₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
It depends on parents o.
As I stubborn reach, I know some things my parents can't tolerate.

There was a girl in my hostel then that used to pay her siblings fees from money made from...
She was my roomie's friend so she ised to be around quite a bit and I'd be wondering in my mind why parents are so different. sometimes her mom or dad would call her asking for money for this or that. No exaggeration.

There are different kinds of human beings

Yes they are parents like this but they are not the norm for these girls

Some of these girls come from middle class backgrounds, attend private uniis yet they still ask for money from boyfriend who have to sponsor a birthday party annually, buy tablets as gift and generally flex.

So them no get parent?

freecocoa:
Not all relationships are like that. Some girl's pay the pills whether you believe it or not, some sleep with their boyfriends without him spending on them.

The ones who may be paying without sleeping with her, expect her to submit to him, so anyhow you look at it, you can't blame women for this.

I agree..some women help out
I know of some ladies myself helping their man buy this are exceptions

Have you forgotten the motto of some married women

His money our money
My money my money?


Also your last statement
You can't blame women?

Why do women blame everyone else but themselves?..huh

freecocoa:
I'm a feminist, how can you ask me that question?

I needed to ask
So you see women in naija have it easy
They use phones bought by men with data to post
Some are sponsored on trips to dubai and exotic places
Some are valued with high amounts of money to show they are high class before the husband can carry them

So where is the suffering that caused the femaleinnaija shítstorm

freecocoa:
Coco's pretty much said it all, it's not like he's the only one doing the babe good, she's giving him sex and being his woman, so it's balanced.

So do you support it

edwife:
That's how this place is,they never quote you-they only wait for someone to quote you so they can like,i am used to it....

Well let just say,i am a people's person.....

At times, the posts are yabs... they garner likes.. I understand that
But some don't even make any sense and yet its liked...lol

cococandy:
Seriously ehn.

edwife:
Lol,pick you want to put me in trouble.

NO trouble.. just asking
How do you know the said trouble makers are fine specimens...

Meanwhile who just likes comments once it is a response to people..
Im sure the liker assumed it was a shade

Kimoni:
Okay, so Dinachi has set the ball rolling.
Now we invite others to take the dance floor
pls give me the names of all those guys that look for your trouble

No one looks for her trouble
She stalks people up n down calling them .. when they respond.. she goes alata mode

As for my pic... I am shy

edwife:
I believe that it is him because i know some guys,wont say their names on this section who are well known e-warriors and very good looking...

interesting...

who are the e - warriors in this section

cococandy:
Yes. It's not harder

ok

Stillfire:
Can't wait!

Its inevitable really

cococandy:
Quoting in bits is too much work.

But u respond in bits,,...yes?

cococandy:
And The Spanish speaking countries I assume.
Anywhere gender roles are defined.

That's also why we have girlfriends assuming the role of wives in their boyfriends' houses. Cooking and cleaning and showing him bed skills all before marriage.
That's how they show they are wife material and the guy shows he's husband material by providing her needs.

You're still looking for why the culture exists?

I don't know much about the Spainish peoples...

I know its also a big deal in Brazil

cococandy:
but it was done in the hopes that it would make her relax and open up. YES but does still not mean a principled lady will open up.

ha. Ever heard there's no free gift? Guys as I grew up to find out don't give free gifts. I know you won't agree but when my mama was constantly telling us never to accept gifts from men, I personally though she was being paranoid. How can you accuse every guy of wanting something from you because they gave you things. Well it turned out to be true. In fact there's no free drink in that land. It's all building up to something and if it gets to 'relationship' level. Know that your body 'belongs' to the guy and it will only be a matter of time before he begins to ask for 'his right' TRUE.

whats wrong with secondary virginity? Anyway topic for another day. Read what I said, the lady will tell the man guy she is keeping it but giving it to someone else elsewhere... hence guys nowadays are very skeptical of such
I never condemned it

yea. But I'd say some girl. I can't deny that to some girls, love is not enough and sex is always involved in such cases. Good we agree
Why don't u quote in bits..its not easy responding and copying one by one

Stillfire:
Lol, This guy ehn what do you take me for?
I come from an angle of who's to blame for this attitude. So I guess from the arguments provided Nigerian women are to blame. No be fight abeg.

