If I'm the sis, I will keep quiet,not snoop again, then try and find any means of generating income. I will be in that house and pay for a house, pack out and file for divorce. Never be in a reckless marriage because of kids. The kids are watching and it's affecting them negatively.
Marriage is and will always be one of life's achievements. Our mother's groomed our lives around men and it has made men have very bloated ego even when he is wrong. Look at justifications and how fear is installed on ladies up there. Mbok
descarado: If I'm the sis, I will keep quiet,not snoop again, then try and find any means of generating income. I will be in that house and pay for a house, pack out and file for divorce. Never be in a reckless marriage because of kids. The kids are watching and it's affecting them negatively.
Marriage is and will always be one of life's achievements. Our mother's groomed our lives around men and it has made men have very bloated ego even when he is wrong. Look at justifications and how fear is installed on ladies up there. Mbok
2ndtimeuncle: Good morning fellow nairalanders, I hope your day is going well though mine didn't start so well. I am a nairalander but I have to open this account for this. I have an issue bothering me, I will try to keep my story as brief as possible.
I am a guy from a humble background. My parents had only two children, myself and my younger sister who is now married with two kids. She had her last baby boy some time early this month. Her marriage with this guy ( my brother inlaw) has been one I considered relatively peaceful. That is from my own perspective knowing that there's no marriage without one or two misunderstanding here or there at some point.
Well, she found out that her husband got another girl pregnant who gave birth to a baby girl. My sister found out after she gave birth to her first son. Her husband was the one that confessed to her that he has another child outside their marriage. They settled the issue and moved on he promised he would end the relationship he had with the baby mama.
Last year, during the Covid19 period, my sister found out that he was still seeing his baby mama after she saw their chats. She confronted him and he denied having anything to do with the baby mama except for sending money for his daughter's upkeep once in a while. It was a big issue which was brought to the attention the two families. They found a way to settle after a lot pleading and talking to the two of them.
To cut the long story short, she sent me screenshots that proves that he is still seeing the baby mama. In one of the screenshot he wants to see her in their normal place and the girl agreed but doesn't want them have sex on this particular oc
[/b]Note : My Dad is late and my younger sister is a house wife hence solely dependent on her husband. Please ignore my grammatical errors. I am putting this out here because I have ran out of ideas.
[b]
I can understand your concern and worries. You are being realistic rather than being emotional. Explain to your sister consequences of her actions if wisdom, caution and calculated risk were not given proper considerations. If she still wants to quit considering pros and cons. Standby her but let her exit be well planned and managed. Finance is already a concern, accommodation social and emotional intelligence and burden should also be considered.
Let her empower herself first, then other things can follow.
When the chips are down most friend and those supporting that she should quit will not be there to whether the storm.
descarado: If I'm the sis, I will keep quiet,not snoop again, then try and find any means of generating income. I will be in that house and pay for a house, pack out and file for divorce. Never be in a reckless marriage because of kids. The kids are watching and it's affecting them negatively.
Marriage is and will always be one of life's achievements. Our mother's groomed our lives around men and it has made men have very bloated ego even when he is wrong. Look at justifications and how fear is installed on ladies up there. Mbok
This is exactly what I'll do and more, she goofed when she chose to be a housewife, heavens forbid evilness like that.
JovialJune: Ladies, make sure you are independent before getting married, have something doing, something that fetches good money to avoid stories that touch like Op's sister, it is sweet to have a say in your marriage than to be a "yes sir" kind of wife, being a 100% house wife doesnt and can never pay, if you want to be a traditional wife abi matriarchal woman, be one with dignity, self worth, and self respect, i don say my own
**With the very foolish, stupid, idiotic advices I see here coming from mostly guys, if I should quote and tell them my peace of mind, I go chop ban, but I'll hold my peace...
I agree but with young children you might be unable to work full time and sometimes even part time for a while. The sister just had a baby.
I agree but with young children you might be unable to work full time and sometimes even part time for a while. The sister just had a baby.
