IJEYdiamond:
Na wa ooo.... So dis matter never die ni..

Nigeria men and the fear of carrying women aboard.... hmmmm...

The fear of the unknown!!

Known most times.

MufasaLion:


Damn you! Dude, go fix your inferiority complex. You lack self-esteem. Get off my mentions, nîtwit!!!

Not until I exorcise that coon spirit in you
Out you Coon

[img]https://c./YE_-rWA4GcYAAAAC/holy-water-holy.gif[/img]

Sincerely there are lot of them. My friend was going nut after his episodes. All he could say is "I was the one who suggested that we move to America". Very few Nigerian ladies will genuinely love you. Most are opportunists, selfish and greedy lots. They will Spoil your life for this abroad. In addendum: Bunch of Nigerian men are piece of sh#t. They are solely responsible for how these women treat them. Cheating & Financial are the main cause of problems!

Mariangeles:


Dis una stories ehn...

How come you guys only know friends that are suffering in their abroad marriage?

nanceeleecious:

All this questions tho,smh,
If you love ur spouse as yourself and vice versa,
I see no need for these questions,
Except you plan on becoming an oppressor instead of a companion,
This talk no suppose hard bikonu,

I have never oppressed a woman before. It’s not my nature. I’m only afraid of the opposite. I can be very caring and accommodating. Lemme shock you. I dated my ex for 4 years. She works. I’ve neber asked her how much she earns. And I do not request money from her since I work as well. Please don’t judge me. I’m human.

There are many reasons to deduce for the high rate of failed marriages overseas.

One is that the man has not been frank about life overseas and she thinks it is all bed and roses. The lady has been fed to believe that her "husband" is a billionaire with the way he lavishes money any time he is in town. This also includes the way he sends money to her from overseas. When she now arrives "abroad", she discovers he is living in one dingy apartment. The wahala starts there.

The same with women who bring men from Nigeria. I know an instance of a nurse in Britain who is spending wildly on her man in Nigeria. At that time, she was carrying his baby. The man, who looked like an angel who could not hurt a fly was spending lavishly and chasing women here and there. Nurses working for the NHS aren't paid much. What do you think will happen when such a man reaches "London". He will be completely unprepared for the hassle.

Another, though similar, is not enlightening your spouse on what to expect. Many here think "abroad" streets are paved in gold and you just pick the money from the ground. Be open and honest with your spouse. Let her know the type of jobs open to her or him and so on. Do not sugarcoat things.

A third is that the system in many Western countries empowers women and this can lead to disastrous consequences. Many women in Nigeria stick around in their marriages simply for the sake of their children. A divorce may leave her impoverished as the man is the breadwinner, so she stays. In places like America, many of our women become nurses and many may soon find themselves earning more than their husbands. This gets into the heads of some and they begin to dictate to their husbands, many of who they may have long despised.

Also, women's rights are also enforced. Beat your wife and you will be arrested and thrown in Jail. She can kick you out of the house you bought with your own money and sweat. The woman may therefore become assertive and uncooperative.

The list goes on and on.

The best is to be reasonable in your expectations and also judge yourself as well. Many fail to do that and just put the blame on the woman. When married, be faithful to your wife and cherish her. Playing the field while married will cost you her love and respect and she may request a divorce. This isn't Nigeria.

Be ready to swallow your pride. In Rome, do like the Romans. Be ready to do some house chores. You won't die. Learn to enjoy them.
Before bringing her, let her know she will be contributing to the family upkeep financially. This isn't Nigeria where many women feel entitled. Also, shower love and affection on your spouse.

Both your focus should not be about money. Your focus should be first the true God. When you make money the most important thing like many migrant families do (that's why they emigrated in the first place), the marriage, and the kids may suffer. My younger brother in Britain said that many Black boys who are engaged in crime do so because of absent parents who work many jobs at the expense of their children. What they do not teach you at home as the Yorubas say, you will learn it outside. He called those boys "the scourge of England".

MufasaLion:


He wasn't interacting. He was barking.

...some people are like that on nairaland

There are still good women out there but very few *BUT* don't dare marry her and take her abroad pls don't dare it.

I'm a we experienced traveller and hold dual nationality pls I'm talking from experience if you don't believe me seek advice from other experienced travellers around you pls.

Marry her let her stay here infact open business for her make her comfortable bro you are then the king but if you take her over there hhmm...bro I say it again don't dare it. My honest advise.

Good evening.

Jaqenhghar:

Not until I exorcise that coon spirit in you
Out you Coon

[img]https://c./YE_-rWA4GcYAAAAC/holy-water-holy.gif[/img]

Fvck you, slave. Keep barking! Slaves are kept for that sometimes.

larryking540:
...some people are like that on nairaland

He's even a slave. He's in cage.

pocohantas:
Oh please,

You Nigerian men whine too much.

Marry the ones there, una no gree.
Marry foreigners, another wahala.
Come back home and marry, wailing.

What exactly is happening in a marriage abroad that doesn’t happen here? Or you are afraid you can’t batter her, cheat and pursue her from the home you both built?

Anything you see Naija men complaining of,

con marry me. You must be submissive, and do house chores

socialmediaman:
Many people in Nigeria are desperate at the moment and they’re not on the same page as you wanting to settle down and grow a family. Moreover, being on the same page to settle down doesn’t still mean it’s you they want to settle down with, but due to desperation they will get married to travel abroad and change their lives.

Talking about marriage, you see, many marriages may survive in Nigeria but they can’t survive abroad because there is more freedom and more options for independence there compared to Nigeria.

