Mrbenjame interesting thread. Well as for me, the families and friends I know who travelled abroad with their spouses are fine till today.
Everyone would always have diverse opinions based on their own experiences.

PS: Back when I was new to naira land and didn't know better, I used to reply nairaland mails.
I got mails from married Nigerian men living abroad requesting for a relationship, phone intimacy or something perverse. And they always say "I'm married" or "I'm almost separated from my wife" (which anyone can tell is a lie)
One even said his wife was working at the hospital and that she's a strong woman and all. If she's that good a person why the heck are you then chatting up a random person on the internet asking for a relationship.
Now these are the sort of men that are unapologetically cheating on their wives for no reason, but if you judge by their nairaland comments you would think they are responsible, well behaved men.
Op this is is to tell you that sometimes women are not the problem so if you choose to make your life decisions based on some comments from some hypocritical people here then you might regret it cause they aren't practising what they preach.
Last last do what you think is right for you .

Marry the one wey dey abroad naa. If you think bringing a woman from Nigeria to abroad will save you after you don her treat her like shit finish,e up shock you.

abobote:
Me I will be taking my wife and kids by January, I just have to do it for the kids

It would end in premium larger tears..
I would be glad to read your Wailing post here with a new moniker..

MISSCONGENIALITY:
Some women actually know what they are going into when they enter such marriages. They will happily let their husband go while the stay here. That's how they think they can get their own peace. So if he meets a woman who agrees to do that fine.
But not for him to deceive one babe who wants to travel abroad that he will take her after marriage only to dump here here and travel. God sef will punish him.

As for me, I can't go into such a marriage where my husband will leave me here and travel. I would rather remain single and find my own way to travel if I must travel, than to go into a scam marriage.

One lady shared the story of her cousin who got married trapped to an abroad husband.
This lady hasn't seen her husband for 5yrs! FIVE YEARS! Omg!
The man just married her, got her pregnant, then left!
You know what's worse? She lost the pregnancy.
Imagine 5 wasted years with nothing to show for it!

The lady said her cousin's husband has been "trying" to fix her papers so that she can go over to join him, but it's not been "successful". Smh!
I told her to tell her cousin to file for an annulment or a divorce or whatever of the sham of a marriage and move on with her life, but she claimed the man has been " taking care of her" all the while by sending money frequently. I nukwa!? Did she marry a man or money? Na she sabi sha!

Hopefully, when her eyes clear, make e never dey too late sha.
He's already wasted 5 years of her life!
5 years wey couple dey take born all the children wey them want for marriage o.

Mariangeles:


One lady shared the story of her cousin who got married trapped to an abroad husband.
This lady hasn't seen her husband for 5yrs! FIVE YEARS! Omg!
The man just married her, got her pregnant, then left!
You know what's worse? She lost the pregnancy.
Imagine 5 wasted years with nothing to show for it!

The lady said her cousin's husband has been "trying" to fix her papers so that she can go over to join him, but it's not been "successful". Smh!
I told her to tell her cousin to file for an annulment or a divorce or whatever of the sham of a marriage and move on with her life, but she claimed the man has been " taking care of her" all the while by sending money frequently. I nukwa!? Did she marry a man or money? Na she sabi sha!

Hopefully, when her eyes clear, make e never dey too late sha.
He's already wasted 5 years of her life!
5 years wey couple dey take born all the children wey them want for marriage o.

What is the family of the husband saying in all these?

Preetti:
Mrbenjame interesting thread. Well as for me, the families and friends I know who travelled abroad with their spouses are fine till today.
Everyone would always have diverse opinions based on their own experiences.

PS: Back when I was new to naira land and didn't know better, I used to reply nairaland mails.
I got mails from married Nigerian men living abroad requesting for a relationship, phone intimacy or something perverse. And they always say "I'm married" or "I'm almost separated from my wife" (which anyone can tell is a lie)
One even said his wife was working at the hospital and that she's a strong woman and all. If she's that good a person why the heck are you then chatting up a random person on the internet asking for a relationship.
Now these are the sort of men that are unapologetically cheating on their wives for no reason, but if you judge by their nairaland comments you would think they are responsible, well behaved men.
Op this is is to tell you that sometimes women are not the problem so if you choose to make your life decisions based on some comments from some hypocritical people here then you might regret it cause they aren't practising what they preach.
Last last do what you think is right for you .

there is nothing like "cheating". I made it clear to my wife that im still available to other women and she too is available to other men.... its only "cheating" when you both promise yourselves monogamy....

