MrBrownJay1:


and so what? the love a mother has for her child is different than the love she has for you? are you saying that your needs will be equal to that of a child (regarding this woman)?! are you saying that you would want to compete with this child for his mother's attention?!



there is ALWAYS a 3rd party in any union, whether it be her mother, her friend, her ex, her siblings or her family. get with the program...


... and so what? do you expect a woman to be depending on you, so that you can manipulate her like a remote toy? any woman in your life can exit at any given time (whether a virgin or single mother), unless you tie her to the bedpost every morning as you leave for work.



... suspect you of what exactly?!?!?

Guy, can you just stop already. Either you're not staying in Nigeria or just a single young chap with no experience. Just marry a single mother and come back after 15yrs to these post.

The most successful single moms are those who left the baby with a family member and move on with their life (yes with d new husband in d know)

Romanoff:
Yet, if you tell both male and female to stop fornicating, they will come for you.

Many are having premarital sex and children are one of the consequences of premarital sex.

You people frown at people doing abortions but won't marry a single mum or won't abstain from sex.

If your partner gets pregnant for you, na una go first say make she abort am, yet, some of you won't marry a woman who has done abortion before.

Una no see say this premarital sex thing no worth am las las?

Protection is cheap. You have no excuse whatsoever

AutoChick4U:
Wrong wrong wrong! No be only 100% access, who in their right mind would open themselves to someone who abandoned them? Ohoo

It's an inborn strategy with every guys. Once he appears humble, saying sweet words, blaming himself and rubbing your back or shoulder, then small hug. Hard girl hard girl don finish be that.

The way these single mothers tag their babe daddy irresponsible marvels me, does it mean they are all irresponsible? No

Most of these ladies are the irresponsible ones, you can only know when you try.
Tonto is a case study.

Davash222:

Ask 99.7536% of Nigeria single mothers about the father of their child/ren, this is always their response.

Does it mean they are foolish or blind to open legs for irresponsible men?

When dating a single mom, always remember, her child comes first before you. Also remember, the father of the child has 100% access to her kpekus.

Godspeed to all prospective Single mothers' attendees.

You get

Nigerian men and their ego. Always finding new ways to make women believe they are 2nd class citizens.
Today, its the turn of single mothers.

Little wonder your women marry oyinbo once they set foot outside the country. Who wants an egotistical man who can never do wrong and who sets himself on a pedestal as a partner?

And the ones that have been wifed by you; many are suffering but few are talking about it.
Though, judging from recent happenings in marriages, the wheat is gradually being separated from the chaff.

Poorly trained boys who never grew up mentally presenting themselves as men. Whoever trained this generation of men that feel they are a God's gift to women and should be seen and treated as such, did a very poor job.

Olosho, kpekus, vaginarians, fishy, the future is female, evening newspaper, and so many vile words used to describe women in this app daily, and all from the same men who see themselves as the best thing to ever happen to womenfolk.
All nairaland topics are flooded with statements that demean and degrade women daily, I ask, to what end?

If a woman seeks for a divorce, she cannot stay in marriage.
If she aborts for u after pushing her to, she cannot be wifed.
If she leaves a relationship for another man, olosho
If she's a single mother, tear race my brother (her kpekus is for everybody)

If she doesn't marry on time, avoid her(evening newspaper)

What makes you guys think that ur womenfolk existence lies on your opinion and why are you trying so hard to push it in their faces that they are subject to how u portray them?

And you still wonder why divorce is on the rise, the scale is gradually falling out of their eyes.

These days u expect your women to be educated, polished and hardworking, not housewives and dependent on you which is a blessing cos it has made so many women independent these days, but u still carry an age old mindset of men being seen as Spotless as snow to this jet age.

You guys should change ur mindset, it's all in your head. Being a Nigerian is hard enough already, must u make life harder by being mean, inconsiderate and so judgemental to women?

Haba!

Every woman get flaws, so does every man.
See the beauty in everyone, let love lead.

babyfaceafrica:
she is shameless

I don't think she's shameless. That's just reality for u.

She probably thought going back to the father of her child to continue her life is far better than going into another relationship whc might become complicated because of her child.

More especially when she thought the baby daddy has changed for good because he probably came back to beg with a batallion from his family.

How will you see the problem when you are a great simp

MrBrownJay1:


A) in Nigeria/Africa, it is a well known fact that men frown upon single women. IMHO, it is down to insecurities and misplaced ego but that is a whole different subject for anotherday.

B) why would you care where the loyalty of a mother lays? if you'd viewed that woman as a whole (aka her and her baby) then down the line your loyalty would also be linked to that child. the important question would be: is that the problem you may have OR the baby being a confirmation that some other dude had sex with your possible "woman" before you?

i really dont see where the problem is...

