₦airaland Forum

I highly doubt he's the father of the pregnancy. I've had marathon sex with my Igbo gf since January till this month and yet! Shes not pregnant. So we can't assume that Igbo women have high fertility generally to assume that one time sex led to pregnancy

Iyasaburi:
Well said my brother, you have hitted the nail on the head. Those people are desperate, the send their daughter to trap any guy susceptible to her fancy in the school and Ops fell into the trap. The heart of man is deep well that is hard to know.
Somebody is smiling at you but you don't know why. The guy may not even be the owner of the pregnancy. Otherwise why the desperation, just one knack, pregnancy, then marriage.
OPs don't fall for their plans. Allow time to sort this out for you, and it will surely sort it.

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

.

Eyah, unfortunately you're not the father of the child. You've been played.
Sorry man, but I can help you out if you wish to be helped

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

Life happens but you still have a lot of years ahead of you, focus on rebuilding yourself and keep the girl in the loop by carrying her along to the best of your ability. Stay intouch with her and the baby, let her understand what you are going thru regardless of how she react. Just makesure you are supporting her with anything you can while you are trying to rebuild yourself. I can teach you programming skills. Check out my YouTube channel and subscribe for more tips.
https://youtube.com/channel/UCwNrlP_X_VV4vg00P2QmDnw

Don’t give up, keep pushing and be good to the girl

DSHADOWWALKER:
pay her bride price??did he tell you he wants to spend the rest of his life with her??

did he say he does not want to spend the rest of his life with her?

@Priceless007

Calling this, calling that. This calling is confusing you. Be realistic, and let the family take care of the girl while you open your eyes clearly on the way forward. Why did you even feel the need to go out yourself? Self righteousness or what?

I advice you move on, my reason: any child burn out of marriage belongs to the girl parents that is imo tradition. Two things; send her part of the money you save and use the remaining to continue your studies. Ensure you keep communicating with the girl n pray God bless your way shortly so u can come back to pay her bride price. If you make the whole money in this world once she get married the child is automatically belongs to her new husband. Pls make sure you go back to continue ur studies once money comes the family will stand with any options all der are after is money...... That is why I didn't even think of anything like relationship before leaving that City

CharisEleos:
You are looking at this whole thing from a totally different angle.

The parents didn't bargain for this so they were taken unawares hence their impromptu decision on the matter. So naturally the first that would come to their mind is to ask the guy to marry the girl.

You don't expect them to reason straight at the moment or up to the point when the child will be born. So I don't see why you're bringing this up. Besides the op admitted he's responsible for the pregnancy.

No doubt.... most parents will first go for marriage (depending on the character of the guy) ... and one of the main reasons is to avoid shame. And yes ... first reactions would be almost all based on emotions ... no straight thinking. But they knew about the pregnancy before it showed .... which is before 4 months. Now she is about to put to bed .... 4 months later and they still not thinking straight? After giving birth... are you saying they may think straight and sit down with OP and be reasonable? They definitely aren't now.
On him saying it's his doesn't mean it is. How many husbands been saying the child is theirs only to find out yearssss later it wasn't? Him saying it's his doesn't mean it is. DNA is a must for him.

TechWows:
Please, I want to learn Programming. What is your email address?

Your name indicates that you are programmer. Or it’s just a name?

bamisho:
What evil advice. If everyone decides to face their life who will take care of the child he is half responsible for ?

who will take care of the child when the girl's parents told him to forget about her if he is not coming for marriage ?

