Haba, my fellow Nigerians make una take am easy... Comments like these really make me sad. As Nigerians, we have zero tolerance to other people's views/ opinions, values, and cultural diversity. You are all entitled to your opinions, but be constructive about it. I read Linda's post on her blog this morning, and like many others, I saw the humor in her post. If you on the other hand, did/do not see the humor or do not agree with her views, simply state so. What does her background, upbringing, marital or financial status have to do with any of this. Calling her a bastard and bitch etc, how does that make someone else respect your opinion. We must learn to agree to disagree. And it's not just about this post or person alone, we should all try to change our attitude... This is one of the many reasons we are often discriminated against in other parts of the world, our self-righteous-hypocritical-know it all behavior. It is about time we change. Remember that our opinions, even in anonymity, speak a thousand words about who we are.

@Poster,


Most of the other nairalanders have said it all, but I will still add my own. Honestly, I dont think that man was meant for you. Yes! It hurts! I know the feeling, and many others have told you from experience that you will get over it. You certainly will! Seriously you need to focus on your education, because if you failed or dropped out at this point, he definitely will not want you then. As humans, we tend to want that which we cannot have, hence your inability to let him go. But you must realize that this man has moved on. He is only being selfish by holding onto you and sleeping with u, and preventing u from moving on. If I may advise you, I would not really vouch for his fidelity while you guys were together (as you have done), because if he can cheat on his wife with you now, he could have also cheated on u ( i could be very wrong too). The fact that you lived with him and had his keys (same scenerio with married couples), doesnt mean he could not have cheated (especially with his ex) . As you try to come up with 1001 reasons why he is such a good man, you are also coming up with 1002 reasons why you should not leave him. Also, I honestly think that if this man loved you as much as you want to believe, it would not have been easy for him to move on so quickly. But that is neither here nor there

All you need right now, it to hang out with friends or do things that you enjoy. I would have offered to take you out (being that we are age mates and all), but unfortunately I am not in the country. Just try and let go ok sweetie! NOONE is really worth dying for especially if they could leave you to marry another. You have your whole life ahead of you. So please do not throw it away for NOTHING. AS or no AS, the man that has been designed specially for you is out there! The ibo phrase/name "NKIRUKA" means that 'what lies ahead is bigger/better', you just have to look forward to it. Take heart, it is well!

The thing with some of these pageants is that they are not representative of the true population, Not all the very beautiful girls are bothered to contest, and so the 'crowned' MBGN has to come from the contestants, So even though many might not agree that she is the MBGN, she most likely was the MBG in the pagent, I am indifferent.

@ Poster,

This is really sad, At 25, you should know the right thing to do, So do it, Think of it this way, as a child u were violated/molested by this woman, Wat if, wat if, she was HIV positive at the time, or had some other STD, and she gave it to you, cos I can bet she did not make u use a condom, With this assumption in mind, do u think she deserves a piece of you, again? It was bad enough that she robbed you of your innocence, now she is back to ruin ur future, DO THE RIGHT THING!!!



To all, would you believe that out of all my male friends and colleagues that I have asked, 90% of them lost their virginity at a very young age, to an older lady that was close to the family (aunty, cousin, family friend, or house help). I am sure some nairalanders (who are willing to be open about it) can testify to this, It is rather unfortunate the way children are violated everyday by sick minded adults, who are supposed to know better, Contrary to public opinion, men are not always the sexual predators, A good amount of women are too,

Hey guys,

Go to this link and try this game;  It is fun, you will like it,  its called the SCARY MAZE GAME!


http://www.maniacworld.com/maze_game.htm

@Egbojie,

What do you do for a living? Why a medical doctor? I am a student MD, even though I am not interested,  I am just curious. This is your second post for a female MD,  I really don't understand, please explain you "thing" for female doctors,

lol, in the first sentence I meant to say hang out with, The phrase "hang around" got stuck in my head,

@ poster,

Alot has been said about being careful when you hang around your friends and all, All I have to say is dont get pressured into getting married at all, or getting married to the wrong person, because most of your friends (guys or gurls) are married, Or dont even for one second worry about the fact that you are not yet married, Because your turn will come, and by God's Grace to the right person, You mentioned you were in a relationship, just take it one day at a time and hope for the best!

BTW,
I honestly dont see where some of the other posters got some of their impressions from, especially as they were using the words intimacy, and husband snatching, mid night calls etc, I have noticed alot of people dont read the "whole" thread on a topic before they comment, and a whole lot others tend to jump into conclusions,

I havent seen that the poster said she "hangs around" married men, She said majority of her friends were married, For all we know she sees them once a month, once in two months, we dont know for sure so lets not assume anything,
She said they were at her party and THEIR WIVES WERE PRESENT except for a few,
SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND, I dont see the poster mentioning she has a thing for, or had any intentions of having anything with her married friends,
I could go on and on, but all I am saying to everyone is, Read the thread before you advise/ contribute/ whatever, and please lets not jump into conclusions about things we think may have happened, or will happen, because WE DO NOT KNOW, if we think there are missing pieces, we ask the poster to clarify,
I believe we all have some good advice, but it just has to apply to the situation/topic in question,

@ Ziga

Yes I am in SGU,

@ziga, We might have met, Who knows. I see you are in Grenada.

