₦airaland Forum

Styluss:
would she have gotten pregnant if the old man was poor?

ultraviolet27:
. See Entitlement Mentality Abeg!!!She should tell Her Husband to move out of his Dad House and go buy His own or build His own as if She will Contribute to d Cost of Building it?Like U don't knw Nigeria Inflation and Cost of Living now? If Her Husby Can't afford another House She shud Pressure Him 2 go enter debt nah if its d Woman who will shoulder d Cost then not my Palaver.

What is even d wisdom in Erecting Houses Up and down Nigeria when u wont live in more than One? His Dad Already has numerous Houses He should still go build another One So He Can Choke Nigerian Environment More?Yet we complain of Food Scarcity and Low Agricultural Productivity when we av already used all the available Land which shd have been used for Agriculture to build Plenty Houses of which One Can't live in Two of them at Once in His /Her Lifetime.
U even Said The Father-inlaw shd move to another House to live with His Pregnant Nanny Since He has Several Houses as if its the DIL who built the House See if anyone is to leave that House for another One the Father-inlaw built,it should be the aggrieved Lady.bcs,d FIL worked for His Money and He Can do anything with It.We all knw the Woman's grouse isn't about Her formal Nanny being Preggy 4 Her FIL but bcs Women hates anything that didn't Spring Out frm them,are bitchy,Envious and detest anyone getting elevated to their Status too that is why they maltreat anyone not frm dia Loins I am also a woman so I knw better.
Don't Call d Nanny an Opportunist bcs d DIL won't also be better as we weren't involved in Her Thought Process.and the DIL isn't even the Mans Biological Daughter so who is She 2 dictate who Her FIL is to marry?Even Her Husband Siblings aren't Complaining See Gbege O As She was Brought in2 dt House to enjoy wealth so is that Nanny also brought in too.
I don't know how to quote a little Section if ur Post that is why I had to reply after ur whole Comment

PeaceJoyLove:
Hahahha. From your own ibo-tic book of law. Right? Lol. A beg shift to one side. So, if the man leaves a will behind you think the woman is not the who will be in charge. Do you think it will be the son? And as educated as the said man is, he wont leave a will? Just pray the woman doesnt change his mind. A nanny who is said to be his companion. A friend who relieved him of a deep sorrow. You dont understand that the man had to live with the son so as not to fall into depression. But the woman brought him out. You dont know anything. Your own is first son rubbish thing. Did you read there that they are ibo? Ibos are nasty with the madness that first son inherits all. You are all very nasty in that regard. Very cra.zy culture. Your audacity to even write it is beyond me. You need to have your brain checked. I hate that mentality.

If you are based in Lagos, from the wrote up, you can guess the family is yoruba. So, get your crappy and nauseating first son culture out of my mention. Very nas.ty culture. First son my foot.

In law, the wife comes first if there is no will. Go and ask any lawyer who understands the law. You think it ibo-tic law that will be used. He has brought up first son issue. Your head dey pain you.

Get the crap out my mention. You are the one whose write up is with rubbish noun - conjecture.

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************

Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

spinna:
Why not be happy for the girl and accept her and await your own change of levels..this story is a parable against pride

Biglittlelois:
I'm not asking of your mum's decisions, I'm asking of your outward emotions and reaction to what she did,

The wife the Op talked about expressed her feelings on what her father in law did, which in her right she is justified, no one will be happy of such a scenario except we want to deceive ourselves, and I for one do not like to deceive myself.

If your mother gets pregnant for your driver, you will not be happy about it, but you just have to accept her decision to marry him.

Biglittlelois:
See ehn, the hypocrisy of people especially men on this form ehn

Once a narrative doesn't conform with their responses on a thread, they forget all they supported or their previous idealogy, see all of them coming to my mentions forming saints and do-gooders, same people that preach against dating broke girls, class mixing, or marrying someone of lesser level of education as you said, it's the double mouth hypocrisy for me, I got over 70 mentions because of my comment, you can imagine.

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************

Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

RuddyFusion:
Yes I did....the rush to accuse her is just out of this world...

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************

Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************

Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

spinna:
Why not be happy for the girl and accept her and await your own change of levels..this story is a parable against pride

crafteck:
Being in the same house is whats killing her...

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************
You shouldn't be complaining if u had treated her well when she was your nanny. Basically, you have to understand the fact that she's now your husband's step mum and your step mother inlaw. You and your husband are now living under her husband's roof and whenever she gives birth, the child is gonna be your husband's step brother or sister and definitely should have equal right with your husband. These whole thing would have been smoother if you have treated her well as ur nanny. Just pray she hv accommodating spirit if not, you are in soup.
Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************

Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

cooooooks:
The wife doesn't come first without a will. Especially with other children involved.

It will likely be shared equally among the children after her share for increase in value is removed.

As her income was much less, there will be some temporary alimony for her in all likelihood (the marriage would not long enough to require alimony for life).

