God bless you

Juliearth:
That it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for others. Marriage has a way of unlocking blessings to the couple involved. Also, it is partnership for life. Thus, when you you marry a woman whose thinking aligns with yours, you can do exploit. Remember that two good heads are better than one.


Also, you don't have to write your union off. You and madam should go back to the drawing board and trace where the problems are from, make necessary adjustments and see how things would turn out for good.

MrBrownJay1:


i dont think anything changes between dating and marriage (especially financially), but pls do tell us what changes, apart from that signed piece of paper?

again: a dating couple shouldnt have kids before they are financially/emotionally/physically ready to have one together.... same with married couple, and that doesnt mean they cant be together, it just mean they have to be careful as to not have kids they cant take care of.

sadly, due to the African belief that as soon as one get married, they need to have children to showcase their "happy family" and/or ego of men to show that their tool is working, many foolish broke people have kids that they cant take care of

A lot can change btw dating and marriage unless you dated for long and both of were sincere otherwise, the pretenders btw you will reveal his/her true colours after marriage and the other half will see fire and pain.

MrBrownJay1:


... and how exactly does MONEY solve the above issues you just stated?!?!? the above has absolutely nothing to do with financial stability, as a fake/disrespectful woman will be the same, whether dating or married....

Your idea of marriage sounds like one man for himself. I love you but you are on your own financially. Thats not marriage. That's big brother naija. By nature women were created to look up to a man in one way or other. Financial prowess: the ability to provide has been one of the age long yardstick for measuring the masculinity of a man. Forget feminism, women submit more easily to the man calling the shots because they are mostly terrible at it. Going by your premise of them staying under the same roof hustling individually, there's no way strife, competition, disrespect and temptation won't eventually get in. What about see finish. The love will dwindle so fast. Remember it's a forever something. If you have seen acrimony movie, you should understand what I'm saying.

Nice write up sir God bless.

Lamasta:

With all the money Bill gates has why did his marriage crash if I follow your analogy

Many of you here are just bent on misleading people. We are Africans and I know the responsibility that always come with marriage in our societies.

Why not make Ned nwako your reference point?

I'm not against marriage between poor people but I'm highly against those encouraging it.

You are clearly a man of age and wisdom.
Hmm

MrBrownJay1:
all you people are looking at marriage with a failed vision.... you dont need money to get married, marriage is just an extention of a r/ship sealed by a useless piece of paper....if you guys were broke and could date happily, then there is no reason why you couldnt get married and still be happy. the problem here is that all you people are thinking that a broke couple should do exactly the same thing as one with money, while the couple with little money needs to ADAPT TO THEIR SITUATION until they have enough money to care for a family (aka children etc)

a lot of people are quick to call a man/woman broke because they only have money to take care of their own needs, but the reality is that there are many people who are broke because they paid their rent, put food in the fridge and paid their bills etc. if 2 broke people join hands, then they can EASILY live happily ever after (so long as they dont try to add to their family). so a broke married couple needs to take contraception, need to cut their coat according to their situation and they need to work towards getting a better life situation in order to have kids etc

it takes money for a single person to take care of their basic need... its called LIFE and everyone should be able to take care of their basic needs before thinking of marriage, same for married ones. you dont need "more" money to get married than the money you each had to take care of your basic needs, if your spouse cant/couldnt take care of their basic needs then you shouldnt get married and that person should sort that part of their lives 1st before thinking of getting married, as they are a LIABILITY

as for your hustle statement, no wonder so many men fail in marriage when they think that having money to take care of a liability is the solution to their problem....a liability is a LIABILITY whether you bring more money to the table or not.

MrBrownJay1:


i dont think anything changes between dating and marriage (especially financially), but pls do tell us what changes, apart from that signed piece of paper?

again: a dating couple shouldnt have kids before they are financially/emotionally/physically ready to have one together.... same with married couple, and that doesnt mean they cant be together, it just mean they have to be careful as to not have kids they cant take care of.

sadly, due to the African belief that as soon as one get married, they need to have children to showcase their "happy family" and/or ego of men to show that their tool is working, many foolish broke people have kids that they cant take care of

Your state of mind seems to mirror that of persons who are presently cohabiting with a partner and has been on it for long and will soon be married to her. Sorry to burst your bubble, Wait for that moment. Everything changes. As soon as you sign it.

