obiekunie01:


But why is your sister always checking her husbands phone??

you see the thing is, CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONE IS LIKE PUTTING YOUR FINGER IN THE ANUS - IF YOU DON'T FIND SHIT, YOU WILL FIND MESS OR BOTH - AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE EITHER OF IT!

so for your peace of mind, AVOID CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONES!

Your sister opened the door to breaking her home by checking her hubby's phone!

@very nice conclusion:

Not the man that cheated or to be wild, not the girl that became a baby mama;

It is the wife who discovered it on her husband's phone.

Logic 101

galantjoe:
Do your best and leave rest for her to decide.

Where single ladies are finding it difficult to marry talkless of single mom of two.

Plus she has nothing doing.


I don't support cheating but where it happens one have to endure because you can't expect him to abandon his blood outside just to please her,. She is selfish and self centered

@bold

Extremely selfish woman. As in, instead of her to design a time table so that she and the baby mama take turns, she wants to colobi the husband to herself.

Why do peeps always put the caveat 'I don't support cheating' before going on to type a post that shows they see nothing wrong with it?

I am here for the logical gender’s post. So far they are not disappointing me.

bukatyne:


@bold

Extremely selfish woman. As in, instead of her to design a time table so that she and the baby mama take turns, she wants to colobi the husband to herself.

Abeg do you live in Port Harcourt? That slang "colobi" has geographical implications in my ear

yanabasee2:
I'm really convinced that she did not check on his background before accepting to marry him....



It's a terrible situation for a man to disrespect his wife and get another woman pregnant.. and still keeps her for sex....

As in, I don't understand why some men are so shameless and wayward.

kay9:



Abeg do you live in Port Harcourt? That slang "colobi" has geographical implications in my ear

Nope.

Nigerian men are useless. All of them.
If they don't cheat, they are hypocrites, toxic or women beaters. Even the so called calm ones are egoistic bastards and manipulative d**ks. The op wants his sister to stay in a marriage where she is disrespected daily but would not want to be disrespected as well.
It's women I blame. If right from time, we never accept cheating, men would not think of imposing their disgusting acts on us. Or at least not openly.
Since your sister's husband is only useful because of money, she should bear the marriage till she has enough savings to cater for herself and the children.
And I hope this is a lesson to women that you should never enter a marriage empty handed. Men only usefulness is money. If you remove that power, its easy to see them for the sh*t they are.

obiekunie01:


But why is your sister always checking her husbands phone??

you see the thing is, CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONE IS LIKE PUTTING YOUR FINGER IN THE ANUS - IF YOU DON'T FIND SHIT, YOU WILL FIND MESS OR BOTH - AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE EITHER OF IT!

so for your peace of mind, AVOID CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONES!

Your sister opened the door to breaking her home by checking her hubby's phone!

STOP THIS NONSENSE!... STOP IT

if the phone is private? Why is the private parts not private in marriage Stop this fooolish advice you are spewing here!... coconuthead

I can understand she wants to quit. I can't blame any woman who is unable to forgive this.

Let them decide on how their kids will be taken care of after the separation. Their well-being is of paramount importance. I hope their parents can handle this maturely.

I wish your sister strength and wisdom.

Make she calm down abeg...

galantjoe:
Do your best and leave rest for her to decide.

Where single ladies are finding it difficult to marry talkless of single mom of two.

Plus she has nothing doing.


I don't support cheating but where it happens one have to endure because you can't expect him to abandon his blood outside just to please her,. She is selfish and self centered

.
Didn't u see the part where he said the husband is still seeing the baby mama, playing more deadly away games??

2ndtimeuncle

1. People do not listen or take advice, they can only learn from their mistake.

2. Remind your sister that she is in Nigeria and not in america.

3. Tell your sister not to leave her home for now, she should learn to kill her anger in this and use wisdom, and not forget that she has children.

4. If she leave her home, she is likely to suffer and loss the battle.

5. She should stay and focus on her chikdren, and believe she has a half husband already.

Live to fight another day

2ndtimeuncle:
Good morning fellow nairalanders, I hope your day is going well though mine didn't start so well. I am a nairalander but I have to open this account for this. I have an issue bothering me, I will try to keep my story as brief as possible.