NJnC thank you for putting up the video,

I light a million candles for my beloved, Okwuchukwu (Okwy) Ugbana who passed on February 7, 2008. You were the kindest person I ever knew. You gave so much yet you expected so little. You were loved by everyone who knew you. You were always there when I needed a friend to talk to or a shoulder to lean on. Till this day I cannot believe you are gone forever. Everyday since you passed I have made a wish, from wishing I could just see your face one more time to wishing you were still here, But the good Lord knows best. I console myself everyday with the fact that you were a true christian; you lived for and loved the Lord dearly, and you did his will.

I spoke to you the day before and i didnt even say, "I love you" or "Goodbye", but you know deep in your heart how i feel about you. I never thought you would die, I mean, how could I have? I guess I took that for granted and I am sorry. I am trying to move on but it is hard. It is hard not talking you everyday like I did in the past, or sharing my dreams and aspirations with you, or you teasing me and telling me about business and stuff. I know you are in a better place, for that reason, I am happy. I pray we meet again, someday, soon, But till that day I will miss you everyday, I LOVE YOU!

I have dedicated this song (Bye bye by Mariah Carey) to you everyday since its release and I know my fellow nairalanders who have lost someone dear will find solace in its words,


This is for my peoples
Who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye
No, no, no

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, Friends and cousins
This is for my peoples
Who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
Cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it
But you kept me in line
I didn't know why
You didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through

All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today
Face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've
Reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say

Bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye

You never got a chance to see
How good I've done
And you never got to
See me back at number one
I wish that you were here
To celebrate together
I wish that we could
Spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to
Tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me
That I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact
You're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've
Reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say

Bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye

This is for my peoples
Who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby
Your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers
Friends and cousins
This is for my peoples
Who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
Cause we will never say bye, bye.

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've
Reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say

Bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye

@ INKY and Hantayo,

I followed this thread from the beginning to the end, and I am very happy for the way things have turned out for you,

Nairalanders the guy has made a resolution to "curb his enthusiam", so why are some people still abusing him? Alot of us on this forum need to realize that it takes a lot to admit we have a problem, and seeking help takes a lot of balls, I'm saying, he said he was lusting after the girl, not that he slept with her, so where the word "rape" and "rapist" comes from is what I dont get, I read every single post, Did I miss something?

How many of us in his situation would have told someone?, Many of us would have acted on it, Granted it wrong to even think about it, considering her age, But when people open up to tell you their problems, dont make them regret their actions by abusing them and stuff, We all have our shortcomings and weaknesses,

Finally, even though it is funny to read some of the abuses people reign on each other, I think we should all learn to be civil and show respect to one another, whether we agree with people's opinions or not,

@ Poster, I am glad you decided to do the right thing, I hope you stick with your decision,

@amsky,

I am very happy for you dear! I am glad things turned out for you the way they did, You've heard alot of this already, but I will still add my own, Goodluck with your marriage and family, and all the best!

@ Lawyerchap,

Wow! that must have been really awful!! I sympathize with you, Dont worry, the right chick that will appreciate you, and not take you for granted is out there!

@ Poster, LOL Thanks, I could use this info,
@seguno2, Those are words of wisdom!

@Rubbermaid, thanks for the acknowledgement. It is much appreciated. At roberts24, my email is gucci293@hotmail.com, Feel free to contact me with questions,

@Pondo

Your pictures are nice, and u are good looking!!!

This is a tough call, I would not advise you to up and leave your girlfriend, But being a medical student, and knowing a couple of things about HIV, if you go ahead and marry her and try to have children through sexual means, u are at a high risk of contacting the virus,

If you love her so much and want to marry her, you DO have options as far as children, one being that you can adopt kids, BUt whatever happens make sure you have protected sexual intercourse. Through volunteering, I have worked with people who are HIV+ and their partners are negative, and they are together and happy,

Again, you have to be psychologically prepared to be married to her, ask yourself these questions;
1. Are prepared to deal with the stigma of being married to someone who is HIV+ ( cos if people know she is,                 automatically they assume you are also)
2. Are marrying her out of pity,
3. Are sure that you wont become paranoid about contracting the virus ( because that will affect the way you treat her - physically and sexually).
4. Are you prepared to handle the cost of all the drugs and treatment,
5. HIV+ patients suffer from opportunistic infections such as tuberculosis, thrush, etc. So even something as simple as a cold can kill her,
6. What about your family? Do they accept her and her status? If no, are you willing to loose them on her account?


You seem to be a good man to even think twice about being with her, and I commend you for that. But having presented you with these options, its something you have to think about seriously. I hope it helps you. I wish you all the best. Goodluck!!