See gentility

I will not fully blame the women.. maybe 80 percent on the women who have come to expect this and equate money to caring

men have also acted as enablers which is the clarion call for this guy who is spending his student allowance on a girl who then has the guys to compare herself to the mother who is feeding her indirectly.

Moreso women are now getting empowered.. with time this should stop

edwife:
It is not just a Nigerian thing,it is an African thing.At least i know in some other African Countries,it is the same thing.

This is also true
Even Asian ladies too

cococandy:
Because sex is for rent ish.
When I was in school, I'd hear the random guy say he was magad. I.e he was spending on his girlfriend and got no sex in return.
Or the girl would be like, "this guy has not even done anything for me and he wants to sleep with me. I'm not a mugu"

True

But I am sure its not every guy who spent on his girl that had the opportunity to sleep with the girl
Some women even tell you they are saving for marriage yet will be sleeping with someone else on the side

So in a way you see it's an affair of two people who think they are giving each other what they want. That's why the concept of a sexless relationship is alien to the average Nigerian guy. In his mind, there's nothing in it for him.
Go and say that in romance section and watch them shout you down.

Not totally true
I knew and know so many guys who are not getting anything yet they support their girls

The so called movement you hear of is a result of guys saying NO To secondary virginity

As for the girl believing sex is a favor to the guy she's dating, if he's not taking care of her recharge cards and hair extensions, there nothing in it for her. The mindset is that after he must have slept with her (I.e taking some thing precious from her), he will probably abandon her and move on eventually to another relationship so if she gives it for free, there's nothing in it for her.

This is based on my observation and it's fairly accurate because even on NL of faceless people, you will see someone always say "if your girlfriend says no sex until marriage, then you say no spending until marriage"
Meaning the basic idea of why a relationship is to the average Nigerian youth is sex and money.

I apologize in advance to the plenty other people who this generalization has reflected poorly upon.

I know there are people who didn't see their relationship that way. There were some who shared their little pocket money with their boyfriends and vice versa and they chewed biscuit together in their hostels without problem, there were some who had jobs as students and didn't depend on boyfriends.

It's just a generalization.

You have answered the q

Girls see pocket money and allowances as an obligation
My addendum is that this holds true whether sex is involved or not

Thanks for the response
So you see why some people just see the online paparazzi as just online BS
The girl is probably posting from a smartphone bought for by a man, the data is recharged by the same man or another man while she is eating a dinner which was paid by a man


I wonder if Stillfire is feigning ignorance on this expectation from the females..
Well I know she will still find a way to blame men

edwife:
@Pickabeau i will tell you what i know.

In Naija it is a culture for a man to pay for dinner when he invites you,even when you show up with your friends.

Once you date her you are responsible for her hair,phone(this includes recharge cards and a more fancy phone),her up keep and transportation.
Some demand for house rent and school fees.

Why it exist i may not have the correct answer but according to some,he is the man in the relationship and a real man suppose to are for his woman.
Because some of them believe that if he has access to my body,why should he not take care of my needs.

Stillfire:
So the women are to blame for the behavior?

Let the women answer you

Q: Is there a culture of obligation to provide for your girlfriend/fiancé in Naija and why does this exist

CC: edwife cococandy Kimoni freecocoa

Stillfire:
I an not unaware of this. I just find it weird. I want to know if this issue is more of Nigerian woman requiring this and putting so much pressure on the men or the man thinking he must do it? And who should take the blame for being too overzealous on each side? I hear one of the angst of other African men in Nigerian men taking their own women is that Nigerian men spend so much on women. Are Nigerian men to blame for being frivolous? Or is it the women that constitute caring as spending money on them?

I am sure you have heard of statements like this ...

Why are you so stingy
Why cant you be like other men
You are not even caring



I leave the women to answer you

Lilimax:
A kind gesture
Btw, isn't she the lady that specializes in Plastic and Cosmetic Surgery ?

Yes... is it weird I clicked on the post to see how her bust looks

naijababe:
Diaby has left Arsenal God is good!!!