I am a guy from a humble background. My parents had only two children, myself and my younger sister who is now married with two kids. She had her last baby boy some time early this month. Her marriage with this guy ( my brother inlaw) has been one I considered relatively peaceful. That is from my own perspective knowing that there's no marriage without one or two misunderstanding here or there some point.

Well, she found out that her husband got another girl pregnant who gave birth to a baby girl. My sister found out after she gave birth to her first son. Her husband was the one that confessed to her that he has another child outside their marriage. They settled the issue and moved on he promised he would end the relationship he had with the baby mama.

Last year, during the Covid19 period, my sister found out that he was still seeing his baby mama after she saw their chats. She confronted him and he denied having anything to do with the baby mama except for sending money for his daughter's upkeep once in a while. It was a big issue which was brought to the attention the two families. They found a way to settle after a lot pleading and talking to the two of them.

To cut the long story short, she sent me screenshots that proves that he is still seeing the baby mama. In one of the screenshot he wants to see her in their normal place and the girl agreed but doesn't want them have sex on this particular occasion. My sister has bad temperament and it is not easy to calm her down when triggered. She's threatening to quit the marriage and I fear she may do something wrong this time around . She is yet to confront her husband because I managed to convince her to keep it on hold till she calms down.

Note : My Dad is late and my younger sister is a house wife hence solely dependent on her husband. Please ignore my grammatical errors. I am putting this out here because I have ran out of ideas.

Wo she should not allow d other woman win o

When it's not comfortable, then it's not comfortable. You won't be the one to make a decision for her Sha

I think the major determinant here is money. The wife and her family are not buoyant enough to ask her to quit the marriage. Because, no one is thinking of the wife's safety; but only about how she will survive if she leaves.

The man has one side chick she knows doesn't mean that's the only woman he is sleeping with, especially as the side chick is even beginning to ration the sex for him. And the man is obviously an advocate of "skin to skin". So where does that leave the wife?

If she had her own money or her family did, wouldn't she have run for her life? But op is here looking for a way to keep her there since the burden will fall on him.

@op

I think the focus here should be on how to get your sister to be independent. Once that is settled, other things will fall in place.

Being dependent is not a permanent life condition, she can choose to become independent.

GenAbacha:
And what is wrong if she quits the marriage?

Why are you bothered? What ideas are you looking for?

A contract has been breached and it’s only right you terminate it.

If she terminates it, will u be the one to take care of her & her kids? Didn't u read where he stated the sister is solely dependent on her husband? No be fellow women like her dey marry husband with two wives?

@ 2ndtimeuncle
Please do not listen to this person, advice your sister to get something doing before leaving that marriage. Na people they marry three wives & they live happily. So long he is still providing for her & her kids, tell her to stay & find a way to establish herself before taking any further decision. If she leave that marriage now, na suffer for her o & that baby mama will take her place! The burden will be shifted to u with time.

obyrich:
Bros. Find a way to convince your sister to get something doing. If she leaves the man's house, na you go carry the burden.

@ 2ndtimeuncle
Please listen to this person, I am talking from experience. The burden will shift to u! Do not let her leave till she establish herself.

bukatyne:


If by raining, you mean adultery, not all men cheat.

And she can decide to walk out and stay single.

By raining, I mean there is imperfection in every human and home.

So checking of phone is a greater offence than what the man did right ? I weep for Nigerians

obiekunie01:


But why is your sister always checking her husbands phone??

you see the thing is, CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONE IS LIKE PUTTING YOUR FINGER IN THE ANUS - IF YOU DON'T FIND SHIT, YOU WILL FIND MESS OR BOTH - AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE EITHER OF IT!

so for your peace of mind, AVOID CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONES!

Your sister opened the door to breaking her home by checking her hubby's phone!

My head is aching so bad so can't really type so much.. Just here to like some comments, that's all.

MrSamsung:

You see one thing guys like you which from the look of things are in the majority don't realize is that you harm and corrupt men(most especially the coming generational men which might include your own male progeny), families, society and the world more when you accept this hypocrisy on the part of a man or as long as the man does it, it is not that bad, or it's different thereby normalizing the abnormal.

