₦airaland Forum

A secretary receives an expensive pen from her boss as a birthday present. Later on, she sends a text to her boss tothank him. The boss' wife read the text, became furious &
packed out. The boss was puzzled. He couldn't understand why until he took his time to read his secretary's text: "Thanks boss. Your penis wonderful"!

Moral: Proper spacing when texting is very important.

NAIJA POLITICAL MATHS (PART B)
ECO 101 (INTRODUCTION TO SHARING FORMULA)

I. ADENUGA gave Eagles 1 million Dollars and Keshi 200,000 Dollars.

II. DANGOTE gave Eagles 130 million Naira.

III. OTEDOLLAR didn't give Eagles because he had given Super Farouk dollar.

NOTE: Almighty Farouk, Frk = (Kuje Prison ± Otedollar ) subsidy scam

Using the above data provided, answer the following questions:

1. Calculate the amount each of the players would get.

2. Find the probability that they would redeem their pledges.

Take P = 0 < x <0.1

3. What would be the percentage of NFF big belly officials?

4. If Federal Govt should decide that the money should be paid to the players through their respective Governors or Governor's
Forum, using the Flood Money sharing formula, calculate the probability that the money would get to the players.

Take, Flood formula = {flood money - EFCC} {Greed ± nothing for real flood victims}

5. What is the probability that Keshi would send Osaze recharge card from the money?

6. Using the almighty Zoning formula, calculate the rate of depletion, if the money is kept for safety under the care of an average Nigerian politician.

Time allowed: 2 hours.

GOOD LUCK

The shocking spate of insecurity in the nation is assuming more worrisome dimensions by the day. News reaching Iyaniwura has it that the Head of Department of Surgery at one of Nigeria’s most prestigious universities, Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, which is also one of the largest in Africa has been shot dead. PROFESSOR HYACINTH NGONG MBIBU was shot dead this evening on his way home around 8 p.m after he left the premises of the Ahmadu Bello University Teaching Hospital, Shika (ABUTH) after he saw his patients

Unknown gunmen on a motorbike were said to have shot him. For almost a decade, the late scholar was one of the principal officers of the West African College of Surgeons. A nurse in the hospital that he was gave a lift in his car was also shot in her arm and has been admitted at the hospital. Information gathered from the university reveals that the late professor was from Taraba State and originated from Takum Local Government of the state and not from Cameroon as some reports indicated. The following are positions that he has held according to details provided by the university are as follows:


1 Visiting Urologic Surgeon, Armed Forces Hospital , 2008 – to date
2 Visiting Lecturer , UDUTH Sokoto , 2006 – To date
3 Reader, Surgery Department, ABU-Zaria , 2003 – To date
4 Visiting Lecturer, Federal Medical Center, Kebbi , 2002 – 2003
5 Honorary Consultant Surgeon, Ahmadu Bello University Teaching Hospital, Zaria, 1998 – To date
6 Lecturer in Urologic Surgery, Department of Surgery, Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, 1997 – To date
7 Associate Lecturer , Department of Surgery, Bayero University Kano (BUK), 1995 – 1996
8 Visiting Urological Surgeon, Urology Unit, IBB Specialist Hospital, Minna – Niger State, 1995 – 1996
9 Senior Registrar Urology , Urology Unit, Lagos University Teaching Hospital , 1995 – 1996
10 Senior Registrar Urology , Urology Unit Korlé Bu, Teaching Hospital Accra-Ghana , 1994 – 1994
11 Senior Registrar Urology , Department of Surgery, University College Hospital, University of Ibadan , 1994 – 1994
12 Senior Lecturer, Surgery Department of Surgery Ahmadu Bello University Zaria, 1992 – 1997
13 Senior Registrar, Urology Department of Surgery ABUTH Zaria , 1992 – 1997

AWARDS:

Twentieth Century Award for Achievement, International Biographic Centre, (IBC), Cambridge UK 2000.
Khalid L, Mbibu NH Urine bag as an improvised redivac drain: Presented at the 3rd Annual Congress of the Association of Surgeons of Nigeria in Port Harcourt 16-19th March 2005 Nigeria (Award-winning paper. Best Paper presented at the 3rd congress.
Presented the Medal of the City of Mansoura Al-Dakahlya Governorate, Egypt, Dec 16 2005 by the Governor.
Fellowship Award of the SOCIÉTÉ INTERNATIONALE D’UROLOGIE (SIU) July 4th 2003- January 3rd 2004. Department of Urology, Al-Azhar-Cairo ii Department of Urology Assuit University Egypt.iii Urology and Nephrology Centre (UNC) Mansoura El Dakalya Egypt.
[/b][b]

1. Two guys are fighting, a guy comes, sees them and walks away. That's Lagos.

2. Two guys are fighting, a crowd gathers to watch, a guy comes, opens a bottle of beer and starts drinking. That's Jos.

3. Two guys are fighting, a Man comes and says; God doesn't like this. They make peace. That's Enugu.

4. Two guys are fighting, a guy comes, another guy comes and they starts arguing about who is right. You are in Sapele.

5. Two guys are fighting, somebody comes out from a nearby house and says; Don't fight in front of my house, go to somewhere else and keep fighting. That's Benin.

