag, he saw it as an opportunity.
But please I just need some help on how to make him leave peacefully without any quarrel

Evening guys, trust we are all good?
Please don't mind any of my typo tonight as this is an urgent issue.

So one of the guys that we worked together in a company I started with before doing my own thing seek my help as he plans to relocate to Lagos, doesn't want to use the apartment given to him by the company because it is low to his taste.
A brief history, I am a married Man with my family living in a different state,so I usually make use of 1bedroom apartment in Lagos and my family do come here often with my wife stuffs loaded in the room wardrobe.
My wife was totally against me harbouring someone to live in her matrimonial home and sincerely my spirit didn't give a definite answer as to if I wanted the dude to stay with me.

I reluctantly accepted to allow him in cause I don't want to feel bad about helping someone and the fact that most times I don't spend up to 6months a year in Lagos.

My issues.... This guy came in last week Monday and to my greatest surprise his fiancee came to visit on Tuesday and jokingly like she was kinda late to go home and has been staying in my apartment with his Man since Tuesday till date.
It irritates me and I don't feel comfortable fending for two adults aside my other responsibilities and the worst is this guy will walk up to my fridge, finish drink, finish fuel, take 2fish at once of my pot just for himself.

I travelled and returning today I still find his girlfriend stuffs in my matrimonial room....
My spirit still tells me this dude won't bring any good but I still feel somehow throwing him out.

I plan to be off town for around a month and I don't feel comfortable leaving my apartment to him..

How do I tell him off without being offensive?
I really can't continue with them both.. Thanks

CyberWolf:
Because Faleke didn’t participate in the primaries. The law is very clear on that, no sentiments.

If the law is very clear on that, then David Lyon deputy also didn't partake in the primaries and such shouldn't be a reason for his disqualification

I will like to thank you all for your advice.
It was really worth it.
I finally got her a Toyota Matrix, personally taught her how to drive due to covid19 lock down and she is happier driving around with the baby .
I escaped back to Lag to continue hustling .
3months without earning a dime sure took a toll on me
Thank you to everyone who gave their sincere advice
Between, I hope we are all keeping safe during this turbulent period?
We shall overcome!

Nigeria constitution is a joke and I believe the judiciary is confusing us the populace the more with unbelievable judgements.
If deputy and governors actually have the same ticket, why then was Faleke not sworn in as Governor in Kogi State after the death of abdulsalam?
Why was Bello brought into the fold?

Geofavor:



So, because it's her money, she gets to squander it anyhow on herself alone while the husband uses his to cater for the whole family? How then will he have money left to invest in their future? Isn't it the essence why she is working so that she can support the family too?

This is not boyfriend-girlfriend relationship where the girl spends her money on herself alone and the guy keeps paying the girl for everything even when she isn't broke.

A wrong decision made by the wife will affect the whole family, whether it's her money or not.

Both the money the wife makes and the one the husband makes belong to the family. That's why they're married. Stop this nonsensical mentality of "it's her money".


@ op, Call your wife and sit her down. Then you guys decide to buy one car together. Let who needs it more use it now. Nobody here can tell you. Only you and your wife know who needs it more.
Later on, you buy another. Whatever you do, make sure you do it in agreement.

You're young couples. You should be more focused now on acquiring assets, not liabilities.

Thanks alot Sir, I really do appreciate you.
You wonder why we have so many divorcee?
Fight for superiority in the homes and the mentality that her money is her money.
The two couples are meant to plan their future together.
So many people don't realise the importance of investing now and probably reaping it in maybe 5yrs time.
We are buying only one for her use and save towards her business to ease relocating

Thanks to everyone who contributed to the said issue, like I said it was to seek other married people(older married couple) counsel and not some Nairaland kids who don't even understand the definition of marriage.

Waoh, this huge response is actually overwhelming.

Some people didn't even read the whole thing finish before becoming emotional .

So much hate, so much bitterness, very toxic people .
Thank you all o.
Someone even said "he doesn't deserve to live"
People need to understand the difference between a thought in your head which you haven't even decided from an existing act.