Before I got married, I was working, when I got married, I had three at once, as in triplets, you can imagine how stressful it was for me, to the extent that I had to ask for extra two months leave without pay after maternity leave, the temptation to resign was so strong I had to pray fervently for the strength to go on, even my husband wanted me to quit that he will take care of everything, I nor gree, las las I pull through, my kids are still little toddlers but we dey manage ourselves dey go, with assistance though,
What keeps running through my mind during those times was "this kids will grow up one day and leave, what will I look forward to when I wake up in the morning, an empty house or a beautiful day at the office with my colleagues?" It has worked for me and it still does, so forget jare, the sister can do it, let her start something small and pick up from there.
Before I got married, I was working, when I got married, I had three at once, as in triplets, you can imagine stressful it was for me, to the extent that I had to ask for extra two months leave without pay after maternity leave, the temptation to resign was so strong I had to pray fervently for strength to go on, even mg husband wanted me to quit that he'll take care of everything, I nor gree, las las I pull through, my kids are still little toddlers but we dey manage ourselves dey go with assistance though, what keeps running through my mind is "this kids will grow up one day and leave, what will I look forward to when I wake up in the morning, an empty house or a beautiful at the office with my colleagues?" It has worked for me and it still does.
Triplets? Oh my! I don't know how you did it. I truly admire you. I find carrying even one a challenge.
And I get you. I am a working lady too but mothers (or fathers) should not have to go through all the stress until their kids are old enough to visit the nursery and they should not be at their partner's mercy for having their kids. The system is very flawed.
They grow up very fast and that's why I want them to be with their parents (mother or father) for at least the first year. I can't be at home for more than two years either.
Notice how the op is only aligning mostly with guys that are saying his sister should stay and ignoring those who are pointing out that the marriage is not safe for her.
Op since you already knew what you would do, why did you bring it here? To validate your own opinion?
If you so wish, you could go on typing and gesticulating from now till tomorrow because you need to appear neutral and without bias. However, it still won't change one fact and a universal truth that when it comes to cheating, a husband having a love-child versus a wife having a love-child are two very different things that can't be adjudged in the same way.
I asked the other gentleman some questions which I feel you would have done well to answer since you felt the need to jump in on the comment, instead you went off on a tangent going on about the upcoming generation, progeny, the society, bla bla bla... Like who gives a fvck mayn? LoL
You're even insinuating that my comment is corrupting the younger generation yada yada yada... Do you think typing comments on NL is going to stop anyone from cheating or having biases that are backed up by the reality of this world?
Infidelity in marriages that's been happening since the dawn of time and perpetuated by both men and women equally, is something that won't stop... neither will appealing to the emotions of people urging them to be less hypocritical suddenly erase the fact that a husband can get another woman pregnant, inform his wife and still continue with the marriage if the wife so pleases because he does NOT need to impose the child on her or have her take care of it.
However, if it was the wife with a pregnancy from another man and she informs her husband, how then REALISTICALLY do you expect the marriage to continue?
— Should her husband accept another man's child, raise it, spend his money on it, and roleplay daddy? — Or should she handover the child to her side-bobo instead and continue with her marriage without the interference of the child?
You can stew on the answers to the above questions.
If you understood my thought process well enough, you would know that I have never been one to sugarcoat anything to please the gender that loves to hear lies disguised as sweet nothings just because it makes them feel good – same reason they are easily the most deceived by people who know how to game even when they assume they're in control of a situation.
So yea, of course women are cheaters and men are cheaters as well – I have never denied it or tried to change the world's perception, I don't even care to. And yes, you should definitely fear women just as men should be feared too — There's no innocent gender as far as I'm concerned. And then, perhaps men are really scum afterall but are women angels in comparison? Fvck NO!
My stance has always remained the same when it comes to marriage and infidelity, husbands and wives should cheat if they want to cheat... Just try not to get caught or bring the child of your infidelity to the house.
And furthermore, between a husband and a wife, who is more capable of having a child outside the marriage without letting it interfere with the union? A husband can 100%. No woman is going to successfully do that as long as her husband is aware of her infidelity, NONE.
It's fine if you see it as hypocrisy, you can also hate it or love it. None of your emotional response to the above stated fact is going to change anything about the reality of things.
Cheers...
I have gone through your good rambles, and one thing is consistent with all the paragraphs and statements, it sounds like this: '"Ah men and women can cheat around, I don't give a damn as long as you make EXCEPTIONS for only MEN to sleep and have bastards and still PRESERVE their marriage. The onus is on the woman!"'