6. Two guy[b][/b]s are fighting, a crowd gathers and starts jubilating. That's Ozoro.

7. Two guys are fighting, one runs away only to come back with Boko Haram and starts killing innocent people who knows nothing about the fight. That's Maiduguri.

8. Two guys are fighting, a guy comes with a carton of beer, they all sits down and starts drinking the beer, insulting each other. And finally, they all go home as friends. That's Warri.

9. Two guys are fighting, a guy comes and says; You people should continue fighting o, i must watch this fight finish. That's Ughelli.

10. Two guys are fighting, one of them starts calling the other one thief, cultist, armed robber. A mob gathers, sets the accused ablaze and burns the accused to death. That's Aluu.

11. Two guys are fighting, the two of them takes a time out to call their friends with their phones. Now fifty guys are fighting. That's Ibadan.

12. Two guys are fighting, a guy comes and tries to make peace between them. The two guys comes together and beats him up. That's Bauchi.

Hmmmm
Add Yours.

chikeorji123: 1,000,000,000 likes

corrrrrrectttt

to the front page,mod

NIGERIAN LADIES LISTEN!!!

Having a boyfriend does not mean you have a personal bank account!

He is your companion, lover, friend...

He is not responsible for your upkeep, Hair do, Mani/Pedicure, School fees, rent..

He also have his own welfare to look after..

When you are in a relationship it is a give me I give you,,,, one hand washes the other...

Not just gimme gimme gimme on the female's part, besides he may be a student or not yet established, or he may be struggling... which seems not to concern you, aftaol, he's a man...

He may also have siblings that are also looking up to him for assistance, after all we are in the 21st century,,,,

women fought hard for their Independence...­. and is a dignity that they should wear proudly....

There is a saying that: what a man can do, a woman can do it beta.... Abi na lie. No be una talk am...

There is Nothing wrong in a woman taking her man out for a haircut, to dinner/movies, buy him cloth and shoes... after all he is the man she claim to love..... Abi na lie

It is not a must or do or die that they will spend money on the woman... it is a privilege. Nigerian Men are among the most Loyal and Loving men Around...

Take Care Of Your Man, But Men, Don't Be Too Stingy![b][/b]

bunmioguns: *enters the PARADISE and exits asap*

why u go leave PARADISE, brain transplant donor

yunglary: Enter my house with a smile nd goes out SAD

Eediot, no wonder stupid is ur next of kin n as dumb as an cockroach

jeezybuck: AYE IYA MI MA BAJE NI. SHE TRULY DONT HAVE MORALS

ha ha, while u dey abuse ur mother, na mi u suppose abuse, well maybe u hav a temporary stupid attack, u r just a total waste of skin

jeezybuck: FOOL, front page ko, back page ni.cos you find this funny does not mean everyone does. ODE see him yellow teeth like back page

me + ur mother = u

Which sms would you never want to
receive::
1) I'm pregnant
2) Its over
3) Hey I know we are best friends,do you
mind if I date your ex.
4) Sorry , I had an accident with your car.
5) Just saw your lover with another
person kissing. Will send photos now.
6) I still Love you, (frm Ur Ex)


7) Remember when I said I want to tell
you something and you said it didn't
matter and we had unprotected sex? am
HIV positive.

choose by numbers

to the frontpage, moderator

Funny meanings...

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor's degree and a woman gains her master's.

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.


CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees in the end.

SMILE:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

YAWN:
The only opportunity some married men
ever get to open their mouths.

EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their mistakes.

DIPLOMAT:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

OPTIMIST:
A person who, while falling from the EIFFEL TOWER, says midway:
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

BOSS:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

POLITICIAN:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence afterward.

DOCTOR:
A person who kills your ills with pills and later with his bills...[b][/b]

where u dey when i dey compose am, Eediots.........na twitter steal my stuff

For a GIRL Who says,"All BOYS are the same"
should be asked; Who told HER to try ALL OF THEM

?Girls are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
r afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples up top think
something wrong with them when in
reality they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all
the way to the top of the tree

...

