Kobojunkie:
So do the husbands in those cases marry for genuine love then if such refuses to be actively involved in the raising of the children in such situations?

Men are not exempted...some men marry to escape loneliness,some marry because of kids too whatsoever but the rate is less compared to women....65% men marry because of love....The women have more to gain from men that's why it's the women that's more despirate about marriages and more excited about relationships.

Mercychen:
They are little children. So it's natural for her to care for them more than an adult whos already old enough to take care of himself. So it's not a matter of preference.

Shifting attention to the kids most time is not always a deliberate act by the woman because if you view this from a neutral angle, you'll agree with me that, a child can not be crying either because it's feeling irritated or hungry, while the mother is there caressing the fathers head just to show she cares about him .that would be unreasonable of her. In fact, it's you the husband that will shout at her to go and tend to the baby.

The only thing I think the mothers can do to strike a balance, is by making it up to daddy (at night) when everyone has gone to bed as that is when they can have time alone together. And daddy too should learn to exercise patience till that time.

(@Bolded) Most times, when the kids sleep, the wife sleeps off immediately too.
Leaving the man thinking and standing.
..
Only for the wife to wake up at the dead of the night to be sneaking through his phone.
If she had the time to wake up and search through his phone, why not use that time to pacify his running blood?

Klass99:


You made me smile, I like your candour and narrative.
Some years ago, my classmate posted a very enlightening video about this in our Whatsapp Group.
It's a video I wish I had saved through the years. It will make a meaningful impact on wives and parents.

What was the video all about?

well if you feel your wife has relegated you to the background and gives the kids more attention, it's only natural for her to do so because that's how women are wired, some women are able to create a balance but not all are able to so successfully. If you want to tip the odds in your favour, focus all your love and attention on the kids and spend most of your time with them. Help with homework, bathing and dressing them up for school, taking them to games, getting them gifts etc. Reduce the attention on your wife and focus on the kids. You will discover she will begin to draw closer to you but will find it difficult to complain about your little attention for her, because she sees you are giving everything to the kids. When she begins to get very vocal about it, that's when you can decide to negotiate your attention requirements.

BluntCrazeMan:
(@Bolded) Most times, when the kids sleep, the wife sleeps off immediately too.
Leaving the man thinking and standing.
..
Only for the wife to wake up at the dead of the night to be sneaking through his phone.
If she had the time to wake up and search through his phone, why not use that time to pacify his running blood?

Lol... That's on another level. Maybe daddy has been doing somethings that makes her suspicious of him. So, she sees it as the right time to do her findings without obstructions.

On the normal, if she falls asleep prolly cos she's tired from the days activities. Please let her be. Body no be fire wood o.

ahnie:

I dunno.
In my own case the bond I share with my kids is far more solid and stronger in quantum than the one I share with my husband.

Sometimes sef,I dey even forget say I get husband.

Pls nobody should quote me oh,I have gone to buy paracetamol.

Your kids are still small.
Wait till they grow a little older.
..
Your husband will totally forget about you.
The love he has for the kids will take over.
..
By then, you might have forgotten you made this comment here sef.

Men are not certain,they can easily betrayed them, back stabbers , but their children will never betray them

Mercychen:


Lol... That's on another level. Maybe daddy has been doing somethings that makes her suspicious of him. So, she sees it as the right time to do her findings without obstructions.

On the normal, if she falls asleep prolly cos she's tired from the days activities. Please let her be. Body no be fire wood o.

No..
A phone-checker is always a phone-checker.
She had been like that since the days of dating.
Never stopped checking the phone.
..
If she sleeps and wakes in the morning, no wahalla.
..
But waking every night to check phone, yet not thinking about the husband is bad.
..
She loves her husband's phone more than him?
..
If she sees what she was looking for, then the husband would leave her or she leaves the husband. And I know that's not what she wants of the marriage.
So, why worrying her life over phone, rather than keeping her husband's emotions and hormones together?

JONNYSPUTE:
....Bros,no vex o. Are you married?