If both are from the zoo and if both can drop their zoo identity most likely the marriage will survive, in fact, it will survive.

walexsho:
Marry and let her remain with your parents for a year to study her true color before moving her abroad .That is the Top secrete.
Another way is seek legal advise. There are ways to go aboit about it in order not to be in her captivity in future.
You can as well do it the CR7 way ... Baby mama

LMAO

oilmonie:
nairaland is the real world.

i decided not reply her when i saw that she register a year ago.

Nairaland is where you will hear the darkest truth that no one would be willing to share in the open.

you just have to choose your poison wisely

I think I'm too late to this thread. But let me add something:

The way women in Nigeria are pressured by the society to get married is the same way they are pressured by the society to divorce abroad. So don't put her in that pressure situation by taking her abroad. Don't let the success (or failure) of your marriage be at her sole discretion. Keep her in Nigeria.

JovialJune:



1) If you want the Nigerian kind of marriage, don't travel abroad when married, stay here with your wife

2) If you strong headedly decide to marry then travel abroad leaving her here, accept the fact that as you're cheating on her, she's also cheating on you

3) You can't have a Nigerian kind of marriage abroad where the system and laws is fair to all and sundry, a system that does not recognise the machoistic, ego driven, head of the family, respect-submissive type of mentality you are used to here, equality is their watchword over there, no gender is above the other.

Well, judging from the way issues are handled in the US, there's nothing like equality when it comes to marital issues especially in the divorce court. The system here is absolutely gynocentric and would do anything to destroy men even if women are in the wrong. A woman would have to be worse than the devil here in the US to be punished. So, the system and law aren't fair. They're gynocentric at best

pocohantas:
Oh please,

You Nigerian men whine too much.

Marry the ones there, una no gree.
Marry foreigners, another wahala.
Come back home and marry, wailing.

What exactly is happening in a marriage abroad that doesn’t happen here? Or you are afraid you can’t batter her, cheat and pursue her from the home you both built?

Anything you see Naija men complaining of, just know their wickedness has been checked.

The ones with clear conscience and good character might have their fears, but they don’t go on and on about it like this.

The way you guys complain of Naija women, one would think your relationships with foreigners last for long. Abi how many old Nigerian men have you seen with foreign wives? All you’ll be hearing is, I dated one Kenyan, Spanish, Polish, British, Finnish… Why you no marry am?

Just hope for a good partner. Love, respect, forgive and communicate. Even on Mars, you guys would weather the storm.

When the stakes are high, and the cost is dire, hope is not enough. You see, Nigerian men abroad are cautious abt marriage mainly because they stand to lose all they've built with over the years. Not many men can start over again after the devastations of a costly divorce.

So going on and on about it is warranted...in fact it can't be overemphasized

Jaqenhghar:

The difference between a slave and a coonis a slave was forced into slavery. The coon voluntarily becomes a yes man, tap dancing to white massa. Keep dancing coon

I don't know who raised you, but the person did a terrible job.

grandstar:


The problem is that many men dont want to marry foreigners. They want to remain "local" in and out

Lol

There's nothing bad in being with a local woman. Everyone should be with whosoever they want as long as their ideologies are the same.

Mariangeles:


One lady shared the story of her cousin who got married trapped to an abroad husband.
This lady hasn't seen her husband for 5yrs! FIVE YEARS! Omg!
The man just married her, got her pregnant, then left!
You know what's worse? She lost the pregnancy.
Imagine 5 wasted years with nothing to show for it!

The lady said her cousin's husband has been "trying" to fix her papers so that she can go over to join him, but it's not been "successful". Smh!
I told her to tell her cousin to file for an annulment or a divorce or whatever of the sham of a marriage and move on with her life, but she claimed the man has been " taking care of her" all the while by sending money frequently. I nukwa!? Did she marry a man or money? Na she sabi sha!

Hopefully, when her eyes clear, make e never dey too late sha.
He's already wasted 5 years of her life!
5 years wey couple dey take born all the children wey them want for marriage o.

