₦airaland Forum

Pidgin2:
From your post, I think you were married for benefits. It seems one of the reasons for marrying you was getting your passport and now that he has gotten it, he has no regard for you anymore

Another issue may be that he already has a spouse and family down here, try to do your investigation well, insist on coming down home with him, get to know his friends and family then tell most of them what is going on, surely one will have pity on you and he will be exposed.

Do you have any kids?

Thank you for adviced me.

I have a child.
I was birth a child w/o marriage when b/4 met him.
I was single mom since 18years old till I met him.

You said benefits is me?
Sorry for I can't understand English very well.
Coz I'm not English speaker and my English skill is very poor.

I'm married with him is I fell in love.

Single mom in Japan who is not rich have Government support.
Once of a 4month they give money.
Tax for living is free.
Cost of medical is free etc.

But once get marriage, they stop it.
And sometimes she have to pay them back some money.
If single mom who is get that support will start relationship with man, that is they think he is supporting for her.
If they go to a restaurant is food support.
If they hanging out with what ever they use I mean car,train,bus etc, is that transport support.

So when we decided marry, he paid back them some money instead of me.
I hadn't any benefits from him what if only think about money.
I had that support from Government @ that time.
They have income limit.
If somebody over income limit, that person can't get support or just little bit over person is something cut support.

So I started have to pay what I didn't need pay b/4 marriage.
And he was not rich guy.
He worked on food factory @ that time.
And that company paid him not same for Japanese.
Very bad company.

And marry with foreign in Japan is too much trouble some.

Japanese and Japanese marriage is just go to city hall and give them marriage registration.
Then after that change all of documents.
Also little bit trouble some.

But our case, he had to get some documents from Nigeria then after had to translate it.
We brought it in city hall.
But Japanese and foreign marriage registration is can't accept it @ that day.
City hall bring it to Ministry of Justice.
Then we went to Legal Affairs Breau and had interview.
And also went to Embassy of Nigeria and Immigration office.
We also had interview in Immigration office.
All of that during we waited accept our marriage.
His all of documents had to translate.
We had interview bcoz of they doubting fake marriage what is investigation us.

We waited 2month to accept our marriage.
Then we started do another documents as like Japanese and Japanese marriage after got accept.

So I think I didn't have any benefits.
I don't know about him.
But He could get another woman who have no kid and who is rich woman.
He just got visa.

I wanted know about Nigerian marriage is what is wife's duty and what is husband's duty in common.
And how Nigerian marriage life for cost of living b/w husband and wife.

That's why I wrote about money in this topic.
I know that everythings are person by person.
Everybody are different human.

josessybj:
Maybe he has a new wife back home

Thank you for wrote to me.

I also doubting him.
But I still can't find out proof it.
And I don't know how can find it.

Tyche:
Maybe you like cassava and he has a big cassava

Thank you for wrote to me.

But I don't understand well.
Cassava is trees right?
Is that sexual meaning?

Sorry about I'm not English speaker and my English is very poor.
So is difficult to understand your word to me.

But if that meaning is sexual meaning,
I really can't understand why you said it to me.
Coz I said I'm loving him?

I think sexual relationship is also important for b/w husband and wife's relationship.
But it is can not reason for stay long together and keep marriage life for me.
Doesn't matter if he can do sexual performance well or not.

If partner can't do it very well and can't satisfied it, just try to find out what is and how can they make good feel for each other and even think about that time(looking for how can they satisfied for each other) is also fun.
Then when they find it, they are so happy and their love is getting more strong.

That is just my thinking.
So if he can do very well or not and he has good one or not is doesn't matter for me.

Different culture,different language, different skin color,different eye color etc, all of things are doesn't matter for me.

I just fell in love with him almost 15years ago.
And still fall in love him.
Every time getting more loving him than yesterday.
I'm loving himself.

I want you to understand what I didn't fall in love with his genital.

Thank you.

twosquare:
With all you have said, I cannot disprove the feeling that he is got kids in Nigeria and a wife since you said he doesn't have a child through you.
Everyone knows a Nigerian/Africans want a child to carry on the lineage. It is in the blood. For him to say it doesn't matter; he might be lying. I'm just wondering why how you could have waited this long...Do you have the Greencard?...I hope that is not the reason he married you.

I'm Japanese and living in Japan.
I don't have Greencard.

But my husband already got kind of Greencard what Japan call it permanent visa.

I also doubted b/4.
He married me bcoz of permanent visa

Many people divorced when they got permanent visa.
That's why I wondered him and asked him so many times about why he don't wanna divorce me.

I had feel like divorce him lots of times.
But I couldn't do it.
Bcoz I'm loving him so much.

I know I'm doing like stupid.

Anyway,
How can I find out truth about him?
That is very difficult to me.