Or are you just saying all this to look good here?.
Ok. What if your wife decides to follow the norm. What will you do?

If you observe me here, I don't talk to Impress any one...

I hit the nail on it's head, according to experience and a lot more.

If my wife do the normal, of which I know she won't... I know myself and know the type of women I date....In case it turns out to be the normal, I will have that conversation with her...

addictiv:
well if you feel your wife has relegated you to the background and gives the kids more attention, it's only natural for her to do so because that's how women are wired, some women are able to create a balance but not all are able to so successfully. If you want to tip the odds in your favour, focus all your love and attention on the kids and spend most of your time with them. Help with homework, bathing and dressing them up for school, taking them to games, getting them gifts etc. Reduce the attention on your wife and focus on the kids. You will discover she will begin to draw closer to you but will find it difficult to complain about your little attention for her, because she sees you are giving everything to the kids. When she begins to get very vocal about it, that's when you can decide to negotiate your attention requirements.

That there is far from the reality of things!

In doing that the man only creates stress for the children by causing them to have to walk on eggshells in order not to offend either parent.

If a man finds his wife putting the kids before him, best solution is not seek marriage counseling. Don't put the kids in the awkward situation of having to chosen between the love of their mom or dad abeg.

BluntCrazeMan:
No..
A phone-checker is always a phone-checker.
She had been like that since the days of dating.
Never stopped checking the phone.
..
If she sleeps and wakes in the morning, no wahalla.
..
But waking every night to check phone, yet not thinking about the husband is bad.
..
She loves her husband's phone more than him?
..
If she sees what she was looking for, then the husband would leave her or she leaves the husband. And I know that's not what she wants of the marriage.
So, why worrying her life over phone, rather than keeping her husband's emotions and hormones together?

Then maybe you should stop giving her cause to check your phone .

When I was still in the world, I remember doing that to a man I was dating then. The painful part was, this was a widower with 5 children o. But he was still very young and handsome. You know all these guys that get married early and the wife was just giving birth almost every year. It was even through child birth she died. She was looking for a male child.

So we met and decided to work something out. So I do go there and spend a day or two just to bond with the kids.

One night, I just checked his phone, lo and behold, I saw a text and that was what changed my mind towards the relationship till I left him.

He begged and begged. He used his children to beg. No way!

I don't know why some men are so ungrateful. A young girl like me in her early 20s trying to be with you inspite of your status and you had the guts to be sending "my love" text to another woman. The painful part was, he was even lying the sister used his phone to text someone.
I dumped him without looking back. He begged taya, him mouth long. For where?

Abeg let us check. E get why .

Pregift:
This case is a natural phenomenon. I love and care for my kids more than my husband. Initially I thought it was bcs they were babies but now they are teenagers. Its still the same. I love my husband but I love my children more bcs, to me personally. The love a woman has for her kids are unconditionally natural. But the love she has for her husband, has a reason at first before she accepted to marry him it's neither bcs of his wealth, intelligence, physical structure etc. But the love for the kids has no reason she loves them naturally. This is my case.

Yeah.... Ur husband definitely loves those kids more than he loves u... I believe u know this too

.

Mofun:
Hello fellow-Nairalanders!
Please is it correct to conclude that most women tend to value their children more than their own husbands (I don't mean 'baby daddies')?
If it's correct then what could be responsible?

I want you to know that in your house the only person you don't share blood with is your wife. And the only person that don't share blood with you is your wife.
So do not expect her to love you more than her own children whom you're not part of them.
She can only remembering you for putting her through the pain of having her own children that's all.

Kobojunkie:
And you think I am not married now because?

Please stick to trying to make your point the best you can.

I remember you!

You're that moniker that always argue for arguments sake.

Noted.

Affaberry:
I want you to know that in your house the only person you don't share blood with is your wife. And the only person that don't share blood with you is your wife.
So do not expect her to love you more than her own children whom you're not part of them.
She can only remembering you for putting her through the pain of having her own children that's all.

