₦airaland Forum

jimmychang:
Mtchwwwwww

JustNumb:
Hey guys I'll just be brief.

Straight to the point.

My wife is having an emotional affair.

Whats making it worse?

It's with a pastor with wife and children. Her pastor when she was in another state.

Now they're both in different states.

How did I know?

I saw her chat with him about 2+ years ago, and saw all the sweet name calling, the pet names and how they tell each other their activities of the day and even marital problems.

All the red flags and checklist of an emotional affair have been ticked by them.

The only thing remaining is the sexual part.

We've been married for some years now, she was a virgin when I married her though I'm 100% sure they have not met since we got married.

But the issue here is that this is causing serious friction in our marriage.

When I first saw it, I gave some time to be sure and I confronted her and she denied and said he's just her pastor (denial is one of the checklist).

Some months later they didn't stop the communication, I was about to tell her mum cos she visited. She pleaded and I let it slide.

Fast forward to 2021 they are still in communication. This time around the so called pastor is even always reminding her to clear chats so I won't see it.

Now emotional affair is actually worse than sexual affair
This pastor has a wife. I just pity the wife cos I can imagine how she would also be feeling.

I provide for the home, I also had to change from biz to the one that makes me travel to something that makes me work from home so she won't say it's cos I'm not always around.

We struggle with our sex life. What do I mean? She doesn't like sex. She doesn't mind if we stay 1 year without sex.

But me I'm a man with sexual needs.

Now when I see the way she doesn't like sex and I remember this emotional affair, it drives me crazy.


Those who have passed thru this, how did you overcome this challenge?
I don't want a broken home for my children cos sometimes I feel like calling her people and telling them to take their daughter back. Infact I'll dash them the bride price.

Do I go and get a side chick? But that won't solve my problem.

Guys come to my aid.

Cos if we discuss this again, this will be the 3rd time we're talking about same issue and same guy.

Sorry wasn't brief

Batam:
It's more dangerous for you not fear God.
My advice is that do not continue in sinful way rather continue to pursue purity with your acclaimed 'clean enough' and it will give peace that surpasses understanding.

Peace081:
I thought marrying a virgin was the ultimate

BRATISLAVA:
Tell that to your fake pastors.

truthCoder:
hnmmm.

first, stop reading blogs that define relationships.

lets go practical. I speak the truth and it might hurt.

your wife and you got married not because you are best of friends but because you both seem to meet certain societal requirements you both set for yourselves. You wanted a virgin and a church girl from a good home. She wants a good man with a good job who will love her.

This is where the problem starts. You and your wife might be married but you are not friends. She needs someone to be free with and currently you are not..the pastor is.

Here is what you should do.

First ball is you. Are you the kind of guy that is not easily approachable by the wife on petty things? If you are, you need to change. She must have access to you on everything. If she thinks about ABC, she must be able to gist about it with you. Be more open. As regards sex, she is a learner...teach her...Sex is not just the penetration. Learn about taking it sloowwwww....For the next few days, make love without penetrating her. make her relaxed, give her a good massage, help her clean her ear, arrange her hair, help her try on different clothes, just lie on the bed and gist, kiss and cuddle, give her head, cut her toenails, do everything that involves touching but no penetration. This will loosen her more.

Take the pastor's phone number. Call him and tell him you are XYZ's husband. Don't allow him to 'pastorize' you. Tell him you have seen the chats and you are disappointed. Tell him he should never contact your wife again or he is going to see hell on earth. Tell him you will come into the church during service to embarrass him if he doesn't stop contacting your wife. Tell him you will report him to Winners Headquarters in Ota and via social media then hang up the call.

Next ball park is your wife. Sit her down and have this conversation with her. Tel her the most important relationship she has is the one with you. Every other one is secondary. Tell her you would love her more if she can make you her friend. If she has any thing to discuss, She should be free to do so with you. Show her love. Show her that she matters. Gist with her.