A lot of people turned it to gender competition, emotional issue.. There is problem in Nigeria ooo and most people who came out of divorcee home or homes where the functions of male and female were not well spelt out really needs help o.
I will recommend a book titled "purpose of a real man/woman" written by Dr. Myles Munroe to you all.



I am not responsible for anyone's failure o.

The matured people I expected to comment who took time to read, understand my message have given their advice and I cherish them.
Thank you all

Lastingglory:
Chairman, I work in Abuja, my wife works in kaduna. We operate two houses like you. I have a car. I plan on buying her one before June. We don't have children yet but I feel it is necessary to allow her have some mobility instead of all that stress of public transport. It is not waste of money if it eases helps your wife greatly. You are meant to ease the stress for her as her husband.

,
Thanks alot bro, I wasn't even expecting this to make front page and the fact that some people already attached gender discrimination to it make it more scary.

We are getting for her only for the main time.
People do not understand,i never said she shouldn't buy... Was only thinking sustaining two at the moment is not the best for young couples

The car we are getting for her is just for local use as I cannot encourage long distance driving.

Even coming to Lag to fro... We make use of flight .
So going to home town, going for a function outside the state she resides makes the car useless.

But I appreciate the fact that some older married Men/Women have been able to chip in with their advice

RisenPhoenix:


You said, and I quote
"Due to Nigeria's economy, I asked her not to resign as she keeps working while I also keep on with my hustle"

as well as

"We both contribute financially and bring something to the table as we run 2 different homes."

So from your own words, this can be understood;

- she runs her home (containing the child) and you run yours (with no responsibilities other than yourself).

- your wish is to reduce your own stress at your job by buying a car justifying it with essential mobility. Of course, this comes at the expense of her forgoing any attempt at relieving her equivalent stress; as well as the baby's (remember that the baby is also exposed to potential okada accidents and breathing danfo fumes into his sensitive lungs).

- your desire to make her become 'a billionaire' is less for her own sake than for the sake of your comfort; since you have already shown that your comfort has priority over hers. Likely, in the event that she attains that level, you will still be directing her money and forbidding her from buying anything for the purpose of her personal comfort; because it will still make as much business sense to you to invest the money then, as it does to you now.

Why didn't you think to let her buy her car, and you buying a used Jincheng for yourself if it is truly about mobility? A Jincheng provides you with the same level of mobility as a civil engineer as a car and can go anywhere a car can go. Plus you can invest the money you would have used on your car instead.

Okay... You have gotten it all wrong.
Bringing something to the table means there are things she personally needs that she handles.
I pay her rents,set her up for business and got her one of the best paying federal job even before we got married.
We have been friends for 7years.
Even with money she seeks my opinion which has worked for us.
On the issue of car, I never said I told her not to buy... It was in my head to find a solution where we would make the best decision for our home.
We both need it, but I was thinking buying two is not economically viable.
I needed to be woken up and I got the best answer which is to buy for and suspend mine .
Lastly, even if she becomes a billionaire... I would be a happy man because she always give me the opportunity to make decisions for us.
She recognizes my function as a Man, she recognizes my intelligence and sacrifices to make decisions we end up being happy with after the results start showing up.
When you marry your friend,you enjoy some leverages to help one another out and make the best decision for your partner.
Enjoy your day Sir

Sammyimpostor:
Please don't be selfish, she needs the car more than you. After all you have been running your business without car, so continue until you have enough money to get another car for yourself.

The day my wife put to bed I gave her my car and I started using public transport and didn't die Please be a man and look out for welfare of your family first that's why you are the head.

I've gone to bed hungry just to make my wife and kids happy and here I am typing because the hunger didn't kill me. Please learn to go all out for your family before thinking about your comfort.
Thank you

Thanks alot Sir, I really do appreciate your input.... This will go a long way

elektra:
Mehn, some Nigerian women dey suffer for this thing called marriage.
On top of her own money oh! This id.iot husband is about to keep this woman and her kid in unwarranted sufferness.
And if care is not taken this hard working single mother will refuse to get herself and her baby a car because of “submission to head of house”.
I hope she her eyes open to see she is married to a selfish idio.t who only thinks about his own comfort and and wellbeing.

