₦airaland Forum

Op, come and see.

Bros have a budget and stick to it. If your missus wants to upgrade it, she can knock herself out.

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

u took the words from my mouth. He shouldn't have said his mum, be a wise man. U are the head, if the doesn't agree with ur decision and she is not contributing anything, abeg make she go no be do or die affair. After wedding na marriage b4 u go dey drink Harri for house. Abeg channel ur money to what will bring more and more money oo, wedding is to make to come and eat and same ppl will complain that u didn't do well, abeg be wise.

Kingsbridge:
The problem really isn't just about what she wants, but because she felt you consulted your mum before her..
Even if you explain from now till tomorrow she will still fell you decision was influenced by your mom without being reasonable to the fact and reasons behind your decision..
Bad women always see themselves as a competitor to their mother inlaw.
Your said to be wife will prove that in no time and will always disagree with your mom.
It takes wisdom to handle issues like this..
This is a red flag, trade carefully because your mom is about to have a competitor as a daughter in law...

lol. If I come tell my wife say my mom gave me suggestions that I agree with she will now start acting somehow? Lol she's clearly not serious. It's the guy's fault for making her feel so entitled to the money she has no idea how he made to the point that she wants to use the money feed hundreds of people she doesn't know.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Men are no longer men again, tell her if she want to do the white wedding on a separate day she should be ready to foot 40% of the overhead cost and see her reactions.

We rise by lifting others

BamBamK:
okay sir...

that is what u thought i was talking about... i just outlined everything for u like a 3rd grader...

since u like fight pass quarrel, i no owe u any further clarification...

now, run along like the child you are

You still can't comprehend. You're still giving sermons, infant.

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

lol, phone talks doesn't seal much deals concretely.
Let her come over to ur place, cook some nice dishes, eat together and bring out the matter stylishly with some humour and strong logic. Buht remember, those guys are emotional beings. So, tread meticulously

All women are the same, they having their dream wedding without funding this their dream wedding.

I had my wedding/ trad this past xmas. It was like the same issues of how she want her dream wedding.
I was still considering having both together to save cost with my sister.....my sister with her sharp mouth went and discuse that with her. My wife said NO then my sister ask her if she has billions to fund it.

Na so she come dey nagging telling so is my sister that is advising to do one day stuff, after quarrel comes agreement.

Just talk to her and make her see reasons for your decision.....she will listen to you

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

@Annoms, if you ask for my candid opinion eh,in all honesty you don't have wife yet, you are probably getting married to one moon-shy instagram mama.

If your mother that suckled you and understands that times are hard and you wife to be is sounding like CBN governor.
Bros, you don enter express.

Ask her if the marriage is more important to her than the wedding, if she says no,the wedding is important, bros kindly look for another lady.

A lady almost boxed me into such corner and I thought it was love, we actually parted ways afterwards and I keep thanking God I did.

See, my guy,love is not what makes marriage thick.
In fact,love is a delusion to me.
Methink understanding and patience is what makes marriage what it is.

Look at your mum and see if you wife possess are kind of understanding.
My two kobo.

the mistake you made was bringing your mom to that discussion, you lack wisdom in that part, you could have just formulate it as if you come up with the suggestion



anyway, since she's not supporting financially, she have no rights to tell you how to organize it, marriage planning is for both couples



I actually travelled to East for my wife traditional marriage and what I do was to cut those that followed me, friends in East join me and I went with just my parents and brothers, thank it was even post covid19(lockdown) I still spend 450k-500k despite post lockdown and going with few people



what you should have done for her is introduction then court wedding then go to East. I went to east for the traditional marriage then I proceed to court then portable reception. still cost me close to 1m, I personally spent that amount because she stayed with me when I was hopeless and we spent 10years before the marriage, so I make sure I give her the best

Imagine, an awaiting corper wey never work for money they dictate to you how to spend your money

The decision lies in your hand but use your brain when taking decisions and avoid emotional blackmail at all cost. Cos I am sure that's what she will result to.

If you don't mind may I ask is she behaving well at the moment or the yes sir yes sir was to enter the house first?

Jirehz:


My cousin had exactly same issues with his now wife 2 years ago
Girl wey no dey bring any kind of financial support to the wedding oo

My bro just called her 2 days after the argument and told her to put the phone on loudspeaker and give her mom the phone.