FriendsAndFans:

The answer to your question is obvious.
Money is a tool to control, a wife will hardly want to disrespect you when she knows you hold a value of control over her needs

the type of life you are mentioning above, is the one that any man who never tasted money wishes for... the day you have money and are comfortable in life, you will now look for a GENUINE person that loves you to share this money/wealth with (dating useless oloshos will only get you broke again). after 2/3 years (max 5yrs) of fucking useless good for nothing oloshos (who are with you just for your money), you will grow tired and now search for a genuine person to love you. you will look for a PROPER woman to start a family with because you certainly wouldnt want one of these LIABILITY/OLOSHOS as the mother of your future children, not even as your babymama.

udoji2021:


That thread was v misleading, I just hope that someone will not take it to heart and regret later

there is nothing misleading here and op is absolutely correct. It even leads to crime, drug addiction and early death.

Juliearth:
That it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for others. Marriage has a way of unlocking blessings to the couple involved. Also, it is partnership for life. Thus, when you you marry a woman whose thinking aligns with yours, you can do exploit. Remember that two good heads are better than one.


Also, you don't have to write your union off. You and madam should go back to the drawing board and trace where the problems are from, make necessary adjustments and see how things would turn out for good.

Can you show proof of what I bolded? Unlocking blessings from where?

Look I'm not against marriage but I hate it when all this wannabes motivational speakers trying to pressure poor people to get married.

Pochettino:
We women were created to bring down men & destroy their destinies.
I wonder why men don't know this yet.

Now, how many men have you destroyed and brought their destiny? Empty bragging..

Lol @ "life's last car..."
Another wise poster here.

seeme2:
I hope you deserve that your wife, gentleman OP. You derived the wrong conclusion from life. What a waste of your sufferings. Look, i am 35. I have had great times, and rainy days. These things come and go and come again. Just get married when you can predict your stability for the next couple of years. People get married with meager income and get millions within a year. Some have already bought their life's last car before marrying. Head or tail, marrying early is best. It is the foundation of wealth. Your children have no choice but to manage... they are too small to be corrupted. God may bless you before your first born is old enough to be impressionable. If you wait till money comes who says it cannot go again. So you wait till 70 because it goes and comes?

Look, marriage is more economical than singleness... that is if you are a classy guy sha. Take the easier way and thank me later.

udoji2021:


That thread was v misleading, I just hope that someone will not take it to heart and regret later

well it's half true but not completely true.

My igbo friend is almost 36 or 37 years old waiting to be comfortable before jumping into marriage meanwhile, I didn't buy those ideas of waiting. Today, I had two kids, taking care of them , I'm surviving and sustaining them despite the hash economy.
The other of my Yoruba friend (8yrs into marriage) is already in marriage long before I jumped in ,and they are still surviving the situation despite being a teacher and lockdown really affected him drastically but he's okay and sustaining his children.
So if you want to wait till you have the finances, you wait, if you feel you will scale through and survive all circumstances. Then enter the union..

But the earlier you train your children the better for you.

Manq:
Money isn't everything but something in marriage.. I got married with an income lower than 50k managed to startup a small business for her, along the line she got a job, now I have my own business combined with my job. We have a kid and now thinking of adding another one to the family. So we combine all our incomes from work and business.. wasn't easy t the start but look at us now! Na God.. I'm not saying she's the best human in the world neither I'm I. But when you see what you need in life, kill (not to spill blood) to get it cos it's either u or them. I took her from someone who was playing with her heart cos I saw the potentials in her.. plus always pray to God and use your head before you select a bride..

Don’t be too happy taking a woman from someone the same would happen to you sooner or later �

Manq:
Money isn't everything but something in marriage.. I got married with an income lower than 50k managed to startup a small business for her, along the line she got a job, now I have my own business combined with my job. We have a kid and now thinking of adding another one to the family. So we combine all our incomes from work and business.. wasn't easy t the start but look at us now! Na God.. I'm not saying she's the best human in the world neither I'm I. But when you see what you need in life, kill (not to spill blood) to get it cos it's either u or them. I took her from someone who was playing with her heart cos I saw the potentials in her.. plus always pray to God and use your head before you select a bride..

maybe the person meet someone better than her!

Marriage is the only certificate one get without taking the exam. What about the case of a man who was financially well before marriage, then he got sack or his business went down while married and he has not recovered financially. What should one suggest for those who are in this predicament?

