₦airaland Forum

The plight of the widows in Edo State is very pathetic.  A widow in Edo State
is condemned to a life of rejection, trauma, deprivation and poverty.  The
practices vary from area to area, however, there are two broad patterns of
practice in Edo South and Edo North.  Edo South is inhabited mainly by the
Binis and Ishans.
When a man dies in Edo South, the wife is usually suspected to have a hand in
his death, no matter how old he man may be.
The practice is usually for the women to be confined to her room and the man's
family will be invited and informed.  Upon arrival of the family, there is
severe mourning and then accusations and counter accusations.
The interrogation and inquisition then begins.  This generally has put the
women as an accused before her accusers.
In order to prove her innocence the woman is desperate to do any thing demanded
of her in the name of tradition.
Her husband's spirit is usually invoked and she is made to swear before him. In
the purely traditional families, the corpse is washed and she is made to drink
from it.  When the burial proper begins she is made to sit on tree branches,
her hair is shaven and she does not bathe during the seven days of the burial
ceremonies.  She is served food on a broken clay pot which remains unwashed
throughout the period, she is also made to eat with her left hand.  The rites
are fraught with so much danger and hostility that the widow usually has her
family members guarding her throughout.  On the last day of mourning, after
some rituals, she is made to bathe in the dead of night.  This is usually the
most dangerous as there have been occasions when the widow has been physically
attacked by the husband's family members.  She is usually protected by men from
her own family.
If the husband's family is Christian, the widow may be spared the ordeal but
usually there will be non-Christians among them who will insist that some
aspect of the tradition be carried out. By the end of the ordeal the widow is
so traumatised that the cordial relationship which previously existed between
families is terminated.  After the rites, if the man was polygamous or if the
widow was the only wife, but did not bear him a son, she is asked to leave her
matrimonial home.  There are known instances of women who have been driven out
of their matrimonial home after 45 years of marriage.
The widow has no right of inheritances.  If the widow is lucky to have older
children, the children begin to look after their mother.  Where the widow is
young she is pushed into penury, because the family begin to divest her of all
her husband'' property.  If the widow was a full-time housewife, the sudden
loss of status and the traumatic experience has been known to drive some into
depression.  The children are also not catered for and she is left to fend

stillwater:
One of my mom's friends had this kind of dilemma. Her in-laws wanted to confiscate their deceased brother's property. The woman hired the police. During the burial ceremonies, none of the in-laws could do anything. Stupid people!!!

In Ohafia in Abia state,the woman is left with nothing not even the house her husband built.
She and her children are basically kicked out
His brothers get everything he owned.

June 1997, the Anglican Bishop of Ikale/Ilaje Diocese in Onto State criticized "the practice of forcing widows to marry the relatives of their husbands" and said "that the church had no fundamental objection to the practice of inheriting a widow, but objected to compelling a woman into it" (ibid. 6 June 1997). In March 1999, the chairman of the Bayelsa State Family Support Programme (FSP) stated that the FSP "in conjunction with some Non-Governmental Organisations (NGOs), had embarked on a series of campaigns to stem some obnoxious practices against womanhood, such as genital mutilation, widowhood practices and early marriage. … She advised widows in the state, whose relatives were being forced to marry relations of their dead husbands, to use the services of the legal aid council" (Post Express 24 Mar. 1999).
http://www.unhcr.org/refworld/topic,463af2212,469f2ea82,3ae6ad6e64,0.html

A second informant stated;


In fact several kinds of dehumanising treatments were meted out to me. Before my husband was buried, I was locked up with his corpse for three hours with the belief that if I killed him, I would die there. I was then forced to sleep in the grave yard for two days after his burial to finally convince them I did not kill my husband[41]

Another widow recounted her experience;


Each mourning after the burial, my mother in-law took me out to the back of the house. I had a bath with very cold water. This was done very early in the morning when it was still very cold. As she did this, customs demanded that I must be crying and calling my husband the name I used to call him when he was alive. This lasted for four days. I stayed at home for the next three months mourning him without going out[35].

A 75 year old widow recounts her experience when she lost her husband in 1978;


I was ordered home from Lagos to explain the cause of his death. After I had narrated everything to them (in-laws), they asked for his pass book (bank savings book) and other valuable items which I gave over to them"23.


