₦airaland Forum

pansophist:
Young women do not give good advices, they are still at their prime and haven't been in the other side closer to menopause, so they have the tendency to be dumb. Dont listen to your friends. Your aunt and mum are matured, and their advice is solid. His earnings are fluid, it can change tomorrow. So why focus so much on that? He is not even comfortable with his earnings and wants to improve, that should be a good sign. If he snacks all day, and satisfied being a looser, then I'll advice you to avoid him, but he is a good man and focused on improving his income So why not?

If settling for less is financial only, then you're lost. Settling for less should be about his character, contentment, integrity, maturity, honesty, uprightness, altruism and being morally upright. These are lifelong qualities that will take you through thick and thin, not money, besides, he can earn big tomorrow easily. Once again, your friends are dumb, albeit, naively because ironically, they seems to believe their advice is good. How else can you prove to him that you live him for him, if his income is a big deal for you?

So far, its obvious your heart accepts him. And you can't keep waiting. So it's simply a case of choosing your battle. You can't avoid the battle, but at least you have a choice to choose. Instead of waiting for him to ask you out, why not do it yourself? Yea do it yourself. At least you'll know where you stand. If you should move on with your life, or show him that you're OK with his earnings and ready to go through thick and thin with him.

Tell him you find him attractive, it can be via text, or tell someone to tell him. Just make your intention known. You're a lady and time is your worse enemy, don't waste any more time. Something tells me this guy loves you too, and see no reason to rush since he is in for the long term. Usually guys want to sleep with girls they don't see as a keeper, but when they meet the one, they will be at their best behaviour.

Thank you this is good.
I will try it. Update coming soon have not gone to his place yet

Makawhizzy:
Make me just tell you personal experience
I met my wife while I was still hustling so you can’t categorically placed my income as constant. It rises and fall as jobs come in while my wife is a contract staff with a bank but still earns more than me. We tied the knot when our monthly income was barely 100k combined and we stay in a three rooms self contained wing apartment at ojuelegba barracks as at 2016. Less than six months after wedding she got comverted & we moved to the north west as her salary is now 200k while my income had evolved close to 100k. We spent less than two years in the NW and she resigned as the HSSA role is systematically turning to marketing products that an average northerner will never buy and the pressure was just too much plus I can easily make her salary in 2-3 days as at 2018/19.
The fact you started higher than him doesn’t mean you will remain higher over time cox life happens and as long as he has a vision and ready to give all into it with your support no qualms.
To burst your bubbles join I do not see any biggie in my wife earning more than me maybe because during finances in marriage in one of our counseling class we both agreed that we won’t operate a joint account but money made by either of us belongs to both of us so there is nothing like this is my money or this is your money in my home.
Just so you know she had the offer of settling with a cool older guy with a better salary, car and house in bodija before I proposed to her cox we have been friends since 2008 I helped her secure her first house in university but you see today she doesn’t need permission to drive any car she sees in the fleet or make decision on any property.
To buttress it for you my ex married a guy who is also an hustler and she earns far better and has business portfolio in millions managed by my company and she’s supporting her hubby cox he has real vision and he’s doing the work of increasing his own business.
As long as you are sure he’s GOD FEARING wos wos wobi it means you have someone to report him to and he’ll listen when he misbehaves and you are sure he gives you peace, Aunty support his vision and become a shareholder.
Last time we used the term borrow was when I took a 60k loan from her when we were dating and told her look I’m not returning this and I won’t return subsequent ones cox today you are a 50% shareholder in this vision I’m building so if you believe in it madam put your money there.
Selah!!

Wow... This is wonderful sir, well I think I will support his vision if he permits me to do so and let's build together

Nancee4love:
Thank you this is good.
I will try it. Update coming soon have not gone to his place yet

Abeg update us after abeg. I hope it turns out good. Goodluck.

Amb1045:
1. He needs to defined what he want first. Ghost him when he ask you why tell him to defined the friendship
2. Have sex with him after he has defined the relationship. You can't jeorpadise your happiness because of he is caring, people can be deceitful
3. He might be a manipulator playing you emotional games be careful of such men without definition of relationship.
4. The other guy might be better than him, the open one just that he might not have few characters you don't like that doesn't mean he won't make a great father.
5.Don't joke with the feature of your kids because you have small feelings for someone. Feelings don't last. He might not even be good on bed.
6. Don't let pastors make decisions for you they're humans too. Most when they do, the marriage don't end well.