Is it that bad

Ahn ahn

Once she's well cared for she'll have no problem loving her boo.

Her boo o, not a brawny fighter or an unrepentant cheat and the likes. I hope you understand.

Kobojunkie:
instead make sure you marry someone who will not take offense to going for professional marriage counseling in the case that such a problem should come up. A child is not meant to get between a man and his wife in a marriage.

Sure, almost 90% of women does that sir

Mercychen:


Then maybe you should stop giving her cause to check your phone .

When I was still in the world, I remember doing that to a man I was dating then. The painful part was, this was a widower with 5 children o. But he was still very young and handsome. You know all these guys that get married early and the wife was just giving birth almost every year. It was even through child birth she died. She was looking for a male child.

So we met and decided to work something out. So I do go there and spend a day or two just to bond with the kids.

One night, I just checked his phone, lo and behold, I saw a text and that was what changed my mind towards the relationship till I left him.

He begged and begged. He used his children to beg. No way!

I don't know why some men are so ungrateful. A young girl like me in her early 20s trying to be with you inspite of your status and you had the guts to be sending "my love" text to another woman. The painful part was, he was even lying the sister used his phone to text someone.
I dumped him without looking back. He begged taya, him mouth long. For where?

Abeg let us check. E get why .

Well..
You got what you went looking for.
12years long..
And phone checker never got tired.
She never found anything, because there was even nothing to hide.
Yet she never taaya.

Blackdisciple:
Sure, almost 90% of women does that sir

If 90% of women in marriages do it then what means is 90% of marriages exist in an unhealthy state

Kobojunkie:
Why are you not yourself equally vying for the attention of your own child then? It is easy to shift blame on the woman but the Genesis of the matter is in the marriage itself.

And the marriage would just become empty like that? Nahhhhh!

authority2006:
And the marriage would just become empty like that? Nahhhhh!

ROFLMAO


What you need at that point is professional marriage counseling.

wordapostle:
I had that issue after my first child, after 8 years of 3 children I've learnt to live with that. I think it is just in mothers to behave that way. I just pray to God for grace to continually provide for family rather than start shouting of less attention, time, love or meat lol


What has really helped me to get loved as much as my children is helping my wife love the children in little things in the way she understands as love, like helping with assignments, play time, bathing them, feeding them, outing, shopping and going to bank, my children like going to bank maybe because from bank we usually branch shop rite or buy toys that will be lost or damaged the next day.

Husbands are babies to their wives until the real babies come you will know your real position. It may continue this way until your children are grown and leaves your house, then your wife can come back to you.


But some are not not this way. My wife loves and cares for me so much but she puts extra when it's the children maybe [/b] just maybe because because they are children [b]

This... Normally, humans tend to be more compassionate and empathic to their younger ones. I think this could be the reason.

Acidosis:


Your children may grow to see you as a responsible mother but nothing you buy for them can make them see you as a responsible wife, if you spend your time maltreating or relegating the position or needs of their father. You can tour the world all you want, but as soon as those kids (especially the male among them) begin to get married, you're finished.

It's not true.

My grandmother has only sons. They are the ones taking care of her in old age even though they are married. Grandpa is dead.

And one could equally argue that a husband is less reliable because men like to call women evening newspapers and exchange their wives for younger blood. They can take on second wives, run off or divorce regardless of how devoted a wife is. And they die earlier too leaving women alone in old age.

But it shouldn't be a competition in the first place. How can the love we feel for our children be compared to the love we have for our spouse? Or measured?

Do you love your wife more than your kids? Do you love your wife more than your mother? Or just in different ways?

Oga please Rest

BluntCrazeMan:
Your kids are still small.
Wait till they grow a little older.
..
Your husband will totally forget about you.
The love he has for the kid will take over.
..
By then, you might have forgotten you made this comment here sef.

.

cococandy:


Only in your delusional unreality

goodnewscliff:
Yeah.... Ur husband definitely loves those kids more than he loves u... I believe u know this too

. Yes I Know. It's vice versa. It's nature. They say blood is thicker than water.