You will win her back

saddler:


The Future is actually fe-Mail


From everything you wrote here, i can conclude she is not attracted to you so basically there is nothing you gonna do to make her change. There is obviously something she craves that you dont have and she is obviously not hiding it from you.

This Pastor is gonna finally dick her whether you agree or not.

As for you, i feel your pains. You love her and want things to work. You can sacrifice for this marriage to work but that thing you married is a HOE. She is already feeling locked by you and wants space to explore her fantasies.


This advise gonna be hard but i will still stick with the bro code and tell my man the truth.
Your search for a compatible partner continues. Find a way to give this fe-mail a chance to go do whatever she wants with her pastor. Get another woman that will be happy to be a wife. Next time avoid virgins.

Make sure to find a woman you can both explore safe sex together before going to the alter.


Kick her out so you get your sanity back.

Peace081:
I thought marrying a virgin was the ultimate

IFSHR:
Hey brother..

1. Focus on you wife, you are the husband here and she belongs to you...take that phone from her and block the hell of a pastor (don't trust all those pastors sometimes they go beyond the Christian power).

2. Give her a strict last warning that the next time you see her chat with the man of satan, you will be forced to take a drastic decision that might end your marriage with her (ensure you munch her chats and have it sent to your own phone) . If she truly still loves you and care she will put a stop to it.

3. Get the man of satan number and give him a strict warning, that the next time her message pop up on you wives phone that he should be ready to eat the fruit of labour of those that gets fun from flirting with other people's wives.

4. Go online and get winners direct email, create a a mail and forward them the chats of the man of satan with you now ex wife because after blocking her if she still have the nerve to unblock him and they continue their flirting, she is not then worthy to be called a wife

5. It's high time you realise that the most important person to you, are you kids, plus your wife of course, but if she chooses to remove herself from the list, that's her own headache, not yours.

6. Forget all those my wife no like sex, na lie
...its either she doesn't find you enough attractive or you too motionless yourself during the act.....learn new tricks to spark up your sexual life ...make her crave for you without asking for it....text her dirty before the act, good pre-intimacy before the act, don't just always go straight to the point.

7. Be man, take charge, don't let any two people kill your joy...

Auraby:
Wow you're a wise man. I need your help. My first daughter who is still a virgin fell in love with a boy, although before the boy travels, they were friends. The relationship is not even up to a year and the boy called her that they have to break up because of the distance. My daughter has never fallen in love before, she is 20 years old, am so heart broken I don't know what to do. I knew how hard I pray before God bless me with the fruit of the womb. I love my kids and I don't want them to pass through emotional pain. The boys was okay and this his action is so sudden, I am so confused

truthCoder:
hnmmm.

first, stop reading blogs that define relationships.

lets go practical. I speak the truth and it might hurt.

your wife and you got married not because you are best of friends but because you both seem to meet certain societal requirements you both set for yourselves. You wanted a virgin and a church girl from a good home. She wants a good man with a good job who will love her.

This is where the problem starts. You and your wife might be married but you are not friends. She needs someone to be free with and currently you are not..the pastor is.

Here is what you should do.

First ball is you. Are you the kind of guy that is not easily approachable by the wife on petty things? If you are, you need to change. She must have access to you on everything. If she thinks about ABC, she must be able to gist about it with you. Be more open. As regards sex, she is a learner...teach her...Sex is not just the penetration. Learn about taking it sloowwwww....For the next few days, make love without penetrating her. make her relaxed, give her a good massage, help her clean her ear, arrange her hair, help her try on different clothes, just lie on the bed and gist, kiss and cuddle, give her head, cut her toenails, do everything that involves touching but no penetration. This will loosen her more.

Take the pastor's phone number. Call him and tell him you are XYZ's husband. Don't allow him to 'pastorize' you. Tell him you have seen the chats and you are disappointed. Tell him he should never contact your wife again or he is going to see hell on earth. Tell him you will come into the church during service to embarrass him if he doesn't stop contacting your wife. Tell him you will report him to Winners Headquarters in Ota and via social media then hang up the call.