A second informant, a 35 year old widow and mother of 4, noted;


Our entire property was confiscated. A lorry was sent from home to come and pack all the merchandise in his supermarket. All his electronic items were also packed away. For the past year the house has been like a battle ground between me and them[24].


the widows ordeal begin immediately the death of her husband is announced. The in-laws demand a list of the man's property, holdings, investments, bank accounts etc. She is further required to take an oath as a proof that she has not concealed any relevant information on her husband's wealth"[25]

http://www.ub.uib.no/elpub/1996/h/506001/korieh/chima-Chapter-2.html

@ babyjinx do you mean 3 min clip?
I saw that.
the widow is starved until the husband is buried.
This is so unnacceptable and the annoying part is that these punishments are metted out by fellow women in the community.

And as though the woman hasn't suffered enough humiliating treatments,she's inherited by the late husband's brother or even son (not her child)


Levirate marriage, where a "family member inherits a married woman whose husband is dead" (Bamgbose July 2002, 13), continues to be practiced under various customary law systems in Nigeria (AI 31 May 2005, 8; Center for Reproductive Rights 2003, 84). A May 2005 Amnesty International (AI) report states that

[s]ome customary law systems , prescribe that a widow [be] 'inherited' by a male relative of the former husband. The widow is seen as the property of the former husband's family. Families that migrate to Lagos continue to apply such customary rules to their relationships, even after they have moved away from their traditional areas of origin (31 May 2005, .

Described as "degrading and harmful," (Bamgbose July 2002, 13), the practice of levirate marriage has been identified as one of the leading causes of the spread of HIV/AIDS in Nigeria (UN 2004, 13).

Levirate marriage is considered a custom of the Yoruba, the Igbo, and the Hausa-Fulani and continues to be practiced in rural communities (Bamgbose July 2002, 13). However, increased education and urbanization are thought to have reduced this practice (ibid.). It is also thought that women in Nigeria who have greater economic independence are less likely to accept a levirate marriage (Ewelukwa May 2002, 438)

.http://www.cisr-irb.gc.ca/en/research/rir/?action=record.viewrec&gotorec=449978

SOUTHWEST -ONDO STATE
When a husband dies, the widow goes into confinement for seven days. During this period she is not allowed to go out, even to the toilet or, take her bath. On the seventh day, her head is shaved to sever the bond between her and the dead husband. She also keeps a vigil and appears very sorrowful by wailing and crying profusely. If she fails to mourn, it is believed that "she may become mentally deranged, or forfeit the right to any benefit." 5. After this, she goes into mourning proper, which is for a period of three months. During mourning, she is to be of impeccable behavior so that her late husband's spirit may gain quick entry into the community of his ancestral spirits. The widow is not expected to court, leave the family, go away with the children, or look in the mirror for fear of seeing the deceased. Until recently, she was not allowed to sit on the bed.

This period is also used to ascertain whether the widow is pregnant or not. At the end of three months, she performs the outing ceremony. She is then free to remarry into the family. A widow may however, refuse to be inherited even if her late husbands's family want it so likewise, a man may equally refuse to inherit his late brother's wife. In ondo, as in other Yoruba land, property belongs to the wife/wives and the children of the deceased. It is shared as Ori o ju ori i.e equally among the children (including girls), or as Idi'ig i.e equally among the wives (were the man has more than one wife), though, the eventual

beneficiaries are the children. Where the widow has no child, she may not get any thing from her husband's property. It reverts back to his family.

PepERSprAY:
Something becomes a practice if it's generally done by the people by over 50% margin. Culture is defined as a peoples way of life and it is dynamic because it changes everyday. If that is the case, armed robbery can be imbibed as our culture. If a yoruba man is caught raping a woman, it becomes yoruba culture; If igbo man is caught in armed robbery, it becomes an ibo culture etc.

That was my original arguments.
But who wants to be that "Insignificant number"

SOUTHEAST -ANAMBRA STATE

In Ogidi town, in Idemili L.G.A., the mourning period is one year during which time, the widow is restricted to the house where she sits on the bare floor for four weeks and her hair is scraped. She is not allowed to talk, laugh, shake hands or greet people, bake cook. Her attire is called "Ogodo upa, that is, "mud cloth" After seven weeks, she removes the "mud cloth" and wears "the ikpim, that is, a pitch black mourning dress" for the rest of the year. Peculiar to this people is the "etum afa, that is "praise naming" which the widow performs (mandatory) three times a day.

