₦airaland Forum

Angela777:
Dear Armyofone, because of my experience I learnt about Nigerian people a lot and I like Nigerians lots, the people like you and many here have compassion for other people suffering. It's where we understand Nigeria is big and so many good friends wish well to others.
Thank you, darling. Really my friends were saying to me the same, how don't I see or hear, many were advising but I didn't hear and it was a bad awakening. I understand Peaceful very well, she is in pain because she can't understand why and what happens.

Dear peaceful, open your eyes, protect yourself from joint debts, in Nigeria his family has no debts but you have in Japan, paying your husband's debts for him being able to travel and stay in Nigeria and bringing gifts and money to another family and you wishing to pay. I don't know how is in Japan but in America husband and wife are responsible for debts together, doesn't matter if one is saving and paying and the other one is spending. Be careful about that, you are not rich and can become very poor with many debts. And, dear, please, first try to look at yourself as you were your own friend, see what's going on in your mind, heart, your marriage, your family? Try to see what will be several years from now. What about becoming old and your pension, your place to live? You need to think about yourself and then your child and your husband. You need to protect yourself and be well.

Thank you so much. I'm appreciate you.
I'm really worry about future when I can't work again. I'm telling him about that. He knows that. I have to make money and save money for future. I really wanna do. I'm always trying it. But always gone
I'm telling him how much I wanna save money.
I want him to understand.

armyofone:
@Angela777

Wow @ your experience!

@ Lady peacefull keep your eyes open! Your defensiveness is on another level.

Are you not reading or hearing what Fada are doing talk less of the layman.

Thank you for give me advice. I'm appreciate you.
Am I defensiveness? About my husband?
I think I was really bad wife. I don't know if I'm good wife or bad wife now. I can't explain well.

What is Fada?
I'm sorry. I'm not English speaker. I used my dictionary. But I couldn't get it. If not disturbing you or bothering you, I like to know about Fada. Layman is like my family or my friends?
Is not easy for me to open all my marriage problem for someone
I had little bit talk about my marriage for someone who is very close to me.

armyofone:
@Angela777

Wow @ your experience!

@ Lady peacefull keep your eyes open! Your defensiveness is on another level.

Are you not reading or hearing what Fada are doing talk less of the layman.

Thank you for give me advice. I'm appreciate you.
Am I defensiveness? About my husband?
I think I was really bad wife. I don't know if I'm good wife or bad wife now. I can't explain well.

What is Fada?
I'm sorry. I'm not English speaker. I used my dictionary. But I couldn't get it. If not disturbing you or bothering you, I like to know about Fada. Layman is like my family or my friends?
Is not easy for me to open all my marriage problem for someone
I had little bit talk about my marriage for someone who is very close to me.

sparkle7:
Your english is very much improved. Hope you can teach me Japanese in return.

Thank you so much!!
But I really can't speak, write and read English well. I'm always using dictionary for write and read. Many things I can't write well and can't understand well when I'm reading.
Yes!! Of course! I can teach you Japanese. But problem is my English.
What do you wanna know?

sparkle7:
Peaceful you are quite the very best wife in Japan just that the man who you make all these sacrifices for never appreciate it.
You story is really heart breaking. It weaks me seeing people who are financial ridden and i cant do anything about it. You dont really know how much i share your hurts right now. But i will bookmark this thread and surely reach out to you if i get some crispy notes. Am even thinking of how to sell all my Father's properties and wire the money to you. < joke intended. Nigeria is so difficult so we Nigerians make joke of the hardships instead of sulking. We laugh at our own sufferings just to feel better. Life got no manual, we take it as it is >
for the record am a legit, cool headed 18 year old Igbo boy, born and bred Son of the Soil. Look, the general perceptive of many Nigerian youth is. Get away from the country >> Travel abroad >> Make some money whether legit or not >> Come back to Nigeria and convert it to our local currency. Automatically making the guy a millionaire. >> Take the Igwe title < kingship > or start answering ' Omena Dollar ' meaning ' Dollar Don' literally, One who deals with dollars or money bag. Am afraid its the same part your husband is threading upon. Igbos are huge spenders on those they love and care about.
I once sent my Girlfriend my university tuition fees, all in the name of love. Stupid me! But this your husband is not showing these qualities of love peculiar to Nigerian men. Making me reach the assumption that he is keeping you just for the greencard. And believe me thats the root cause of most online dating scams by Nigerians. Everybody wants to leave the country for greener pastures thinking that its easy over there. Now in igbo culture, much duties are placed on the shoulders of first borns/ first male child. He is invicibly tasked with the job of providing for the family like sending cash for upkeeps, ensuring to take care of his other sibilings even to a detrimental extent to his own progression. My Dad had to train his whole sibilings and paid their school fee even though he wasnt through with his own schooling just because he came first.
So i dont know if your husband is the first child of his family, even though he is, such should not warrant such degree of negligience to his japanese wife.
It is an open secret that he has a wife in Nigeria who he sends money for upkeeps. And i tell you his nigerian wife ( if my speculations are true ) dont give a flying Yuan who you are as far as the money conitnues flowing. Her opinion is ' There is no place like Home' meaning after everything, she still gets her husband back home with her. We Nigerians know ourselves. Believe me when i tell you this
he is a baller and millionaire here in Nigeria. Our general notion of our Brothers who travel abroad and come back is >> This guy is killing the dollar! This guy have raked in too much cash there o. Infact he can sow a money suit now. And when he goes to village meetings, he will be praised, hailed and edified because we think he is now counting in $$$ instead of Naira.
This will make him spend voraciously as to whom much is given, much is also expected. So i wont be surprise that your husband is living large and expensive here in Nigeria but forms a pauper back in Japan. And you are his tool with which he actualizes his self centered ambitions. You accomodate him and legalise his stay in Japan while he mines for Gold without giving much to you. How can one refuse paying his bills, take his surpportive wife to the clinic, help out in the day to day running of the house, treat you like a queen ( which you are ). But he has money to book an expensive flight back home. Thats so odd for an Igbo boy who cherish and adores his wife. I dont wanna believe he is using you. Also about the electricity stuff. Dont blame him, our community have not had electricity for straight 4 months. So 10 days is quite small to worry about. We rely heavily on Generators for power. You quite respectful still, a rare virtue of Good wives. I can relate igbo culture to you. Feel free to ask your questions. @ Angela777 fallacy of Hasty generalization. Dont judge based on one angle. Non scammers far outnumbers the Scammers in Nigeria. You said Some raw truths tho. And no i dont believe in the Charm thing. Take a chill pill. And yeah you are right we like money. Like, who doesnt? Come to mbaise marriage ceremony an Igbo clan and see what money wastage is called.