Trust me if the other guy is better than him I won't waste time I would be with him. He is just to rude and proud for my liking, yes he has the money but his toxic nature is no no for me. One time he said if a lady do anyhow he will beat her black and blue that a man deserves respect maximum.
For the sex aspect with my church guy, that won't happen na, it won't happen I am also concerned about sex aspect if I will be satisfied but for erection I knows he has erection one tone he hugged me I felt his Dick hard so he is not impotent. But just that his principles are no sex before marriage.

[quote author=OKOATA post=103826842]
He likes you I am sure of it but he's not sure as to what has happened to him in the past due to his financial nature and his exes dumping him, has he been to ur house and sees how large you live, he might feel intimidated and him asking you out might say no and make him feel dejected. I advise to help him build his live and dream if you find him to be a very cool guy since 18months. Ask him about his intentions towards you and you are ready to help him financially or get him a better job. I don't see it as a big deal. My current GF had 2 cars before me, just got my own ride this week and we are both happy. It's not about how far but how well and please stop packing friends they will lead you astray. Never let that guy go and even if he says no check his emotions and look into his eyes but I doubt cos I know he loves you too. God bless sister and have mad sex after abeg. 18 months no be beans. [/quote
Thank you for this, I will be in his place tonight by 5:30pm let's see how it goes. For the sex it won't happen. I had already spoken with my pastors wife today after service for 2hours all this update I will give when I come back from his place.

Nancee4love:
Trust me if the other guy is better than him I won't waste time I would be with him. He is just to rude and proud for my liking, yes he has the money but his toxic nature is no no for me. One time he said if a lady do anyhow he will beat her black and blue that a man deserves respect maximum.
For the sex aspect with my church guy, that won't happen na, it won't happen I am also concerned about sex aspect if I will be satisfied but for erection I knows he has erection one tone he hugged me I felt his Dick hard so he is not impotent. But just that his principles are no sex before marriage.

. It's not about erection, one seconds man dee get erection too. For me go for a man that knows what he want. The beating aspect is just a threat he won't until you misbehave. Telling you that will also help you to sit up fact be that. Don't waste your time with a cunny man who can't define what he want. Never marry a man without sex first. It's important to avoid story ooooh. Sex is the source of happiness in marriage and you can't endure the unhapinness forever. A man that hugs a woman and have erection is not man enough na one minute man be that. A friend of mind that married last year also told his wife same thing doesn't mean he's going to beat her. A woman is a woman meaning most time they have mood swing that makes them behaviour abnormal. So telling you beating will be ringing on your brain when ever you want to start your crase. Don't fall for feelings it doesn't last especially in marriage. You have to put a lot into consideration before you chose a husband.

My dear, you love this man and I think what he earns should not matter. You said it that he has prospects and drive for success... This means he would break even soon. However, I think you shouldn't be the one to break the ice on the relationship issue. Not that it is bad, but we do not know how mature this man is... We don't want this man tagging you a desperate lady due to this move. Let things flow and if he gives you a push, plunge! All the best!

Think you got a rare gem...
You not doing bad Nancee

Nancee4love:
Thank you this is good.
I will try it. Update coming soon have not gone to his place yet

please try and go.. And do give us updates

Agbebakun22:
A picture go a long for such advise.. Please if you don't mind PM me ur picture to see how beautiful you're since Abuja high caliber men are toasting You..

Na, I can't post my picture at all. A lot of people know me in Abuja because of my type of person Job. I come in contact with many influential people and bloggers won't make money from my head. I am using my second name Nancee which most people don't know when this whole thing is over and marriage is in view sure I will come back here to show case us.

Beloved3:
Who can summarize the story please?

I won't. Na you pay my school fees?

Amotolongbo:
Still baffles how salary earners in Nigeria myopically think they are rich and that will continue till death.

You decided looking only at the 80k salary of this hardworking man and closed your eyes on the company he is working on registering and how you can key into it to raise yourself and the man

that's gals for u..very myopic

LINTUNE:
that's gals for u..very myopic

That is Nigerian, not only girls.

