₦airaland Forum

THREAD CLOSED TEACHER WIN

BTW even me sef nah teacher I go choose

nnachukz:
Girls sha wanting to have it all. What will she do to make me happy?

Bros for this question you deserve my ONLY origin
BTW I need an answer for this @OP (NOT punny ooh)

Does that mean all those on ban woulD be unbaned
Btw congratulations. Nairaland

he who comes to equity must come with clean hands

zilokontah:
@papercoin I seek no completion from the ladies...I am what my wife says I am. I am hers as she is mine.
What the other ladies say are but complement.
Feminism is a new age thought....a rebellion to order and a recipe to chaos.
I am what I am....with no apology.
Thanks to know you have got my back though.

That's great and you're right, well I don't wanna type much cos they always have a defence. #happysunday

femcruz:
See the pretentious cry on his face, supposing he lick am successfully, He'll be feeling like SPIDER MAN MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

Now this cracked me up ; you're absolUtelY right

Nice one but hope ya with shield cos the feminist are gonna bash you and ya wifey
Wishing ya best of luck, if ya got any probs holla at me

You need origin for more inspiration, this is wack. But ya tried

Take orgin for here, give her the coin tell hersay I dey bring the paper

Jonathan isn't good but buhari isn't better mehn in kowa I stand

Clap for ya self with this epistle according to (wetin be ya name sef)

Hmm in kowa I stand

Ninilowo:
What of ARTILLERY?.............the VULCANS. We clear the way!

Vulcans you're good too well it preference I still like the artillery too
1 intellegence corp
2 militay police corp
3 artillery
On battlefield and you wanna be d bad ass mehn move to artillery it so fun

Intelligence corp if known are thought to be snitch so you've got more enemies than friends

MP nobody likes to be policed about even the civillians don't like the police its in human nature

Artillery and its various branches are great, you have more friends less enemies and more battle stories to tell, the problem with artilery is they are the most populated corp BUT I so much like that corp

As for me I like the background role, get the location of shecow and a platoon is oredered to bring his head

Reaper231:
I guess its all abt individual preference. Some will say it's d medical corp while odas will say legal service. For me I luv d MP

Yeap preference #happyweekend

Don't wanna grow old
Twas fun, given the right time and place I'll still do it
BTW that bucket shouldn't touch your heel while carrying your water during hamattan.
Its fun being a child

Reaper231:
Military Police the mist prestigious of the army corps. Some pple confuse the MP ceremonial dress for navy tho.

Mp isn't the most prestigious, I'll go with the intellegent corp I.e military intelligent corp

Truely honour today tears 2mao;

2sExy1:
that was what I ate at last month in an eatery. Sizzlers to be precise. While one dude and his girlfriend were using fork, I washed my hand wells and ate the damn thing. It was even his girlfriend that was using fork. No time bro. Na so on my POP get together night my colleague was still forming when I used hand to eat half of the big fish we ordered... The fish done almost turn bone before the guy realised that if him no use hand, Na hin go loss.

Take orjin for my head from this bar

JayKayMaybachz:
Like Blackett stated..


Most ghuys will walk out, but some won't cos of the word "I'm In Love With My Bae"

Yeap, as for love that's an issue for another day "love is a scam" I prefer the word "like" so I'll just conclude they've been scamed.

JayKayMaybachz:
Lol.....

Walk out of the relationship or ignore her, As for me I'll go with the former.BTW she's just a girlfriend

Like seriously well dealing with a nagging girlfreind is like trying to solve the exhaust problem of the 1960s volkswagen beetle

Orjin for ya

I'm still an african to be precise nigerian, no forming, I might just stand out of the pack in the eatery while others are forming Behind
However I would have to be very carefull while eating

Ordained from heaven for community service, that's epic; as for love, that's a scam
Sha all what you wrote are true and yes

standd:
•
Standd. On Love and a typical Nigerian.
© 2015

All rights reserved ®

****

By now you know I am a Nigerian- Born, 'bread' and 'ewa-agoined' in Lagos, Nigeria.
And oh, I have been in love, with people, places and the good things of life. Now to the topic of discourse..

I once told my friend that when a Nigerian talks about love, he never really understands love in the context of relationship and marriage.
Even our ancestors did not buy into the sham called love in the contexts mentioned above...

****
200 years ago, in one remote village in Nigeria...
Bala went on a journey to a land far away, and returned home with 18year old maiden named yejide. No questions asked, no fanfare, no useless and unnecessary profession of love and whatnot, no shawarma, no trips to the mall, no lies...
Bala and his maiden bride, lived happily ever after.
Bala became a successful cocoa farmer, with 12-15 children sired from his loins...
Let us not forget that Bala probably married other wives and never slacked in his duties as a husband, father and head of the home...
Bala probably never mouthed the word love, yet he lived with his wives in peace and contentment.