But then again, this is only if they do court marriage. Many people do not. In that case, they will be subject to the customary law of the man's home.

fattprince:
Exactly. She should find a way to move out with her family. But if her husband isn't agreeing then she can just chill till her father in-law dies and move on from there. Bro, when something that we don't like happens we tend to first exaggerate the effect due to anxiety but when we calmly check the situation in more perspective we realise there isn't any or just a little problem.

ImaIma1:
I see no reason why they should still all be living under the same roof. The reason the FIL was there was because of loneliness. Now that he's married, he's no more lonely. Can't he move into one of his houses?

How will they all be living in the same house with all the awkwardness. Papa was irresponsible, sleeping with the maid. Now he has married her and still staying in the same house. Yet he is given a pat on the back because he is rich and he owns the house.

All I see in the comments by guys especially, is the agenda to condemn the woman like she's completely crazy to be upset. But everyone acting like it's normal and ok. If it's the other way round that her own mother sleeps with the security and gets pregnant. These same men here will do a u-turn with their fingers.

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************

Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

1forall:
In order to be able to deal with the situation, you should consider and analyze it from the following different perspectives:

1. Your father-in-law (FIL) demonstrated irresponsibility by his actions. He may have his reasons such as being single and lonely, and was possibly getting more attention from the maid than from anyone else before the romance kicked in, but it doesn't justify him sleeping with his son's maid in his son's matrimonial home. But unfortunately, he owns the house and probably doesn't see it so much as his son's matrimonial home, but rather as his house where his son is living with his wife and so feels he can do whatever he wants.

2. It appears you married a Daddy's boy for him to tolerate, accept and even defend his Dad's wrongdoing in his own home. Again, unfortunately, the house belongs to his Dad so it will be difficult; if not impossible, for him to see the situation objectively because he compromised already by living in his father's house. Him asking you to show respect to a staff you hired and who has worked for you for some time tells me that he is trying to please his Dad (maybe he has inheritance somewhere on his mind?). However, a concern this should present to you is that if it is acceptable to him (your husband), then maybe there is a slight chance that he could do something similar in the future.

3. The maid is an opportunist but it is difficult to blame her because in Nigeria, most people are looking for ways to improve their lives and escape poverty. From living under your roof, she saw an opportunity and grabbed it with both hands but put you in an awkward situation in the process.

4. You did not tell us the position of your husband's siblings on this matter.

5. You did not share with us how you may have contributed to the situation; deliberately or otherwise, which is another perspective to view things from.

Having said all that, I should add that I understand and empathize with you on the situation you find yourself. However I believe your living situation (living with your husband and your FIL, in your FIL's house) is mainly responsible for this because:
- if your father lived elsewhere and impregnated his own maid it wouldn't be such a big problem to you,
- if the house was your husband's, either owned or rented, your FIL may have been reluctant to move in with you in the first place and if he did, he may have been more cautious with his affairs in YOUR house.

My advise:
There is no solution to this, you can only try to minimize the effects it has on you/your home since they have already paid dowry. The best mitigation step will be to separate both homes now that Papa has found a wife and loneliness is no longer a problem, and it is left to you to find a way to make that happen.

My suggestions:
1. Since your FIL has many houses all over, he should move with his new wife into one of them so they can 'have their own privacy' and the new wife can 'have her own home'; afterall, they're expecting a baby. You should do all you can to prevent the baby being born into your own place though.

2. Move your home elsewhere. Encourage your husband to build/buy his own house, although I feel he may think it's unnecessary since his father has many, which is a immature mindset. And someone like him won't even be open to the idea of renting a place and being a tenant, so I wish you luck in trying to convince him to buy or build.

3. Get to terms with the situation and find ways to manage your new step-MIL because she's not going anywhere; unfortunately for you, she has become a part of your family. Your husband's compromises will force you to compromise too and the sooner you accept and deal with it, the better for you and your home. Decide on what to call her that will neither upset you, nor offend your husband and FIL. Something neutral like 'our wife', or 'iyawo', or something. Use local language.

PS:
I think your husband is (ignorantly) setting himself up for future problems in his own nuclear family because when Papa's time comes and God calls him home, I foresee your husband and his siblings having problems with their step-mother over inheritance. You say the family is very wealthy - will they be able to handle it when she tries to claim her husband's estate? When your FIL whom your husband is doing everything to please now is no more, that's typically when he will remember that his step-mother was only a maid who his father took from the gutter. And by that time she would have been established in the home with a grown child or children. Hopefully the Papa writes a will that meets every family member's expectations. But it won't be easy.

PS2:
Majority of the comments I have read here show just how low our values have sunk as a people, and it is so very unfortunate. I dare say virtually every single one of those saying it's OK will react in pretty much the same way as the OP, or even worse, if they find themselves in similar shoes.