Next ball park is your wife. Sit her down and have this conversation with her. Tel her the most important relationship she has is the one with you. Every other one is secondary. Tell her you would love her more if she can make you her friend. If she has any thing to discuss, She should be free to do so with you. Show her love. Show her that she matters. Gist with her.

You will win her back

Darkmode64:
There ain't no truer words than all you've just said. Mad respect for you!!!
I have questions though? How can I contact you?

JustNumb:
Hey guys I'll just be brief.

Straight to the point.

My wife is having an emotional affair.

Whats making it worse?

It's with a pastor with wife and children. Her pastor when she was in another state.

Now they're both in different states.

How did I know?

I saw her chat with him about 2+ years ago, and saw all the sweet name calling, the pet names and how they tell each other their activities of the day and even marital problems.

All the red flags and checklist of an emotional affair have been ticked by them.

The only thing remaining is the sexual part.

We've been married for some years now, she was a virgin when I married her though I'm 100% sure they have not met since we got married.

But the issue here is that this is causing serious friction in our marriage.

When I first saw it, I gave some time to be sure and I confronted her and she denied and said he's just her pastor (denial is one of the checklist).

Some months later they didn't stop the communication, I was about to tell her mum cos she visited. She pleaded and I let it slide.

Fast forward to 2021 they are still in communication. This time around the so called pastor is even always reminding her to clear chats so I won't see it.

Now emotional affair is actually worse than sexual affair
This pastor has a wife. I just pity the wife cos I can imagine how she would also be feeling.

I provide for the home, I also had to change from biz to the one that makes me travel to something that makes me work from home so she won't say it's cos I'm not always around.

We struggle with our sex life. What do I mean? She doesn't like sex. She doesn't mind if we stay 1 year without sex.

But me I'm a man with sexual needs.

Now when I see the way she doesn't like sex and I remember this emotional affair, it drives me crazy.


Those who have passed thru this, how did you overcome this challenge?
I don't want a broken home for my children cos sometimes I feel like calling her people and telling them to take their daughter back. Infact I'll dash them the bride price.

Do I go and get a side chick? But that won't solve my problem.

Guys come to my aid.

Cos if we discuss this again, this will be the 3rd time we're talking about same issue and same guy.

Sorry wasn't brief

truthCoder:
hnmmm.

first, stop reading blogs that define relationships.

lets go practical. I speak the truth and it might hurt.

your wife and you got married not because you are best of friends but because you both seem to meet certain societal requirements you both set for yourselves. You wanted a virgin and a church girl from a good home. She wants a good man with a good job who will love her.

This is where the problem starts. You and your wife might be married but you are not friends. She needs someone to be free with and currently you are not..the pastor is.

Here is what you should do.

First ball is you. Are you the kind of guy that is not easily approachable by the wife on petty things? If you are, you need to change. She must have access to you on everything. If she thinks about ABC, she must be able to gist about it with you. Be more open. As regards sex, she is a learner...teach her...Sex is not just the penetration. Learn about taking it sloowwwww....For the next few days, make love without penetrating her. make her relaxed, give her a good massage, help her clean her ear, arrange her hair, help her try on different clothes, just lie on the bed and gist, kiss and cuddle, give her head, cut her toenails, do everything that involves touching but no penetration. This will loosen her more.

Take the pastor's phone number. Call him and tell him you are XYZ's husband. Don't allow him to 'pastorize' you. Tell him you have seen the chats and you are disappointed. Tell him he should never contact your wife again or he is going to see hell on earth. Tell him you will come into the church during service to embarrass him if he doesn't stop contacting your wife. Tell him you will report him to Winners Headquarters in Ota and via social media then hang up the call.

Next ball park is your wife. Sit her down and have this conversation with her. Tel her the most important relationship she has is the one with you. Every other one is secondary. Tell her you would love her more if she can make you her friend. If she has any thing to discuss, She should be free to do so with you. Show her love. Show her that she matters. Gist with her.