Ruthymoon:
Y'all men can't date a single mother ,but y'all busy dating and sleeping with married women , so stupid,

How is that relevant to what we are saying here? If you do not have anything to say, better keep quiet before you embarrass yourself the more.

Vision101:
@Romanoff
Yet, if you tell both male and female to stop fornicating, they will come for you.

Many are having premarital sex and children are one of the consequences of premarital sex.

You people frown at people doing abortions but won't marry a single mum or won't abstain from sex.

If your partner gets pregnant for you, na una go first say make she abort am, yet, some of you won't marry a woman who has done abortion before.

Una no see say this premarital sex thing no worth am las las?



@me
10 gbams for you.

LOL, females now creating male accounts. I'm sure that MrBrownJay is a female disguising as a male. @TheGidRedpiller

MrBrownJay1:


and so what? the love a mother has for her child is different than the love she has for you? are you saying that your needs will be equal to that of a child (regarding this woman)?! are you saying that you would want to compete with this child for his mother's attention?!



there is ALWAYS a 3rd party in any union, whether it be her mother, her friend, her ex, her siblings or her family. get with the program...


... and so what? do you expect a woman to be depending on you, so that you can manipulate her like a remote toy? any woman in your life can exit at any given time (whether a virgin or single mother), unless you tie her to the bedpost every morning as you leave for work.



... suspect you of what exactly?!?!?

You're a female moniker disguising to be a male

NaijirianKing:
Don't blame shift.

She gave herself away, cheaply, to irresponsible men who didn't see the need to marry her first.

These are merely the consequences of her poor decisions in life. Every action has consequences, try as we may, we can't escape them.

She is to blame for her poor behavior and choices.

Are you a responsible or irresponsible man? Meaning have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t married to?

lawkenoz:


Bro you are very on point....take it from someone talking from experience....it's emotionally draining and damn complicated to date them. The majority who have tried have the same story that's evidence enough by itself.

You scenario was exactly my experience, she hid the kids existence from me cuz we were in separate countries. I only got to find out months later after we got serious. When asked of the kids father you can guess the response she gave....same line you
Typed in the original post.....this women never disappoint like clockwork!

I said okay not bad, lemme try getting to know the kid and make it work. I live in the same country with her parents so her mom brought the kid over and I went visiting to get to know the parents and my prospective step child. Everything went well, I loved the kid even discussed a formal adoption for the child after the nuptials since the father in her words abandoned it.

Few months to the engagement and set date for return to naija to conclude the traditional rites, Babe went AWOL. Stopped picking my calls, her parents as well. There was no way I could reach her, plus I couldn't just travel to her location due to I
Being in a different continent and my job demand.

To Cut the long story short, I had a friend who stays I. The same country to help me check up on them, turns out baby daddy showed up, somehow they made up and had a short lived rekindled love affair. I was seriously vexed but what could a brother do. Madam just ghosted me. I had to let it go ultimately.

Now here comes the interesting part, the baby daddy knocked her up with twins and vanishes again. 3 months to her EDD and 4 to my wedding she calls me up out of the blue and starts pontificating. Sounds like a movie but I was living it in real time.

Single moms? Hell no to any young single man. If you don't love drama stay far away.

Thank God you didn't marry her. You would have been the financier of a basketball team.

J2381:
to each his own. However there are ways to avoid all this nonsense like being a baby daddy/mama.

Most women now use sex and pregnancy as a guise to trap men. Sex is free and it's a gift of nature, be it pre-marital or post-marital or whatever. It's been proven there are viable ways a woman won't get pregnant if she knows what she's doing, so abortion won't even come to play.

Stop the hypocrisy please.

So you are saying that pre-marital sex is good?

If any of the OTEDOLA ladies were single… all rules and regulations go out the door.

Nigerian men HATE POOR women with liabilities like children.

Romanoff:
Yet, if you tell both male and female to stop fornicating, they will come for you.

Many are having premarital sex and children are one of the consequences of premarital sex.

You people frown at people doing abortions but won't marry a single mum or won't abstain from sex.

If your partner gets pregnant for you, na una go first say make she abort am, yet, some of you won't marry a woman who has done abortion before.

Una no see say this premarital sex thing no worth am las las?