In Nanka town, Orumba L.G.A. the only peculiarity of this people is that the widow is forbidden to see the corpse of her husband. Christianity or not, ", any widow who contravenes this customs laterality ceases to exist, She neither buys from nor sell to any other member of the community. All men run away from her, She is avoided like death, , " . In Ogbunka town, still in Orumba South L.G.A., a widow is secluded behind the house immediately the husband dies. The Umuada force her to observe the routine wailing from morning till night for many days. This widow is in turn expected to provide the oku awa i.e. yam meal with a chicken, for the Umuada (on daily basis).

In Ezira and Nawfija, "the widow is put in a cage" She is allowed to sit on a mat or mattress inside her "cage" though she does not sleep there. According to these people, the widow is ", most vulnerable to physical pains inflicted on her by vicious mourners, who are in the habit of throwing their whole weight on the victim, in the guise of deep sympathy." The widow wears either black or white for seven months at the end of which, she wears another dress for the remaining five months that is neither black nor white.

In Akili-Ogidi town, in Ogbaru L.G.A., widowhood practice is the same as in Ogidi town except that, "the widow does here evening crying shift through the onu ntapa, that is, a chink in the wall. She must also be facing the west, throughout the first twenty eight days after the burial, " Because of civilization however, the working class widow is allowed to return to work after the short bereavement leave granted her. However, no widow is allowed to step out of her husbands compound on her own feet. She mut be", carried by a man out of the compound to, The road, to take transport to her destination."

PepERSprAY:
You people are just spreading rumors. This practices did exist back in the days but are almost in extinction now. I bet you most Tiv people in this age and time do not know anything about them.

My dear,even if it's just .5% of them that do it, that should still make it a sick practice.

Baby Jinx:
Oh my word! You this woman you are a mind reader!!!!!! I was just getting ready to post something like this!! I hope you don't mind if I did it here. . .

Go ahead sweetie.
I have heard so many sick practices and got angered and moved beyond tribe since this is a crime against women of all tribes.
This is simply sick.

SOUTH SOUTH -EDO STATE

In Bini land, widowhood rights are in two stages. First, the widow is confined to a room outside the family house for seven days immediately after the interment of the deceased husband. She is dressed in black with her hair left unkempt and, she is not allowed to take her bath. She must look mournful and sober and must cry, morning and evening. On the seventh day, a wake keeping ceremony is held and the widow is forbidden (by custom) to sleep because, the spirit of the dead man will come around and kill her if she is found sleeping! On the same day, she perform the semi-purification rites by taking her bath around 4.am at a road junction (all alone). Her safe return proves her innocence.

The Second stage of mourning begins at the end of the seventh day. The widow smears herself and her clothing with black charcoal and remains so for three months. At the end of the third month, the final purification, which admits her into the society, is performed. On inheritance, both the widow and property are inheritable objects.

Among the Esan, the practice is almost the same but for some little differences. During the seven days of mourning, the widow carries an Ikhmin, which is a many sided plant which is used to wade off evil spirit. She is also forbidden to sleep on the night preceding the seventh day because, it is believed that, the husband will visit and carry her away if she sleeps! A widow in Esan however, takes ", her bath in the night at a burial ground or at some obscure or isolated spot, " 14 and she shoots an arrow into the bush afterwards, to deter the late husband from coming near her again.

Throughout the three months mourning period, a pot containing some leaves believed to wade off evil, is left burning on the stove. The widow performs the purification rites after three months, which includes her hair, being shaved. On inheritance, a wife cannot inherit, rather; she is part of the "objects" to be inherited.

In Agenebode land, women here have different status/order of birth. A woman is either Amoya, a title that is highly respected and cherished because in marriage, she is given out totally or, she is Adegbe, a title that allows the woman to stay in her father's house even after marriage. Northing is done is her father's house without consulting her. As a result of these differences, varying degree of rights and privileges are given to them.