TimeSpaceWizard:
Your state of mind seems to mirror that of persons who are presently cohabiting with a partner and has been on it for long and will soon be married to her. Sorry to burst your bubble, Wait for that moment. Everything changes. As soon as you sign it.

remember, that piece of paper makes a lot of people CHANGE (after they signed on the dotted line). many people out there believe that since you are married, you should accept any rubbish they throw at you because she is your wife "now" etc. i like my women to be on their toes, to know that they can lose me in any second if they dont act right. they need to understand that if they slack, i am out....thats the only way a woman will try to be the best she can possibly be, AT ALL TIME!!!
i dont do charity, i dont take that kind of gamble in my life, because in the world we live in today, a common law wife gets exactly the same deal as a married person (without the hassle of paperwork/divorce, if needs be).

i wont even dwell on beautiful princesses who turn into lazy babywhales...

seeme2:
I hope you deserve that your wife, gentleman OP. You derived the wrong conclusion from life. What a waste of your sufferings. Look, i am 35. I have had great times, and rainy days. These things come and go and come again. Just get married when you can predict your stability for the next couple of years. People get married with meager income and get millions within a year. Some have already bought their life's last car before marrying. Head or tail, marrying early is best. It is the foundation of wealth. Your children have no choice but to manage... they are too small to be corrupted. God may bless you before your first born is old enough to be impressionable. If you wait till money comes who says it cannot go again. So you wait till 70 because it goes and comes?

Look, marriage is more economical than singleness... that is if you are a classy guy sha. Take the easier way and thank me later.

Wanda!

This is a pure lie sir, you should have use another word instead of ECONOMICAL,

Haba

udoji2021:
I just come across a thread about this topic and felt like contributing on it.

https://www.nairaland.com/6703059/struggling-hard-money-hasnt-come

Guys, I will not beat around the bush, getting married when you are not financially bouyant is the greatest mistake that can NEVER be corrected, infact, it's a sin and against natural laws to bring someone's daughter to your house when you are struggling to take care of yourself and consequently starts laying foundation of poverty that will last for generations if not forever.

WHY?

Experience is the best teacher, I'm a victim of such circumstances and I know what I face in that type of marriage and is still facing. When you make such mistake, you will start sleeping abnormally which is the first sign of things to come, it will then lead to over thinking and depression. Forget about family members, no one will be there to help you when you needed their help. Begging to feed or meet your financial obligations is even worst cos first, the insults you will receive can make you commit suicide, and if you start this begging, people will always give you fake promises, the time that you would have used in doing productive something will be on moving from one place to another or staying online to reply people. Forget about all this motivational speakers cos you will only see another motivational quote from them when the sh*t hits the fan.

Secondly, the saying that someone obtain favor from Whatever God when you are Married is also false to some extent, God don't pour manna from heaven this days as was reported in the Bible (don't know if this is even true), get married and sit at home waiting for favor from the Lord and see if you didn't die of hunger within days.

Most painful part is that, you may end up suffering for another person children ignorantly, HOW?

Let me give an example, I went to one politician for help and this man told me to back later, he later sent someone to call my wife and start telling her to sleep with him (heavy pregnant woman o) before he can help. I was lucky that my wife told me about it with proof of what the man was doing, that was the day I stopped calling him. Now, what if she agreed without telling me and continued after she birth?

Guys, hustle and settle down first marriage and thank me later.

Lastly, all this girls will keep telling you that I will manage, I will manage, but if they finally come and stay with you, they will not manage again. Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak.

In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

Whether you are financially bouyant or not, there are certain age at which it's ideal for you to take bold step on marriage, that is if you ever plan to have kids, the most important thing is that you pray and commit things in the hands of God, secondly is that you need to be sincere to yourself, about the kind of woman you need not the ones you want and search for that one, don't go and carry a woman who is social frick and promise that she will manage, also let your wife to be know at least 90% truth about your income. And keep your hands clean as much as possible.

FriendsAndFans:

The answer to your question is obvious.
Money is a tool to control, a wife will hardly want to disrespect you when she knows you hold a value of control over her needs

I was confused at what MrBrownJay1 was driving at but I took time to really understand what he was saying to be candid, he is right. The summary of his angle is FIND someone that is really interested in you as just HUMAN, whether you have money or not.