Your comment deserves a thousand likes from every sensible soul out there

There is nothing in the first place dating and marrying single mothers.
The :her child/children comes first before you is a fact but if you eventually really love her and you have shown capaccity to handle bizs appropriately, the lady will trust you ( in fact that includes even when you are the father).
Not all single ladies are sexually loose but come on guys, they also need THIS THING too like every other person.
Some had a bad marriage and cannot cope with whatever was dished to the in their previous marriage.
Where you need to be careful is when she starts painting absolute bad picture about the child/children's father, then believe me, she' is trouble, although some men are awful and dead beat too but there was some goodness prior to the break.
Your children y children our children someone will have to take care of any child and it is not all biological children that takes care of their parents later in life, some adopted children also takes care of the parents as much as boilogical children so bw happy to be part of raising a child irrespective. I also wan to say, along each and everyone of us way back, someone would have been involved in raising our ancestors (male or female) without knowing that they are not his.

SINGLE MOTHER OR NOT, FLEE FROM FORNICATION TO AVOID GOD'S ANGER .

All these guys here are products of single mum

People should understand.

Romanoff:
Yet, if you tell both male and female to stop fornicating, they will come for you.

Many are having premarital sex and children are one of the consequences of premarital sex.

You people frown at people doing abortions but won't marry a single mum or won't abstain from sex.

If your partner gets pregnant for you, na una go first say make she abort am, yet, some of you won't marry a woman who has done abortion before.

Una no see say this premarital sex thing no worth am las las?

Exactly, but sometimes you begin to wonder how especially the female who always bears the most consequence feel to relax when playing around all for fun (iphone, food/drink, clothing, pictures and few "change".

Romanoff:


Even condom dey break. Well we'll sef. So if that happens, what next?

Abortion, keep the baby?

Postinor

MrBrownJay1:


morning after pill...

That pill ennn! Has saved my future over and over again.

Davash222:

Ask 99.7536% of Nigeria single mothers about the father of their child/ren, this is always their response.

Does it mean they are foolish or blind to open legs for irresponsible men?

When dating a single mom, always remember, her child comes first before you. Also remember, the father of the child has 100% access to her kpekus.

Godspeed to all prospective Single mothers' attendees.

dating single mother is not a problem for me ,my problem is don't label the man bad , because for you to sleep with him you saw him as a decent person (even though decent guys are boring in a female world )

and single mother whose husband is late is well consider and very understanding unlike those ones who make wrong choice of men and still blame the men ,all they are looking for is a man who will step in as a step father with bills to pay not really a lover ,so guys be aware

MrBrownJay1:


as this isnt a normal r/ship, you must adapt to its circumstanmces. if you treat her child right, no woman will say anything about it... just like if you treat a woman right, none would say anything about it either... but the minute you dod anything that they may see as against their values, let this woman let you know (and there is nothing wrong with that).

now put yourself in this woman's position...lets say you were a single/widowed father raising a child on your own, then you meet a new woman that raises your child differently than how you would want that child to be raised, what would you therefore do?! would that be so wrong for you to let her know that you are against how she raises your child?



frown upon, dislike, are against etc...different words, same meaning.

bro, come on, you are making it seem that when you just meet a woman, you automatically tell her about your flaws/weaknesses/fears etc, lol! we ALL do what these single women are doing, aka put our best forward and hide the rest the best we can!

its called LIFE!

It’s like you have chosen not to understand. I say I do not frown upon, dislike, and I am not against single mothers. That is not what the thread is about. It is about demonising my choice and her keeping the boy away from our discussion until she felt I was committed and I had feelings for her.

And as for your first paragraph, I wonder why you’re working overtime to rationalise living with a stepchild. I just said I don’t want the peculiarities of that situation. Is it not a valid choice anymore? Some people want it, but I don’t. Plus, I don’t think I should be the bad guy like my friend and other women on this thread have insinuated.

AutoChick4U:
Well, you never truly liked her anyways. Did she ask you to take responsibility of her kid? That's why I like oyibos, very open minded

Oh. Did she truly like me? Is that why she hid a simple fact from me until I was hooked and it would be difficult to just walk away from a burgeoning beautiful relationship? Well, I don’t want to raise stepchildren. It’s my choice. Am I a bad guy for that? Should I be forced to raised her kid just because I like her?

If a man hid his child from your discussion until you started daydreaming about him and cannot do without calling him everyday, would you be a bad person for choosing not to continue the relationship? Wouldn’t you have preferred to know about the kid from the onset so you can decide if you wouldn’t mind?

lilvicky68:
If the man(father of the child) is still in the picture, Okafor's law comes to mind..

lolxxxxx hahahaha and what is that okafor law nna

AfroKnight:


I don’t see why the way I think should make any woman hide the fact that she’s a single mother.

She should be upfront with it once a man asks her out. Not after he has begun to develop affection for her and then she springs it on him. No. That’s manipulative.

If he knew from the beginning then he could make up his mind whether or not to continue.

you put it well my brother. Don't mind them

AfroKnight:
Parts of the story have been altered cos affected parties might be nairalanders.