When an Amoya is widowed, one of her sister-in-law who is an Adebge will assist her to wear a white hand woven pant. This she wears for one whole year without washing or changing. She stays indoors and can't even go to the market or church. Her hair is scraped and, she is in total seclusion wearing only black. By virtue of her birth, she remains in her husband's house for life. If she accepts toe be inherited, she performs the purification right to legitimize the transfer. If she does not want to be inherited, she performs another rite to appease the family's ancestors. Her son inherits the property of the deceased if she happens to have the first son, this does not however transfer ownership of the property to her.

The situation is different, when an Adebge is widowed. She does not go through all the rites an Amoya goes through.

Her hair and that of her children is scraped on the fifth day after the death. Wearing of black is her choice and her movement is not restricted for one day, she goes about her normal business. The issue of inheritance does not arise for her because, she goes back to her father's house as soon as the man dies though, she is free to stay (if she so desires), without any obligation to the family of the late husband. If she is the mother of the first son, he inherits all his father's property.

NORTH CENTRAL - BENUE STATE

The burial practice here is that, the man is buried almost immediately he dies. The widow is restricted to one place, however, if she is still within childbearing age, she is restricted to one room. She cannot go to the toilet unaccompanied; neither can she go to the farm to get food, even for her children.

Among the Etulo people, a widow is confined in mourning for three months during which it would be confirmed if she is pregnant or not. Her only attire is a piece of cloth called bento, which has a ritual object ascribed to it. This cloth is tied round the waist of the deceased man, and the widow now wears it as a symbol of her sexual relationship with the late husband. It is also believed that, this bento deters the widow from any act o ", flirtation or promiscuity before she is culturally freed from widowhood." 15. After the three months of mourning, she prepares for the outing ceremony. Her hair is shaved during this period and, she exchanges the bento for a white dress, which, she also stops wearing after outing ceremony. On the issue of inheritance, the Etulo are a matrilineal society. A barren widow has no rights to any of her late husband's property. Even where the widows have children, the property still goes to the maternal relationships who may out of good will and pity give part of it to his children.

Among the Idomas, the widow mourns for at least one year wearing sackcloth. She performs the cleansing/outing ceremony with the help of her age grade (peers) at he end of the mourning period. This done, she is free to remarry either within or outside of the family. In Idoma land, the late man's property belongs to his relations.

North West - Kano state area.


In this part of the country, inheritance issue are according to Islamic injunctions. The widow observes the Takaba i.e a four-month, ten-day mourning period in seclusion talking to no one and sitting in a place. However, there are accounts of widows who are barred:
"(a) From leaving the room where the corpse was laid: sleeping on a comfortable bed; (b) taking a normal route to the toilet; (c) observing personal hygiene; (d) wearing long hair; (e) moving about; (f) taking normal bath; (g) seeing the inside of the grave (h) eating pounded yam; and (i) fowl, goat meat, " 16


After the mourning, a widow is free to remarry within or outside the family. On the issue of inheritance, the manner in which the property of the deceased is shared is explicitly stated in the Qur'an. However, human factors, especially the relationship of the widow to her in-laws, education of the apportioning parties and cultural leanings have brought about injustices in property sharing

This topic has been much talked about so I created a thread to throw light on this.
It must be noted that sometimes these practices may be rare or just restricted to certain areas but they nevertheless are still there.
This is ugly,the outcome of our traditional and native beliefs before the advent of Christianity but sadly these practices still exist in some quarters.
When a woman loses her husband, a civilised soceity should rally round to support her and her children.
Causing her more pain than she's already going through at the death of the breadwinner is just plain evil.

~Sauron~:
Of course, it is a cultural practice. . . . .

I can give u a well-documented article to read and digest on how things go down in the East.
Read this thesis. . . . http://www.ub.uib.no/elpub/1996/h/506001/korieh/chima-Chapter-2.html
If you are not convinced after reading this link then i don't know what else to say.

At the end of that article they said this.

What has been described above are some of the most important components of widowhood rituals among the Mbaise-Igbo of Eastern Nigeria
Now Mbaise is a town in Imo state.

I am not in any way saying widows are not treated poorly in Nigeria and Igboland.
It is an evil practise in a culture that's male dominated but is this Igbo culture or African since in that same article,mention was made of the jukun tribe?


Now look at this.