Guys even reason worse than this

Executer:
[b][/b]
I thought you said he told you? Now it's you stumbling on his employment letter?? Continue

I said he told me and also I stumbled on his employment offer letter one time I was looking for something for him in his wardrobe. So it made me know that this guy is a sincere person. He did not tell me his salary range he went straight to the point 80,000 naira and I verified it through the employment offer letter

Nancee4love:
I AM INLOVE WITH A GUY I AM FAR RICHER THAN.
I need a candid, serious and matured advice. I am a lady of 28yrs I stay in Abuja and work here. I am from south south in Nigeria. I recently moved to an area in Abuja and was thinking of a church to go so I went to a church closer to my house and I enjoy the service and I met this cute dark handsome guy in the church. Althrough the service my attention was on him, his personality and dress sense attracted me to him. I like slim guyz and tall guys because I am tall. So after service I went home, thinking about him and looking forward to Sunday morning to go to church to see my crush. I love the fact that this guy true loves God. One thing led to another we had to start talking and I fell even deeper inlove with him, he is a graduate and works in an IT Media firm. It's been 18 months now we have been talking and we are so fond of ourselves and absolutely we are catching feelings for each other but he has not said anything about relationship yet. I am super convinced that he has no relationship, I asked our pastor stylishly and he told me the guy is not in any relationship. This guy is a keeper, has character, treats me with uttermost respect and value. The way he looks into my eyes makes me know he has a thing in his heart for me. Note I have been to his house severally, he stays in a single studio apartment while I stay in a flat and still he is not intemidated at all. He has never asked me for money at all and never pushed for sex, and we have not had sex. We buy things for each other occasionally, like he reciprocates and appreciates my efforts.
Recently we were discussing and he Opened up to me that his salary is 80,000 and he is seriously thinking of how he can settle down with that and that's his major source of Income apart from other stuff he does. He has a registered company that he is working on already. I can see him pushing and making all efforts to improve himself. Me on the other side I make 250,000 monthly though I have not told him. I truly love this guy and I want to settle with him but on 80,000 naira income monthly. I was thinking could it be the reason why he has not asked me out yet after 18 months.
I told my girlfriends about it not relating or referring to him, my girlfriends, they said I should not settle for less I should look for a man who earns higher.
Please people here are my concerns.
1. I love this guy but he has not said anything about relationship yet, how do I make him ask me out
2. Am I settling for less with 80,000 as his salary, will he abandon family responsibility to me in the future.
3. Should I tell him how much I earn , will he not take advantage of me
4. Should I move on its been 18months but truly my heart is peaceful with him, we laugh we smile we encourage each other and we build each other.
5. Should I follow my girlfriends advice to look for someone who earns higher.
6. There is a guy who has been on my neck for 9 months now he works in NNPC, DPR has a car and comfort but I see a toxic red flag in him that's making me scared of him, yet he won't give up he is from south south as well
7. I spoke with my aunt and she said to me if she has her way she will make sure I never have contact with my girlfriends who don't understand life and who are not ready for marriage. My aunt told me that she feels the guy in my church is my God ordained husband. My mom also said the same thing that the guy is ok but she would have preferred someone from south south. My church guy is from middle belt
8. Many things are running through my mind I know I love him.
THIS ARE THE QUALITIES I LIKE IN HIM
1. He loves God and genuinely Born again Christian
2. He is sincerely and honest person
3. He is sacrificial and gives me listening ears.
4. He is very mature he seniors me with 6-7 yrs
5. He just a calm person and very organized and visionary
Please help me make the right decision by airing out your opinion.
Right now he is the only not too rich guy in my life who I expect him to ask me out and he has not. Other toaster's are super rich and they are on my neck trust me I am pretty beautiful light skin girl.

Auntie...
From what I read, I believe you have been blinded by your emotions. I know you like him but do you love him.
Your love might be one-sided since he is not taking any step, it is better to just ask him a simple question whether he likes you or not, so that you won't traumatize yourself.
I suggest you get over your emotions first and look clearly, no human been is perfect. If you like him, don't just look at his good qualities, understand his imperfection so that you won't land yourself in soup

Nancee4love:
I earn more than that, 250k is my basic salary. I have other business I do dt bring in another 150-200k steady for me making it almost 450k or 400k monthly
I am truly in an emotional state now I need mature advice.

Babe don't follow your friends advice, they are greedy, self-centered and blind.
The fact that he earn 80k monthly doesn't mean he'll earn that forever, remember he's working on his own company which if full established might bring in 5-10× the amount you earn.
Follow your heart and pray to God, who knows you two might be destined to be together, and things might turn out good.

pansophist:
Young women do not give good advices, they are still at their prime and haven't been in the other side closer to menopause, so they have the tendency to be dumb. Dont listen to your friends. Your aunt and mum are matured, and their advice is solid. His earnings are fluid, it can change tomorrow. So why focus so much on that? He is not even comfortable with his earnings and wants to improve, that should be a good sign. If he snacks all day, and satisfied being a looser, then I'll advice you to avoid him, but he is a good man and focused on improving his income So why not?