...

......

Do u knw ur shoe size can tell ur age?Grab ur calculator nd try dis.Here is hw it goes.
1)Take ur shoe size.
2)Multiply by 5.
(3)Add 50.
(4)Multiply by 20.
(5)Add 1012.
(6) subtract d year u were born.u wil get 4 digits.d 1st 2 is ur shoe size nd d last 2 is ur age. if im correct,plz let me knw

Idowuogbo: My father? Ur generation o! U dey mad?

u are one d girl that Conserves toilet paper by using both sides ... I would have called u a ..... Gal . But Calling u a stupi dd gal would be an insult to stupi dd
people

Idowuogbo: My father? Ur generation o! U dey mad?

eediott

Mynd_44: Where did this one come from? I thought Yaba does not release patients unless they are completely cured. How the eff did you escape the guards there?

ur father

Mynd_44: This guy is talking to himself. Can someone please call a shrink. I think we have a certifiable one over here

u don dey mad

correct

If you are SINGLE and keep on saying "I DON'T TRUST MEN OR WOMEN!" remember... your mates are getting married every Saturday. Let me ask you, are they marrying spirits? Wise up! If you are MARRIED and keep saying "I HATE THIS MARRIAGE!" OK! Is it not married people like you that are celebrating Gold, Silver and even Platinum jubilee? If you keep on ranting, ''I'M LEAVING MY MAN, HE CHEATED ON ME!" Please, go to town and see all the fine, cute, hot, hungry and desperate chicks waiting to snatch your man's money and property, they don't even mind sharing. Make it work, my friend! Stop saying "I HATE MY JOB!" Look! 20 million people are jobless and can't even find any not
to talk of keeping it! Do you want to join them? You keep saying "I HATE WHERE I LIVE!" Oh please! *tears* Try visiting those locations that are flooded now, people leaving in tin/zinc shacks in winter or people living/ sleeping under the bridge at night and you will be grateful to God that you even have a place to stay! Some say "I AM TIRED OF THIS LIFE!" Well, go to the hospital and see people fighting for their lives! Go to the mortuary and take a look then tell me what you feel after that!.....My point is, be positive, THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON TO GIVE THANKS...........God's grace is sufficient for us..

WHAT IS THE LEADING HABIT
YOU HATE SO MUCH ON
PEOPLE?
1. Smoking
2. Drinking/boozing
3. Lesbianism
4. Gossiping
5. Gayness
6. Sneezing in public
7. Scratching private parts in
public
8. Over chewing
9. Cheating or Promiscuity
ADD MORE…………

ONE NIGHT 3 UNIVERSITY
STUDENTS WERE BOOZING TILL
LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'T
STUDY FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS
SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.
IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES
LOOK AS DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY
COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT.
THEY THEN WENT
UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT
THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A WEDDING LAST NIGHT
AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE
OF THEIR CAR BURST
AND THEY HAD TO PUSH THE CAR
ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY
WERE IN NO CONDITION TO APPEAR FOR THE
TEST.
THE DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO
HE SAID THAT THEY COULD HAVE A
RE-TEST AFTER 3
DAYS. THEY SAID THEY WOULD BE READY BY THAT TIME.ON THE THIRD
DAY THEY
APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN FOR
THE TEST. THE DEAN SAID THAT
THERE WAS A
SPECIAL CONDITION THAT ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN
SEPARATE
CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST.
THEY ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD
PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE
DAYS. THE TEST CONSISTED OF 5 QUESTIONS WITH A TOTAL OF 100
MARKS:
*
MID SEMESTER EXAMINATION
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. All questions are compulsory. 2. Any inconsistencies on any of
the questions among the four
students will
result in all the candidates getting
a zero mark.
Q.1. Write down your name----- (2 Marks)
Q.2. Write the name of the bride
and bridegroom at the wedding
you
attended----- (30 Marks)
Q.3. What type of a car burst a tyre. ------ (20Marks)
Q.4. Which tyre burst ------- (28
marks)

3 Things to Govern:
Temper, Tongue, and Conduct.
3 Things to Cultivate:
Courage, Gentleness, and Humility.
3 Things to Commend:
Thrift, Industry, and Promptness.
3 Things to Despise:
Cruelty, Arrogance, and Ingratitude.
3 Things to Admire:
Dignity, Intellectual Power, and Graciousness.

3 Things to Give:
Help to the Needy, Comfort to the Sad, and
Appreciation to the Worthy