“Mama I’ll be coming with with my elder brother to apologize for all inconsistencies. I no longer want to proceed with the wedding. I no get money!”

Nah there area scatter
Nah she come dey beg las las
She turn to Yes sir Yes sir girl till wedding and trad finish

Wittyduchess:
Having everything done in the village is actually not a bad idea. Traditional wedding is the most important ceremony every other thing is just paparazzi.

You should know by now that you should have broke the news to her like it was your suggestion and not your mother's. She feels your mother is dictating how her wedding will turn out. Wisdom bro , wisdom. It's a major change of plans and you telling her that your mother is responsible for the major change will definitely upset her ,even me ,make I nor lie ,I go vex say you nor first discuss am with me after all na me and you get wedding not you and your mama.


Anyway, I hope the village you are talking about is her village ,if yes, then I see nothing wrong,you both can do traditional wedding and registry there and come back for Thanksgiving in your church ,but that's just me.


If she insists ,tell her to be ready to fund half of the financial burden of the white wedding since she is not ready to compromise.


Tell her I said she should put her money where her mouth is.


But next time,use wisdom,must you tell her your mum suggested it? Now you don cause unnecessary storm.My people say " if ear nor hear matter,belle nor dey spoil".

Abeggi joor.
What's wrong in his mum suggesting what will be beneficial for both of them?!
What's wrong?
Is she simply pained that the idea came from his mum or she just being unnecessarily insular.

I personally dislike ladies who think everything that involves them has to go through them.

Generally speaking, was the idea bad?!.

If she is a good daughter-in-law to be she should be happy her husband is opening up to her.
Let's not make being sincere a bad thing.

All the people saying dont tell her your mom suggested it bla bla bla.. I don't get.

What's wrong with your mum giving her opinion on her son's wedding?

Why should you claim your moms suggestion is yours.

Any wife that's does not agree with a reasonable suggestion because it's coming from a mother in law is not a good one.

Hey babe this is what my mom suggested. I think it's fine.. what do you think? Talk to your parents about it and hear their opinion too. Considering there's no money on ground

realman42:
All these naija weddings sef.My wedding won't have more than 100 pipul.Beautiful location,beautiful gown, nice suit, and nice pictures dats all.

100 too much sef

I intend to have not more than 50 people

Frales6:
See as I dey now, if my husband don manage pay my bride price with small mme mme, I'm ok with it. all these unnecessary spending all in the name of traditional and white wedding is not mandatory oooo. if the money is there, wahala no dey; but not when oga dey try manage and babe dey try please her friends and relatives...hmmm...wahala dey front ooo. The girl no know say all those expenses for be money for another reasonable thing. maybe bcoz no be she dey spend am sha. If na me oooo oga no worry about her wahala...e be like say she still young...leave am make she begin clock 35 and above, she go even manage knocking of door first pending when you go collect list.

Haha, youthful exuberance de worry her.

Annoms:
I'm sure I'll even be the one to pay for her wedding gown and accessories.

God

She is a real DEPENDANT...


Abeg

Walk away NOW... Cause if you get trapped in this union she will nag you till you find solace outside your matrimonal home...

I initially didnt want to go in the direction of not having a job or being an enterpreneur

Especially when babies start rolling in... I bet you even if she starts working you still wont see a dime contributed into your growing family.. You can start with watching how she will spend her allowee... That money will never smell una home rather it will part of her upkeep which you will still add to it

You don’t really need a grand traditional wedding. Their is a way we do things now to cut cost. Why not do it ( trad) the good old way.. ? Just go with few uncles or relatives . Buy a carton or 2 of alcohol for the umunna and a carton of malt for the umuada and of course the stuff on the list you were given that’s all. No need for asoebi, dj canopy’s or coolers and coolers of rice. Tell your in laws you are not doing a grand trad But you just wanna pay pride price so no guest or no invitations needed.. Then channel your energy on the white wedding.

lilyheaven:
Haha, youthful exuberance de worry her.

Years back when I told my husband, collect list and settle village people, then court wedding.
He said noooo, he wants trad, he wants white wedding, his friends wants to do this and that .
I told him okay, let’s go for white wedding, ..
Today he is saying, if he had known he wouldn’t have spend all he spent for wedding, I just carry one eyes the look him.