Polygamy is common in Nigeria?
Is it also common to Christian?
He is Catholic Christian.
Is possible in Nigeria who is Christian has more than one wife?

Japan can't do that
That is criminal.

I'm doubting him about he has wife and kid in Nigeria.
But I always try to trust him.
Even now I'm still wanna trust him.
I don't wanna think about my almost 15years is wasted time...

But same Nigerian peoples word is I think real.
This is big problem to me.

Badgers14:
Oh no no, I am not upset.

I was just short of words. My suggestion will still be to talk to your husband about how you feel.

It is not a bad thing for a wife to ask the husband a question or have a conversation with him about her feelings.

I hope everything works out well for you and you will continue to be happy in your marriage.

Goodluck!!

Sorry and thank you.

I really want happy marriage life...
But I'm doubting him about he already have wife in Nigeria.

I really don't know why I'm still love him and still wanna trust him.

keepingmum:
His friends will never tell you the truth. Insist on travelling with him to nigeria next year. Start saving your flight ticket money so that he wont say he doesnt have money for your ticket.
When you go, look for the lady he introduces as his "sister" the lady who's children call him daddy"....thats his wife and those are his children.
He may lie to you and tell you that they call him daddy because hes looking after them financially but its a big lie

Thank you so much.

I wanna save money for go to Nigeria with him.
But my small money is everything for life.
He don't care if me and my child are hungry.

I know that his friends never ever tell me truth.
All of them are his side.

And I read something b/4 what you told me about guy say sister or cousin is his wife.
And her kids are his kids...

NoToPile:
Are you sure he doesn't have a wife in Nigeria.

Sorry for late reply and thank you!
I'm also doubting him now.

But I'm still wanna trust him and still love him.
I don't know why.

twosquare:
Maybe not... If you have treated him badly in the past, he might resent you now. Do you have children together (I mean did he fathered a child through you)? He should be able to bring you to his family after many years together except he is hiding something.

No.
I really wanted make my child's brother or
sister.
Even I really wanted have his baby.

But he never want.
He always say no money.

Now I'm getting old.
I think I can't get baby anymore.

But he always telling me that my age still can birth baby in Nigeria.

Anyway, I made big mistake about for his family.
That's why he don't wanna give me a chance to take communicate with them.

He is blocking me to his family.

My mistake is I couldn't talk to his family when he wanted me to talk.

Why I couldn't that is my English was very poor more than now.
And phone is too much difficult than face to face.
So I thought I need to take more time to greet his family.
Bcoz I thought if I couldn't answer well, very rude person like who don't know about manner and molar.
That's why I told him give me a time.
But he demanded me to talk and never say how to back up me.
My feel was he is mean to me.

I was so stupid.

After some time, I sent a mail to them what he told me about family mail box.
His brothers and sisters share that mail address.
I don't know is true or not.

We had lots of problem @ that time.
I wanted need help like now in here(Nairaland).
I needed advice and wanted try to understand his culture.
But when I sent a mail b/4,he told me that if I'll send a mail, its gonna be big problem for you!
That he said.
But I ignored him and sent.
Nobody reply me.

I'm asked him to wanna talk to his mom after sometimes.
But he said no.
Only one time, he said ok.
But even he said that whatever mom say to me don't complain to him.
That he told me.
So I stopped it @ that time.

I'm still don't know any his family member.
And they also don't know me and my child.
So much strange...

I don't know that he also blocking them or not.

keepingmum:
Your husband has a wife in nigeria. That is why he travels without you.
That is why he travels every year.
That is why he is extending his visit to 3 months.
I will have to say i am surprised that an ibo man will marry and not look after his wife adequately. Its very unlike a typical ibo man

Thank you for telling me what your thinking.

Now I also doubting him.
And I told him that.
But I made mistake.
I still dont have any proof about it.

If I'm thinking about that, I'm feel like cry.
That's why I trying to dont think about that.

I asked his friend who is Igbo guy about what I read about Igbo guy married with Japanese woman and also have Nigerian wife in Nigeria.

He told me "no good to trust web site story ",
"Dont trust it"
And he asked me about how? Nigerian wife knows about her husband married JP woman? She always just wating him until when he'll be back?

His face was supplies and watch my face like"stupid woman" what his face wanna say.

So I stopped talk about that for a while.
But by this time my doub is back to my mind.

I still wanna trust him.
But not easy.

I just wanted make good family with him and my child.
Is that bad things?

I thought keep that thinking is good for marriage life b/4.
But I dont know now.

twosquare:
Well, with all you have said, I believe the best is to talk to him about your feelings and what's bothering you. In Nigerian marriages, individual personality differs, even among Igbos, other tribes as well. People are not the same, likewise we have sweet and bitter marriages all around. Women here can talk with their husbands and share their concerns even though we have patriarchal system here. You have nothing to be afraid of. Something, I believe, is off. Just talk to him. We have caring husbands and likewise wives here. By the way, which country are you from in Asia? Indonesia?