Smiles, thanks alot Madam but for the record my wife is not a Single Mother, she loves her marriage and her husband, she is not a feminist and she actually appreciate all the things her husband also bring to the table.
I am getting her the car with my own money as adviced by more experience people on here

RisenPhoenix:
No. You sir have parasitic tendencies. You married your wife for her paycheck it seems (making her remain at work because of 'economy'), and you don't even want her to have the necessary tools to ease her way of getting that paycheck. A man should be responsible for his family's expenses, yet you force her to work. You still want to use her money to invest in your business. Later, you will come and complain about how she does not respect you as head of the home.

Why should she? And how are you the head of anything as you stand now? You're not. From her perspective, you're functioning literally as her non-performing debtor as well as an average occasional gigolo.

Thanks alot even though I shouldn't have quoted you. But for some people who might also pick one or two things from the thread.
First, I still sent monthly upkeep to them.
I don't ever ask for money from her.
What I do is to always guide my wife to make a better decision in investing her money. That I have done many times, if she becomes a billionaire tomorrow it should be from the good decisions.
The job, I got it for her.......
Man need to be able to make lot of sacrifice for his home.
The married Men here actually understand where I am coming from and I have learnt a lot from you guys input.
Do have a nice day!

I will like to say thank you to everyone who contributed in one way or the other.
I needed to be woken up.
I have picked every useful points including the insults to ensure I be the best of myself to my wife and kid .
Happy week ahead!!!

ranmoor:
1. How far is her office to home and the creche? Most ladies just wanted car because of peer pressure. Sometimes personal car is more of a burden in this Lagos. But If she actually need the car she can get it. Just know that you will be fuelling and servicing most of the time.
2. You are a man na, you will survive. Did you tell her you want to buy a car before she decided she needs one too? Seems she has a lot of spare money. Let her get her car jare, don't be calculating on woman's money ooo

Thanks alot bro, I do appreciate.
Her work place is a bit large, the creche is inside the same compound but you can't trek it.
Secondly, I don't help her spend hers, I can only guide her.
I still take care of my responsibilities in the house.
Il

Simieoni2:
Oga buy ur wife a car first just for d comfort of ur kids. Shebi uve been hustling before without a car na.. and besides u reside in lagos too much trafic, we wey get car sef dey park for house jump danfo or enta bike

Thanks alot bro

Standardkid240:
To me you're not being fair here, you sound more like an igbo man.

I am actually Yoruba.. Thanks alot

Shallypop:
Head of family ko, tail of family ni. See ego.

Don't get me wrong madam, I only feel from past experience that a right or wrong decision will always bounce on me.
Not Ego!!

Headlesschicken:
Finally a sensible marriage post, let her have it since she's worth no go let over sense cause u problems,things would surely work out for good... Keep believing....

Thanks alot, I believe you know how these extended families behave ..
I will let her have hers but I also desperately need one.
There is this feelings that come with my job when a client sees you dropping from a bike or Uber. A job they should offer you for 1m,they will look down on you and negotiate you for 400k.
Aside the economy side of it, Families will believe we are so much in money and the responsibilities will increase

deewhydoski:

Best woman you can ever ask for... Bro u already answer your question. Let her buy the car, after 6 to 7 months u too u can buy yours. This will make her to love u the more.You are a man here u can find ur way.

Hmm, thanks alot....i will take your advice and let only her get for now.
My reasons are numerous, aside the economy Families will believe we have the money stocked up somewhere . We both take care of numerous responsibilities in our extended homes

kunleweb:





Are you sure you're a man or a boy in a man's body. Since you have your answers, kindly explain why you created the thread



Continue running your marriage with your one man army mindset.


Smh.