****
Two years ago, Lekki, Nigeria.

Freda met Jude inside one of the many shops at Spar...

'Cheiii, see this clean guy, designers from specs to shoes, nice hair-cut, sweet skin-tone...God pls let him look at him...oh God! I love him already'

Freda mused within while pretending not to see Jude. She then stylishly turns her backside to him, ensuring that her well proportioned 'Ukwu' is in Jude's line of vision.

Then the Ukwu catches Jude's eyes...(Pls note, the Ukwu, not Freda's character, caught Jude's eyes)

'Oh my god! Baba, see yansh, if I no knack this babe, make I die...na my food be this one'

Meanwhile, Jude has a fiancée, a girlfriend at his work-place, a side-chick and Chinwe, the FWB.

So, Freda meets Jude and in the course of talking and gisting, they mention LOVE a thousand times, over and over again.

They exchange pings and buzzes, send a million emojis, Jude dazzles Freda with his cash and swag while Freda swings from cowgal to 'kukere' on the king-sized bed.

Pls, don't ask me what Jude and Freda are up to right now...We all know Jude will not get married until he is nearing 60, when there are a million Fredas asking for his 'Love' and then maybe there's no job ( Ok, pls blame Jonathan) or perhaps Freda's wife-material can barely sew a blouse ( forget the love they claim to share) or maybe, just maybe, one pastor somewhere saw a vision that Jude's wife is fair-skinned...If Freda is dark-skinned, then love will frizzle into thin air...

And Freda just realized she is nearing 40 and her biological clock is about to crash ( No, she can not change the battery)... So she no longer loves Jude...

Oh! She even blocked him on whatsapp...end of story.


****
2 weeks ago, somewhere in Nigeria, two people meet on an online forum and 'fell' in 'love'.
They exchanged PMs, flirt and cat-fished each other to Jerusalem and back. Then finally, they meet...

Boy: Oh! You are so lovely. I love you so much. I will marry you. I feel like I have met you since forever.

Girl: I love you too. Yes, I will marry you.

Boy: I love you

Girl: I loved you first.

Boy: I love you.

Girl: I love you and I want you.

Boy: I love you.

Girl: I love you ( insert 'kiss' smiley ten times).

They have sex (though they say it's making love).
They profess love over and over again like mentally-challenged oafs.
****
Three years later, they are still dating...Ten years later, their engagement and wedding ring, lay in chibuzor's shop in Balogun market, waiting to be bought.

And they keep on dating and dating and dating till eternity....


****
Okay, for some gals- love equals how many shawarma you can buy, and how much you have to spend. For some, they will love you by washing your entire house, cooking Onugbu, Ogbolo, Masa, Jollof rice, and cat-fish pepper soup just to increase their wife-material...

Some men will love you only when your yansh is in the air, and you will hear them yelling their love as they cum all over your destiny.

Some will love with all their heart, introduce you to their folks, help you loosen your dirty braids, and even buy you a BB Z200...But please, love will not stop them from slapping your mouth till you bleed if you irk them a bit or straffing the gal down the street.

*****
Nigerians are good people, they look out for each other, welcome strangers, they help the old to cross busy roads, return 12 million naira found in Airport toilets. Nigerians are hard working, peaceful and very open. But please, can we all go back and ask our aged folks, elders and kinsmen what they said in place of 'love'.

Because as it is...
Our brand of LOVE in Nigeria can barely cross from Osun to Nnewi.

Our brand of LOVE sees and appreciate facial beauty to character.

Our brand of LOVE do not respect poor husbands but can take kicks and blows from rich husbands. Forget the lies about staying for the children, if Baba Biliki was a Vulcanizer, you will not think twice before kicking his ass out.

Our brand of LOVE do not understand marriage vows, some would say the vow today and drive to pekas tomorrow to pick up the 'fair sisters'.


I am NOT sorry to say this, love in the context of relationships and marriage is not a Nigerian thing. My opinion...


Sometimes, a man will genuinely love a gal but then the guy's mother who is from Anambra will not let him bring a Delta girl home... Not even a gal from Imo. They can love from Gaza to Namibia, love in Nigeria do NOT cross boundaries!

But surprisingly, a Nigerian Man can bring home his ancestors age-mate from the United States, and his mother will forget that Texas is farther than the city in Ogun state where she had earlier rejected the bride that dared to love her son.

They say love in Tokyo, not love in Nigeria after all.

****
Then if the guy is unlucky enough to be Hausa, and the gal's father is a very 'holy' Man of God...Then, they should fling their love in the nearest lagoon....In my country, if you truly want to love when your traditions and folks are not smiling, you simply elope. Gather your mat and bride, and flee to Egypt...If you send foreign money some years later, they will forgive you and hop the nearest bus to find Western Union Money Transfer.