That was all they needed to pin her to the ground. The in-laws had everything ready, including a sharp knife. But there was no anesthesia. Omobola cried in pains as her chubby cheeks were branded with three marks each. But the horror had only just begun. More women pressed her to the ground. Before she knew what was going on, her wrapper had been hitched up. She had no way of seeing what was going on between her legs. Whatever it was, she could feel it in form of excruciating pains. She let out a terrified scream but it got her nowhere as pieces of rags were forced into her mouth. When it was all over, her worst fears were confirmed. She had just been circumcised at gunpoint. She was two months pregnant.

http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/living/2008/mar/15/living-15-03-2008-001.htm

can I also say it's Yoruba culture to circumcise adult women forcefully and give them tribal marks when they are pregnant ?
Since I have an article on that issue?
There is a different sometimes between what is culture and what is just evil practice of certain individuals,that is my point.

The shaving of hair and wearing black is not even forced on educated people now for the most part,that was pan Igbo mourning culture.
Let's not dig up isolated stories just to proove a point and label Igbos as many here are trying so hard to do.

~Sauron~:
Queenisha, stop throwing tantrums. . . . .
I have seen Nollywood movies where a man was dressed in suit and married a corpse. . . .I would get the title soon.
However to prove these things happen in the east. . . . .Read this article. http://allafrica.com/stories/200801141092.html

. . . .For Mrs Amina Nwachukwu, from Kaduna in the northern part of the country, getting married to her heartthrob, Sylvanus Nwachuwku, an Igbo from the east, was not easy. Her mother refused to give in to her wish to marry a "total stranger", while the father disowned her.
Against the wish of the parents and many relations, Amina had her way.

But what happened to Amina after her spouse died last year made her wish she had listened to her parents. She was also forced to sleep with the corpse to prove that she had no hand in his death. Amina's experience is just one of the many abuses which women suffer in many parts of the country.

I still ask you,is this a cultural practice that you can call Igbo culture?
If I searched ,could I find that this may have happened elsewhere?
Remember I never doubted the person who wedded a corpse but is it a cultural practice ?

chisimdi:
lmao

There's nothing I won't read on this forum.
ROFL
People pick up some isolated cases they "hear of" and it then describes the everyday living of a whole race of people.
I'll soon find out that I'm required to use my tongue and wipe the anuses of the kinsmen of my marital home.
There's a thread where someone claimed Igbos don't use toilet paper to wipe and it took on a life of it's own.
Some other idiot opened a thread that grew to pages including pictures of starving Biafra children and said all sorts of things about Igbos  especially accusing Igbos of the high crime rate amongst Nigerians outside of Nigeria when statistics show that it was his own people that commit most of the crime outside of Nigeria.
Nigeria has been ruled mostly by Hausas and Yoruba military dictators and civilians how then can they blame Igbos for the decay in Nigeria.?
This nonsense has to stop.
Sometimes when people are fed lies all their lives they grow up believing lies then come on the internet and perpetuate those lies.
I would never bring these statistics thing up if I hadn't been provoked severally by these people.
The outside world doesn't know which criminal is YOruba or Hausa or Igbo.
They are called Nigerians.
Why then do these idiots have the need to always descibe criminals by state of origin and then lie about it too?

*Morenike:
Lend me some, abeg

If she's any representation of them (which I doubt she is) there's plenty to see there

tangent:
there are so many areas in the east with weird traditional practises. i was told a man that lost his fiance few days to their wedding still go ahead to marry the corpse(dressed in wedding gown). it happened to a distant cousin and i am sure some villages still practise this evil act.

Did this distant cousin of yours marry a corpse because he was an slowpoke or because tradition required him to marry a corpse?
How many corpse wedding have people attended?
do they take pictures?
Maybe nollywood is yet to do a movie on that one.

*Morenike:
Plz abeg, dnt let DZ start on Ado-Ekiti o.

hopefully you have some osun stereotypes to shove down her throat

chiogo:
Wow! @plus_Queen, I can't believe you never heard about the bath water crap. You always seemed to know so much about the igbo culture. Anywayz, it pretty much happens, I don't think it still happens now though, maybe in uncivilized villages. If you watch old school nollywood movies(when those people actually made good movies), you'll see a lot of such scenes. I know nollywood movies are fallacies sometimes but my parents confirmed that practice also. It doesn't happen where I come from though but yeah, everybody knows it is(was) a practice in some parts of igbo.