Thank you for give me advice. I'm appreciate you.
I can still laughing! I maybe very poor. But poor can't take my smile. I can't lose my smile because of poor. Because my heart is not poor.
I have no luxury things. I'm not living in luxury. That is no problem for me. I'm thankful what I have. I'm living under the roof. I can sleep on the bed. I can eat food. I can take a shower. I have family. I have friends. I can laugh. I can cry. I can angry. I'm alive! That is enough for me Very luxury. But I'm a woman and human. So sometimes I'm admire someone who have good things.

My husband is not looks like rich man. Sometimes he don't care if he is wearing bad socks like already little bit tear. That's why sometimes I bought for him if I can buy when we lived together. I didn't care if I can't buy something for myself. He is a man. Hard working man. He should not wear like that.

But you mean when he go to Nigeria, he will be like rich man? How? Only me think about he is not rich man? But if he has money, why he wanna hide from me? He think I will take his money? Because I want him to pay his arrears? I never demanded him to luxury life for me.
But sometimes I had talk about travel like dreaming. Not demand him to take me. I'm talk like dreaming for go to travel. But I maybe made him feel like I'm greedy?
How can someone don't have enough money doing like rich man in Nigeria?
He is also hard life in Japan. He is assist my life and take care of his life and sending money for Nigeria? Is it possible?
He is not first son. If first son don't have enough money to take care of his family, what will happen with him?
Even in Japan is same. First son has responsibility for many many things.
I asked him about child in Nigeria before. He always say he don't have a wife in Nigeria. So I asked about maybe he has a child without marriage like me. He explained about in Igbo land(?) and bride price. I still can't understand well what he said. Without pay for bride price is not wife or family? That child can't accept their family? What is Igbo land? I had talk about it only one time. So I still wanna ask him and wanna understand what he said.

Anyway, You are not stupid what you did for love. I will do same thing if I can do. Love is very very important. Sometimes very hurt. But always very beautifule

Angela777:
Dear, it can't work for a long time just one person giving and another one receiving. Love grows up if it is mutual and Love dies, fades if one way only. As you describe, your husband has another family in Nigeria and probably kids because even his family demands his blood kids and push him to marry to a Nigerian lady. If you are ok with polygamy and accept his wife and his kids, if you accept the fact you are the 1st or maybe the 2nd wife and he can have 1,2,3 wives more, try to talk to your husband and get an agreement but you can't live between lies, your own doubts are eating you from inside, you are sad, it can cause the depression, even cancer, you need to fix this situation the best way you can and live happy with him or without him, your child needs a happy mother and even the cheating husband want to see you happy, not sad every day.

Can you accept to be the 2nd or 3rd wife? Can you accept your husband making more money than you but dividing it between 2-3 families and it's never enough for your family? Muslim women live this way but they don't work and are fully supported by their husband. Is he a Muslim?

Yes. Always only giving or only taking is too bad. Give and Take is best.
I think we are trying to give and take. Sometimes we can't. But I think we are trying. When I didn't work, he was working alone and took care of us. When I got disease, he took care of me. He did it what he can do.

If his family pushed him to marry with Nigerian woman and have kids, I can't say anything.
Because our generation and parents generation thinking is really different.
I don't want him to have another women. But if that is culture, I have to try to understand.
I couldn't think like this before. I took long long time.