The deed has been done, I see this as distraction from the pit of hell. God has a plan for you, forget about getting married to her for now since you are not financially buoyant. And who told you that you must marry her cos you had something with her? She might not be God's plan for you afterall. So, my advice is that, you should be sending money to her for the sake of the baby and please, go and finish the college training and the skill you are learning... When it's God's time for you to marry, He will let you know. God loves you and He will always come through for you... I can understand what had happened but life must go on.. Temidayo

JudeAfoo:
The deed has been done, I see this as distraction from the pit of hell. God has a plan for you, forget about getting married to her for now since you are not financially buoyant. And who told you that you must marry her cos you had something with her? She might not be God's plan for you afterall. So, my advice is that, you should be sending money to her for the sake of the baby and please, go and finish the college training and the skill you are learning... When it's God's time for you to marry, He will let you know. God loves you and He will always come through for you... I can understand what had happened but life must go on.. Temidayo

Good one here! Don't make the 2nd mistake that will finally seal your destiny, issue of marriage is no childs play, don't be under pressure to marry anybody God didn't inspire you to have.. Just do all you can do to cater for her n the baby.. Na both of u make mistake n it was consensual, not rape.. Don't be cowed to marry her as shes not your better half.. U don't share d same vision. U are not under any obligation legally to marry her pls, don't be fearful.

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

A Life advise don't give on Life.
Don't go into marriage now
The attack is on your Destiny (Calling) it is not about anything
KNow the position of HEAVEN in this matter and stand by it
If you marry right now you won't be able to pursue that destiny again
Don't allow the thought to hunt your life...becasuse the enemy is surely coming back to hunt you with it.
Don't go into marriage now.
That destiny is important
Fulfill it first the child would always come back looking for his father...no child wants to be a bastard.
Fulfill your Destiny even she will be the one to come back...
Don't be distracted oo
The agenda is to distract you with this.
PRAY, ASK GOD FOR MERCY OO

crackhaus:
I think people ought to normalize using the phrase 'UNPLANNED pregnancy' instead of 'UNWANTED pregnancy'... Please and please!!!

@Priceless007, nothing about your story is unusual.

You met someone, you found her attractive, one thing led to another and sex happened. Pregnancy is just the expected natural consequence of having sex, especially when you don't observe standard safety protocols.
Next time, be more careful...

However, there are two things I would like to point out:

1. You must do right by that child, and this means providing whatever you can financially for the mother to have a comfortable delivery.
I don't want to bring up the issue of paternity because person wey never see money to buy pampers should not be told to use money to run DNA tests. But still, have it in mind and consider having this done somewhere down the line.

2. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, marry into that family.
That she is about to be the mother of your child does not mean she must also be your wife... Na two different things oo. Take note!
First of all, she doesn't seem like someone who has plenty sense and secondly, her family doesn't seem like they have sense either – this one they're already harassing you at this point, is giving me all kinds of danger vibes.


With all that out of the way, I wish you a hearty congratulations. You're the latest baby daddy on NL.

you are very intelligent. Op, take this advice.

BlueAir:
I highly doubt he's the father of the pregnancy. I've had marathon sex with my Igbo gf since January till this month and yet! Shes not pregnant. So we can't assume that Igbo women have high fertility generally to assume that one time sex led to pregnancy

you are very ignorant. You as a man may have fertility issue.

CelestineNelson:
A Life advise don't give on Life.
Don't go into marriage now
The attack is on your Destiny (Calling) it is not about anything
KNow the position of HEAVEN in this matter and stand by it
If you marry right now you won't be able to pursue that destiny again
Don't allow the thought to hunt your life...becasuse the enemy is surely coming back to hunt you with it.
Don't go into marriage now.
That destiny is important
Fulfill it first the child would always come back looking for his father...no child wants to be a bastard.
Fulfill your Destiny even she will be the one to come back...
Don't be distracted oo
The agenda is to distract you with this.
PRAY, ASK GOD FOR MERCY OO

Fullfil which Destiny?
At the expense of a newborn? Who will foot the hospital bills? What happens to the mother's destiny?

I understand that her parent would be mad at first, I feel like she really wanted to have your child or you guys are just ignorant, every girl knows how to prevent pregnancy, you sef no suppose dey cum inside, even after you don cum inside, you should have gotten drugs and made preventives asap...girl wey boys dey manage for street, you go dey give am belle...what if she was only trying to force someone else's child on you? The first thing I would have you do is to report the case to police first since they are saying it's rape, that small lie could ruin your life o...print your chat with the girl and go to the police, that is a radical move and would make them unhappy but that would save you from the harassment. you are not compelled to marry anyone because you had sex, plus I hope she is not a minor though. Then keep reaching out to her and her parents, it might take years but they would eventually forgive, even if they don't, the child would grow to ask for the father one day. This is honestly a hard time for you, I believe marriage might ruin a young nigga, get closer to GOD, fear nothing and nobody, plus don't forget your child, I can feel your pain.