A while ago, I met a beautiful woman. She carry front, she carry back. Both in desirable proportions. I got her number and we got talking. We soon advanced to long calls, flirting and risqué jokes. Then she posted a boy on her WhatsApp status one day and the caption rocked me to my foundation. I asked and she confirmed that the little boy was her son. Okay.

“Where is his father?”

“He is not responsible. He is not involved in his son’s life. I take care of him alone.”

“Well, no problem”, I thought to myself. I reminded myself that it is not my dream in life to deal with the complications of raising a son who is not biologically mine, especially one whose father is still very much alive. So, I slowed down. Reduced calls until we drifted apart.

I told a female friend of mine about this and the way she looked at me ehn, I was wondering what I did wrong. She was so disappointed in me for refusing to date a single mother.

Well, I gave that friend of mine a piece of my mind. She had no right to project her concept of right or wrong or even chivalry on me! I am nobody’s saviour. I cannot pick up the responsibilities of another man who is alive and well. It is not only unfair but incredibly unjust to put a man on the spot by letting him find out you have a child after you guys have started flirting and even advanced in the talking stage of a budding relationship. I don dey feel you to the point of starting a serious relationship and I discover this? It is wrong.

And it is even more offensive that you would expect a man to just take it in stride.

Guys do not be shy to refuse if you don’t want.

Some guys are cool with it and that’s fine. If I’m not cool with it, don’t demonise me. It’s my choice.

Share your thoughts please.

If she is tonto dikeh or Genevieve nnaji, you won't come here to tell us stories until after post marriage crisis.

femicyrus:


If she is tonto dikeh or Genevieve nnaji, you won't come here to tell us stories until after post marriage crisis.

Kindly explain please. But if it’s because they have celebrity status and wealth then you are mistaken. The outcome would be the same and I wouldn’t even be involved from the beginning because they are not hiding the fact that they have kids.

jacoik:
you put it well my brother. Don't mind them

Thank you brother.

Romanoff:


Those are known to mess with a woman's cycle and can cause infertility.

Is it still worth it?

Not correct, for post pill to cause infertility you must have abused it to much, also for it to affect your cycle you must have used it more than once in a single menstrual cycle.
There are very few people who get pregnant unknowingly but trust me, a woman only gets pregnant when she allows it.
First you know your safe and unsafe period, second ladies should make it a habit of insisting on protection or seeking a safe family planning style if they must have persistent unprotected sexual intercourse

AfroKnight:
Parts of the story have been altered cos affected parties might be nairalanders.

A while ago, I met a beautiful woman. She carry front, she carry back. Both in desirable proportions. I got her number and we got talking. We soon advanced to long calls, flirting and risqué jokes. Then she posted a boy on her WhatsApp status one day and the caption rocked me to my foundation. I asked and she confirmed that the little boy was her son. Okay.

“Where is his father?”

“He is not responsible. He is not involved in his son’s life. I take care of him alone.”

“Well, no problem”, I thought to myself. I reminded myself that it is not my dream in life to deal with the complications of raising a son who is not biologically mine, especially one whose father is still very much alive. So, I slowed down. Reduced calls until we drifted apart.

I told a female friend of mine about this and the way she looked at me ehn, I was wondering what I did wrong. She was so disappointed in me for refusing to date a single mother.

Well, I gave that friend of mine a piece of my mind. She had no right to project her concept of right or wrong or even chivalry on me! I am nobody’s saviour. I cannot pick up the responsibilities of another man who is alive and well. It is not only unfair but incredibly unjust to put a man on the spot by letting him find out you have a child after you guys have started flirting and even advanced in the talking stage of a budding relationship. I don dey feel you to the point of starting a serious relationship and I discover this? It is wrong.

And it is even more offensive that you would expect a man to just take it in stride.


Guys do not be shy to refuse if you don’t want.

Some guys are cool with it and that’s fine. If I’m not cool with it, don’t demonise me. It’s my choice.

Share your thoughts please.

Let me tell you where you are wrong especially the highlighted.

Does this lady have the right to find love again, if I may ask you? She certainly does. You dont expect her to tell every man she meets on the street that she has a son. Do you expect her to wear a T shirt saying I have a son so that people like you can just stay clear of her.

You have your rights, your rights starts where others end.

If you wish fairness, you also need to think of the father of the child whether women do to him what you did to her.

I am not saying you were wrong to bail from the relationship that never started, I am saying when you bailed like that, you make it look like she did you wrong but actually she never did. She is also looking for the same thing you are looking for and she never lied to you. In fact, your relationship was not there yet.

Please, next time before you ask a girl for her contact, endeavor to ask her if she has a child so this would not repeat. Dont blame if you dont ask.