Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Bro Advice you will get in nairaland 80% of the people are not married... Without experience that will make you hate your wife to be.

But listen she is right...even if she is not contributing in the wedding... She have right and a say too
Please next time when you get advice from your mum , sister,brother and friends
Do not tell your wife where the advice came from ... Tell her what you think , meaning you are making decisions on your own.

Mr President will never tell Nigerians his decisions came from his advisers .

Always listen to your wife... Even if you don't want to apply... Make her feel her advice is good ... Before giving her reasons from your decision.

About the marriage... It's depend on where you guys have more people , contact, friends and relatives , business partners

When I mean Friends those that will come and drop money on your wedding day. Not village people that will come and drop 200 naira and eat all your food and drinks...

Your trad in the village can be indoors just relatives and close friends just a small one low budget.

Your white wedding can be in West with the budget you can control.
I guess she was born in the west so she have more friends in West too.

Anybody that want to honor your wedding invitation will came by himself from East , north , south and even abroad.

To get wife no easy oh. Be graded

10million for the wedding
Divorce for the marriage.


If I were u, I Will were were u were immediately. Ikotago.


But Wait o, how did u position ur mouth to Tell her ur mum suggesed?


Tell her I HAVE DECIDED TO.

Women too de get issue with spouse mothers o. See wahala. The money NA for her pocket later o.

Anyway

Bring ur phone here. I want to cease it for one week.

As hard as it is, Nairaland men and Boys are street boys that will destroy marriage anytime anyday, it is not the best place to seek marriage advice, bro what most of them will tell you, they do otherwise, they are just here trying to form hard guys.


My advice go sees advice from an elderly God fearing man you respect so much, note the word God fearing God.

On your case the two of you are at fault here . Your mum told you something, you do not need to tell your girl that your mum said. Let me tell you the gospel truth here , marriage preparation is for women, she has money or not, women always want to be in charge of their marriage, it is a one life thing, and the only opportunity they have to organise things.


You case is simple, tell her this is all you want to spend for the wedding, let the two of you sit and plan, on the money, you can give your family their own money for cooking ,give your mum money to cover her own part

Let everybody be happy.



Yes there are one million women out there , yes I agree, but all comes with their problems, even bigger onces.

Women leave their parents house because they want a home of their own but most men so.not get this ,most men will still try to bring them under the control of their mother and siblings


And this has been destroying marriages since .


Seek advice outside from professionals and experience aged people.




uote author=Annoms post=101811407]I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks[/quote]

sorepco:
Stand ur ground man....if u go bankrupt she go sleep around for money. One babe tried that with me in 2009. Insisting i budget 2.5 mill for white wefding alone as her laeyer friends n judges shall be present. She no know when i cancel the damn wedding...she begged for 3 months! Na police i take frighten her away!
She made it clear her family will not drop anything! Laughter wan kill me!lol.

lol. Baba you dey para gan. But this girls mata ee

Where una de see this kind money this kind period

Annoms:

I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

Degrezhaa:
Women this days don't want a marriage, it's the wedding they are interested in. Best of luck OP

That's the only thing they care for wedding wedding
But entering into the marriage it becomes a disaster

Marrying a woman who doesn't have financial sense is why many men become less than there potential after getting married

She may not really bring money but at least let her get sense and be able to advise her man on managing money properly not one that is a waster


Men must be very cautious when marrying
Take it like a business
A woman must bring something to the table either cash or kind

Cash is substantial part of her finance

If she no get cash kind is her ability to give wise advise on how to make, maximize and grow money

But if not so

Then poverty is knocking on the man's door
This is how many men are rendered useless
They are marrying liability not asset

berrystunn:


Bro Advice you will get in nairaland 80% of the people are not married... Without experience that will make you hate your wife to be.

But listen she is right...even if she is not contributing in the wedding... She have right and a say too
Please next time when you get advice from your mum , sister,brother and friends
Do not tell your wife where the advice came from ... Tell her what you think , meaning you are making decisions on your own.

Mr President will never tell Nigerians his decisions came from his advisers .

Always listen to your wife... Even if you don't want to apply... Make her feel her advice is good ... Before giving her reasons from your decision.

About the marriage... It's depend on where you guys have more people , contact, friends and relatives , business partners

When I mean Friends those that will come and drop money on your wedding day. Not village people that will come and drop 200 naira and eat all your food and drinks...

Your trad in the village can be indoors just relatives and close friends just a small one low budget.

Your white wedding can be in West with the budget you can control.
I guess she was born in the west so she have more friends in West too.

Anybody that want to honor your wedding invitation will came by himself from East , north , south and even abroad.

To get wife no easy oh. Be graded

If you marry woman that finds advice from your mummy offensive

You

Don't

Have

A

Marriage!