You will win her back

BRATISLAVA:
Some bad apples?

I hope you never encounter these people when they are hard at work to do evil works of their true father.

JustNumb:
Hey guys I'll just be brief.

Straight to the point.

My wife is having an emotional affair.

Whats making it worse?

It's with a pastor with wife and children. Her pastor when she was in another state.

Now they're both in different states.

How did I know?

I saw her chat with him about 2+ years ago, and saw all the sweet name calling, the pet names and how they tell each other their activities of the day and even marital problems.

All the red flags and checklist of an emotional affair have been ticked by them.

The only thing remaining is the sexual part.

We've been married for some years now, she was a virgin when I married her though I'm 100% sure they have not met since we got married.

But the issue here is that this is causing serious friction in our marriage.

When I first saw it, I gave some time to be sure and I confronted her and she denied and said he's just her pastor (denial is one of the checklist).

Some months later they didn't stop the communication, I was about to tell her mum cos she visited. She pleaded and I let it slide.

Fast forward to 2021 they are still in communication. This time around the so called pastor is even always reminding her to clear chats so I won't see it.

Now emotional affair is actually worse than sexual affair
This pastor has a wife. I just pity the wife cos I can imagine how she would also be feeling.

I provide for the home, I also had to change from biz to the one that makes me travel to something that makes me work from home so she won't say it's cos I'm not always around.

We struggle with our sex life. What do I mean? She doesn't like sex. She doesn't mind if we stay 1 year without sex.

But me I'm a man with sexual needs.

Now when I see the way she doesn't like sex and I remember this emotional affair, it drives me crazy.


Those who have passed thru this, how did you overcome this challenge?
I don't want a broken home for my children cos sometimes I feel like calling her people and telling them to take their daughter back. Infact I'll dash them the bride price.

Do I go and get a side chick? But that won't solve my problem.

Guys come to my aid.

Cos if we discuss this again, this will be the 3rd time we're talking about same issue and same guy.

Sorry wasn't brief

JustNumb:
How do I report a winners chapel pastor?

Do I confront her about again or just tell her people?


My family members don't know about it yet cos if I mention it to them, her respect is gone forever.

Edit : for those asking, we were friends for many years even before we got married. I didn't marry her cos of virginity. Who virginity help?

I married her cos she was my friend and we were compatible

Curiouscity:
In theory, your suggestions would work. But, I have done all these from the onset of my marriage, yet wifie still had emotional affairs with my friend. I am even convinced that they had sex before I married her. When I saw their convo, I confronted both of them. They played the victim card. Now they have changed the mode and platform of communication.

I fear anyone who doesn't fear women!

truthCoder:
hnmmm.

first, stop reading blogs that define relationships.

lets go practical. I speak the truth and it might hurt.

your wife and you got married not because you are best of friends but because you both seem to meet certain societal requirements you both set for yourselves. You wanted a virgin and a church girl from a good home. She wants a good man with a good job who will love her.

This is where the problem starts. You and your wife might be married but you are not friends. She needs someone to be free with and currently you are not..the pastor is.

Here is what you should do.

First ball is you. Are you the kind of guy that is not easily approachable by the wife on petty things? If you are, you need to change. She must have access to you on everything. If she thinks about ABC, she must be able to gist about it with you. Be more open. As regards sex, she is a learner...teach her...Sex is not just the penetration. Learn about taking it sloowwwww....For the next few days, make love without penetrating her. make her relaxed, give her a good massage, help her clean her ear, arrange her hair, help her try on different clothes, just lie on the bed and gist, kiss and cuddle, give her head, cut her toenails, do everything that involves touching but no penetration. This will loosen her more.

Take the pastor's phone number. Call him and tell him you are XYZ's husband. Don't allow him to 'pastorize' you. Tell him you have seen the chats and you are disappointed. Tell him he should never contact your wife again or he is going to see hell on earth. Tell him you will come into the church during service to embarrass him if he doesn't stop contacting your wife. Tell him you will report him to Winners Headquarters in Ota and via social media then hang up the call.