Yes!!! Every child need happy mother!!!
That's why I'm always keeping my smile for my child. That's why I'm always trying to stay strong for my child.

He is Catholic Christian.
I think Catholic Christian don't allow polygamy.
One husband and One wife.

Thank you so much. I appreciate you.
I'm not always sad or hurt. When I joined here, I was very surprised about many peoples say he is married in Nigeria. I was really so hurt at that time. But I was really appreciate and still appreciate for every one. I could learn many things and I could touch good Nigerian peoples! I'm still learning and touching good peoples like you on here. I'm not pity or unhappy woman My heart can't be poor

error4040:
To my understanding a husband should buy a gift for his wife just to appreciate her this can be time to time not all the time tho, But as you said he hardly spend time with you or buy gift even on special Day



As the man in A family he is expected to Pay most bills, But if he can't a wife is expected to help but not the way he is making you help despite being financially stable.

what you need to know is Your husbands case is different.
why won't he pay his fees on time but would have money to buy expensive gift and flight ticket ?
If he was truthful Family should come 1st before other things



And here again your case is different because you're the one who is making less money and facing health challenges but despite this situation he still won't pay his bils on time and insisted you work
if he truly care about you let him wait till your health is better before buying ticket to Nigeria

Thank you so much. I appreciate you.
He can't give me gift is really not problem for me. I also don't give him any gift now. Only sometimes buy for him small daily necessities when we see. Very small things. But that is not gift.

He is trying to pay his bills little by little. Why I can't assist him to pay together is I have not enough money to pay it. I also have to pay my bills. We have not enough money and have hard life is also not problem for me. I just can't understand his how to spending money. I always wonder why he is not shame about arrears. I'm always trying to tell him about just 1year or 2years stand it go to Nigeria and try to save money and try to pay arrears. Not because I want something or I want him to buy something. I just want him to pay arrears and want him reduce arrears.
But he always said No, he can't stop go to Nigeria. And he can't get my point. He always telling me that I'm always complain him when he go to Nigeria. That's why he think I don't like or I don't want him to go to Nigeria.
I'm not complain. When he go to Nigeria and stop pay his arrears, just add more late for pay. That's why I'm telling him he should pay first if he has money for go to Nigeria. That his arrears is not small. I don't want him to add more.
What I'm telling him is strange? Is that complain? His money is his money. I know I can't control his money and I'm not thinking about control him or his money. I just want him to reduce his arrears. I just want peace of mind. That's why if I have enough money, I really wanna pay. Not because only for him. Even because for me. If I have enough money and I can pay, we can have peace of mind for life. So We don't need worry. We will not be shame again. But He is trying. I have to allow it. If he is lazy and never try, I can't have feel like this.

error4040:
You mean if someone is over 22years old like let's say 28years old he can't change his Nationality from Japanese to another nationality ?

Sorry for my bad English and I mixed multiple citizenship and naturalization.
I wrote about multiple citizenship.

Like Bobby, he did naturalization. Nigeria to Japan. Naturalization have some provisions(conditions?). I think Bobby clear it.

Multiple citizenship is if someone who is under 20years old, have to choose Japan or other country before will be 22years old. But someone who is already old than 20years old, that person have to choose Japan or other country when that person got other country nationality till before 2years. 2years is dead line. There have more details.
Sorry for I can't explain well.

Angela777:
Darling, read your own writing, you answer to your own questions but still calling him a good husband trying to protect your life. Where? How? He is spending more money in Nigeria and wants YOU paying his bills, he is using you. You see even that officer noticed it and gave you a good advice. As a woman I know how hard is to get a divorce specially if the man apparently is nice to you and doesn't hit you and you don't see him cheating. Please, get some local advice, maybe a Japanese psychologist or even a financial adviser, think, research what will be with your life in the future when you get older. What will be about your pension, your house and how will you live? Can you make savings now if your health needs medicine and doctors? You are spending on your husband many years and he spends in Nigeria. You need to think about your health, future and to protect your child too, your husband is NOT protecting you. Please, talk to people, advisers, friends, family, ask for a good advice. You yourself see it all but you need help to fix this situation and not to be ruined. Sorry.

I once stopped working for long time. Maybe more than 5years after got disease. He took care of us alone. When I was getting fine. Still not get work. I believed If I'm working or not working, nothing change for me. In fact, I like working. But I was misunderstand about if I will start work and pay some bills, that is assist for his playing. I just made him suffering because of my misunderstood.
He was trying. Very very trying. He is not Japanese. But live in Japan and working in Japan. He is hard working person. I think he has lot of stress. But he don't say that. Only sometimes he said tired. I made him suffering and gave him more stress. I know working and make money is not easy. Live life is not easy.
We are not living together now. Because of his work. But he still pay my house.