With this kind of mental disposition and behavior, I bet that you don't know that our forbearers and REAL MEN of old didn't exhibit this character. In fact should they even have a mistress and a bastard, they will try their best to hide such and not rub it on the woman face, many of them wouldn't even do this, instead they would rather come out CLEAN to the wife that they are taking a second BEFORE they have a child who is not a bastard. Why? Because they understand DIGNITY not just to themselves but to their wives and families.
But now our days, grown-up men would turn to community dogs, have bastards, rub it on the wife's face even giving her the OPTIONS to either stay or leave. Like wtf is she a trash, or a woman deserving of no honor, or is she a piece of wood or animal I bet you, you will dignify your pet more.
This is not being a man but being a proud and arrogant macho and a selective justifier. I question the manliness and not the manhood of men with such thinking or behavior.
Also you rambled about me being emotional. Let me tell you one thing you don't know at this age. There's nothing that humans do without emotion, be it suppressed, controlled, hidden, pour-out, uncontrolled, bad or good emotions. Even to pick a pen to write you must have DECIDE.
It rains everywhere but it was this on this same nairaland that someone said his fiancée began disgusting him after she was raped, a crime which was not her fault.
Let alone someone intentionally breaking trusts and covenants.
Let me ask you a question; if your young wife confesses to you that she’s months pregnant with her side piece’s baby, what would be your reaction?
He would forgive her and move on with the marriage because it rains everywhere... Ignore the guy....he's not wise.
I have gone through your good rambles, and one thing is consistent with all the paragraphs and statements, it sounds like this: '"Ah men and women can cheat around, I don't give a damn as long as you make EXCEPTIONS for only MEN to sleep and have bastards and still PRESERVE their marriage. The onus is on the woman!"'
With this kind of mental disposition and behavior, I bet that you don't know that our forbearers and REAL MEN of old don't exhibit this character. In fact should they even have a mistress and a bastard, they will try their best to hide such and not rub it on the woman face, many of them wouldn't even do this, instead they would rather come out CLEAN to the wife that they are taking a second BEFORE they have a child who is not a bastard. Why? Because they understand DIGNITY not just to themselves but to their wives and families.
But now our days, grown-up men would turn to community dogs, have bastards, rub it on the wife's face even giving her the OPTIONS to either stay or leave. Like wtf is she a trash, or a woman deserving of no honor, or is she a piece of wood or animal I bet you, you will dignified your pet more.
This is not being a man but being a proud and arrogant macho and a selective justifier. I question the manliness and not the manhood of men with such thinking or behavior.
Also you rambled about me being emotional. Let me tell you one thing you don't know at this age. There's nothing that humans do without emotion, be it suppressed, controlled, hidden, pour-out, uncontrolled, bad or good emotions. Even to pick a pen to write you must have DECIDE.
Peace.
I'm married, but I love you regardless
Watch how man boys will assume you are a female with a male moniker.
Triplets? Oh my! I don't know how you did it. I truly admire you. I find carrying even one a challenge.
And I get you. I am a working lady too but mothers (or fathers) should not have to go through all the stress until their kids are old enough to visit the nursery and they should not be at their partner's mercy for having their kids. The system is very flawed.
They grow up very fast and that's why I want them to be with their parents (mother or father) for at least the first year. I can't be at home for more than two years either.
Sometimes it's very nececonsidering the economy we operate. If something tragic happen to your husband, what will you do? You will be forced to tie one on your back, cary belle and look for family food. Go to the markets etc and see very hard working others amist hardship. We all will love to be pampered and stay at home to a certain level but the future is always pregnant. I was forced to stay at home due to high risk pregnancies( a mannequin is more productive than me actually) but I struck a bargain with all concerned. It didn't last cos I have always been a hussler before marriage so as soon as I see an opportunity, I grabbed it. Anything you are saying flies off the other ear
Sometimes it's very nececonsidering the economy we operate. If something tragic happen to your husband, what will you do? You will be forced to tie one on your back, cary belle and look for family food. Go to the markets etc and see very hard working others amist hardship. We all will love to be pampered and stay at home to a certain level but the future is always pregnant. I was forced to stay at home due to high risk pregnancies( a mannequin is more productive than me actually) but I struck a bargain with all concerned. It didn't last cos I have always been a hussler before marriage so as soon as I see an opportunity, I grabbed it. Anything you are saying flies off the other ear
If I were forced to operate under extreme circumstances, I would. Many women do. Those who have no choice.
