₦airaland Forum

The mistake is telling her the idea is from your mom you should have acted as if that's your idea. But never the less she should come down and take the idea if she's understanding woman cos it's for your marriage good!

Postpone that wedding indefinitely God is trying to reveal something for you. Use this opportunity to test and weigh her patience. In fact, disguise as being poorer from the level she estimated you.
My suggestion may look weird but.....

cancel the wedding bro she will get sense and start begging you to do it your way because you have to listen yo your mum oo call her today and tell her you are not doing again that you have to cancel the wedding dont give her any reason

BamBamK:
you obviously didn't read to comprehend... u just want argue sha


from the OP's point, his babe is pissed off coz he is considering the option that will make him spend less... i opined that she should be more concerned about her marriage's success than d wedding ceremony... if she were, knowing fully well she isn't contributing anything of note to d wedding, she won't be fighting him for considering the cheaper option...

you can only dictate the tune when u pay d piper...

trust u understand now!!

I responded directly to your post, tell us what the argument is. If you comprehended what I typed you wouldn't give your sermon.

You were sounding like cheap= better marriage. The cost will not detract from the marriage.

If 100 is actually the number you're planning, make sure you triple it in preparation.

realman42:
All these naija weddings sef.My wedding won't have more than 100 pipul.Beautiful location,beautiful gown, nice suit, and nice pictures dats all.

Biglittlelois:
Kunle, how can you not see that she flared up cos Op was like "his mum said"? If Op had told her calmly and nicely that they need to cut cost, would she have flared up? Why did she have to remind Op it's her wedding consideration? Who does that? What would have made her say that? Who among both genders is always excited when it comes to wedding and can't wait to plan their wedding?

Lolo, even if na unicorn appear to her to cut cost, she go still vex...she wanted the creme de la creme, without any financial input or life after wedding. She wanted to impress but the reality on ground is different na.

Did you just say planning? Ok..let her go ahead with her planning and ignore OP,since SHE CAN PAY FOR IT NA, or her planning na mouth? Will the guests drink zobo at the reception? She isn't ready to face reality and you keep talking about her being not involved. Does she have money to make it the wedding of her dreams?

I still don't understand why she would feel so bad na if not for ego issues

OyinNurse:
Mr Luminouz, you don come again with your plenty jokes, abi? Anyway, thanks for your kind words but I'm still chasing wisdom everyday like everyone else. May God continue to guide us all....

NB: Sorry I no get younger sister and my nieces are all married

Lol....I got jokes most times...one shouldn't be too serious to laugh once in a while.

N.B: Damn!! The good ones are already taken.

okay sir...

that is what u thought i was talking about... i just outlined everything for u like a 3rd grader...

since u like fight pass quarrel, i no owe u any further clarification...

now, run along like the child you are

BRATISLAVA:
I responded directly to your post, tell us what the argument is. If you comprehended what I typed you wouldn't give your sermon.

You were sounding like cheap= better marriage. The cost will not detract from the marriage.

You should just have suggested that as yours and not as your mother's advice. Exercise discretion and be wise with women. When your mom advised that you possibly agreeing with should ordinarily had passed it as your own thought without labelling it "mommy's".

[quote author=Campala post=101820186][/quote]If a woman has nothing to offer like he described and yet still trying to call shots, he can marry any other woman and he will still be happy. He is only doing her a favour

Postpone that wedding indefinitely God is trying to reveal something for you. Use this opportunity to test and weigh her patience. In fact, disguise as being poorer from the level she estimated you earlier.
My suggestion may look weird but.....

My little advice.

I would advice you sit her down, talk to her face to face. Give her reasons of not having the two ceremonies separate days and the cost attached to it. And even if your mum advised you, please do well to "NOT" say "my mum said this, my mum said that" she
may consider herself not worthy of the plans first. (Ladies and pride sha).

Let her know that it will be more easy to bring down your friends and hers to the village as much of them won't even attend compare to your both families.

Cc: Maj. Gen.

As a woman, I’ll definitely appreciate if my man listens to me. But as it is now, I cannot advise you to listen to her if not you might go bankrupt.

To remedy this situation, maybe you should show her the money in your account. Make sure the money is very little. Show her your account balance and tell her that is the money you have if they throw you up and down. Maybe she will understand when she see say money no dey your account. And behave like someone who does not have money for the moment. Maybe she feels you have the money that is why she is insisting.

Your fiancee overreacted in a way, and you as well didn't handle the whole issue rightly too.

Yes your mum's advice isn't out of place but you should have passed the advice to her as if it's your own suggestions without bringing your mother to the picture, maybe she may not have reacted that way.
Don't be surprised if this issue bring an end to the relationship.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Is this how true love looks like or you people want to marry for marrying sake ? That your girl eyes dey for gram

500k-600k for only transportation and lodging lmao op you need to check yourself Wella cos you never find wife you need to go to the next bus stop

This is how it starts ,you better stand up as a man or you backs out ,a broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage ,....also tell your mum not to discuss any wedding arrangements with your lady ,...if your mother suggest anything to you ,...please don't relate the message to your lady(like this is what my mum wants for our wedding ) ,....balance the situation , naturally women don't like each other ,.....PLAN YOUR WEDDING ALONE WITH YOUR LADY , secondly there is life about wedding ,BE WISE

Kokaine:
You are the man. Always make it look like you're doing her a favour by marrying her even if you don't say it expressly. Let it be clear that you are aware that many women will give their fairy tooth to marry you in this period where marriages are hard. She should be grateful you are picking her from the millions of available women who will do all your biddings to be your wife.