Next ball park is your wife. Sit her down and have this conversation with her. Tel her the most important relationship she has is the one with you. Every other one is secondary. Tell her you would love her more if she can make you her friend. If she has any thing to discuss, She should be free to do so with you. Show her love. Show her that she matters. Gist with her.

You will win her back

kurlz:
Tell her to choose between her home and her pastor with a stern warning that the next time you discover they are still together, you will take actions.

truthCoder:
hnmmm.

first, stop reading blogs that define relationships.

lets go practical. I speak the truth and it might hurt.

your wife and you got married not because you are best of friends but because you both seem to meet certain societal requirements you both set for yourselves. You wanted a virgin and a church girl from a good home. She wants a good man with a good job who will love her.

This is where the problem starts. You and your wife might be married but you are not friends. She needs someone to be free with and currently you are not..the pastor is.

Here is what you should do.

First ball is you. Are you the kind of guy that is not easily approachable by the wife on petty things? If you are, you need to change. She must have access to you on everything. If she thinks about ABC, she must be able to gist about it with you. Be more open. As regards sex, she is a learner...teach her...Sex is not just the penetration. Learn about taking it sloowwwww....For the next few days, make love without penetrating her. make her relaxed, give her a good massage, help her clean her ear, arrange her hair, help her try on different clothes, just lie on the bed and gist, kiss and cuddle, give her head, cut her toenails, do everything that involves touching but no penetration. This will loosen her more.

Take the pastor's phone number. Call him and tell him you are XYZ's husband. Don't allow him to 'pastorize' you. Tell him you have seen the chats and you are disappointed. Tell him he should never contact your wife again or he is going to see hell on earth. Tell him you will come into the church during service to embarrass him if he doesn't stop contacting your wife. Tell him you will report him to Winners Headquarters in Ota and via social media then hang up the call.

Next ball park is your wife. Sit her down and have this conversation with her. Tel her the most important relationship she has is the one with you. Every other one is secondary. Tell her you would love her more if she can make you her friend. If she has any thing to discuss, She should be free to do so with you. Show her love. Show her that she matters. Gist with her.

You will win her back

truthCoder:
I commend the relationship you have with your daughter as she discusses deep matters of the heart with you. Many judgemental parents have sent their kids away from them into the hands of peers who can only advise them wrongly.

First heartbreak especially on a young lover can be devastating. Your daughter needs to understand that it could have been worse. The boy is possibly in a new environment which is currently moulding him and doesn't want to be distracted. It is possible your daughter has been hammering him with calls and chats and the boy simply cannot juggle everything together.

The boy at least showed some respect your daughter. First, he maintained her virginity vows. Second, he decided to break up the relationship instead of keeping her in a work-in-progress bin until he might be ready.

Your daughter needs to move on. She should find some time engaging activities to do. School, Learn a skill, etc. She should move on with life. The boy has.

The next five years of her life are the most important. It can determine who, what, and how she is for life.

The boy might come back later or a better boy will definitely come. Either way, she should do extra to add more value to herself in the coming months and years irrespective of her present status. Thanks so much. I really appreciate and God bless you real good. You have really lifted a heavy burden offy heart. Thanks.

Rinoxy:
What if she chooses her pastor?

JustNumb:
What I have is his full name, phone numbers and picture.

CsRockefeller:
How are you sure they are still communicating? If not WhatsApp, Facebook, Email and Co, where else? Or do they meet physically behind your back?

Finally, what are you still doing with the guy, calling him a friend?

Curiouscity:
There are google hangout, zoom, and other less popular messaging platforms. Unfortunately, this thread is not about my woes. Just wanted to let the guy know that, as good as his advice is, some women can still overlook and cheat.

I referred to the guy as a friend just to show how close he was to me. After the confrontation, all elements of friendship flew out of the window.