cococandy:
it’s been nothing but amusing

I am entertained.

The gender that doesn’t benefit from marriage would employ all scare tactics to keep the other gender in it.

Can she really ask the man what she is not doing right? if its something she can improve upon. What is that lady outside giving to him that makes him want to return to her?.... There is always something wrong.... have the communication and solve d problem... walking out of the marriage doesnt solve the problem. It makes for a win-loss situation, cos the lady outside wants her to make that decision so new new house owner can pack in

Pls advise your sister to calm down and get herself engaged rather than searching her husband phone. The other relationship has already produced a baby which serve as an automatic link with the other lady. Marriage is not like commodity market where you have free entry and free exit. Mind you she is already a fairly used product, which can never command value like a brand new. Advice her strongly before she takes a wrong decision, outside bad now o.....

This storm will only last for a while if only she can be patient enough,
The society today is not safe and she is not assure of 2moro,
Consider life after quitting her marriage
Is it to remarry?
What's the possibility for a mother of two?
How will she raise the two kids as a single mother with little or no support from her husband
,


In marriage u dnt quit, ur marriage is yours and u fight for what belong to u.

Am the last born in family of four girls, I av seen marital issues worse than these, as for as no domestic violence, she should be patient and work harder for marriage, she will enjoy in no distant time, all will be a history, a woman owns her home, so who is she leaving for?


Nwanne mmadu gwa nwanne gi nwanyi ya were ndidi na oga adi mma,

Avviala:


Uhm. You are funny. Truth is if most women have money, men have no usefulness. I have not been heartbroken before. And that's because I look out for some qualities in men which most lack. And I say it again, men are useless without money.

l will like to emphasise again that not all Men are useless without money. The same goes all women are useless and worthless without that thing in between their legs. You might not have been heartbroken before but watch out before you are caught unaware while looking for Mr. Perfect that have all the qualities you desire in a man. The earlier you get married the better for you before you start approaching menopause and start seeking for any kind of useless man to marry either rich or poor.

Don't mind them, they keep expecting women to bear the unbearable that they can't even tolerate themselves.

GenAbacha:


It rains everywhere but it was this on this same nairaland that someone said his fiancée began disgusting him after she was raped, a crime which was not her fault.

Let alone someone intentionally breaking trusts and covenants.

Let me ask you a question; if your young wife confesses to you that she’s months pregnant with her side piece’s baby, what would be your reaction?

Tell her to list out all the good qualities of the husband and compare it to this vice of him womanising, tell her she doesn't have any guarantee that the next man will be better, and the fact that she is the woman at home and the first gives her a lot of advantage and bargaining power, if he is a good provider who gives her peace at home among other good things I think she should just bear his philandering, she should take it as her own cross and focus on him training her children and setting her up. Tell her to grow up already, life is all about compromise, leaving her home for a side chick will only hurt her and her childrens future, she will now start peeping in from outside into a home that should rightfully belong to her, tell her to sit with a " Iron" seat in her husband house and not allow side chick to unseat her, if she leave, the next man may be a wife beater or a nag or worst, celebrities and very wealthy women are the one that has the privilege of leaving their marriage without much regret because their fame and wealth keeps them company while they go through several men to find love.

GenAbacha:
And what is wrong if she quits the marriage?

Why are you bothered? What ideas are you looking for?

A contract has been breached and it’s only right you terminate it.

someone from a humble background, with two kids and without a job, will you be the one to fend for her and her kids ? She had to first get herself together by putting herself in the position to take care of her kids and herself before she ever considers leaving the marriage. The moment she leaves without doing that, she’ll come back with her tail in between her legs to beg and trust me, the man may not listen cause his baby mama might move to the house. Shay she doesn’t want to have senses and be diplomatic and plan well before leaving.

bukatyne:


If leaving behind a morally bankrupt likely STD infested unreliable husband is losing,

I am sure a lot of ladies would want to lose.

Before telling someone else to enter fire, light a match stick and put it on your wrist.

When you have successfully done that, you can come and mention losing to me again.

Morally bankrupt people always supporting their own.

Hmmm. I reserve my comment. Cos only mature, sane comment deserves mature responses .

Once she quits the baby mama will come in, that's what the baby mama is waiting for.

Your sister should take a chill pill, the fact there's a baby between the husband and the baby mama, they cannot be separated, even if the baby start living with them, the husband will still occasionally see the baby mama, theres nothing your sister can do.

It will only end in regrets if she quits, when she starts seeing the baby mama living with her husband.

Then the end might not be good for her, she might take a drastic action, that will lead to serious regret.

She should calm down, stop dabbling into her husband and baby mama issue, so far the husband is still doing his responsibility, that way peace will reign.

Her husband will be happy and she will also be happy.

GenAbacha:


It rains everywhere but it was this on this same nairaland that someone said his fiancée began disgusting him after she was raped, a crime which was not her fault.