Where I work, you can't show up with your baby tied to your back but there is a system in place that protects and supports nursing mothers, married or not.
If I were forced to operate under extreme circumstances, I would. Many women do. Those who have no choice.
Where I work, you can't show up with your baby tied to your back but there is a system in place that protects and supports nursing mothers, married or not.
Do you know majority of Nigerian women trade. I actually prefer trading or anything one man.
If you so wish, you could go on typing and gesticulating from now till tomorrow because you need to appear neutral and without bias. However, it still won't change one fact and a universal truth that when it comes to cheating, a husband having a love-child versus a wife having a love-child are two very different things that can't be adjudged in the same way.
I asked the other gentleman some questions which I feel you would have done well to answer since you felt the need to jump in on the comment, instead you went off on a tangent going on about the upcoming generation, progeny, the society, bla bla bla... Like who gives a fvck mayn? LoL
You're even insinuating that my comment is corrupting the younger generation yada yada yada... Do you think typing comments on NL is going to stop anyone from cheating or having biases that are backed up by the reality of this world?
Infidelity in marriages that's been happening since the dawn of time and perpetuated by both men and women equally, is something that won't stop... neither will appealing to the emotions of people urging them to be less hypocritical suddenly erase the fact that a husband can get another woman pregnant, inform his wife and still continue with the marriage if the wife so pleases because he does NOT need to impose the child on her or have her take care of it.
However, if it was the wife with a pregnancy from another man and she informs her husband, how then REALISTICALLY do you expect the marriage to continue?
— Should her husband accept another man's child, raise it, spend his money on it, and roleplay daddy? — Or should she handover the child to her side-bobo instead and continue with her marriage without the interference of the child?
You can stew on the answers to the above questions.
If you understood my thought process well enough, you would know that I have never been one to sugarcoat anything to please the gender that loves to hear lies disguised as sweet nothings just because it makes them feel good – same reason they are easily the most deceived by people who know how to game even when they assume they're in control of a situation.
So yea, of course women are cheaters and men are cheaters as well – I have never denied it or tried to change the world's perception, I don't even care to. And yes, you should definitely fear women just as men should be feared too — There's no innocent gender as far as I'm concerned. And then, perhaps men are really scum afterall but are women angels in comparison? Fvck NO!
My stance has always remained the same when it comes to marriage and infidelity, husbands and wives should cheat if they want to cheat... Just try not to get caught or bring the child of your infidelity to the house.
And furthermore, between a husband and a wife, who is more capable of having a child outside the marriage without letting it interfere with the union? A husband can 100%. No woman is going to successfully do that as long as her husband is aware of her infidelity, NONE.
It's fine if you see it as hypocrisy, you can also hate it or love it. None of your emotional response to the above stated fact is going to change anything about the reality of things.
Cheers...
Lemme help her answer it.. After delivery, the wife would nurse the Child to a toddler age, then hand it over to the side man to take care of, the bills goes to the side man and he eventually gets to keep the child while the mother can visit often.. I'm sure, the husband would not mind the inconveniences... after all, there are things we do for love and marriage.
Do you know majority of Nigerian women trade. I actually prefer trading or anything one man.
I don't.
There are female CEOs, doctors, nurses, actresses, lawyers, pilots, engineers, managing directors, event managers who can't show up at their place of work with their babies.
It rains everywhere but it was this on this same nairaland that someone said his fiancée began disgusting him after she was raped, a crime which was not her fault.
Let alone someone intentionally breaking trusts and covenants.
Let me ask you a question; if your young wife confesses to you that she’s months pregnant with her side piece’s baby, what would be your reaction?