And when women who live in these morally bankrupt or corrupted families and societies turn out to be who they are, we men then get heartbroken in our marriages and relationships, lacking peace in our matrimonial homes. And finally we will come to Nairaland and say fear women, there are no good women, women are cheaters, forgetting that we men who are rulers of the society allow these things to happen, participate in doing them and justify it while the women FOLLOW and IMITATE. Afterall you as a husband can't have right to your rod while she also a freeborn with freewill can not have right to her VJ in a free world.

YOU CAN CHEAT ON YOUR GOOD WIFE AND HAVE BABY MAMAS AND AWAY-CHILDREN, BUT YOU CAN'T CHEAT ON THE MEN, WOMEN AND CHILDREN THAT WOULD LIVE AND BE BORN IN SUCH A RUIN AND CORRUPTED FAMILIES AND SOCIETIES.

The cycle continues and we cry and turn bad

If you so wish, you could go on typing and gesticulating from now till tomorrow because you need to appear neutral and without bias.
However, it still won't change one fact and a universal truth that when it comes to cheating, a husband having a love-child versus a wife having a love-child are two very different things that can't be adjudged in the same way.

I asked the other gentleman some questions which I feel you would have done well to answer since you felt the need to jump in on the comment, instead you went off on a tangent going on about the upcoming generation, progeny, the society, bla bla bla... Like who gives a fvck mayn? LoL

You're even insinuating that my comment is corrupting the younger generation yada yada yada...
Do you think typing comments on NL is going to stop anyone from cheating or having biases that are backed up by the reality of this world?

Infidelity in marriages that's been happening since the dawn of time and perpetuated by both men and women equally, is something that won't stop... neither will appealing to the emotions of people urging them to be less hypocritical suddenly erase the fact that a husband can get another woman pregnant, inform his wife and still continue with the marriage if the wife so pleases because he does NOT need to impose the child on her or have her take care of it.

However, if it was the wife with a pregnancy from another man and she informs her husband, how then REALISTICALLY do you expect the marriage to continue?

— Should her husband accept another man's child, raise it, spend his money on it, and roleplay daddy?
— Or should she handover the child to her side-bobo instead and continue with her marriage without the interference of the child?

You can stew on the answers to the above questions.

If you understood my thought process well enough, you would know that I have never been one to sugarcoat anything to please the gender that loves to hear lies disguised as sweet nothings just because it makes them feel good – same reason they are easily the most deceived by people who know how to game even when they assume they're in control of a situation.

So yea, of course women are cheaters and men are cheaters as well – I have never denied it or tried to change the world's perception, I don't even care to.
And yes, you should definitely fear women just as men should be feared too — There's no innocent gender as far as I'm concerned.
And then, perhaps men are really scum afterall but are women angels in comparison? Fvck NO!

My stance has always remained the same when it comes to marriage and infidelity, husbands and wives should cheat if they want to cheat... Just try not to get caught or bring the child of your infidelity to the house.

And furthermore, between a husband and a wife, who is more capable of having a child outside the marriage without letting it interfere with the union? A husband can 100%.
No woman is going to successfully do that as long as her husband is aware of her infidelity, NONE.

It's fine if you see it as hypocrisy, you can also hate it or love it. None of your emotional response to the above stated fact is going to change anything about the reality of things.

Cheers...

2ndtimeuncle:


It rains everywhere, I don't want her to make a decision she will regret for the rest of her life.

The man should be the one regretting his decisions. If your sister has a job or the capacity to get one, let her come out of that marriage with her sanity still intact. People are different. While some can tolerate cheating spouses, that same act can make others go crazy. Your loving sister you know today might lose it tomorrow. Besides, kids are better off with separated parents that living in a home where there's no peace. It would be unfair to advise her to remain there despite the heart ach. Marriage is not a do or die affair.

My advice is simple. Find like 5 single mothers with two kids. Ask them what they would do in this situation. Since domestic violence is not involved. Emphasis on domestic violence. Bring their answer here. Or in another thread. Also ask if they are now "happier" since they have been alone. If they are sincere they will give you the same answer.

Remember you just heard from your sister....
Not from his side. Nothing justifies cheating but something forces it. All kpekus are the same so why go outside. The answer is in the post you shared. She just gave birth. I won't explain more on this.