Look, I want to know from the experience of older couple on here how to manage such situation.
It is her money, and I have mine but as the head of the family I don't want to hurt her knowing she does alot too.
Thanks alot though

Asquare84:
You can get the two cars the same time, life is in stages the investment may come later

OK. Thanks alot

Shugavee:
Mtchewwwww u no get problem! Next

Thanks, as you take hiss make me know so

kunleweb:
My dear. You don't want peace abi. You better support her fast and run and get her the car so she'll praise you more. She needs that car abeg

Hmmmm, so I should encourage us getting 2 cars within the next 3months looking at Nigeria's economy and the need to have multiple source of income?.
Waoooh, thanks for the advice!!!

Evening guys, please I will like to seek people's opinion concerning this issue that I have in my home.

I am a married Man with a Kid. Before marriage, my wife has a federal job outside Lagos while I run my business in Lagos. Due to Nigeria's economy, I asked her not to resign as she keeps working while I also keep on with my hustle. I have to be fair to her as she has been giving her all in this marriage and I so envy her strength to make things work despite the distance.

We had our first child last year and she is going to a year.. We both contribute financially and bring something to the table as we run 2 different homes.

I know she goes through a lot taking care of the baby without a car and I know how tedious it is for her to manage.

We are both young (I am 30 while she is 28)
We got our first few properties this January and we planning to do other things as we both bring money together to get things done.

We have plans of getting our first car within a month and my wife suddenly demanded that she also needs a car where she is due to the stress she goes through daily picking my child from creche and managing that with her own job. I asked that I employ a helper for her but she doesn't want.

She plans on getting the car within the next 2months with her own money. My issue is that I am business oriented and see it as a waste of money buying 2 cars when we can buy one and invest the money for the other one.

I am a Civil Engineer and my Job requires I get a car for mobility.
I feel guilty by trying to stop her from getting the car while I get mine and at the same time, if she get one I will also need to get.

I have been cracking my head up trying to see how we can go about it without hurting her and be fair to her as she is the best woman I can ever ask for.

What should I do, should we both get cars and let other stuffs take it course?

Romans 14 vs1 -24
1Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

2-4For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ's table, wouldn't it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn't eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God's welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.

5Or, say, one person thinks that some days should be set aside as holy and another thinks that each day is pretty much like any other. There are good reasons either way. So, each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience.

6-9What's important in all this is that if you keep a holy day, keep it for God's sake; if you eat meat, eat it to the glory of God and thank God for prime rib; if you're a vegetarian, eat vegetables to the glory of God and thank God for broccoli. None of us are permitted to insist on our own way in these matters. It's God we are answerable to—all the way from life to death and everything in between—not each other. That's why Jesus lived and died and then lived again: so that he could be our Master across the entire range of life and death, and free us from the petty tyrannies of each other.

10-12So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? I'd say it leaves you looking pretty silly—or worse. Eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren't going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture:

"As I live and breathe," God says,
"every knee will bow before me;
Every tongue will tell the honest truth
that I and only I am God."
So tend to your knitting. You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.

13-14Forget about deciding what's right for each other. Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. I'm convinced—Jesus convinced me!—that everything as it is in itself is holy. We, of course, by the way we treat it or talk about it, can contaminate it.

15-16If you confuse others by making a big issue over what they eat or don't eat, you're no longer a companion with them in love, are you? These, remember, are persons for whom Christ died. Would you risk sending them to hell over an item in their diet? Don't you dare let a piece of God-blessed food become an occasion of soul-poisoning!

17-18God's kingdom isn't a matter of what you put in your stomach, for goodness' sake. It's what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy. Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Do that and you'll kill two birds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you.

19-21So let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don't drag them down by finding fault. You're certainly not going to permit an argument over what is served or not served at supper to wreck God's work among you, are you? I said it before and I'll say it again: All food is good, but it can turn bad if you use it badly, if you use it to trip others up and send them sprawling. When you sit down to a meal, your primary concern should not be to feed your own face but to share the life of Jesus. So be sensitive and courteous to the others who are eating. Don't eat or say or do things that might interfere with the free exchange of love.