pyyxxaro:
My guy’s elder bro, a US citizen chose to marry a normal naija gal , when the gal reached yankee, she went to skol became a nurse ... naim the gal eye open , before there know the gal full family both Papa mama cross enter Yankee.The gal started misbehaving, didn’t take long , she accused her hubby of raping her , it was a serious issue, after they Checked n all, there was no bruise on her kpekus , that’s what helped the hubby .. Last last the guy had to divorce her ... AFTER GOD FEAR WOMAN

Why bring a woman from Nigeria to Yankee? If you can't find a descent lady to settle down with over there, why not marry her n leave her in Africa while you visit her there?

We rise by lifting others

DAramis:


Okay, now it is well understood by me why some of them use their nurses wives as retirement packages.

As for the finances in marriage, I only asked of your opinion should you be in such situation (I assumed you are married). I didn’t mean your advice or strictly your word on exactly how the finance should be carried out.

Oh I get you.

Until the death of my dad, neither he nor my mum ever used the phrase "my money" all through their marriage and things worked for them.

I have always planned to follow their footstep but again, it will depend on who I'm dealing with.

I say this because I've noticed that some women of this age are used to the word "MY" and not "OUR" as if marriage na war where everyone dey fight to get what he or she can.

nedugroup:


Has a US Nigeria lady taken a Nigerian man from African to marry her and live with her in the US. I want to know pls cos I have never heard it.

There is a US fiancee visa thread on Nairaland. You should visit the thread to cure your ignorance.

https://www.nairaland.com/4800968/usa-fiancee-k1-visa-thread

I have found the thread for you. The OP is even a male. I guess the ladies are not as loud as you guys and they lick their wounds in silence.

nedugroup:


Has a US Nigeria lady taken a Nigerian man from African to marry her and live with her in the US. I want to know pls cos I have never heard it.

I have see one before



In a Nollywood movie

LadyRosa:
Sorry to ask, why can't the husband be a nurse? Abi USA dey forbid make nurses?

U have a point.
But mine is different.

Better not to Marry a Nigerian girl that give this kind misleading advice.

MALIGNANTGuest:

Please who's talking about RELIGION here?
People are talking about your mental stability as a man and you are bringing Religion into it.
Do you know what people go through.
Please stop jumping into what you have no information, history or idea of.
So one becomes a true Christian when he dies in such a situation and his corpse is shipped home for burial right! & someone like you will grace the burial weeping and still demanding for Cold stout.

MALIGNANTGuest:
I suffered same FATE too.
It appears there's a headstrong spirit that accompanies Nigerian Ladies to the USA.
INDIANS & Chinese move with their culture.
Their women respect their men a lot despite residing in the United States.

I keep warning Nigerian MEN residing in the US...
In Fact, I stood up and called men out in our last Sunday meeting to stop traveling to Nigeria to get married. After all what will these LADIES do 4u?
Between you and the Lady residing in Nigeria who is doing each other a great Favour?

What you need, are KIDS, nothing else.
MILLIONS of Ladies are willing to give in to that.
Travel to Nigeria, get them pregnant.
Place them on reasonable salary or pay them off if they demand. Takeover ur child's custody.

Please cancel every suggestion that will to lead to Nuptial knot-tying. It's not worth it.
The MADNESS is too much.

You forgot their men respect their women too, they even put women ahead. Here in Africa with their stupid redpill power mindset they'll be competing with women out of bitterness and ends up complaining.

rontolo:

Yes. One of my in-laws in the US. She brings the man to the US. She is mean and bossy. Dude was being seriously maltreated to the point of being hospitalised for mental breakdown. In distress, he starts to complain seriously to her family members. She wasn’t going to stand for that. She arranges a vacation to Nigeria with him. He needed to visit his family in the village. They arrange to regroup in Lagos two days before flying back together to the US. Oga returns as planned only to be told wife returned to the US the day before. She dumped him in Nigeria. Took ALL his documents with her. Oga entered a state of shock, sat outside the property for days, distressed. Poor man died two months later, depression and heart break �

The concept of bringing a spouse abroad is a definite no no. Never. Women are less likely to be victims , as they get what they want - kids, the house, anything else is extra to them. Men have everything to lose!!