Don’t ever make your wife feel this way. If she made it clear to you that she can dump you and be with another man will you like it. If any man does this to me, I’ll leave his sorry ass. I’m a big asset to any man that will marry me. My whole family has said it. My brother even said he is praying for someone like me as a wife. Any man that marries me is doing himself a very big favour.

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

And you women should stop the hatred within your gender. Any suggestions or advice from mother inlaw is bad, but if she is the rich type that gifts money you will gladly accept. It is not a must they must discuss certain issues with you first, the idea might come while discussing it with someone else, it was only brought to you so that you scrutinize and probably add one or two touches. Marriage have not started and she is already brewing hatred between her mother inlaw, tufiakwa

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Don't marry that kind of unreasonable person.

Don't allow sex to cloud your powers of reasoning

Oga, Don't Waste Money If U Don't Need All Dis Stress Or Ceremonies. Just Pay Her Bride Price, Dat's All.

Break up the relationship sharp sharp and go do thanksgiving as you have just saved yourself from living a life of misery!!

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Postpone that wedding indefinitely.In fact,don't marry that girl.
Na so e de take start ooo.
Someone that doesn't contribute a dime but she wants to cut costs.
If you marry her,her national anthem will be "is it not your fellow men" bla bla

Jirehz:


My cousin had exactly same issues with his now wife 2 years ago
Girl wey no dey bring any kind of financial support to the wedding oo

My bro just called her 2 days after the argument and told her to put the phone on loudspeaker and give her mom the phone.

“Mama I’ll be coming with with my elder brother to apologize for all inconsistencies. I no longer want to proceed with the wedding. I no get money!”

Nah there area scatter
Nah she come dey beg las las
She turn to Yes sir Yes sir girl till wedding and trad finish

Dame it

Bwana your Brother is too clever

Jirehz:


My cousin had exactly same issues with his now wife 2 years ago
Girl wey no dey bring any kind of financial support to the wedding oo

My bro just called her 2 days after the argument and told her to put the phone on loudspeaker and give her mom the phone.

“Mama I’ll be coming with with my elder brother to apologize for all inconsistencies. I no longer want to proceed with the wedding. I no get money!”

Nah there area scatter
Nah she come dey beg las las
She turn to Yes sir Yes sir girl till wedding and trad finish

Your brother must be an IPOB yewt
Na them de get that kin obiakpo

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

My brother;
1. Dump her immediately
2. Dump her family
3. Dump the wedding
4. Move on
5. Wait for God to provide your wife for you.

God will give you the kind of wife I have. I have been married for close to 20 years. Right from time my wife has always been a huge help being financially independent on her own.
She's never because of that Insulted nor abused me. Infact I call myself a spoilt big baby.she goes out of her way, squeezes herself just to please me.
She's a God fearing person, highly spiritual.
You won't know nor perceive that she's the REASON behind my success. she's a superwoman.
She'll never EVER allow us spend such money on a wedding, she's very very prude t when it comes to money. Guy, I dey tell u, my wife no go gree make we spend unnecessary excesses on wedding
That's the kind of wife you need....
Not the unfortunate failure you call a fiance
Good luck

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Mum is right bros. Its very cost effective.

MeghaneMorgane:
Don’t ever make your wife feel this way. If she made it clear to you that she can dump you and be with another man will you like it. If any man does this to me, I’ll leave his sorry ass. I’m a big asset to any man that will marry me. My whole family has said it. My brother even said he is praying for someone like me as a wife. Any man that marries me is doing himself a very big favour.

That theory doesn't apply to your kind of person. You've said it all.

The story is of a girl that cannot offer anything but yet wants to call the shots. If you are an asset, then its not a favour, but if marrying you has no advantage over marrying from other million average slay queens out there, then its a big favour because they just want to leave their parents house and be said to be married that's all. Not that they have any thing to bring to the table.

baralatie:
Marriage is about the man and his wife.Agreed!
But it is more about the kind,type and manner of communication that exist between them and most importantly how conflicts are resolved.
The question is "on what basis does he want to tell her sorry for?"

Is it sorry for sorry sake and go ahead and spend #4 million

Or sorry for sorry sake go ahead to follow his mom's suggestion

Or sorry from both of them towards each other for been childish and then resolve their issues

He will just tell her 'Ok, am sorry i didn't discuss it with you first, but you know my mother is right, doing the whole thing one day and one place will save cost and reduce risks' her head will swell up and she will accept, she has to, or else he should rethink the whole marriage stuff.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

First some things should never be discussed over the phone and this is one of them. That's where you erred.


Secondly, you should stand your ground. As much as she should have a say, it should not be to the detriment of your account balance.


The problem here is that you opined your mums suggestion as Your mum's suggestion, and that's what she has problem with. She is thinking your mum will control her new family by virtue of proxy which all women dread. She wants to feel her new family is devoid of external control and you giving your mum's suggestion as not yours has set off her defense. It's self defense.


You can't do anything about this but just remaining silent but still stand your ground on your decision that both the trad and white wedding be held in same location and same day. Else, she can manipulate you by just simply making you think she thinks it's your mum making the decision.

Next time, bring it up as your suggestion or decision so she knows that it's her husband's.

FalseProphet1:
If you go ahead with the marriage, I see you coming back to Nairaland to complain to us how your lazy wife who doesn't contribute a dime towards the upkeep of the family doesn't appreciate the little financial efforts you're making, I see you being very frustrated in the first six months of your marriage. This I have seen.

i was patiently waiting for your comment.

especially your signature phrase

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Aunty go and sit down joor!
You were there to know that he said it in a bossy way. If it bothers you too much, come and fund the silly girls expensive wedding plans.