****
Still on the matter......Maybe,

40 years later, somewhere in the Mega city of Lagos, Nigeria. ( Yes, Nigeria..or you think there's Biafra and Arewa Republic? )

Amy meets Kamalu in the electric train plying Ikorodu to Berger....


Kamalu: How are you ma'am?

Amy: Fine, thank you.

Kamalu: Where are you from?

Amy: Nigeria.

Kamalu: Cool, me too. I work at Chevron.

Amy: I am a tailor.

Kamalu: It's a pleasure meeting you.

They exchange numbers and plan to meet again.

**
After about five dates....

Kamalu: You are really nice and homely, will you give me 3 babies?

Amy: *blushes* Why not?

Kamalu: Ok. Let's meet at Orions clinic. I will have them freeze my sperm. When you get there, just mention my name and they will collect your eggs.

Amy: Okay.

Deal sealed. No mention of love or marriage or all these yamayama lie lie things.

Lol (Pls, I wasn't laughing at all when I said that, the same way I don't feel anything when I type - 'I love you' )

Everyone is saying it, no be only me waka come.



****
Seriously, I really wish people can come out clean and define what they want from the get-go. You want to knack a gals bum, tell her (promise marriage and thunder will fire you).

You see a nice homey girl, groom her and table your desires before her, work on yourselves and take a vow to cherish and truly love..(Pls, you can not love Chinwe and Bola and Augusta and Sumaiya all at once, fear God na).

You want to attend pekas-fellowship and Ashewo-community your entire life, brother, pls do. Your kini is your own to use as you deem fit. But don't turn that gal who truly wants you into a tramp. And don't get married, if your kini has been ordained from heaven to render community-service. (There's no crime in staying single, don't mind the noise in the market)

You see a guy that you fancy, he fancies you too and starts to woo you. Decide what you want, do you want to settle with a man, or you desire you to be gang-messed by the entire male community, all in the name of 'big-gal', your name is on the register of every club..
You want to pull a Toke-Makinwa on every party organizer...
Pls, sister...decide what you want. It's your life after all.
But pls, don't get married if you still desire your ex's anaconda or you are not inclined to love and truly love.


*****
Yes..true love exist in Nigeria, as long as people still build and visit orphanages, give to the poor, help the helpless and homeless, look out for neighbours and basically, show love and respect others.

But shouldn't we all be thinking more of mutual-respect, trust, loyalty, self-respect/preservation, moral values and mutual-interests...instead of professing LOVE that we don't even understand.

Shouldn't we be asking our 'fathers' what they told our 'mothers' back in the days before the 'oyinbos' crossed the rivers to land on our shores.

Choiiii!

'Megida, I love you so much'
Meanwhile, what she loves is his looks, his cars, his cash and his spending-abilities'

'Rebecca, I will never leave you for any other'
Meanwhile, his spirit already left his body to visit Mary.. and the desk in his office is scarred with the indents of several female butt-shapes.

How do we all mouth 'I love you' in Nigeria and still manage to keep a straight face.


Even the not-so-good-looking Sister Mary in DLCM is nearing 50, and no man has seen her in his dreams or approached her. Pls, we know the Holy-spirit does not discriminate, so tell me, why is Sister Mary not married! Why?


Love kooo, love niiiii...
Say you like me and I'll smile and say thank you but you meet me today and you say you LOVE me and you are a NIGERIAN....
*Blood of Jesus*




******
This is my opinion....Comments and contributions are welcome.
Please like and share.
Thank you.

Visit my blog:
Chesapeakesblues

****
Standd,
Feb, 2015.

E dey sweet mah belle. Product of a functioning brain

...And the joy of it all ,the moniker that. Advertizes sandals and the other that do post indecency didn't comment before me

Take on your fear b4 taking on the highway, your car with regular maintanance would take ya there *eehm check your bushen & barlin wello I fear honda legs especially the front*

Btw don't forget ya fuel pump

SeriouslY I aint God, you wouldn't want to know what I would do to shakau if I where to be God, the MOD would ban me for giving a vivid and awful graphical discription on how his death is gonna look like simply he doesn't deserve the mercy of a quick and easy death
BTW. Have a nice weekend nairalanders

Henrybright:
mine was so serious dat I had to sweat eh... shai

Sorry bro
As for me I continued writting,that's waec ohh. My brain just seem to be gong into overdrive you know *450 words* sha can't remeber how I solved that ish again

I don't wanna grow old again, remembering this just make me wanna cry.
Vewing my class mates my school uniform my ussual seat mehn everything is just playing in my mind like a movie
Truly good old days

Mine was "IS" the exam waec english language theory "the early bird catches the worm" would never forget

Opposition having HBP since meger