Halleluya

Stillfire:
Is it a matter of what Nigerian women expect from their men or what Nigerian men willingly do? Who would have to break the cycle?

I am surprised you are unaware of this.. are you feigning ignorance?

Paying the bills of your gf is an obligation and girls expect it
Making it regular is now at the discretion of the guy

MsBliss:
Sorry am not

Oh..because the bust in your dp is not busty

MsBliss:
How come I don't hate my body?



One of the worst thing associated with being busty is that while talking to a guy,you can't tell if he is paying attention to you or he is paying attention to what is on your chest and they hardly maintain eye contact .

If u are the one in your dp..I fail to see what you are talking about

Gabbyswit:
How do we even begin to explain to our kids when they ask, where do babies come from?
How do we explain the original plan of God about marriage as against what we have now?
How do we explain that you have two dads or two moms?

The world is going crazy.. Things are changing but God does not change neither does his standard.

I feel your pain but the horse has bolted

Stillfire:
So the OP is a student and he's acting like father christmas? I didn't want to pick on the money thing before I scatter the thread.
Why do some boys think it's their duty to 'finance' a girlfriend though? Is that a guy code in Nigeria or what?

Yes it is widespread for guys to augment their gf income regularly

It however needs to stop. one time I get ... not regular stuff

Guys need to stop this

Ok..

Enjoy

cococandy:
Trying to answer you about whether I partook or not will involve going personal so like I told truckpusher, you're free to believe what you will.
Because even I narrate my marriage procedure for you from beginning to end, you will still believe what you want. Won't you agree with me its point less?

Since the first moment you quoted me, you're already convinced that I don't dislike the bride price culture. If it makes you feel better.

See. It's always a waste of time debating with you because you already believe what you want to believe and enjoy wasting people's time making assumptions on their behalf even when they say other wise.

See words.. silly.. already?
I asked you a simple question.. see your thesis

You hate brideprice but cant seem to do anything about it aside from condemning it yet the culture persists in your community..

You are the one that has a mindset
You partake in a tradition which you deem is now politically incorrect because of your online persona here
Just a few posts ago, someone called you out that you are married just to let other ladies know.. why do u think so?

cococandy:
[s]Effective but not effective enough, fetch your reading glasses.
Hence my other social media is fine. Those do the job of expressing my opinions. It must not be Twitter to be legit. And Twitter won't make the difference: Maybe it's simple enough now for you to get.

Sometimes I don't like debating with you because before you even start you're already biased to see what you want to see hence its almost always a waste of time. Seriously.

If you haven't started a Twitter campaign for anything you're against in the society, you have no right to ask anyone else why they haven't.
You see the campaign you like and you support anyway you can. We see the campaigns we like and we support anyway we can too.

Everyone is not hashtag starter. So stop asking me silly questions
That's my point.
[/s]

cococandy:
I do think Twitter or social media affects opinions but not laws so much. Be it traditional or secular laws. Hence not effective enough for me. But it still works in that the more people say it, the greater chance someone who's among the decisions makers out there will bring it up for consideration.

Its not effective but effective..duh
Still contradicting yourself


These socialmedia campaigns are powerful especially when backed with an organization

Case in point: Ferguson was a mix of rallies, social media presence which has led to demilitarization of cops using SWAT gear.
Also the cop who body slammed a girl at a party lost his job over the clamour

I'm still trying to get what you're implying. Because I haven't started a Twitter campaign, it means whatever else I say about it doesn't count?

You still don't get it.. let me try one more time

You hate bride price as you said
Has any of you who hate this evil custom campaigned against it

I have seen campaigns against FGM and I support it in any way both financially
I have seen campaigns against child education and I support it

why have women not campaigned against bride price

Let me hazard a guess: women like the 'value' placed on them

duran2059:
I get to spend more time with her cause she schools in the state I stay. I left my mom's a long time ago, I saw her last like 4/5 months ago? We only keep tabs by calling / chatting. Sometimes I give her equal money with my mom (but not all the time though). So I don't really get what she's trying to do?

If I were you, I will stop this in any form.
Are u not a student maga

What you've told her is enough.. if she wants to go.. its better for you