I FEAR WHO NO FEAR WOMAN

DAramis:

This is the second time I am seeing this comment. Does this really happen bro? The other person who made similar comment said something about “cooking the woman up” though he didn’t give further information.

Lastly, what is your view on married woman working in the region of their residence?
Should the husband allow her to keep all her salary while facing the home front by himself?or should he demand certain percentage to be paid into joint custody account monthly?If yes, what percentage is appropriate? 50 or 60 or 70 etc (I am not talking about joint account were the woman donates everything while the husband then spends money for running the house from his salary)

I am asking all these questions because I know money happens to be one of the motivating factor that leads to most problems. No wonder some would not allow their wives to work but rather become a full time housewife

NB: Experienced and married people should also contribute towards answering my questions above.

There is no set formula for who pays what percentage. Maturity and lack of selfishness should ensure that you both come to an agreement that might not be perfect but would be OK.

Money just exacerbates the issue, it isn't the real one.

If you have a wife (or husband) that you brought from Naija and one day comes to you and says, "Dear, I am now earning, can we discuss how much I can contribute to leads the running of the house?" , I suggest you hold them tight and never let go.

obinna58:

You forgot their men respect their women too, they even put women ahead. Here in Africa with their stupid redpill power mindset they'll be competing with women out of bitterness and ends up complaining.

They put their women first but most Ladies are abusing it especially the imported Ladies.
D Caucasians are used to it since dey were born into it. Dis is unlike some1 who boarded Ethiopian Airlines from Africa & found herself in Chicago.
Even in Africa, some men give their wives freehand to manage the affairs of the home.

For example:
Most people are Christians in southern Nigeria because they were born into it same applies to Muslims. In fact if most kids are given the opportunity to choose, they will relegate both.

LadyRosa:


The law is good that way, although it may seem unfair. If patriarchal advantages are not checked, women and most especially children will suffer great neglect in every aspect of their early lives.

A man can wake up and leave but let him forfeit his properties for t h e benefits of his kids, who usually here in Nigeria are the most suffered from broken marriages. So many cases of deadbeat fathers chasing his wives and kids and bringing in another woman to reap where she didn't sow.

The reason why Nigeria men over there are kicked out is MAINLY because they refused to accept the fact that the power they have over Nigerian women stops the moment they step out of the country.

LadyRosa, I am happy for deadbeat men to be thrown in jail sef for that trait alone, that is not what I was discussing in the post you responded to.

I don't know of cases of men that bring women from Naija to marry who then give up their jobs or whatever to be fully dependent on them, in that case, they are deadbeat as well.

I am talking of hard working men who the (mainly deatbeat) women they brought from Naija use the law to kick out of the house and take their possesion for whatever reason.

They should end the marraige and take half by all means as dictated by law. However these women will call the police, take out an injunction to stop the man staying in his own house all under false pretences, ask for heaven and earth as divorce settlement and generally use the fruits of someone else's labour to be getting on in life. Will they not have survived in life if the man had unfortunately not crossed there path, haba?

And yes, it has happened to a friend, who admittedly strayed, and the story is even on Nairaland as the man is a politician.

aswani:


LadyRosa, I am happy for deadbeat men to be thrown in jail sef for that trait alone, that is not what I was discussing in the post you responded to.

I don't know of cases of men that bring women from Naija to marry who then give up their jobs or whatever to be fully dependent on them, in that case, they are deadbeat as well.

I am talking of hard working men who the (mainly deatbeat) women they brought from Naija use the law to kick out of the house and take their possesion for whatever reason.

They should end the marraige and take half by all means as dictated by law. However these women will call the police, take out an injunction to stop the man staying in his own house all under false pretences, ask for heaven and earth as divorce settlement and generally use the fruits of someone else's labour to be getting on in life. Will they not have survived in life if the man had unfortunately not crossed there path, haba?

And yes, it has happened to a friend, who admittedly strayed, and the story is even on Nairaland as the man is a politician.

Yes, I agree some women are mean. But don't forget that they only take advantage of such laws as a defence to put their husbands in check as against our laws down here. Nigerian laws is designed to see women at the receiving end of marriage mishaps, women tend to suffer more here from men who wine and dine with their overbloated egos.