Hathor5:


It's not true.

My grandmother has only sons. They are the ones taking care of her in old age even though they are married. Grandpa is dead.

My line of argument is that smart children can see beyond parental manipulations. Your grandmother obviously treated her husband (Grandpa) respectfully and gave her all the attention he deserved. Some wives want to be rude to their husband and manipulatively earn their children's love and respect.

And one could equally argue that a husband is less reliable because men like to call women evening newspapers and exchange their wives for younger blood. They can take on second wives, run off or divorce regardless of how devoted a wife is. And they die earlier too leaving women alone in old age.

This is the idea behind my response to that lady. She was simply making up stuff without evidence. There's no evidence anywhere that her man has maltreated her yet she wants to pay him less attention/love because of what other men do.

But it shouldn't be a competition

Absolutely

How can the love we feel for our children be compared to the love we have for our spouse? Or measured?

Do you love your wife more than your kids? Do you love your wife more than your mother? Or just in different ways?

I love them in different ways but when it comes to family order, my wife comes first.

As for my mom, her husband comes first before anyone so it's simply madness to put her or her marriage ahead of mine. She's enjoyed and still enjoying her life with her man. Na my time to shine.

wordapostle:
I had that issue after my first child, after 8 years of 3 children I've learnt to live with that. I think it is just in mothers to behave that way. I just pray to God for grace to continually provide for family rather than start shouting of less attention, time, love or meat lol


What has really helped me to get loved as much as my children is helping my wife love the children in little things in the way she understands as love, like helping with assignments, play time, bathing them, feeding them, outing, shopping and going to bank, my children like going to bank maybe because from bank we usually branch shop rite or buy toys that will be lost or damaged the next day.

Husbands are babies to their wives until the real babies come you will know your real position. It may continue this way until your children are grown and leaves your house, then your wife can come back to you.


But some are not not this way. My wife loves and cares for me so much but she puts extra when it's the children maybe just maybe because because they are children

Wow, you really nailed it.

Acidosis:


My line of argument is that smart children can see beyond parental manipulations. Your grandmother obviously treated her husband (Grandpa) respectfully and gave her all the attention he deserved. Some wives want to be rude to their husband and manipulatively earn their children's love and respect.



This is the idea behind my response to that lady. She was simply making up stuff without evidence. There's no evidence anywhere that her man has maltreated her yet she wants to pay him less attention/love because of what other men do.


Absolutely



I love them in different ways but when it comes to family order. My wife comes first.

As for my mom, her husband comes first before anyone so it's simply madness to put her or her marriage ahead of mine.

In my own family I never felt like anyone comes first or second. I just knew that we have different roles to play. I also knew that our parents would do anything for us, even die for us .... and for each other.

all these simps. its a good thing that she is devoted to her childern and ignore you. a real man loves that. now you can explore your own mind and do your own things without disturbance. i mean unless your woman has exceptional conversation skills and exceptional personality you are better off if she is spending time with the sheedren. who wants to hear about makeup or bone dry wig or fashion 24 7 ?


please dont quote me I am at the buka eating breakfast

wordapostle:
I had that issue after my first child, after 8 years of 3 children I've learnt to live with that. I think it is just in mothers to behave that way. I just pray to God for grace to continually provide for family rather than start shouting of less attention, time, love or meat lol


What has really helped me to get loved as much as my children is helping my wife love the children in little things in the way she understands as love, like helping with assignments, play time, bathing them, feeding them, outing, shopping and going to bank, my children like going to bank maybe because from bank we usually branch shop rite or buy toys that will be lost or damaged the next day.

Husbands are babies to their wives until the real babies come you will know your real position. It may continue this way until your children are grown and leaves your house, then your wife can come back to you.


But some are not not this way. My wife loves and cares for me so much but she puts extra when it's the children maybe just maybe because because they are children

Man, thou art a wise man.