I'm worry about future. That's why I tried to make money more than before and tried to be independent. But I got bad condition again. I lost main work. Now I can make small money. Independent is far again
When I got bad condition, he was worry about me and told me to stop go to work and take rest. I think that is his care. Then when I lost main work, I asked him that my money will be small. So if not enough for pay my bills, I need his help. He said no problem and helped me.

My child is already independent now. I'm very proud my child!!!

error4040:
wow this love you have for this your husband is on another level.
Firstly we made you know he have another wife here in Nigeria, yet you still love him

now you mentioned he hardly pay his bills even tho he is making more money, yet you still love him

again you said he hardly buy you Gift just to appreciate you, yet you still love him

he hardly gives you money but can spend on air ticket to Nigeria and spend more than a month, yet you still don't see his fault.

please what kind of heart Do you have for you to be so Humble and obedient to someone who is treating you like Trash! ?

please don't be Offended i have come to conclude your Husband is cruel and inhuman.

I had already change my mind. I'm not like before. That's why I told him one day I wanna try to live my life. I don't know if I can or not.


He is paying for my house rent. Even when he is in Nigeria, he send me money for that. But when he stay there more than 1month, he can't have salary. So he can't give me any money.
He is trying to pay his bills little by little. Not he don't wanna pay. But I wanted him to pay on time. Not arrears.
He go to Nigeria and spend money is not problem for me. My problem is difficult to understand that he has arrears some bills. But spend money for go to Nigeria before finished arrears.
I really can't understand. He should pay first. If he has money for go to Nigeria.
But when I told him about that, he always think I don't like or I don't want him to go to Nigeria. He can't get my point.

He bought gift for me before. Even when he go to Nigeria, he always bought me souvenir. That is gift for me. He can't give me gift is not problem for me. I liked celebrate on special day with him before. I couldn't even buy expensive gift for him. But I had fun with cooking food for special day and buy small gift for him. Now I don't remember when last time we celebrate together on special day. My problem is feeling like lonely. Peoples spending time with their partner on special day. But I'm not.
I thought gift for partner is not common in Nigeria. I thought maybe different culture That's why I wrote about gift when I joined this website.

If husband can't buy gift for wife, is that problem? Wife will leave him because of can't buy gift?
If sometimes husband can't pay money, is that big problem? Wife should leave him?
If answer is Yes, What will happen if husband lose work or get sick and can't make money?
Wife will not try to support him? not assist him? not try to make money and not try to protect life with him? Is that wife?
I think if have problem, try to solve problem together. Not always have good time. Sometimes have bad time. Trying to solve problem with partner is not wasting time. Very important. Think about what is best for solve it together. We can't always have what we want, We can't always hear what we wanna hear. Always thankful for what we have. Don't demand too much what we can't get. I'm always think like that.

I maybe don't know how to love partner.
Maybe I wrote it same thing before.
If this my marriage is fail, maybe I have problem. Because love is always hurt to me

error4040:
Yea I knew about his Comedy videos couple of years Back.

Konda Bobby ?? wow

well even if I were the one I would switch to Japanese just to enjoy the No need of visa to visit Lotta Countries anytime I feel like.

Yes! Konda Bobby. Japanese wife's name.

Oh! Really
If change nationality, You are not Nigerian again. In Japan, can't be multiple citizenship.
Someone who is under 20years old, choose Japan or other country before 22years old.
Someone already over 20years old, choose it when they got another nationality to until before 2years.

Angela777:
This is the developed countries believe, most people are looking for love yet in Africa money is more important, very few people care about love. Nigerians are smart and men outsmart women using a sweet talk and then using a woman as his help, maid for everything. Many Nigerian men dress up expensive and get all money the woman makes. Nigerian women are very smart too because they need to be living around very smart cheating men. It's different in Nigeria than in Japan or America.

Yes, I know many Nigerians and some gave me a good and friendly advice when I was in your situation, some have pity of a foreign woman and tell you what is it real.

To you all I can say, don't believe what your husband is saying, Nigerian culture is usually never tell the truth, they tell you lies or they don't tell you anything. Watch your husbands action. Does he miss you? Does he buy things for the house, does he fix the the house for better living, does he invite you to eat out, does he go to have a nice time together out? Does he buy clothes, gifts for you? It's the way the Nigerian man shows love to his woman and of course, he cares and helps you if you are sick.

You had / have doubts about him, it's because you see and feel he is not honest with you. Watch, see and open your eyes, check his phone chats, his Facebook or any other social media or dating site he is using, he is your husband, you have the right to know where do you stand. What about the joint property? House, car, inheritance? Is your husband building security and properties together with you or it's built all by you and he is always poor? Don't talk too much to him which makes you more confused and he will accuse you for believing the internet stories. Open your eyes, see and analyze, look from outside as you were the best friend you have. What your best friend would advise you?