Unfortunately, it's not so abroad. The _bullshiits they tend to get away with on here is their bane out there, in more civilized countries.It's easy here to just brutalize one's wife and get away with it, EVEN when the police are involved. Now, that's the same shiits some Nigerian men wish to try abroad but unfortunately, their wives knows better and will use the laws to their advantage.

To me, this a fair game.

My advice, to be on the safer side, couples should sign prenuptial agreements to avoid stories that touch.

aswani:


If you have a wife (or husband) that you brought from Naija and one day comes to you and says, "Dear, I am now earning, can we discuss how much I can contribute to leads the running of the house?" , I suggest you hold them tight and never let go.

Both of us knows that, most women would not do that at the bolded. And, I think the information would also help the unmarried on how to chart that course.

Confronting the issue head on is more realistic than waiting for the wife to raise the topic up. If you were in a man's shoes, what would you do. Or how do you tackle the issue of money when both you and your wife is working?

JeffreyJunior:
Oh I get you.

Until the death of my dad, neither he nor my mum ever used the phrase "my money" all through their marriage and things worked for them.

I have always planned to follow their footstep but again, it will depend on who I'm dealing with.

I say this because I've noticed that some women of this age are used to the word "MY" and not "OUR" as if marriage na war where everyone dey fight to get what he or she can.

okay bro.

Marriage is not easy going by the negative news making the front page of nairaland. The mod should try and balance some of the information they post online by sharing some positive marriages that has lasted over the test of time.

LadyRosa:


Yes, I agree some women are mean. But don't forget that they only take advantage of such laws as a defence to put their husbands in check as against our laws down here. Nigerian laws is designed to see women at the receiving end of marriage mishaps, women tend to suffer more here from men who wine and dine with their overbloated egos.

Unfortunately it's not so abroad. The _bullshiits they tend to get away with on here is their babe out there, in more civilized countries.It's easy here to just brutalize one's wife and get away with it, EVEN when the police are involved. Now, that's the same shiits some Nigerian men wish to try abroad but unfortunately, their wives knows better and will use the laws to their advantage.

To me, this a fair game.

My advice, to be on the safer side, couples should sign prenuptial agreements to avoid stories that touch.

@bold,it shouldn't be unfortunately,it should be fortunately for women there are laws although not identical to that abroad that helps women too but they are not implemented and women don't even know how to access lawyers for things like this.

Many of them are ignorant

DAramis:


okay bro.

Marriage is not easy going by the negative news making the front page of nairaland. The mod should try and balance some of the information they post online by sharing some positive marriages that has lasted over the test of time.

What should mods balance? Are there no happy couples around you?

Nigerians makeup the largest African community in the US. The most educated and career driven set too. Yet when 1 out of a 1000 turn out bad, we won’t hear word again.

Even here in Nigeria, are all Nigerian wives happy with their horsebands? Abi they are just suffering in smiling because the odds are not in their favour. Shey it is because the men here fling their wives out with only her box and panties, that is why you are looking for positive diasporan marriage. As if the ones home are any better.

pocohantas:


What should mods balance? Are there no happy couples around you?

Nigerians makeup the largest African community in the US. The most educated and career driven set too. Yet when 1 out of a 1000 turn out bad, we won’t hear word again.

Even here in Nigeria, are all Nigerian wives happy with their horsebands? Abi they are just suffering in smiling because the odds are not in their favour. Shey it is because the men here fling their wives out with only her box and panties, that is why you are looking for positive diasporan marriage. As if the ones home are any better.

Wayoo nnukwute nwanyi

To start with, I am not in USA though I understand where you are coming from. To be honest, the majority of news I saw online emanating from USA regarding to this topic has always been negative. Yeah, we know bad news sells, but the consistency is something else.

All I am saying is that, their should be a balance regarding to diasporan couples and marriages. Haba mana, if they go with this negative news always, people might prefer to remain single than get married (just like one popular nairalander in Canada said he is considering not getting married self).

Some women are not greatful at all

DAramis:


Wayoo nnukwute nwanyi

To start with, I am not in USA though I understand where you are coming from. To be honest, the majority of news I saw online emanating from USA regarding to this topic has always been negative. Yeah, we know bad news sells, but the consistency is something else.