If settling for less is financial only, then you're lost. Settling for less should be about his character, contentment, integrity, maturity, honesty, uprightness, altruism and being morally upright. These are lifelong qualities that will take you through thick and thin, not money, besides, he can earn big tomorrow easily. Once again, your friends are dumb, albeit, naively because ironically, they seems to believe their advice is good. How else can you prove to him that you live him for him, if his income is a big deal for you?

So far, its obvious your heart accepts him. And you can't keep waiting. So it's simply a case of choosing your battle. You can't avoid the battle, but at least you have a choice to choose. Instead of waiting for him to ask you out, why not do it yourself? Yea do it yourself. At least you'll know where you stand. If you should move on with your life, or show him that you're OK with his earnings and ready to go through thick and thin with him.

Tell him you find him attractive, it can be via text, or tell someone to tell him. Just make your intention known. You're a lady and time is your worse enemy, don't waste any more time. Something tells me this guy loves you too, and see no reason to rush since he is in for the long term. Usually guys want to sleep with girls they don't see as a keeper, but when they meet the one, they will be at their best behaviour.

@Nancee4love Read this!

Nancee4love:
Na, I can't post my picture at all. A lot of people know me in Abuja because of my type of person Job. I come in contact with many influential people and bloggers won't make money from my head. I am using my second name Nancee which most people don't know when this whole thing is over and marriage is in view sure I will come back here to show case us.

Wow that's good but don't appear too desperate.. Sha invite me oo I go fly from My country Onye dot to the wedding

Tampa6246:
This relationship thing works differently for everyone. My quick story. My gf brought me to Abj when we were just friends. She had a bf then and I had a gf. Rented an apartment for me to help me start life. I was unemployed for 8months. It never bothered her. She fed me, cloth me, etc. Till I got a remote job with the biggest design company in the world. Life's good now.

My ex (then gf) left me and got married and my friend (now wife-to-be) broke up with her bf just to be with me. We are engaged now

Pray and follow your heart. Don't listen to ANYONE. If you know the guy has feelings for you, ask him questions. 18months is long enough for a man to make his intentions known. Listen to him carefully not minding what you feel for him.

I hope you make the right decision.

God go bless that your Fiancée 10 Billion times! She's an amazing personality abeg no joke with am ooo!! Kai!!! Better women dey this country abeg!!

luvmijeje:
In this day and age you are waiting for a man to ask you out. What if he doesn't know how to woo a babe, you will just wait till eternity.

Babe, buy 2 tickets to a show. Tell him someone gave you these tickets free of charge and you don't mind if he tags along. When going out dress sexy. Dress to kill. Hmmm okay, you are religious, dress beautifully. Go to a professional makeup artiste, tell her to do natural make up for you.

After the show, tell him you are hungry. As you are eating in a fast food, that is when you will begin the story of your life. The first thing you will ask him is why he is not asking you out. Babe go straight to the point. Doesn't he like you. If he is a time waster, you will get to discover it that day.

Most Importantly when you start dating show him your true character. Don't pretend to be who you are not

Choi!!!! See better pikin! Omo a standing ovation for you abeg!!!

Nancee4love:
Please this not a lie I am the person involved, I know his office I stumbled on his employment offer letter.
Please if you don't have much to say kindly keep mute. This is not a lie please I beg u.

dial my number I have something to tell u

Follow ur heart and not your friends, pray, be watchful, give meaning to money and not money to meaning by this i mean sey nor because of 80k follow 500k come go dey get panic attack inside marriage.

Nancee4love:
Ok I will, thank you. I have been praying though and I have peace about him. Just that I can ask him out or tell him outrightly to marry. We talk almost every day. You don't know how it feels to wait for someone for 18 months despite having rich and Better toasters. Trust me I don't despise him and the salary. He only seems not to be ok settling down with that amount he actually assumes my salary is 50-60k he told me he wants the best for his kids. I am showing him green light just that he can't decode it's 18months now already.

don't ever tell him what u earn

UPDATE UPDATE... HERE
Kia this stuff is complex more than I know. Today after service we had unit meeting since were in the same unit with my church guy. We saw and I told him I wanted to see him after church. He gave me listening ears and we talked briefly and smiled.
Later I went to talk with our pastors wife she is fond of me too I just used style to ask her questions about this my church guy, many things I don't know started coming out oooo.
I already told him I am coming over to see him. He said no problem.
What my Pastors wife told are deep and what he told me too are deep tears could not stop coming out of my eyes. I will say it here as it is.
1.I will start with that of my pastor
2. My guy family
3. His experiences
To be continued

Nancee4love:
UPDATE UPDATE... HERE
Kia this stuff is complex more than I know. Today after service we had unit meeting since were in the same unit with my church guy. We saw and I told him I wanted to see him after church. He gave me listening ears and we talked briefly and smiled.
Later I went to talk with our pastors wife she is fond of me too I just used style to ask her questions about this my church guy, many things I don't know started coming out oooo.
I already told him I am coming over to see him. He said no problem.
What my Pastors wife told are deep and what he told me too are deep tears could not stop coming out of my eyes. I will say it here as it is.
1.I will start with that of my pastor
2. My guy family
3. His experiences
To be continued

Tahhh this person just day catch cruise hare!