That's the thing. The marriage was a scam. She's just there because she believes he sends are money and is working on her papers. He's not even thinking of taking here abroad but deceiving her that he's working to bring her. Not as if he's in prison or death or off to the war front. Some of those ladies are just too lazy to use their brains and wouldn't mind of the man comes back in 10yrs or even more. She probably didn't love the man. All she wanted was an abroad husband and that's all. Even if you advice such a persin from now till the end of the world, they will only end up seeing you as enemy.
God in heaven knows I love my singlehood more than any scam marriage.

larryking540:

I just day laugh,the way u ladies paint african men black devil sometimes e day shock me oo,...any way sha ,na here all of us go day look

Where is the black paint. Between men and women, who paints who black. Go through the post and read comments from male. They don't even want to consider the fact that the way they treat women determines if the woman stays or not. And the way they treat women here is not the same way they would treat them abroad because most men here don't even see their wives as humans.
And even here women who are independent might not take what a woman who doesn't have any personal account would take and the men will call that submissiveness. We always forget that submissiveness is a reaction to the love the man shows to her. The love of the husband comes first before submission. Christians here can go back to their Bible. No normal woman who is treated like a wife will leave the husband.

whiteroses:
Character is like smoke, you will know by their fruits. If you only have 2 weeks to spend with someone they will show you a fruit. If a woman will give you problem she will form and pretend a lot. You will keep buying her love. The signs will be there. With that being said, Lets narrow the issue down by Marrying African, then marry west African. Ghana, Nigerian it really doesn't matter.
Leave whites out of this except she's someone who loves and knows the African culture really well. They always have mental crisis and not many of their marriages lasts.
Any woman who loves you and is God fearing can be taken anywhere.
Goodluck

Bullshit at the bolded! In the US, black women have the highest divorce rates. In fact, the divorce rate of black women is higher than their marriage rate. White women marry at the rate of 56% while Black women marry at a rate of 26%. That is, only one out of every 4 black women will marry in their life time. Why? they are not marriageable humans.

Just Google "Least married women in the US" then come back here to call me a liar. Happy reading

Tuxpera:


According to a random YouTuber's research?

That's an organization not individual but we can all see the reality on ground. Pls Ask anyone living in UK about those countries ladies they mentioned on d video and prove them wrong! U will be amazed about the outcome!!!!!!

Prince001:


I understand ur point but statistically u are wrong óò. I lives in Europe for 20yrs now and I can tell u most guys that brought their spouse from Naija regretted their decisions.
But the faults goes both ways cos some of us living abroad think we can get any gal we want and d ladies are ready to deceived us aswell.
Bottom line for me is economy and the bad governance in Naija changes a lot of people's characters.
My advice for guys living here that's trying to have his future partner in Naija should be vigilant cos any red flag u come across during ur dating its real RED flag ooo!
Cos according to research Nigeria women are not in 1 to 10 of countries in Africa where one can get good wife but we men are at no 7 in Africa. That research speaks volume oooo.
However, there are still good ladies in Naija but they are not much due to economy and bad governance!!!!!!!

Check these video out:
[center]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPoXBbigVeo[/center]

[center]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBXZz_XbKmU[/center]

correct

adeakin:
nobody say everyone bad. But can you date everyone
I have lived in uk and Canada, let me tell you what some of our women do.
1- the ones based abroad have high taste and typically live above their salary, they can rent a house that takes 80% of their salary while men will typically rent the one that takes 35% of salary. They always want holidays and trips, cooking is seen as slavery to many of them. Any man wey marry them just dey marry wahala . You will even take loans to pay for ring, wedding and honeymoon

2. The women take abroad have chances to get free funding for course like nursing and IT. They later become richer or equal to the man . Then start to rub shoulder. Later they will say i dont need a man and divorce you.

3. Some will call police when una fight or quarrel. You as the man will be asked to leave the house temporarily or permanently. Some of the benefits are paid to the women eg child benefits. Some of our 9ja women spend it alone. Some demand you take care of all bills after you will have 200 dols as saving. While she invests her own salary of like 3k to 5k dols a month in Nigeria or her siblings.

Marriage is looking like a scam these days

Yes a scam to the men fold... Nothing of benefits.

A woman is what you make her to be whether you are in Nigeria or abroad. Treat her well and watch her worship you. Though there are bad ones amongst but by prayers you will succeed in finding a good one. Best wishes!!!

mrbenjame:
Please I need an honest opinion. I’m not saying there’re no good women. But the rate at which women who marry their abroad hubbys and thereafter go to join them overseas and start misbehaving gets me very worried and sometimes afraid. The question is

1. How often does this happen?
2. Should a guy go on to take his chances?
3. Should he marry someone already abroad?
4. Should he settle entirely with another Nationality totally?

Guys make una input o make we know where we Dey.