My own is if she leaves the baby mama will move in and he will still cheat on her. That's a fact. I have joy in seeing people who don't even have a relationship give advice like a zen. No to talk of marriage.

I sha no give advice...na talk I talk. No be me go advice anybody for this site. Experience am come create thread. E dey sweet.

MejiLoyon:
My advice is simple. Find like 5 single mothers with two kids. Ask them what they would do in this situation. Since domestic violence is not involved. Emphasis on domestic violence. Bring their answer here. Or in another thread. Also ask if they are now "happier" since they have been alone. If they are sincere they will give you the same answer.

Remember you just heard from your sister....
Not from his side. Nothing justifies cheating but something forces it. All kpekus are the same so why go outside. The answer is in the post you shared. She just gave birth. I won't explain more on this.

My own is if she leaves the baby mama will move in and he will still cheat on her. That's a fact. I have joy in seeing people who don't even have a relationship give advice like a zen. No to talk of marriage.

I sha no give advice...na talk I talk. No be me go advice anybody for this site. Experience am come create thread. E dey sweet.

You are a wise man. Only the knowledgeable ones will see the wisdom in your post.

MejiLoyon:
My advice is simple. Find like 5 single mothers with two kids. Ask them what they would do in this situation. Since domestic violence is not involved. Emphasis on domestic violence. Bring their answer here. Or in another thread. Also ask if they are now "happier" since they have been alone. If they are sincere they will give you the same answer.

Remember you just heard from your sister....
Not from his side. Nothing justifies cheating but something forces it. All kpekus are the same so why go outside. The answer is in the post you shared. She just gave birth. I won't explain more on this.

My own is if she leaves the baby mama will move in and he will still cheat on her. That's a fact. I have joy in seeing people who don't even have a relationship give advice like a zen. No to talk of marriage.

I sha no give advice...na talk I talk. No be me go advice anybody for this site. Experience am come create thread. E dey sweet.

I really appreciate your input on this issue.

Mejiloyan okan loko ;. Tuale boss

MejiLoyon:
My advice is simple. Find like 5 single mothers with two kids. Ask them what they would do in this situation. Since domestic violence is not involved. Emphasis on domestic violence. Bring their answer here. Or in another thread. Also ask if they are now "happier" since they have been alone. If they are sincere they will give you the same answer.

Remember you just heard from your sister....
Not from his side. Nothing justifies cheating but something forces it. All kpekus are the same so why go outside. The answer is in the post you shared. She just gave birth. I won't explain more on this.

My own is if she leaves the baby mama will move in and he will still cheat on her. That's a fact. I have joy in seeing people who don't even have a relationship give advice like a zen. No to talk of marriage.

I sha no give advice...na talk I talk. No be me go advice anybody for this site. Experience am come create thread. E dey sweet.

1. Not for once I will ever support infidelity in a well defined relationship, hence, both parties must sit down, analyse on how to handle reoccurring issues leading to breakups in marriage. Proper background check and vetting must be done in order to ascertain the character of both parties or the number of parties that will be involve.

2. Polygyny is rooted in the male instinct, staying with one woman is the exception. This must also be considered. The type of marriage must be clearly defined.

3. The truth here is that her husband will one day forget about the baby mama and focus more on the child because men don't attach emotions to sex, and are physical about it unlike women. Once the baby mama starts taking other men seriously, he will abandon her.

4. She's in a dilemma, and any action hastily taken will be to her detriment and her kids. Children raise in a single parent household performs less than those in double parents household. Abandoning the kids for the husband alone will definitely calls for an invitation of the baby mama into her household and will expose her kids to maltreatment.

6. But if it persists into the future with signs of no redemption, she must patiently do the following;

1. Remain silent. Never argue. Never challenge the husband. Be calm. This is difficult though.

2. Soothe his ego so that there can be a continuous influx of provisions to her and the kid(s).

3. Show no concern any longer concerning her step child and the mother and Focus on establishing herself.

4. When she can comfortably sustain herself and kids she can call for a divorce.

5. Another obstacle is the issue of STIs/STDs. Worst is HIV/AIDS. Since he is still unwilling to change and respect his monogamous marriage vow, families must be involve so that the health status of your sister be brought into consideration and protected. And if it happens that she contracts a sexual disease as a result of his nonchalant attitude, he will be sanctioned severely. (the fear of this might make him think for some time).