Enginiaman1:
Tahhh this person just day catch cruise hare!

She isn't. I know of a lady that could do same. It happens with ladies who are too deep into Church activities (Pastor this, Pastor that) or who earn averagely better income.

Now, this lady has both,that's a quagmire for an average lady. Many of them get stuck at that point. I personally know of two ladies.

1. What my Pastors wife told me.
Hmmm Kai. My pastors wife told me things this guy never told me in 18months. Maybe because he feels that he has not known me enough to voice out.
She said he has been with them for over 9yrs and stayed with them for 3yrs in family house before he moved to his own apartment.
She said he is not in any relationship for now that all his relationships did not work out majorly because of sex and money. That he had dated some couple of girls in church but did not work out. Actually 2 ladies. The first one tore his heart apart and wrecked him financially. She said they were both in relationship with this church girl, he sponsored her to school, sent her on a skill acquisition program. They were already in premarital counseling both families were involved and preparation were going on for intro and traditional marriage.
Before the the girl went and got pregnant for another guy, she the girl told him no sex relationship not knowing she was having sex with another guy which resulted into pregnancy because the guy had money the girl is just greedy and ungrateful said my pastors wife. Because if this girl my church guy lost about 2.4m due to pressure she was putting the guy financially. The relationship has to end and it created another drama in the family that I will talk about.
She told me that d guy is an orphan and has been fending for himself for years and does not have entitlement mentality even though he has brothers who can help him. Everything he has today came by favour and labour.
My pastors wife Said the guy is a very nice and calm person that he is the only one they can trust in the church. He has never betrayed them in 9yrs, others have betrayed them but he has not.

Enginiaman1:
Tahhh this person just day catch cruise hare!

Please respectfully this not ideal.. people go through stuff and what I am saying here is serious matter if you don't have anything to say kindly keep mute or move on.
Danke

Nancee4love:
Please respectfully this not ideal.. people go through stuff and what I am saying here is serious matter if you don't have anything to say kindly keep mute or move on.
Danke

I am sorry, continue

Nancee4love:
1. What my Pastors wife told me.
Hmmm Kai. My pastors wife told me things this guy never told me in 18months. Maybe because he feels that he has not known me enough to voice out.
She said he has been with them for over 9yrs and stayed with them for 3yrs in family house before he moved to his own apartment.
She said he is not in any relationship for now that all his relationships did not work out majorly because of sex and money. That he had dated some couple of girls in church but did not work out. Actually 2 ladies. The first one tore his heart apart and wrecked him financially. She said they were both in relationship with this church girl, he sponsored her to school, sent her on a skill acquisition program. They were already in premarital counseling both families were involved and preparation were going on for intro and traditional marriage.
Before the the girl went and got pregnant for another guy, she the girl told him no sex relationship not knowing she was having sex with another guy which resulted into pregnancy because the guy had money the girl is just greedy and ungrateful said my pastors wife. Because if this girl my church guy lost about 2.4m due to pressure she was putting the guy financially. The relationship has to end and it created another drama in the family that I will talk about.
She told me that d guy is an orphan and has been fending for himself for years and does not have entitlement mentality even though he has brothers who can help him. Everything he has today came by favour and labour.
My pastors wife Said the guy is a very nice and calm person that he is the only one they can trust in the church. He has never betrayed them in 9yrs, others have betrayed them but he has not.

Wow what a revelation. So far nothing is bad about His past. Your Pastor's Wife vouching for him goes to show how nice he is. I wait further update on what he told you.

Nancee4love:
Na, I can't post my picture at all. A lot of people know me in Abuja because of my type of person Job. I come in contact with many influential people and bloggers won't make money from my head. I am using my second name Nancee which most people don't know when this whole thing is over and marriage is in view sure I will come back here to show case us.

@Nancee4love Can I send my CV? Who knows this influencial people might be of help with a good job?

Emperorlanky:
I won't. Na you pay my school fees?