All I am saying is that, their should be a balance regarding to diasporan couples and marriages. Haba mana, if they go with this negative news always, people might prefer to remain single than get married (just like one popular nairalander in Canada said he is considering not getting married self).

If he doesn’t want to get married, he shouldn’t get married. Majority of the women in the world won’t notice one Nigerian man decided not to get married.

A lot of you have parents, uncles, aunties, neighbours and colleagues who are happily married. I wonder why you don’t go to them for positive vibes. Why must it be online you seek it from Kanye and Kim?

When they post the positive vibes now, una go still land to call the man simp or the woman, mumu. Forgetting it takes two simps to make it work. I have even seen some say the couples are pretending and the smiles are fake. Don’t blame these happy couples for not showing off, no sensible happy couple would expose their marriage to the current wave of online toxicity. I personally would never do that, I always tell mine.

pocohantas:


If he doesn’t want to get married, he shouldn’t get married. Majority of the women in the world won’t notice one Nigerian man decided not to get married.

A lot of you have parents, uncles, aunties, neighbours and colleagues who are happily married. I wonder why you don’t go to them for positive vibes. Why must it be online you seek it from Kanye and Kim?

When they post the positive vibes now, una go still land to call the man simp or the woman, mumu. Forgetting it takes two simps to make it work. I have even seen some say the couples are pretending and the smiles are fake. Don’t blame these happy couples for not showing off, no sensible happy couple would expose their marriage to the current wave of online toxicity. I personally would never do that, I always tell mine.

Hahaha.
The word S**p. I can't remember ever using that word though it was on nairaland I learnt about it and its common usage. As for your last statement, sure, most people will prefer to keep it off social media.

Anyway, it should be just that.

pocohantas:


What should mods balance? Are there no happy couples around you?

Nigerians makeup the largest African community in the US. The most educated and career driven set too. Yet when 1 out of a 1000 turn out bad, we won’t hear word again.

Even here in Nigeria, are all Nigerian wives happy with their horsebands? Abi they are just suffering in smiling because the odds are not in their favour. Shey it is because the men here fling their wives out with only her box and panties, that is why you are looking for positive diasporan marriage. As if the ones home are any better.

I agree with a lot of this. The Nigerian culture us set up to be mostly patriarchal, and it's even reflected on this forum where you have some guy having the same line about girls being useless, and he continues to get likes and shares.

So, of course the difference is jarring when you compare it to the American culture that seeks to create equality. If your wife makes more than you do during the marriage, the man could qualify to receive spousal support during divorce. If the man was the primary child caregiver, and he gets custody in divorce, he could qualify to receive child support as well. If the wife physically assaulted her husband in their home, she could be asked to vacate the house for him as well. My point is that the complaints many Nigerian men have about the American culture is not because it's unfair but because the Nigerian culture is so one-sided that any culture that seems to balance things now seems unfair to Nigerians.

LadyRosa:


Yes, I agree some women are mean. But don't forget that they only take advantage of such laws as a defence to put their husbands in check as against our laws down here. Nigerian laws is designed to see women at the receiving end of marriage mishaps, women tend to suffer more here from men who wine and dine with their overbloated egos.

Unfortunately, it's not so abroad. The _bullshiits they tend to get away with on here is their babe out there, in more civilized countries.It's easy here to just brutalize one's wife and get away with it, EVEN when the police are involved. Now, that's the same shiits some Nigerian men wish to try abroad but unfortunately, their wives knows better and will use the laws to their advantage.

To me, this a fair game.

My advice, to be on the safer side, couples should sign prenuptial agreements to avoid stories that touch.

LadyRosa, the solution to a poor and indeed wicked Naija marraige mindset fully loaded in favour of the man is not what some Naija women do abroad which is turn the tables unfairly on their men.

I get the impression that these Naija women act meek and mild during courtship knowing fully well that they have hidden traits of "reverse misogyny" that they can't wait to unleash once the are fully settled in their husbands house.

As per prenups, you are joking, Naija women by and large haven't reached that level of maturity to want to sign such document. That would be ideal though.

DAramis:


Both of us knows that, most women would not do that at the bolded. And, I think the information would also help the unmarried on how to chart that course.