Very sad again
I know every where have kind of men and women who can marry without love.
Even in Japan now, many women think about husband is just for money. They think husband is their ATM. I read it on internet. That is very very bad.
If I just want money, I didn't marry with him. He was not rich and one rich man who was customer in my work place at that time wanted me to be his woman. But I never accepted it. Because I was already in love with my husband. If I just wanted get money, I had chance with that rich man. But I never had interest about that guy. I don't like someone think like if have money, they can get any woman. I chose love. Not money. I married with him because of love.
I maybe very poor woman. But my heart never be poor.
I know money is very important for life. But money also can make lonely and miserable. Money can make poor heart.
My husband and my child always making me happy. If my husband couldn't make good relationship with my child, I couldn't marry with him. If my child couldn't make good relationship with my husband, I couldn't marry with him. Both of them making good relationship. That's why We are still together. I'm always really appreciate about that. They making me happy.

What I can't understand about money is he always say he don't have money and our life is always hard. He can't pay some his bills on time.Yet he can buy many things and air ticket, then go to Nigeria and stay there more than 1month.
How can someone who don't have money can do that?
But when I said about that, he think I just don't like him to go to Nigeria and I just want him to buy gift for me. He can't get my point. I'm not demanding him to buy gift for me or demanding him to spend all his money for me. Not I don't want him to go to Nigeria. He is hard working person. He has good health. He is making money more than me. Yet he can't pay his bills on time and he has arrears some bills. But he can spend a lot of money to go to Nigeria. If he can buy many things and can buy air ticket and stay in Nigeria more than 1month without working, he supposed to pay his bills first. He supposed to not add more arrears. If I had enough money to pay, I will pay everything. So I will not shame and feel so sorry. Go to office, explain to them and beg them. I'm always miserable at that time. Long time ago one officer told me to divorce with him and try to protect my life and my child's life
He said if I will decide it, he will assist for introduce me to lawyer and guide me to support system to protect our life. I was crying and explain to him about my husband is not bad husband like what he think
Very sad experience.
My husband tried and trying to protect our life. But sometimes something is doing like irresponsible person. How I wish I could have enough money. So I can solve myself kind of problem.

Anyway, I really appreciate you. Really really appreciate you. You telling me many many things. I'm learning many many things!! I'm appreciate you!!

nurey:
seems like it's hard to raise or take care of a child in Japan, due to the standard expected. Guess it is the same issue worldwide of less income hard standard of living.

Thanks for your enlightenment arigatou gozaimasu

You are welcome!! Dou Itashimashite!!
But I'm sorry for I couldn't explain well.

Angela777:
Yes, Nigerian wife / wives or women mostly don't care about her man living or marrying another woman. They see their fathers doing it all the time, many men are polygamist in Nigeria. Also Nigerian women don't care at all about the foreign wife, they consider the foreign wife the ATM machine and they know her man will give her money out of his Japanese or American wife, they are even laughing at you saying you feed well and dress well her man. Nigerian men, women mostly don't even consider a foreign person as a human being, for them is all about money. The same many families, parents, siblings know he is married abroad and find for him and make him to marry a Nigerian woman in Nigeria yet talking to you, they will lie in your face, all they care is he marries and has kids in Nigeria and you to them is just his job for to make better living.
and yes, if you are convenient to him, why he needs to divorce? He has good living and you are helping, he has a woman for his bed in Japan and he goes each year to Nigeria when you keep your house worm for him when he comes back, he knows living in Japan he makes more money and he saves because of your help so Does HE care? He can travel and stay in Nigeria for long, he tells you he is poor there and sleeping in 1 room many people, I wouldn't be surprised he is building his own good house there in Nigeria or already did and his woman (women) not working, he supports totally his Nigerian woman / women, when you are disabled or sick yet you go to work for to pay bills which he doesn't care. Is it love? Does HE love you? Does HE care about you?

And you know yourself, if the man has the real family with you and he lives with a woman in her country, he builds the family and home in Japan with you and he doesn't need to travel so much. But if he does and stays for so long, what is he doing there? Where is his real home and family? Sailors have the woman in each port but they have only one home port.

This is so sad. Very very sad.
Marriage is not only money for me. Love is more important than money for me
Only money can't make happy.

You know my doubt very well. I appreciate you. I should say my wonder?! Many times I wonder is he love me?, is that his care for me?, am I not his family?, am I his made? etc.
But I always believe only demanding is too bad. Only take is too bad. Give and take is good.
So I think I was too much demanding his love when I was young. I had too much jealousy. When I couldn't feel his love, I was always feel like lonely. Now I know I was really trouble some wife. I think I was disturbing and bothering him a lot. I was afraid about lose him. I wanted him to love me more. Very selfish. I don't remember how many times I asked him to treat me like his wife, treat me like his family. When I said that, he always said he don't know what I'm talking about.

He always says he is Nigerian. Not Japanese.
If he don't want me anymore, immediately he leave. Nobody can stop him. Will not give me time. But he still with me. He told me think about that
Then I'm confusing again.
Now he say what my thinking is my mindset. Too much believe what I read on internet.
He is very smart person. Very very intelligent person. But I'm not. Maybe that's why I'm confusing over and over?