Watch how the hypocrites will say its a man's world or better still, keep mure becos the man is at fault. Honestly, i can imagine the woman's pains and dilemma. If not, its just to do what Anita Okoye did to that her morafucker of a hubby. May God helep us in this institution called marriage . So many sensitive issues arising on daily basis
No matter what you advice or hope, she is still the one that has the final say, whether to stay or leave
But I will heavily advice she get busy, get a job or start a business. No matter what she decides to do, she should have a plan, FINANCIAL plan because being a single mother no be beans
Another truth is that her husband won't stop seeing the baby mama no matter what he says, he might promise, just to appease your sister, he might even try to but that bond, the child they share will always bring them together, and that will always hurt your sister's feelings.
I recall you mentioned, she's temperamental, abeg, she should be calming down and use that energy to plan her exit, if she's keen on leaving, because the road ahead is far, and there's nothing worse than leaving the house of a man that doesn't regard you that much and then coming back because you realized you can't take care of things on your own, that's a no no
So, please, she needs to start making her own money first for her kids and herself.
God be with her and give her the strength and courage to make the right decision
yanabasee2: I'm really convinced that she did not check on his background before accepting to marry him....
It's a terrible situation for a man to disrespect his wife and get another woman pregnant.. and still keeps her for sex....
Let her get herself a job or a business first... She should allow the husband to set her up before deciding to divorce.... So she'll have money to take care of those kids... And she should know that, if she leaves the man, the other baby mama will step in and take her place... So she will be at the losing end...
best advice so far. Moreso when the hubby notices that his wife is no longer a liability, he will respect ha more and change his ways.
ImaIma1: Notice how the op is only aligning mostly with guys that are saying his sister should stay and ignoring those who are pointing out that the marriage is not safe for her.
Op since you already knew what you would do, why did you bring it here? To validate your own opinion?
You dey mind am.
He wants his sister to stay in a marriage full of infidelity but he can’t stay in one himself.
I have gone through your good rambles, and one thing is consistent with all the paragraphs and statements, it sounds like this: '"Ah men and women can cheat around, I don't give a damn as long as you make EXCEPTIONS for only MEN to sleep and have bastards and still PRESERVE their marriage. The onus is on the woman!"'
With this kind of mental disposition and behavior, I bet that you don't know that our forbearers and REAL MEN of old didn't exhibit this character. In fact should they even have a mistress and a bastard, they will try their best to hide such and not rub it on the woman face, many of them wouldn't even do this, instead they would rather come out CLEAN to the wife that they are taking a second BEFORE they have a child who is not a bastard. Why? Because they understand DIGNITY not just to themselves but to their wives and families.
But now our days, grown-up men would turn to community dogs, have bastards, rub it on the wife's face even giving her the OPTIONS to either stay or leave. Like wtf is she a trash, or a woman deserving of no honor, or is she a piece of wood or animal I bet you, you will dignified your pet more.
This is not being a man but being a proud and arrogant macho and a selective justifier. I question the manliness and not the manhood of men with such thinking or behavior.
Also you rambled about me being emotional. Let me tell you one thing you don't know at this age. There's nothing that humans do without emotion, be it suppressed, controlled, hidden, pour-out, uncontrolled, bad or good emotions. Even to pick a pen to write you must have DECIDE.
It rains everywhere but it was this on this same nairaland that someone said his fiancée began disgusting him after she was raped, a crime which was not her fault.
Let alone someone intentionally breaking trusts and covenants.
Let me ask you a question; if your young wife confesses to you that she’s months pregnant with her side piece’s baby, what would be your reaction?
Stop comparing people, i wonder why its so easy for this young generation to easily fall out of love. What happened to fixing things? Thats the reason why you will see a woman who has divorced 3 times and is on to the next.
Tonto thought it was greener, her new guy who has not even married her is already cheating.
Learn to build your partner into what you want, with patience, love, tolerance and prayers.
Stop comparing people, i wonder why its so easy for this young generation to easily fall out of love. What happened to fixing things? Thats the reason why you will see a woman who has divorced 3 times and is on to the next.
Tonto thought it was greener, her new guy who has not even married her is already cheating.
Learn to build your partner into what you want, with patience, love, tolerance and prayers.
Did I mention you anywhere in any of my comments?
Why have you decided to show your unfortunate self in my mentions?
Oh my! I don't know how you did it. I truly admire you. I find carrying even one a challenge. 
is she a trash, or a woman deserving of no honor, or is she a piece of wood or animal 
I bet you, you will dignify your pet more.