Confronting the issue head on is more realistic than waiting for the wife to raise the topic up. If you were in a man's shoes, what would you do. Or how do you tackle the issue of money when both you and your wife is working?

DAramis, what will work for me will not work for you. You are right that Naija women are reticent to use their money in a family home.

Study and understand your partner to know what the right approach is.

Lots of marriages have gone south quickly, in an avoidable manner, because people see other marriages and expect same in theirs. A tried and trusted recipe for disaster.

aswani:


LadyRosa, the solution to a poor and indeed wicked Naija marraige mindset fully loaded in favour of the man is not what some Naija women do abroad which is turn the tables unfairly on their men.

I get the impression that these Naija women act meek and mild during courtship knowing fully well that they have hidden traits of "reverse misogyny" that they can't wait to unleash once the are fully settled in their husbands house.

As per prenups, you are joking, Naija women by and large haven't reached that level of maturity to want to sign such document. That would be ideal though.

It goes both ways. You can't talk about the excesses of the women while exalting that of the men. Naturally, everyone has got an instinct to survive, and yes! It may seem selfish not to be the one at the receiving end of a failed marriage. It's more sad for the women, owing to the fact that they are likely more dependent especially emotionally.

The ways of the world are changing and the next generation of laws will Infact crumble misogyny. And in a world where women are now working and using every means to get penny albeit shamelessly if need be, it's going to be more nasty in the coming years.

Babymamaism is trendy, and I see a lot of ladies clinging to it and a lot of men dying even more lonely than now. Single mothers are very clingy to their kids and the laws even in Nigeria do give them more access to kids.

Just like I advise my brothers who are yet to be married.Marry family oriented girls, cool headed and down to earth. Avoid social media slay queens. Don't beat up women and don't be both the head and the neck of the family.Marry normal girl wey get sense, _4ck the slay queens and give them 10k.

Above all, the fact you are a man doesn't mean you're smarter and more intelligent than your wife. More than 90 percent of failed business decisions my father encountered was majorly because he ignored my mother's input.

You see this thing between a man's leg na meat, it's no right to be autocratic and unreasonable. Times have changed, women are getting more power, more job positions and becoming more daring and dirty.

The ways of the world is changing very fast and its very pro women. I see a lot of men change their natural selves to become women. It's actually happening already.

aswani:


DAramis, what will work for me will not work for you. You are right that Naija women are reticent to use their money in a family home.

Study and understand your partner to know what the right approach is.

Lots of marriages have gone south quickly, in an avoidable manner, because people see other marriages and expect same in theirs. A tried and trusted recipe for disaster.

Okay. It was just a hypothetical question, but all the same, no need to worry.

averageguy:


I agree with a lot of this. The Nigerian culture us set up to be mostly patriarchal, and it's even reflected on this forum where you have some guy having the same line about girls being useless, and he continues to get likes and shares.

So, of course the difference is jarring when you compare it to the American culture that seeks to create equality. If your wife makes more than you do during the marriage, the man could qualify to receive spousal support during divorce. If the man was the primary child caregiver, and he gets custody in divorce, he could qualify to receive child support as well. If the wife physically assaulted her husband in their home, she could be asked to vacate the house for him as well. My point is that the complaints many Nigerian men have about the American culture is not because it's unfair but because the Nigerian culture is so one-sided that any culture that seems to balance things now seems unfair to Nigerians.

Thank you!! Couples that treat themselves fairly would continue to be fine. Whether in Nigeria, America or Cambodia.

Pierocash:
ok

Person wey get green card no dey come naija again abi?

US will ask you of their citizen that traveled to Nigeria with you but never come back?

DonroxyII:
US will ask you of their citizen that traveled to Nigeria with you but never come back?

dey deceive yourselve,how many them dey ask.

Ok he was kidnapped and got killed by her abductors.

O ya come arrest me.

Pierocash:
dey deceive yourselve,how many them dey ask.

Ok he was kidnapped and got killed by her abductors.

O ya come arrest me.

Her Family will arrest and petition US and they will step on you ....

nedugroup:


Has a US Nigeria lady taken a Nigerian man from African to marry her and live with her in the US. I want to know pls cos I have never heard it.

It happens once every 10 years