Let alone someone intentionally breaking trusts and covenants.

Let me ask you a question; if your young wife confesses to you that she’s months pregnant with her side piece’s baby, what would be your reaction?

A married man can have more than one woman, but that's not ok for a woman.

Argue with your keyboard

Swear , me too... Your ph radar dey work wella

kay9:



Abeg do you live in Port Harcourt? That slang "colobi" has geographical implications in my ear

Your sister should manage her temprame and act with wisdom rather than emotion. She is the one pushing that guy to the lady. May be the guy finds more peace with the lady outside. The guy respects the marriage that is why he is still begging her. Left to him he won't mind her leave the marriage. Tell her to be more calm reasonable and accommodating

Really

I absolutely agreed with everything you said, until you got to the last bit..."she will be the one at the losing end".
Losing end of what, though? I mean what is the opportunity cost here? What is the irrestitable prize? A useless, dishonest man who makes you feel less than zero? High blood pressure/stroke? All kinds of veneral diseases/potential death? Not ever being happy in your own home for the rest of your life? Just so you can be Mrs. Something? Smh. Nah. The prize doesn't justify the life.

When she dies or develops a stroke and becomes a vegetable from a veneral disease or high blood pressure, some1 else will "take her place" anyway.

So like you had said, let her get a job/business first. And she can take it from there.

yanabasee2:
I'm really convinced that she did not check on his background before accepting to marry him....

It's a terrible situation for a man to disrespect his wife and get another woman pregnant.. and still keeps her for sex....


Let her get herself a job or a business first... She should allow the husband to set her up before deciding to divorce.... So she'll have money to take care of those kids... And she should know that, if she leaves the man, the other baby mama will step in and take her place... So she will be at the losing end...

Bro tell your sister to be calming down that everything will fine soonest. Let her not be in a haste to move from the home because the moment she does the other woman will take her place, let her get herself something doing anything and let her stays with her man and play mind game with him no fight until the trap will caught the idiotic man then he pay the fin.... Tell her to use her brain no fight and her pains behind

obiekunie01:


But why is your sister always checking her husbands phone??

you see the thing is, CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONE IS LIKE PUTTING YOUR FINGER IN THE ANUS - IF YOU DON'T FIND SHIT, YOU WILL FIND MESS OR BOTH - AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE EITHER OF IT!

so for your peace of mind, AVOID CHECKING YOUR PARTNERS PHONES!

Your sister opened the door to breaking her home by checking her hubby's phone!

This is rubbish... completely rubbish talk. Most of you who hold this view about checking partners phone are BLOODY UNREPENTANT CHEATS.... THIS ARE MARRIED COUPLES FOR HEAVEN SAKE AND YOU SAY IT IS WRONG TO CHECK PHONE?

WONDDERFULLLLLL

GenAbacha:
And what is wrong if she quits the marriage?

Why are you bothered? What ideas are you looking for?

A contract has been breached and it’s only right you terminate it.

It's like you didn't read the story. Summery: he's afraid for her life after the quit.

Are you advising her to start PROSTITUTION? Because that's how civilized you people are on NL.

Gerrard59:
The comments here especially from most male Nairalanders is yet another reason why feminism is important and why Nigeria needs feminists. Just that they should be prepared to take responsibilities for their actions just as they accept rights which come with feminism.

The husband in question is very irresponsible! What happened to condoms? Vasectomy? Abortion?

Irresponsible men everywhere! Now, he has three children and I'm very sure he is one sickness away from stricken poverty!

How does feminism help this woman's case?

GenAbacha:
And what is wrong if she quits the marriage?

Why are you bothered? What ideas are you looking for?

A contract has been breached and it’s only right you terminate it.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

It is truly sad when a woman with children doesn't have a source of income aside from her husband. I wish more women will place priority on financial independence even more than marriage. In this situation, this man has broken the marital vow beyond repair and she should walk away. But now she can't go because she has no financial means to.

Rogerss:
Not to berate you or your Sister, you just mentioned the main issue, she is rude to her husband.
I almost got married to a lady who was also hot tempered and I must tell you that I passed through hell.
I was not coming home in time and rather stayed with my friends than going home. This gave room for cheating.
I left her eventually and met a lady I am married to now, and I must say that we have peace. I take her anywhere I go to and have not cheated on her for 5 years we have been married.
Ladies these days need to learn how to behave.

So the wife's alleged rudeness is reason for the husband to cheat.

Are you a Christian or Moslem sir?

If yes, is that what your holy book taught you?

If no, have you heard 'do into others as you want them to do unto you'?

Let her go ahead with wrecking her home. I guess she thinks the grass is greener elsewhere. Wasn’t she thinking before she agreed to marry him

mercy87:
Nigerian men are worse than the Taliban. Amongst these cheating, hypocritical, egoistic and evil commenters you will find religious men who raise hands or bow to pray. It seems unbelievers, agnostic and atheist value and respect women more than the religious bigots. It is terrible living as a woman in Nigeria in 2021.