Thanks.

God bless.

Ladies, make sure you are independent before getting married, have something doing, something that fetches good money to avoid stories that touch like Op's sister, it is sweet to have a say in your marriage than to be a "yes sir" kind of wife, being a 100% house wife doesnt and can never pay, if you want to be a traditional wife abi matriarchal woman, be one with dignity, self worth, and self respect, i don say my own

**With the very foolish, stupid, idiotic advices I see here coming from mostly guys, if I should quote and tell them my peace of mind, I go chop ban, but I'll hold my peace...

Thank you. Tell them sir

MrSamsung:


You see one thing guys like you which from the look of things are in the majority don't realize is that you harm and corrupt men(most especially the coming generational men which might include your own male progeny), families, society and the world more when you accept this hypocrisy on the part of a man or as long as the man does it, it is not that bad, or it's different thereby normalizing the abnormal.

And when women who live in these morally bankrupt or corrupted families and societies turn out to be who they are, we men then get heartbroken in our marriages and relationships, lacking peace in our matrimonial homes. And finally we will come to Nairaland and say fear women, there are no good women, women are cheaters, forgetting that we men who are rulers of the society allow these things to happen, participate in doing them and justify it while the women FOLLOW and IMITATE. Afterall you as a husband can't have right to your rod while she also a freeborn with freewill can not have right to her VJ in a free world.

YOU CAN CHEAT ON YOUR GOOD WIFE AND HAVE BABY MAMAS AND AWAY-CHILDREN, BUT YOU CAN'T CHEAT ON THE MEN, WOMEN AND CHILDREN THAT WOULD LIVE AND BE BORN IN SUCH A RUIN AND CORRUPTED FAMILIES AND SOCIETIES.

The cycle continues and we cry and turn bad

ImaIma1:


The truth is that your sister's life is in danger. She's married to a reckless man. He's not even cheating with protection, but putting her life at risk. The baby mama might be sleeping with other men, and your innocent sister who is probably faithful will just be caught up in all the mess.

What if she comes and tells you she contracted HIV? Will you understand the magnitude of the problem?

Besides, he has broken the trust between them. It will be hard for her to ever trust him again.

God bless you ma.

2ndtimeuncle:
Good morning fellow nairalanders, I hope your day is going well though mine didn't start so well. I am a nairalander but I have to open this account for this. I have an issue bothering me, I will try to keep my story as brief as possible.

I am a guy from a humble background. My parents had only two children, myself and my younger sister who is now married with two kids. She had her last baby boy some time early this month. Her marriage with this guy ( my brother inlaw) has been one I considered relatively peaceful. That is from my own perspective knowing that there's no marriage without one or two misunderstanding here or there at some point.

Well, she found out that her husband got another girl pregnant who gave birth to a baby girl. My sister found out after she gave birth to her first son. Her husband was the one that confessed to her that he has another child outside their marriage. They settled the issue and moved on he promised he would end the relationship he had with the baby mama.

Last year, during the Covid19 period, my sister found out that he was still seeing his baby mama after she saw their chats. She confronted him and he denied having anything to do with the baby mama except for sending money for his daughter's upkeep once in a while. It was a big issue which was brought to the attention the two families. They found a way to settle after a lot pleading and talking to the two of them.

To cut the long story short, she sent me screenshots that proves that he is still seeing the baby mama. In one of the screenshot he wants to see her in their normal place and the girl agreed but doesn't want them have sex on this particular occasion. My sister has bad temperament and it is not easy to calm her down when triggered. She's threatening to quit the marriage and I fear she may do something wrong this time around . She is yet to confront her husband because I managed to convince her to keep it on hold till she calms down.

Note : My Dad is late and my younger sister is a house wife hence solely dependent on her husband. Please ignore my grammatical errors. I am putting this out here because I have ran out of ideas.

Convince her to meet with the side/baby mama.
Reasonable discussion will save her more from doing what she will regret soon. If possible go with her and have a matured discussion. She can't leave her marriage just for cheap girl outside.