But what he is advising is REALLY hard in a country like Nigeria where people are selfish

cooltola:
Marriage is the only certificate one get without taking the exam. What about the case that a man was financially well before marriage, then he got sack or his business went down while married and he has not recovered financially. What should one suggest for those who are in this predicament?

It's another favor from the Lord

Hehe

If i tell u what early marriage has done for me ehnnn....
First of all, Im grateful that early marriage exposed the sad "crack or abnormalies" in my foundation.

So many sad secrets from my foundation came to light inwhich im grateful they were exposed earlier rather than now or later.

I used to think my foundation is near perfect until marriage exposed them very early in my life.

Hmmmm....

Very very very very very IMPORTANT bro. Money is one of the essential key to keep a marriage going.

Dpsychologist:
Money is involved in Marriage.

let me then say this real example. notice some comedians on instagram the moment they got married their skits got boring and dead.

udoji2021:


Can you show proof of what I bolded? Unlocking blessings from where?

Look I'm not against marriage but I hate it when all this wannabes motivational speakers trying to pressure poor people to get married.

I can't show you proofs sir because they are all around you. Or better still, talk to those advanced in age. They are in a better position to open your eyes to these things.


Pressure people? Maybe you should show me where a gun is put on people's heads so they must marry.

Your marriage may not be rosy either because you didn't focus on the core values people should look out for when searching for life partners and/or you have relaxed in this marriage and allowed crises take over. Wake up and take charge of your marriage and don't settle for this opinion that marriage is curse. The devil is building a nest in your home, wake up and ruin this nest sir.

MrBrownJay1:


i dont think anything changes between dating and marriage (especially financially), but pls do tell us what changes, apart from that signed piece of paper?

again: a dating couple shouldnt have kids before they are financially/emotionally/physically ready to have one together.... same with married couple, and that doesnt mean they cant be together, it just mean they have to be careful as to not have kids they cant take care of.

sadly, due to the African belief that as soon as one get married, they need to have children to showcase their "happy family" and/or ego of men to show that their tool is working, many foolish broke people have kids that they cant take care of

Sage!

babyfaceafrica:
You guys should stop saying this.. This statement has put many into an unplanned marriage.. Unlocking faya!

Marry the wrong partner and you will unlock fire. Marry the right one and you will unlock fireworks. Choose your mojo sir!

prince3009:
Then you are still saying the same thing the post is saying which is: Avoid marriage until you are financially stable.

no am not saying that... i am saying you can get married and live the same way you did when you were dating (no extra money needed).... but if you wanna have kids etc then you best be ready FINANCIALLY/PHYSICALLY/EMOTIONALLY

Money is an essential ingredient in marriage, but Happy family home does not solely depend on affluence, if affirmative, The rich people would monopolize that, ironically, they suffered more marital problems that the less privilege.

On a final note, some will marry as pauper and later make it in life, while some will not marry as a result of being poor, but if you want to wait till you get rich before you get married, the choice is yours, but mind you who assure you of the time " you will blow'' if you can't answer in affirmative, just forge ahead with what life brings to you, provided you are looking up for better tomorrow. Above all, please be prayerful in your dealings.

Thank you.

freshalien:


The main issue here isn’t even all those things he specified; the main thing here is having children. Child bearing is what gets most poor or struggling couples stuck in that state forever. Most Africans don’t have the sense to wait when they get married till things stabilize before they start having children. Immediately they get married, they start pouring children out like a tap, further plunging themselves into perpetual poverty because every little money they make goes into taking care of the kids. No proper income, business or investment, yet people get married and immediately start having kids expecting miracles to happen.

Well said bro, remove having kids from the picture most of these marriages go the sweet wella. Imagine just you and your wife having nice sex and going to places without additional loads of kids

Juliearth:




I can't show you proofs sir because they are all around you. Or better still, talk to those advanced in age. They are in a better position to open your eyes to these things.


Pressure people? Maybe you should show me where a gun is put on people's heads so they must marry.

Your marriage may not be rosy either because you didn't focus on the core values people should look out for when searching for life partners and/or you have relaxed in this marriage and allowed crises take over. Wake up and take charge of your marriage and don't settle for this opinion that marriage is curse. The devil is building a nest in your home, wake up and ruin this nest sir.

The people around me proof otherwise sir, as for my marriage, it's a phase which i believe will soon be over. Y'all are not getting my point, am not against marriage between poor people but I don't like the way people are encouraging such in this our materialistic society.