Op
The deed is done.
It's unfortunate but it has happened. Reconcile with God and yourself. Ask God to help you cater for your baby mama and child. These are your top priorities now. Not Theology, not Skill.
You are all busy about your career, what about her career? Do you not think the devil used you to truncate her life too. I don't care about marriage, blood is thicker than water, how you treat your baby mama and child can determine how the coming yrs turns out for you. Forget about every other thing you are pursing now and give that child and mother your all. Not because of her parents or anything their tradition say, but because they are now your responsibility. Put yourself out there and hustle . Leave marriage for now. You can't afford it. Pray. Talk to God to help you overcome. Peter planted, Apollo watered but God brings increase. My Aunty made her first million frying Akara. Put your head out there and hustle, let God bless the work of your hands. Never you abandon that lady( I did not say marry her) she bears your seed and can control your Destiny. Same with the child coming.

digitrend:
What Value has you given? You just wasted energy saying absolutely nothing but a display of your own deprivity and cluelessness...
If you have nothing to give be silent , it makes more sense ....
He made a mistake and he is willing to learn and be useful...If your hounger sister was inbolved what would you do?

Grow up pls

You are a very stupid human being. Your stupidity reeks so much I had to reply you. Na me give person Belle? What is my own? Are you mad? Abi Ogun wan kill you? No let me reason you!!. E be like say them open yansh for you. In fact I go reason you. Just sit and watch and relax. I will make you a big scape goat. You will never ever in your life insult someone online. I swear. My next thread...you.

lol na ur papa get fertility issue as at now.na u wan tell me my fertility rate? Oponu

chukel:
you are very ignorant. You as a man may have fertility issue.

BlueAir:
lol na ur papa get fertility issue as at now.na u wan tell me my fertility rate? Oponu

Time will tell.

smh. I know wetin dey pain u. Better no kill urself with hbp. I no know you from anywhere

chukel:
Time will tell.

Ishilove:
Crack, the family says all or nothing. Meaning if he doesn't marry the girl, he should relinquish all claims on the child.

Then that is what he should do if it's the ONLY option left.
That marriage will never be peaceful if he lets them bamboozle him into it.

However, he must continue supporting the lady/his child financially. And guess what?
I am VERY sure they will still continue taking his money even after making him relinquish his claims on the child.

UjuJoan2:
Ahhh, funny how his life turned upside down just because he had sex.

He didn’t kill anyone naaa, he just f****d . . . A natural activity created by God himself!

I think we need to start normalizing sex, and then maybe people will stop ruining their lives over it.

Hasn't it been normalized already?

From what I see around and from experience, it's been normalized.

It's just holier-than-thou folks as well as the career hypocrites who still make it appear like a big deal.

No one is perfect on earth.
Look for money and send to her for baby's clothing and the rest because anything can happen maybe now or in the future. Don't abandon her like that.
Then go and look for money to obtain your requirement for your skills. Onifade

You both made a mistake and you've admitted it! And most definitely have asked and received forgiveness from God! I feel something shady about the girl in question and her family, but can't quite place my hands on it! DON'T BE PRESSURED TO MARRY HER! YOU'D REGRET IT EVEN MORE! You don't marry for such reasons as pity, Sir. BTW, have you seen her since she got pregnant? Is she pregnant? How sure are we the pregnancy is yours? (Maybe/ maybe not)... Don't go about asking! Get your life back together, learn the skill and get done with. Just send a portion of the upkeep as you can. Ultimately, let the Holy Spirit guide you, he's not on recess because of the error. Talk to him. God bless you and strengthen you��❤️ Devine

ufotty2001:
He should try his hand on cryptocurrencies..?? You funny ooohhhh.. you want to clear the little money he has.