You know many Nigerian men and women.
Are they your friends?
Nigerian person who married with foreigner are think about foreigner partner is fool?

nurey:
I don't know gintama never heard of it, I also don't wanna get hooked on anime for now, they take all my attention and disrupt my life.

Your japanese friends with Nigerian partners what skin colour of offspring do they give birth to? Because I read there are no true black skin coloured Asian.

What's education like in japan is it free? Government paid structure etc.

can you talk a little about the Agriculture practise in Japan. growing of crops.

I heard Japan has more aging population in the world reason is due to abstenance or should I say marriage decline between the opposite sex. can you just shed more light on that for me.

it's not a must be talk about all if you don't know my question though but I did be glad if it's not a bother.

Skin color, sorry, Most of their kids are light skinned(?). (Sorry, I don't know how to say English.) Some Japanese are fair skin. Some Japanese are dark skin. Most of Japanese women want fair skin now.

Free Education, There have many type of assistance. Like Country assist, Local Government assist, Scholarship etc.

Agriculture, I don't know well. But around my area, Kindergarten, Nursery school, Elementary school, touch Agriculture. Go to farm and harvest, rice planting and harvest, sowing flower seed etc.
Farmer assist their curriculum. And I know there have Agriculture high school and University. Many Japanese having fun with gardening now. Some peoples are grow flowers, some peoples are grow vegetables. My city have rent farm.

Population, We have many many elderly now and many peoples got Dementia. I never think because of elderly person. We have to have respect for them. I love to communicate with them. But If you will know Japanese social security, you will understand what happen in Japan now. Most of peoples don't wanna make their kids to suffering. Take good care of kids is not easy. Need make enough money before make a baby. They wanna make sure they can keep good life with kids. Have kids is not so easy.

Getting hard life for young generation now.
I spoke with elderly woman before. She is more than 90years old. She told me that She was juvenila probation officer. Her husband was also same and he brought 3 boys for their home. They took care of them like their kids. 3 boys grew up with their 3 sons. She worry about young generation so much because of social security now. What I'm trying to tell you is elderly peoples also worry about young generation's future. They also know that getting hard life for young generation.

But not only that reason.
Some peoples don't want kids. Some peoples don't wanna marry. Reason is many. But very serious problem in Japan now.

nurey:
Thank you for your honest reply. I knew about the yakuza in games like GTA and a film called "the shinjiku incident" by Jackie chan which is a true life story.

I haven't watched Naruto though, but I have watched bleach anime all 320 episodes took me 6 months or so to finish it I learned some Japanese which I don't know how to write or the meaning.

I enjoyed cutting edge too when I was young which show cased the Japanese heritage in technology after the atomic bomb dropped, I am fascinated by the quick recovery.

I still have a lot of questions though for Japanese people. maybe 1 day i will be opportune to visit.

Wow!! You know Bleach? I don't know well. But I had watch some story on TV.
Do you know Gintama? This Anime is very funny

Oh! What do you wanna know about Japanese people? Cultures? Anime?

Mizwisdom:
Many people gave you advise but you thank only 4 so it means the rest of us wasted our time, another thing I've noticed is you seem to be too ready to pls monikers with 'm' so much so that you even insulted me because of one kid. Good luc to you on that. If this is how low Japanese women are, I thank God I'm not from there

I made this topic when I got advice from only 4peoples at that time and I didn't know how to use this website well. I still don't know well.
I tried and still trying to express words of my appreciation for everyone who gave me advice and I tried and still trying to reply and express my appreciation for each person including you.
But my English skill is very bad. I really can't express how my feel well. I really can't explain well.

I never insult you. Never had feel like that. I'm really appreciate you for gave me advice.
But if I made you feel bad, I'm really sorry.
I don't know he is a kid or not. He tried to give me advice. But I made him feel bad and angry. That is very bad. That's why I said sorry for him. Even he was angry with you. I don't want anybody feel bad or get angry with someone who gave me advice. That's why I wanted him to understand that you gave me advice and I'm appreciate you. I don't want him to angry with you.
I never meant insult you. But if I made you feel like that. I'm very sorry. I'm apologies you.

You can hate me. You can insult me.
But don't think all Japanese women are bad like me. One Japanese woman is bad. Doesn't mean all Japanese women are bad.
Thank you.

Tellemall:
You watch Dragon Ball as well? Tsu ba ra shi! Too bad I've not watched the new movie of it. Kudos to you and your mom, it has been hard to find adults who care for anime.

My friend and I both traveled out of the country we resided in and we lost contact. He is not online, I tried looking for him.

Wishing you all the best in your pursuit for balance in your marriage.

I'm also still not watch new movie Dragon Ball Super Brolly. But many movie will on air next year. Too long. But I will wait to watch on TV

Oh! Sorry. He maybe also looking for you
I hope you and him will find out each other soon!!

I'm really really soooo appreciate you!!!

error4040:
Marriage is all about Love. because without love then marriage won't be possible tho they might be a certain situation where one of the parties involved in the marriage pretend to the other just for beneficial purpose, And I believe this also vice versa in japan.