@bold:

Very very scary.

bukatyne:


How does feminism help this woman's case?

It enables the woman know that she should be financially independent regardless of her marital status especially if she marries a typical Nigerian alfa meil. The stigma associated with divorce won't be felt as she knows what she wants and will make her happy. Basically, she knows her rights, especially right to happiness, and will seek to earn them.

I'll be stunned to find a Nigerian lady who has/knows feminist ideals and decides to remain with the man in question.

Tell her to stay back with her husband because of her children.

She should stop looking at his PHONE before heart attack kills her. Atleats he respects her not to embarrass her..he is wrong but the fact is she has to learn to accept faith..a broken marriage will forever affect the kids.

Gerrard59:


It enables the woman know that she should be financially independent regardless of her marital status especially if she marries a typical Nigerian alfa meil. The stigma associated with divorce won't be felt as she knows what she wants and will make her happy. Basically, she knows her rights, especially right to happiness, and will seek to earn them.

I'll be stunned to find a Nigerian lady who has/knows feminist ideals and decides to remain with the man in question.

@bold:

Let me balance and laugh well first. .

Eku stunning because you would be very stunned.

@other parts of your post:
Financial 'independence' does not stop abuse or nonsense in marriage. I have seen men & women who are sole earners still bullied and abused by their spouses.

Stigma in divorce: maybe it is a cultural thing but I never really saw any woman stigmatized because of a divorce or in the olden days (sending the woman packing). People gossiped but then, what have people not gossiped about? Lagbaja cannot pay school fees, Temedu has moved to a bigger/smaller flat, Kosoko's children are abebelube etc. (You get the idea).

The question should be: 'why should a woman marry a typical Nigerian Alfa mail?'

That is what you should ponder on.

When a woman marries right/well, she doesn't need feminism as a shield to protect her from her bad choice (by omission or intentional).

When a man marries well, he doesn't need red pill to warn him about the dangers of women.

bukatyne:


So the wife's alleged rudeness is reason for the husband to cheat.

Are you a Christian or Moslem sir?

If yes, is that what your holy book taught you?

If no, have you heard 'do into others as you want them to do unto you'?

Men are not complicated. We just need peace of mind, food, sex. When a woman cannot give this, there is a strong probability to cheating

Sorry, you are not pro family or you won't be telling your sister to keep enduring that cause she doesn't have a family to begin with. You also said it rains everywhere, really? You are sure that's what you will say if your wife confesses she is pregnant for another man and is still having sex with him? I'm sure somewhere in your heart, you are afraid your sis will get stranded if she leaves and it will add to your responsibilities.

To leave or to stay is completely her decision, she is an adult with her own life to live.

2ndtimeuncle:


I honestly don't know how the instance you gave relates to my story. I am pro family, my first instinct is how to preserve my family.

MadeMan01:


Men are not complicated. We just need peace of mind, food, sex. When a woman cannot give this, there is a strong probability to cheating

You did not answer any of my questions.

2ndtimeuncle:
Good morning fellow nairalanders, I hope your day is going well though mine didn't start so well. I am a nairalander but I have to open this account for this. I have an issue bothering me, I will try to keep my story as brief as possible.

I am a guy from a humble background. My parents had only two children, myself and my younger sister who is now married with two kids. She had her last baby boy some time early this month. Her marriage with this guy ( my brother inlaw) has been one I considered relatively peaceful. That is from my own perspective knowing that there's no marriage without one or two misunderstanding here or there at some point.

Well, she found out that her husband got another girl pregnant who gave birth to a baby girl. My sister found out after she gave birth to her first son. Her husband was the one that confessed to her that he has another child outside their marriage. They settled the issue and moved on he promised he would end the relationship he had with the baby mama.

Last year, during the Covid19 period, my sister found out that he was still seeing his baby mama after she saw their chats. She confronted him and he denied having anything to do with the baby mama except for sending money for his daughter's upkeep once in a while. It was a big issue which was brought to the attention the two families. They found a way to settle after a lot pleading and talking to the two of them.

To cut the long story short, she sent me screenshots that proves that he is still seeing the baby mama. In one of the screenshot he wants to see her in their normal place and the girl agreed but doesn't want them have sex on this particular occasion. My sister has bad temperament and it is not easy to calm her down when triggered. She's threatening to quit the marriage and I fear she may do something wrong this time around . She is yet to confront her husband because I managed to convince her to keep it on hold till she calms down.

Note : My Dad is late and my younger sister is a house wife hence solely dependent on her husband. Please ignore my grammatical errors. I am putting this out here because I have ran out of ideas.

If it is true your sister has a bad temperament,then she is lucky to have a hubby.if she leaves the hubby will.be so happy.

Any woman who does not accept that her hubby can have more wives will just die an untimely death.

The hubby is a nice guy.talk sense to ur sister.