Guy wake up and stop living in ignorance, no business nor investment is raising the numbers of millionaires and billionaires like cryprocurrency. Hundreds and thousands of people are making a living out of it all over the world, your CBN with all its opposition is launching one in October and revealed that several countries CBN are also embarking on the same project. I personally rakes money from cryprocurrency on a daily bases apart from my normal business.

If you don't know a thing try to learn about it rather than mocking it

My brother!!! If you did not succeed in any area of your life ehnnn, please succeed in marriage, marriage is not a child's play sir!! Don't let her use pregnancy to tie your destiny down!!! Don't go into that marriage if you are not LED by the Holy Spirit to avoid " admin please hide my ID"... Please just continue with your studies, you can go elsewhere to further and start fresh and keep sending her money for upkeeps, always be in touch as well but still make them understand that you are not ready for marriage... Please don't go and start what you cannot finish ��, don't give the devil a chance to destroy you completely... Shallom

You didn't keep it short. Pastor, Why? �

Priceless007:
Hello Nairalanders,

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short and to the vital points. Please endure the length.

There's a girl i met at a theological college in where I was studying to become a clergyman and also learning a skill under the civil engineering department of the college. She was my junior in the course, as I was a year away from graduating from my first course, while she was just a fresher. She was always having issues getting through her courses and projects and would always ask for my assistance since I was the course rep in that department. It was forbidden to have any intimate relationship with your course mate or anyone in the college for that matter, the penalty would be expulsion. But unfortunately for me, out of sheer lust and seduction on her part, and gross indiscipline and lack of self control on my part, I got intimate with her and we ended up committing fornication during one of our semester vacations. And it just happened once, of which out of deep regret and remorse I confessed the matter to the college Admin when the next semester resumed. We were panelled, after which I was suspended, while she was expelled.

During this time I was learning a skill sponsored by the college, of which I use to get paid some weekly stipend. After I was suspended I was also stopped from continuing my apprenticeship, because I was not to associate with any of the students or lecturers in the school while my suspension lasted. So I was without a job and without a source of income since I wasn't yet mastered on the skill. The condition that was given to me to resume my studies and apprenticeship was that I should go and get married before I could come back to college, so as not to be tempted to repeat my error. But I wasn't ready for marriage whether financially or any other wise for that matter. So while I was contemplating my next move, this girl came to me that she was pregnant, that she needed us to go and see her parents. I told her I had no money neither was I ready to father a child at this point in my life. I pleaded she should give me time to think about what next to do. Two weeks passed, and I called her to enquire about her welfare but her number wasn't reachable, I decided to go to her place, but I was told she had travelled a week ago to go see her family. A week later, I received a call from a woman telling me she was the girl's mother, that her daughter came home with a pregnancy, and she asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, I answered her in the affirmative. She then asked when I was coming to see her family. I told her I wasn't sure about coming to see them that I needed to speak to the girl first. She said okay, then later that day the girl called me, and I told her to come back for us to talk deliberate on the way forward. When she came she told me her parents (who are by the way divorced) will not accept her nor the pregnancy without me coming to see them for marriage arrangements.

I explained to her I wasn't ready for any such thing, that I have a calling to answer and a course to finish, that what happened between us was just a stupid and careless mistake that has been as a setback for me to achieve my goal, and that I was ready to overcome the trials and get back on track, and I explained to her that before then I had neither dated nor been intimate with anyone for over seven years, and so any kind of relationship or marriage was not even in my nearest future plans, and besides, I didn't even have a job, not to mention having enough money to embark on a marriage plan. She said she would never accept such excuse, that I should look for whatever means to make sure I come see her parents before her pregnancy becomes obvious. She also said that she needed money to move her belongings back to Imo state where her family resides. I agreed to raise some money for her. I went to do some menial jobs and raised some money, about ₦20k, which I gave to her and she traveled back to Owerri. From then on her parents kept calling and pressuring me to come and see them for marriage arrangements. I told them I was going to come, but just to introduce myself to them as the person responsible for their daughter's pregnancy not for any marriage arrangements. But they disagreed, that if I wasn't ready to come for marriage that I shouldn't bother coming. I pleaded with them to give me enough time to look for money to come and see them, but they instead started threatening me with court cases and arrests, at one time they brought the girl and some soldiers to my family house and harassed my family members including my mother.

