₦airaland Forum

The phone bill was exceptionally high and

the man of the house called a family meeting,

On a Saturday morning,

after breakfast,



Dad: People this is unacceptable.
You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.


Mum: Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.


Son: Me too,
I never use the home phone.
I always use my company mobile.


Maid: So - what is the problem?
We all use our work telephones !!!!!

@bibs yaya kike ne?
@ clemcykul aiki yayi yawa so sai, bana zama kulum inna nan ina chan

@ toy boy barka da zuwa

barkan ku da asuba jamaar mu.
@mc usman --na dawo gida ranar juma'a. jirgin dana samu (earocontractors) bai tsaya a Monrovia ba. ina gani babu fasinja.
ga wasa kwakwalwa:-
wani Alhaji ne zai yi tafiya zuwa Legas. Da ya fito wajen gidan sa, sai maigadin sa yace kai Alhaji, na yi mafarki chewa ka shiga jirgi kuma jirgin ya yi hatsari kowa ya mutu a cikin jirgin. So kar ka shiga jirgin nan zuwa Legas yau. Sai Alhaji ya koma cikin gida da ya ji labarin da mai gadi ya bashi. Da misalin karfe goma na safe, sai ruhoto ya dauka cewa jirgin da Alhaji yakamata ya shiga ya yi hatsari ya fado kowa yamutu. Da Jin haka, sai Alhaji ya zo kofar gida ya salami maigadin sa ya ce baya bukatar aikin shi a gidan shi kuma. Me ya sa Alhaji ya salami maigadinsa?

@ tufe memene ke damun ka? ayusman yace maka yana jin yunwea ne?

A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he finally gets up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.

Saturday night the man arrives at her house with flowers and candy. To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you, though, they are both deaf mutes."

With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable, as both of the parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his armchair watching cricket on TV, and Mum is busy knitting.

After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mum jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, and pours a glass of water over her backside. Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye.

The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening.

The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goings earlier in the living room. At the end of the night, the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?"

"No, its not you," he replied, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind. Then, as if that weren't enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over he couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match-stick by his eye."

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl. The man can't believe her casual response. "Mum was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, Bleep him - I'm watching the match.'

One night a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove of. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0 The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pub Night 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before). Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

A "don't remind me again" button.
Minimize button.
Ability to delete the "headache" file
An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 versions without loss of other system resources.
An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.
I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0 Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first; otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 and 2. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!

VIRUS ALERT
All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and " never" run any file transfer applications (such as Laplink) between the two systems.

FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!




Meet Wife 1.0 at Yahoo!
Have a free look around on us - just plug in your zip code

barkan ku dai jamaa ina fatan kun tashi lafiya

ayusman yaya kake?
bibs yaya yau?
clem yaya de?

h a p p y birthday!!!

haba ayusman16 da [b][/b]HAPIC ko dai da, ?

@ BIBS yaya kike? pls tell us what you thought

@ MC Usman- yaya kake? ban iya fere kunkuru ba idan na zo morovia zan kira ka.
@ clemcykul- yaya ki ke?
@sauran mutane - inna gaisuwa

There should be a moderator in this section and Im also in sopport of Siena been made the moderator.

'yan uwa yaya kuke ne? kai, kowa ya bar gida gida zai bar shi. Inna gaisuwa a chigaba da zumunci.
@ clem zaki sha lemu ko?
@ BIBS yaya kike
@ MC Usman, a inna kake a Liberia, zan zo Monrovia, a hanyata dawowa daga Malabo.

@ mogenle

@beemex
barka dai. Inna fatan kana nan lafiya.
@clem yaya dai?

Busta, Busta, there is no banana on coconut tree

barkan ku dai. ai ban san akwai hausawa/'yan arewa a wannan shashe ba.
@bibs yaya kike? na zo Kano kwanaki, bani da lambarki da na zo kin nuna mini gari. yanzu inna Equitorial Gunea, in na dawo nigeria zamuyi magana

pls remain focus dont allow yourself be distracted by the enermies. the services you are rendering are very important to all. even if you are not buying, it is also educative, apart from saving innocent unsuspecting will be buyers from been ripped off, saves lives, and also our hard earned money. The VIN CHECK helps in making informed decisions b4 comitting your resources in buying a car/ JUNK. Keep up the good work Bro!

pls assit me with this:1HGCM66535A046433. Thanks and keep up the good work. only the Almighty can trewardyou for the job you are doing here. You have helped many in making informed and right decision b4 using their hard earned money in buying cars/junks. their by saving lives and souls. I beg 3 GBOSA for you, GBOSA! GBOSA!! GBOSA!!!

hi , pls help with this: 4T1BE32K434170736. Thanks

@big father --------nothing good comes cheap

thanks Hakir

@posterdo you have a residenmtial plot in
1.Dawaki by NEWS ENGINEERING ALONG KUBWA EXPRESS
2.by Army resettlement area of kubwa
3.by owner occupier along Dutsen Alhaji in Kubwa?
if yes pls kindly send it to aminulemu@yahoo.com

@Hakir,
pls send the pic of the 2 bedrooms flat at Gwarinpa to aminulemu@yahoo.com and can you pls tell me the average price of a plot lets say about 100m2 in Guzape? thax.

more

see person ooh ;d ;d ;d ;d

still waiting ooh