Thank you for adviced me.
I'm from Japan.

I tried to tell him about my feel.
How much hard to pay and How much feel like lonely.

But he dont care.
Maybe bcoz of I was so much mad woman to him?

orangb:
which country are you from?

I'm from Japan.

Thank you for gave me advice.

forreelinc.
FemiEddy.
Nutase.
Badgers14.

I wrote about my husband like bad guy.
But he is good guy to me.
That's why I'm still loving him.

Sorry about if I made you feel so bad what I wrote.

I wrote too much about money problem.
But in fact, my must worry about is I still can't be his especially woman.

I'm so anxious now.
Maybe bcoz of he is not around.

But I had good experience in here what you gave me advice.

I'm very very APPRECIATE!!!

Have a great night!

P.S. if woman will get too much fat after marriage, husband say a swindle or pig in my country.not hippopotamus

To:Nutase
Thank you for advice me.
I already had lots of shock about him.
But I'm still love him.
I really hope continue our marriage life and get more good marriage life till when we die.

To:Badgers14
Thank you for advice me.
Yes.
I know that Everybody different.
I'm Asian and I never been to any other country.
Women can't say anything to men in Africa?
If women say something to men,is that rude?

I always thankful to him in my mind.
Even I say thank you to him when he helped me whatever he did.

I already have a child b/4 marry with him.
And he took care of us only his salary when I lost work bcoz of my sick.

But my life was no change what I work or not work.

We started marriage life in my house.
He just brought his bag.

So I wanted him to understand that what is make family.
Bcoz I dont understand what somebody can't take care of wife and kids but want marry and make baby.
And doing wanna acting wanna like single guy.

Kind of guy suppose to be not get marriage.
That is my thinking and I told him lots of times.

So,I didn't try to get work more than 5years after my sick is gone.
I think very sorry and thankful to him in my mind.
But I thought that is little bit revenge to him @ that time.
I was so stupid.

And I was so mad when we had quarrel.
Many many many times.
I was really mad wife.

More than 10years is not short time to me.
We had so many good times and bad times.

But i'm thankful about he is also trying to keep our marriage whatever he love me or not.

I wanna write more.
But I dont want he'll find out me in here.

Thanks.

To:forreelinc
Thank you for telling me that.
But I can't understand it well.
Bcoz of my English skill is really poor.

I made him to treat me like that what you wanna tell me?

To:FemiEddy
Thank you for put pictures.
What do you mean that pictures?

Hello everyone.

Thanks for open this topic.
And sorry about my English is very poor.
Coz I'm not English speaker.

I really need advice from who is Nigerian(Igbo) and who is marry with Nigerian(Igbo)guy.

I'm married with Igbo guy more than 10years.
We started relationship totally almost 15years.

But I'm still dont know lots of things about Nigerian culture.

Now we are living separate.
Coz he got new work in far place.
That's why he is only pay for house bill where I living.
I also working.
But my wage is very small.
He always demind me to pay for lots of things more than my wage since when we married.

In suddenly he leaved our house w/o any discuss when after he spoke his friend who is introduced him to new work.

Get new work is ok.
But what I dont understand is always he decided by himself about all of things.

My health is no good.
I suppose to be go to hospital what doctor said when I went to there @ last time.
But I still cant go there more than 4month.
Bcoz of money.

I told him that how much so hard life.
But he always ignoring me.

I know that he has money.
Coz every year he go back to Nigeria.

He can buy air ticket and many gifts for his family but he has no money to take me to hospital.

Is it his culture?

Wife must pay for life more than wage?
Husband salary is more than wife.
But still must pay half and half or more than him?
I know that not everybody same.

If wife have sick,still have to go to work and have to make money to go to hospital by herself?

Is that Nigerian common marriage life style?

He started stay in Nigeria more than 1month when he go back to Nigeria.
He told me 3months by this time.
Now he is in Nigeria.

I can understand that everybody who is stay in abroad want go back to own country and missing family.
But why always w/o wife?

People who is married and living in Nigeria,every year take holiday 1to3month?
No work,no pay,w/o partner.
Is it common?

And my husband dont wanna give me any gift and dont wanna spend time with me on any celebrate day.
So I also stopped gift for him.
I have no experience about dating with him as like common couples.
Is it Igbo culture?

I know that I decided marry with him.
But I didn't know kind of hard and lonely life Iwill get.

I still wanna ask many things.
But already too much writing.

Sorry about my poor English once more time.

I hope many people can understand what I'm trying to tell you.
PLS I NEED HELP.

THANKS.