So I later traveled to Benin city to go look for money. After one week of my arrival in Benin, I lost my phone and I couldn't retrieve my number. I lost connection with them until I got back to Uyo where I got her phone number from a friend of hers. At this time, I was told that they came to my house several times with police officers claiming I raped their daughter and impregnated her then absconded. At this, I established contact with the girl again and she told me that I should not bother her that she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, I kept calling her but she often ended up abusing me or we often times ended up in quarrels, so I left her alone for sometime.

Two weeks ago I related the matter to one of my distant uncles, who advised me to gather some money and go see her, I called her and told her I wanted to come and see her before she puts to bed, which is expected to be sometime next month (August). But she told me that she still stands by what her parents had said, if it's not for the marriage issue that I should not come, that I should rather send her the money I would use in coming so she can use it to buy the baby clothing and buy some hospital requirements before she puts to bed. I called her parents and they told me the same thing, and said if I don't come for the marriage agreement before she puts to bed, that after she's delivered of the baby I should forget ever coming, and should never mention that I have a child anywhere not to mention coming to claim it ever in the future. And that I should just forget about her and the child.

The issue now is this, I am a bit frustrated because I seem to have lost everything at the moment because of this issue; my calling, the skill I was learning is gone, I have no job aside the menial jobs I do at construction sites which isn't available regularly. Now the little I have saved so far, I am contemplating on whether to use the money to pay for my skills training and continue with it and start my life afresh and forget about her, the child, and her parents, or use the money to support her in her hospital requirements for her delivery. Because I don't want to be seen as abandoning her when she is in this condition, and I also don't want to give up on the child, though I'm not capable of taking care of the girl and the baby right now, and probably, I might end up getting married but not under my present circumstances. I know I've made a grave mistake and this is the consequences for not being true to myself and my calling, and I deeply regret it, and I've suffered for it in any way I can possibly imagine, but I also need to put my life back in order, because right now I'm so devastated that I'm contemplating terrible alternatives to survive the storm, I'm at a very critical moment of my life and I just feel like giving up on life altogether. Please I need your help and advice on this issue. Thanks.

PS. Please if anyone is willing to teach me any skill, I would be very grateful and willing to learn.

1Alex:
We all make mistakes sometimes. You have made yours.

In my opinion, you should have gone with an elderly person to see her people pay her bride price only and explain your condition to them and plead with them to also help you take care of her till you get back on your feet.


If you abandon and forget about this baby now, in about 20 to 30 years later, you will begin to regret it.

RUBBISH
Must he marry her because they both had sex and she got pregnant?

I will start by saying you have given the devil an allowance to strike you down. Your calling was what the devil tried to destroy n I am sorry to say he has gotten u on this. Your situation seems to be complicated. But I will start by saying we learn from our mistakes n our God is a forgiven father, therefore, there is hope. I could have suggested that you do your best to mend fences with the girl n her family by making a commitment to seek her hand in marriage if you are truly sure the pregnancy is yours. But with the attitude of the girl n her family is another thing to drive one away from making such commitment but the attitude could be as a result of your intention on their marriage proposal. If you know the pregnancy is yours n you truly love the girl, you have to look for funds n make a commitment or marry her, then go back to school as directed by the management to continue with your studies. Don't give up on your calling.

ufotty2001:
He should try his hand on cryptocurrencies..?? You funny ooohhhh.. you want to clear the little money he has.

You need to watch video.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNY3izb74pg

1Alex:
We all make mistakes sometimes. You have made yours.

In my opinion, you should have gone with an elderly person to see her people pay her bride price only and explain your condition to them and plead with them to also help you take care of her till you get back on your feet.


If you abandon and forget about this baby now, in about 20 to 30 years later, you will begin to regret it.

You're the only one that has made sense with your advise. I don't why he is being judged as if we don't make mistakes