@topic, because we got a lot to offer? Go figure. . . .

Sorry I missed your post.
But I never heard of it.
I asked my husband and called a few friends and none of them them had ever heard of it too.
I'm not a nollywood movie fan
Why some individuals feel a need to point fingers continually at Igbos when the same things and worse happen at their backyard beats me.
Now this is the last time I'll mention bath and water and drink in one sentence

PepERSprAY:
The preponderance of that evidence is still faltering. Only one person reported appropriately where it happened once and it raised a lot of dust which meant it is not a normal practice. Others are my neighbor, my friend, my parents told me, including myself but where it still happens is still a mystery. It's like the way you said the tribal mark stuff, anybody can blow it off proportion as if it's a common practice in this century when it is a culture that is almost dead.

My own survey proved futile among many igbos for they do not know what it is except my in laws older friend that said it used to exist back in the days. It is very important for us to be clear on such issues on whether it is a current practice or a dying culture. Slavery was in America and is still in some places in America today but it is a dead practice. No need to harp on this issue because it makes someone that is accused of such practice when he or she hasn't seen it to look bad. You can also ask Chigo where and when it happened and what village assuming she is truly ibo.

It's just simple commonsense for anyone to know that it's possible to come from ado ekiti and not know of some rare practices in Ijebu ode.
but no
Nairalander Nollywood experts expect all of us to know.
sheshhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


can we now move on from this revelation of the century


Igbos drink bathwater
Yorubas drink bathwater
Edos drink bathwater


can this topic be finally squashed
shessssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

savanaha:
oh my gosh, I am in the library cracking up. The human race is a hot mess. We are all quiet entertaining. All these stereotypes are amazing.
My friend (American) is taking a cultural anthropology class and I showed her this to do a class discussion for her project. I really want to know how it will turn out. I will report to you all momentarily how her professor and class reacted.

More than amazing.
And when I tell her she eats from the same bowl she shaits in,she'll start having convulsions.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081025/people_nm/us_hudson_family_5

The Tribune said the Cook County Medical Examiner's office identified the victims as Hudson's mother, Darnell Donnerson, 57, and her brother Jason Hudson, 29.

Police said neighbors reported hearing shots in the area during the morning, but the bodies were not found until midafternoon.

"A missing child was possibly abducted from the scene , and may be in the company of William Balfour, a suspect in the double homicide investigation," police said in a statement, adding that the man was "considered armed and dangerous."

namun:
please don't insult yoruba women.,,,
they are decent and well behaved. if poeple have problems wit igbo women. u don't have 2 beef yoruba because of it. apart 4m that most negative treads have been posted about ibo. maybe, [b]dey should check demselves and sort out d negativies concerning them [/b]

Look at another idiot creeping in .
This shrine reject !
blockhead
You better get back to night school and learn how to construct simple sentences before disgracing yourself here.

bawomolo:
you just hating, it's funny jo.  ukrainian or russia or polish accent is frightening. those guys talk like they are ready to kick your ass


thank you ser(sir)

Nigerians nko.
she's a[b] ness[/b]
meaning nurse.
That one gives me the jeebies

KarmaMod:
Indian accent isnt funny/. It's the fact they shake their heads like they are playing ludo in their brains that is hilarious

Osisi I maintain they are worse than us jo.

they actually shake their heads to mean yes whereas the rest of the world nods for yes

*Morenike:
I thought it was the Chinese with the small peepee

I hate chinese accent too. It's like. . . . like, I can't even describe it

Small peepeeness  cuts across all races.
Who know
about  one in Men on this nairaland may have "nothing to write home about"
but then again,who is checking?

KarmaMod:
Na British Nigerians that are guilty of this rubbish

The smuggled container finally gets them there and its innit this innit that.

You don't want to know how many times I was told not to speak Yoruba by people this summer

This from people who got there yesterday while I've lived 90% of my life in the states.

Went to one resturant and I asked for water, the woman just kept asking me to repeat myself. I just stared at her for 5 mins and told my friend "sofun were pe mo fomi" (Tell this lunatic I want water)  

Abegi jare. Who has time for pretense.

I think the Americana ones are worse than the British ones.
The one I can't stand is to hear a Nigerian say genuwine for genuine