Gigantic mistake, trust me. Most of these marriages crash, and the ones that seem to be stable on the outside turn out to be roiling in firestorm on closer look.

This is kind of discussions my dad initiated with me 2weeks ago.

Hes of the opinion that if everything don set i should not Bring my wofe over but be sending money to take care of her and kids.

Me: I will bring my wife over at any available chance.

EOD!

MufasaLion:


Lol

There's nothing bad in being with a local woman. Everyone should be with whosoever they want as long as their ideologies are the same.

I meant "local" in perception.

grandstar:


I meant "local" in perception.

Oh, I dig.

JovialJune:



You said it all, Nigerian men are okay with being domesticated by whites but see it as belittling and degrading if it is from Nigerian ladies

honestly I don't blame kh.iaa for her insults on naija men in her comments here, their level of coonery needs psychiatric evaluation.

My sister. I worked in a few international organizations in Niggeria. I can fill a small library with stories about how Niggerians coon and throw each other under the bus for white people. Its so annoying. The whites will never throw their own under the bus for you.
If marrying Nigerian girls was so bad then why do we have more guys abroad preferring to come home to marry? Form my interaction with most single men in diaspora ( esp those above 30? they prefer to come home to marry. Our people like exaggeration. They hear of one story about soe.unfaithful wife and run with it as if its the norm. Go and look at those Nigerian couples divorcing , most of them are the ones married to foreigners

Prince001:


I understand ur point but statistically u are wrong óò. I lives in Europe for 20yrs now and I can tell u most guys that brought their spouse from Naija regretted their decisions.
But the faults goes both ways cos some of us living abroad think we can get any gal we want and d ladies are ready to deceived us aswell.
Bottom line for me is economy and the bad governance in Naija changes a lot of people's characters.
My advice for guys living here that's trying to have his future partner in Naija should be vigilant cos any red flag u come across during ur dating its real RED flag ooo!
Cos according to research Nigeria women are not in 1 to 10 of countries in Africa where one can get good wife but we men are at no 7 in Africa. That research speaks volume oooo.
However, there are still good ladies in Naija but they are not much due to economy and bad governance!!!!!!!

Check these video out:
[center]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPoXBbigVeo[/center]

[center]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBXZz_XbKmU[/center]

I call Bullshit on your stats. That's a lie. I even doubt you have lived in Europe ( at all) for that long. Msot men you talk to agree that Nigerian women are still the better option.

.

Where did you do the survey and concluded about the high rate of misbehavior?



Mumu

Loreettaa:
Define "misbehave"

When you guys marry white women, you cook, clean, care for kids and still work and pay bills.
But when you take an African woman who has been marginalised all her life abroad and she realises that women are respected over there and demands more, is that "misbehave"?
You want amaka to go abroad and be spoiling her lovely nails cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner 3 times a day, 7 days a week?
Or you want Abisola who's barely getting any dicking from you, to be praying and fasting and not to go outside and look for some, LIKE YOU DO? You think it's like Nigeria where you can shame her into submission?

For most of you abroadians, we already know you prefer to keep a woman in Nigeria where your family can press her neck if need be.
The day chiamaka comes to obodo oyibo will be the death of your fragile ego.

And how is this relevant? So yea Chiamaka remains in Nigeria while Chinedu stays back in the US married to his Akata wife and they’re better for it? Use your brain and jettison your internalized hate for men before speaking. The op needs solutions not ramblings.

DukeNija:


[s]And how is this relevant? So yea Chiamaka remains in Nigeria while Chinedu stays back in the US married to his Akata wife and they’re better for it? Use your brain and jettison your internalized hate for men before speaking. The op needs solutions not ramblings.[/s]

Go and give solution and never troll me again.

mrbenjame:


I have never oppressed a woman before. It’s not my nature. I’m only afraid of the opposite. I can be very caring and accommodating. Lemme shock you. I dated my ex for 4 years. She works. I’ve neber asked her how much she earns. And I do not request money from her since I work as well. Please don’t judge me. I’m human.

Oga inasmuch as you re accommodating and caring ,pls learn and remember to be tough on some of your stands when dealing with women. The truth is that most women are naturally manipulative and you need to be tough to sail through... All this your attitude of ' I dont like trouble or wahala' wont help ooh. In fact i ve discovered that most people that act and speak the way you do end up receiving all the wahala from others. No one says you shld be a troublemaker but also learn not to take or accommodate trash too as you remain caring