After wedding she go enter hunger strike na and maybe by then she go begin abuse the husband say he no fit take care of her not knowing say na the money them use go feed people wey be say after wedding everybody don disappear

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Guy wise up oooo! Never dance to her tune in this regard.
I did my Trad & church wedding same day in the east. And I was glad for the cost i cut, it was also my mums suggestion. Just one day for the two events, it's just the best option especially if your wife hometown is within same proximity.

You don’t really need a grand traditional wedding. Their is a way we do things now to cut cost. Why not do it ( trad) the good old way.. ? Just go with few uncles . Buy a carton or 2 of alcohol for the umunna and a carton of malt for the umuada and of course the stuff on the list you were given that’s all. No need for asoebi, dj canopy’s or coolers and coolers of rice. Tell your in laws you are not doing a grand trad But you just wanna pay pride price so no guest or no invitations needed.. Then channel your energy on the white wedding. That’s the way my sisters and I did ours

She's not considerate. During my wedding I initiated many ways to cut cost for my sweet hubby, and he was very happy. A good lady wouldn't want the husband to go bankruptcy after wedding.

bro,
best for you is to put the wedding on hold.
let her get a job first and see what it takes to earn money so that she can contribute to the wedding.
You are not losing anything if you dont marry her abeg. e be like say na style you want take go
amarry your husband o abi na your husband wan marry you.
creme de la creme wedding. na so her papa marry?

Friend22:
Abeggi joor.
What's wrong in his mum suggesting what will be beneficial for both of them?!
What's wrong?
Is she simply pained that the idea came from his mum or she just being unnecessarily insular.

I personally dislike ladies who think everything that involves them has to go through them.

Generally speaking, was the idea bad?!.

If she is a good daughter-in-law to be she should be happy her husband is opening up to her.
Let's not make being sincere a bad thing.

K

uthlaw:
what are you trying to say.....wife over mother abi!

You don't have to choose.. as a Man you don't need to tell your wife everything and your mother everything. Its wisdom. Even if mum gave such a brilliant Idea you should not tell you fiancee " my mum said" it shows you are still dependent

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Is it right for the bride to be to tell the guy that her mom suggested they do this and that?

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Without any apology, you are a woman.
If your mum gave you a welcomed advice, why should you present it as your mum's opinion?
Since you have taken the advice, you should have presented it to her as what you want not what your mum want .

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

so she need to beg the lady on behalf of her mum when the guy is the one that will spend the money. So u mean the girl owns the wedding let the lady finance it na. Your comment needs purification

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Dawg stick to ur Mums plans , believe me with what I know now, my daughter or son will only do either white or traditional marriage , cause any of them is marriage.

Kingk47:
You don't have to choose.. as a Man you don't need to tell your wife everything and your mother everything. Its wisdom. Even if mum gave such a brilliant Idea you should not tell you fiancee " my mum said" it ho you are still independent

alright sir,na good suggestion!

OP, telling her that your Mom suggested this is a good thing, i must say.
I have to disagree with people that are saying you made a mistake for telling her your Mom did. that's kinda selfish.

1. She has a right to tell you her mom's suggestion, and you as a person has a right to think over it. You won't want to see her parents less less, and she too should never in any way see your parents less less.

2. Women take most of their advice from their mom. Some, when they know you can't insult their mom, they make it known to you that their mom advice this or that.

3. Not wanting to hear your Mom's opinion is a terrible trait that should not be tolerated.

When my wife's parents were inviting her to family meeting often, they would not see anything wrong in what they are doing, but immediately they heard that i wanted to tell my parents, they started saying "can't he control his house?", "why must he tell his parents?", etc.

However, if i decided not to tell my parents and refuse to allow her attend those incessant meeting, they start to call me bad names.

The moment i tell my mother what is happening and my mother said NEVER, they automatically calm and stop the frequent invite.

Bride family always want to control their daughter's husband.

If you don't carry your family along, you might end up in a serious mess.

There's need for check and balance in this marriage of a thing, and the best person to do those check and balances are the parents. Not friends or religious leaders.

Annoms:
I was thinking I was the one that's not considerate when she was screaming on the phone yesterday. This harsh times, one needs to spend money judiciously. Imagine spending 3-4m over 2 sets wedding when I can do all in one day for 2m sef..

Thanks brother

After saying "thanks brother" u will still not do what he says. I think u are bound to fall into a pit because I just said u thought u were the one who was being inconsiderate. This means that u don't know how to identify reason or common sense. At the end of the day, "each one will carry his own load" Gal.5:6 abi 5:6