The mistake you made is bringing your mother into it. You should have brought up the idea as your own and discuss it with her. You know how women react to these things, it is her wedding, she wants to be no top of things, she will not want somebody else other than both of you making the decisions. That been said, apologise to her for discussing the matter with your mum first instead of her, then beg her to consider it. Trust of she will accept it.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

If u marry dat girl she will grow in the marriage to hate ur mum, next time say it ask if u suggested it and don't let her know it was an advice given to u, ur mum is right things are hard, there is life after marriage, dat lady is not a wife material if she is, she will support the idea cus is the right thing to do now in this economy, she jst wants to show off, like impress her frds, my dear am a woman o, married with 3kids my advice for u is run, cus even hearing dat ur mom suggested it would her make her to calm and understand dat is jst to save cost, for her to shout after hearing ur mom, chai a big no no, but most men this days are blind wen dey see fine girl and not find character

duduade:
Red flags

Are you sure this one will hear word in the house like this... Marriage isnt about the wedding abeg.. And i suppose till now she hasnt called you to "lets sort this out" ... No communication... This one will bully you till you fall for her demands... Is this a wife material...



She wants a dream wedding and isnt ready to contribute to it financially


The 500 to 600k is money that can be saved and diverted to something else better. Her priorities are different from yours... Obviously not well matured...


I were in your shoes... I will put ALL PLANS on hold until both parties come to the middle..


In short walk away why you can... Cancelling an engagement wont kill you...

give ham belle

tell ur mother to stop controlling you and giving you ideas no one has appointed her finance officer in your home better curb it now before it escalate

PopeP:
The mistake you made is bringing your mother into it. You should have brought up the idea as your own and discuss it with her. You know how women react to these things, it is her wedding, she wants to be no top of things, she will not want somebody else other than both of you making the decisions. That been said, apologise to her for discussing the matter with your mum first instead of her, then beg her to consider it. Trust of she will accept it.

Apolo..think..


Begg...

What is the offence?

PopeP:
The mistake you made is bringing your mother into it. You should have brought up the idea as your own and discuss it with her. You know how women react to these things, it is her wedding, she wants to be no top of things, she will not want somebody else other than both of you making the decisions. That been said, apologise to her for discussing the matter with your mum first instead of her, then beg her to consider it. Trust of she will accept it.

U are so wrong, planning of marriage involved both families, mostly the man's family, she is supposed reason about the cost,

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

impregnate her but don't qoute me

ogwuche4u:


That can be bleeped during camping. A lady with high taste but has no shishi to contribute is a big liability. The earlier he cuts her off the better.

Depends on if she's a virgin

Wait...so 500k no fit arrange traditional wedding?

Paebi:
impregnate her but don't qoute me

The fine that her family will bill you ehn!
You will not try it again

BruncleZuma:


[img]https://media1./images/35094ffd0223e145af0b235a8e0b9157/tenor.gif?itemid=15415824[/img]

And you think your solution lies in Nairaland?

He has got it already! What to do next is up to him.

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple. Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Best response so far!

Shukushaka:
Wait...so 500k no fit arrange traditional wedding?

So you no see where op dey yan #4 Milla? For the tradi and church wedding

Annoms:

I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

My guy used 800000 for both white wedding and trad. You dey talk of 2mil

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

What a simp this guy is.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

My Brother from Experience, Take your MUM advice, funny enough i had the same challenge

Artzdanielsz:

My guy used 800000 for both white wedding and trad. You dey talk of 2mil

You must the #4 million part

baralatie:

If you marry woman that finds advice from your mummy offensive

You

Don't

Have

A

Marriage!

What type of advice?
I'm married and I take and drop advice..
mum can also give a bad advice too

In this case both might be right but the man is the head house to be , he have to choose...

The simple truth in this case is that Anambra mum 70% want to have control over there son and daughter life and marriage.

I understand the girl...

baralatie:

Apolo..think..


Begg...

What is the offence?

What is the meaning Apolo? If is an insult, is not fair. I made my opinion, you can do the same without insult. God bless you.

sinola:
...i'm anxiously waiting for ladies in the house to comment but it seems they are all on observation mood.
Ladies, receive sense...There is no best wedding or worst wedding. What matters is life after.
The money i saved when i did my 'kpankolo' wedding was what i used to buy my land at Ajar,Lagos and to God may have it,i'm living in my own house with my wife who nearly fought me during my wedding because of my choice of wedding.

women!

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Why will you girls always find problem in every solution

Your mum’s advice is indeed okay. You can also pay her bride price without doing any Traditional marriage after which you can focus on the welding.

The thing is uve got to learn to apply wisdom. You could have said, babe I'm considering we have the wedding in the same location so she thinks her opinion counts and then reach a compromise. Can having the trad wedding in the village and white in the state capital save bucks for you? Just be open to compromise both of u and it should end in praise.

Annoms:

I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

Orishirishi...

At this present day and time, coupled with the current crippling economy affecting countries; we still have people who are gullible and stoo-pid like this (I'm shocked).

BETA-MALES..

It's your fault my guy.

You would have suggested it like it's your idea, not say it's your mum's opinion.

You're not yet married, but women never forget, and your wife-to-be will start being hostile towards your mum.

How you treat this issue will go a long way to determine how rude or polite she will be in the future. If you plead, then she will attempt to blast your mum in the future because you'll always beg.

If you're strict with her, then she will know it at once that disrespecting your mum is a dangerous path.

If i were you, I will tell her I'll rather cancel the wedding than spend like an idiot. I will also resist every attempt to disrespect my mum. She will know her place rightaway.