It most not only be Nigerian women, they can Also get married to women from other countries and still have real love and marriage example can be Bobby Ologun married to kyoko Konda

Wow!! You know Bobby? He was very famous in Japan. But he is not on TV like before. His name is Konda Bobby now. Because he changed nationality to Japan. He is very rich in Japan now. Because he made money from stock. His Dad has 7 wives
His Junior brother is marital artist(fighter?).His children and Junior brother also on TV with him before. I watched all it on TV

Fake marriage is crime in Japan.
In Japan, some peoples do fake divorce. Because they want money assistance from country. That is also crime.

I thought We married because of true love

MARKone:
Love what you wrote up there. How is it going with your husband.

Thank you so much.
Your question is my bed time with husband?!

Tellemall:
I mean that the typical Japanese is a very polite individual who does not wish to offend anybody. You apologize a lot. I had a friend from Japan and even if you offend him, he is the first to apologize. No expression of anger even when he must be boiling inside. His honor, second to none.

That aside, provided you can accommodate your husband then that is fine. But some men control with anger and/or silence. They do it so that you keep begging them and feel that you are at fault. That way they can make demands of you and you, being eager to please and appease their anger, will do whatever they want you to. If you find yourself apologizing to one person all the time then something is wrong. That person is controlling or doesn't value you much.

You are not wicked if you make him "angry". It is in human nature to offend. Nobody is perfect. How you deal with it is what makes the difference.

Perhaps he married for a permanent residence, shi ri ma sen, nobody but him knows. Some Nigerian men prefer to be secret bigamists until they are uncovered.

Time heals all wounds. And time exposes all secrets.

Sayonara.

PS: don't mind my bad Japanese. I have tried to learn it from watching Naruto. I have this thing for anime though people think I'm too old for it. Age is but a number.

Thank you so much.
Yes!! Nobody is perfect. That's why anytime when I made mistake, I have to say sorry and try to don't make that same mistake again.
But sometimes when we had quarrel, we didn't say sorry for each other. Because both of them believed not own fault. But quarrel is finished. Most of times, that same day or next day is nothing happen again. Like not had quarrel
So I'm not always sorry or beg him.

That Japanese guy is still your friend?
He is very lucky to have friend like you!!!

PS, Noooo!!! Your Japanese is very good!!! My English is bad. I like Naruto too and I also old to watch it. I wrote same thing on TV section.
My mom also like Naruto. She is more than me I also like Dragon ball

Angela777:
Dear, married your husband in Nigeria or not, no difference. He travels and stays for long in Nigeria, he has women there and Nigerian women knowing he is living and working in Japan are going easy with him and having kids from him because they believe he has money and he will support them, specially if she has his child. In Nigeria is not easy life for a woman with no husband or a man giving her money and Nigerian women are very money oriented. So your husband and his friends are going each year to Nigeria and stay there for long because they feel there so easy to have any woman he wants and women don't care if he is married in Japan. I would worry if my husband doesn't care to lose his job in Japan and travels to stay 1-3 months each year, usually in Nigeria they are clubbing with friends and women, drinking, smoking and partying. And yes, he is coming back to you because he needs to make money in Japan and he needs you, it's more easy to live together and paying bills, than alone in Japan, also as a man he needs a woman in his bed in Japan and Japan is not Nigeria, not easy to go and get any woman there. Personally I don't stand cheaters and all the nasty deceases they bring. Just be careful and take care of yourself, think well and see what is good for YOU, it's time you look after yourself, not always about others.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you.
Nigerian wife don't care about if husband married with onother woman in abrode because of money?
I think kind of that situation is no one can be happy. And maybe I'm in that situation
He don't wanna divorce with me because of I'm convenient for him

nurey:
I have a thing for Asian women I find Japanese and Korean women extremely beautiful and I have a fetishism for them. I don't like the Chinese or Filipino I don't find those attractive.

@peacefull Nigeria has 3 dominant language Hausa (Northern part) Igbo (Eastern part) and Yoruba (Western part) this are also the dominant language in that part but not the only language. It just like an outsider who meets you and hear you speak your language that outsider would conclude you are speaking Chinese because China is the most popular country in Asia. You have been given good advice and enlightenment about your marriage so I won't wanna delve into it.

The only thing that scares me about Japan is the Yakuza gang's, the way they are potrayed in films and games makes me think they will just stab anybody they hate on the street. Is it true?

Thank you.
I got so many good advice and I had learn a lot in here. I'm still learning!!

You know about Yakuza?!
They will not stab random on the street. But if you will have trouble with them, that is problem. Not easy to solve it. But Low about Yakuza is getting strict than before.

Anyway, Chinese women and Filipino women are very beautiful. Please check them well. You will like them

Kaycee7:
There's no such thing.

