₦airaland Forum

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me, "

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, no Brenda, no."

"No?"

"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

@obua
VIN for a 120k car? pls wake up

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey while you do that."

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are yer absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank God for that, I thought I was crippled."

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,



so make arrangement.







Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and



I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.







Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going



abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.







Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving



private tution: I have work for a week, so you need



not come for class.







Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a



week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets



spend the week together.







Grandpa(the 1st boss ) make call to his secretary: This week I am



spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend



that meeting.







Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss



has some work, we cancelled our trip.







Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend



this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.







Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving



private tution: This week we will have class as usual.







Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my



teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I



can't give you company.







Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this



week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement!

There

was a good old barber in Hyderabad. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service.

Florist is happy and leaves the shop.


The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.


A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there ,

Scroll down for answer,

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A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut, With Printouts of the Forwarded mail mentioning about free

haircut!

How true is that:Beer contains female hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.

It was then observed that

100% of the test subjects:



1) Argued over nothing.



2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.



3) Gained weight.



4) Talked excessively without making sense.



5) Became overly emotional.



6) Couldn't drive,



7) Failed to think rationally.



Had to sit down while urinating.




No further testing was considered necessary.
[b][/b]

call 08053946069

I sent you a mail, pls check your email

CONRATULATIONS !!!!!!!!
Pls go and test your blood presure ooh and na where we go wash the car since 2mrow na wkend, abeg organise make we join u jolly. or u fit give me the car since im going to Maiduguri on sunday make I baptise am for Nija road

thx. Im looking for properties in Gwarinpa and prince and princes estate.

pls Mr J HELP MY BROS WITH THIS 1HGCM56313A071482. THANKS.

soup we sweet na money make am!

@ FOTOdaddy CONGRATULATIONS!!! and take kam jeje for LAGOS roads ooh!


@Jenju--- well done! you have proven that you are a reliable person. Expect my ordersss soon.

can pls you post the pictures of the diesel generators and their specifications?

please help me with this 1HGCM561X5A008768 send it to aminulemu@yahoo.com THANKS

where are you located in Abuja?

please help me with this 1HGCM561X5A008768

pls Sly help me with this 1HGCM561X5A008768

which of the series? 2, 4, 6, or 8 series be specific.

ok i will make some enquieries and get back to you.

''2. around FCDA area i.e outside the estate 1000m2 (fenced) c of o - 2.5m''
is it the last price? and is the papers regularised? get back at me

@abujabooks
Im looking for properties to buy. Im not a real estate agent.

it is not an easy task. I was always shouting. my heart was always skipping. I ve to get someone to teach her and thank God she is a good driver today. It is better you pay someone to teach her or preferably take her to a driving school. there you have arest of mind.

im looking fo a small plot between 700 - 1000sqft for a house not an estate. preferable around owner-occupier or army resettlement area of kubwa.

JENJU, pls Check your mail box. thx.

Jenju, I know the place. is that your limo? It was in Kaduna b4.

HAKIR, do you have plots in Kubwa?

where are you located in Abuja?

pls kindly post the carfax report of the car. 2.2m