Wow!!!
Thank you so much

Angela777:
Dear Peacefull, we all wish you well and as I see it worked for you for 15 years your marriage with your Nigerian husband, he didn't leave you when you were arguing and as you said being a wicked wife, you are still together and now you even saying you try to understand his culture and if he is polygamist, you will try to understand that and to meet his women and kids. Maybe it will work for you this way, maybe he loves you more than you think because of being so understanding? We all are different. Here we chat but it's YOUR life and it is YOUR decision what to do and how to do in your marriage.

Thank you so much!!
I maybe very confusing again.
I will ask him many things again. Now he knows I had learn and still learning many things about Nigeria. I'm always keeping everyone's advice in my heart and head.

Oh! I like to see his kids if he has.
But I don't wanna see his wife
I just wanna know what type of woman he married if he has.

I'm really soooo appreciate you!!!!!

Angela777:
I understand you very well and as a woman I know if you go to divorce it's a big suffering. I was referring you have no small children together and if there will be a divorce and separation, the little child won't suffer and you as a mother will not suffer for his child being apart of the father.

It's great he took your child like his own, Nigerian men usually are good fathers and love children. I don't say he is not. I was talking about a woman - man relationship and how painful is the divorce, specially if it involves children.

Thank you so much!! And I'm sorry If I misunderstand your words. I'm really sorry.

Yes. Divorce is not easy.
I already have a child before I met him without marriage. This my marriage is my first marriage and more than 10years. I think both of them tried to keep our marriage till now. Many times We talk about our old days and how was my child when child was small. Sometimes We talk like more than our age. When I have time with him like that, I'm always forget my doubt for him at that moment. I maybe lucky because I don't have a small baby now. But I really wanted have a baby again. My child is not small now. But still young. I want my child always be happy. I don't wanna make sad.

I maybe don't know how to love partner.
That's why always hurt. Even my past.
I have no confident about love anymore

He is my husband. But sometimes my Dad, sometimes my brother, sometimes my son,always my best friend. I can't hate him.

I'm really sorry if I made you feel bad.
I'm really glad I met good peoples like you on here. We are same woman. I'm really happy you understand me. Thank you so much!
I'm really really appreciate you!!!

Feraz:
Welcome!! There are enough anime fans here on NL, including yours truly.

Thank you so much!! I appreciate you.
I maybe too old for watching Anime. But I like Naruto and Dragon ball
I watched Boruto when I had time. Even I'm still watching Naruto with Anime channel on TV when I have time

error4040:
LoL actually what he ment by "Cassava" is Your Husband Thing
And He was joking I guess


At times Yes, but mostly Nigerians view the marriage as beneficial to the Husband not the wife which mostly come with Work permit and at times Citizenship.

If I knew that is joke, I maybe replied him with joke

When Nigerian men get marry with Japanese, not because of love? You mean fake marriage?
But If they married with Nigerian woman, they can have love? Real marriage?

Angela777:
True. Sad she wasted so many years but maybe she enjoyed all these years the life with him and the easy part, they don't have children together, so if they go apart one day, not so much suffering.

Please I want you to understand me.
I don't have a child with him. But he always tell me he is a father of my child. Even if that is a lie, I'm really glad and appreciate him.
If I divorce with him, that will so hurt me. Doesn't matter if we loved each other or not.
Almost 15years is not short time for me. Have a child or not, lose someone who spent long time with me and my child is will be suffer me.

Tellemall:


143. Oops. 419.

Don't worry, she will learn sooner or later what is going on.

I'm still learning many things
But I'm so confusing again.

Angela777:
All true. He was so sweet and convincing, the sweetest person I ever met. Then angry all the time. Now he is so much in love with me again and wants to be back to me and America, ha.
Lady, believe your instincts, your eyes and his actions. Do NOT believe his words.

My husband is not romantic man. Not sweet man. Because he don't love me?
I thought because of his character.
My mom told me before that romantic guys sweet words is for every women Not only for one woman.
Your ex husband in love with you again? He regret about lost you in his life?

I will always keep your that advice in my heart. Thank you so much.

Tellemall:
I'm sure he was a very convincing actor until you caught him out. Those are their methods and they see nothing wrong with it. If you ask them, you are their "maga". I hope you have recovered from the treachery.

He will probably gaslight her until she thinks she is hallucinating his behavior and that she's the one with the problems and can't understand him when the truth is that he is the one with the problem.

He will keep getting upset to throw her off his trail then come back and act good to keep up the deception. Nigerians do not have real love. They only know how to use people because the poverty of Nigeria is such that they are dying to have any way out at all. She presents him the perfect opportunity and one that he will exploit emotionally. The more she apologizes the better his control evolves.

I know how many business "partners" have been humble, helpful, stolen my money, gotten what they want and then their true nature of deception becomes obvious. To the average Nigerian, love and Marriage are a business in which they must make the most profits and 419 scam you. If you are doing business, stay away from the ones from Benue, Kogi, Akwaibom and Delta. Their criminal intent is genetic.

The only Nigerian you can get close to is a Nigerian who did not grow up in or around Nigerians.

Is he controlling me?