How often do serious problems happen with marriages abroad? I don’t know. There is really no data out there on how often this happens, but some speculations allege up to 50% divorce rate among Nigerians abroad. If this were true, It means, 5 out of 10 marriages between Nigerians end in divorce. But I suspect the rate of divorce is much lower. On the contrary, divorce rate in Nigeria is about 1% or less, for obvious reasons, some of them mentioned here

Should a guy go on to take his chances? You see, before you take your chances, you should know why marriages among Nigerians abroad fail. Like I mentioned earlier, many marriages in Nigeria will not survive abroad. Why? Because there is domestic violence involved, financial issues which accounts for one of the biggest reasons for divorce, incompatibility, both spouses are not on the same page in their lives (for e.g. wife wants to school first before kids but husband wants kids immediately etc), core values do not align, among others.

These marriages survive in Nigeria because of the economy, the society and community, the culture, the people etc, but abroad, these marriages will fail because there is more freedom, more options to choose from, more equal opportunity and a different lifestyle and culture. For instance, at 30s, ladies abroad consider themselves young and may be focused on their careers first before settling down, so it’s easy to sync into that if you’re a Nigerian. But in Nigeria, ladies in their mid to late 20s are already getting worried about not settling down

Should he settle with another nationality?
Everyone’s choice and needs are different. There are Nigerians living in Nigeria who are married to Ghanaians, Cameroonians, even Asians, Americans etc. It depends on what matters to you and who you meet. Some women abroad are ready and willing to learn your culture including language, food and lifestyle, while others are not interested. Think about what matters to you and look for a woman whose values also align with yours

The most important ingredient for a successful marriage is how much your values align with each other. Do you both value companionship and want to be best of friends? Do you both value communication and transparency? Do you both value respect? Are you both committed to making a relationship work? Are you both on the same page with what you want in marriage? These are very important questions you need to answer with your partner. For instance, if you value trust very much but find a partner who lies too much, your marriage is already having challenges before even getting started

Affection, romantic connection, even culture similarities are not enough to sustain a marriage. As you can see, people from same ethnic groups also divorce each other. If your values don’t align, you don’t know each other, and other things come to play like infidelity, my brother, your marriage will not survive abroad. Be careful. Know what matters and who you make long term commitments to.

You said it all.

Raalsalghul:


What the Bleep do you mean by soul mate?

Two random people can meet and decide to tie the knot.

Stop with all these "the one", "soul mate" slangs.

A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, platonic relationships, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, compatibility and trust.

Now that I have given you the definition of a soulmate, adjust your stance and address me properly nigga, slow your role jabroni!

Raalsalghul:


This is just the way to go in my opinion: the man should just make sure that the kids are for him via DNA test and also give the lady a strict warning to take her lover far away from home.

Win-win for both: quid pro pro.

seriously bro , men don't give a fuvk if a lady wants to cheat ,,,don't just bring infection, another man's kid to my home , court is too far you will not even see my Shadow close to the apartment again in her life ...

BRATISLAVA:


@bolded:

That's because men are innocent tender little lambs who do no wrong, right? Or because it's another one of the numerous baseless male assumptions perpetuated as if it is the law of life itself on a forum noted for misogyny?

Some of us get married and spend all our time demonizing and tarring our spouse's gender, keeping members of our own gender away from enjoying the goodness of our spouse's gender.

Why do you think that is, sir?

You're reading meaning into nothing and putting words in my mouth, the response was to a MAN having doubts about marriage and bringing his spouse abroad. Whatever issues you've got with the male gender is entirely your own and has nothing to do with the discussion so miss me with the BS!

larryking540:
let me ask have you seen a marriage where the man says A and the wife attacks back with BCDEF ,,,,what's your take in such marriage ....if the economy was good every man would love to be with his wife here in Nigeria ,,,even those who paint a beautiful picture of oversea how tru is the picture ?

Those marriages are not my dream. We know bad wives when we see them whether here or outside. But 90% of Nigerian men can't stand a marriage where the woman has an opinion. They prefer dolls and women they can oppress and because they grow up seeing marriage as a king-maidservant relationship, it's almost impossible for them keep a marriage in a civilised country especially when they are married to their fellow Nigerians. They would rather marry a foreign woman and practice her culture than marrying their fellow country woman and allowing her learn the foreign culture.

ShaqFu:
this isn't always the case. Time has shown some women are incapable of reciprocating the love shown to them.

And the men nko?
Bad people dey both gender Biko

abbey621:


A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, platonic relationships, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, compatibility and trust.

Now that I have given you the definition of a soulmate, adjust your stance and address me properly nigga, slow your role jabroni!

You can meet different people with these characteristics of the opposite sex and not just one person.

Jaqenhghar:

And it is western woman that wint punish you abi?
The thing I see here is many of you niggers see western women as demi gods. Y'all are comfortable with them disrespecting y'all but you will never tolerate even a fraction of that from Nigerian women. This is some self hating coonery at it's finest .
The other day I listend as some oyinbo girls were talking about how "caring African men are". One was talking about how her african boyfriend cooks and cleans the house. That same African man will never help his African wife do anything and if she suggests it na wahala.

You said it all, Nigerian men are okay with being domesticated by whites but see it as belittling and degrading if it is from Nigerian ladies

honestly I don't blame kh.iaa for her insults on naija men in her comments here, their level of coonery needs psychiatric evaluation.

Ghostmode2two:
Leave her in Nigeria and have little peace of mind.

That will be unfair and demonically wicked!

It will be better if you don't marry.

If you marry a parasitic woman and take her abroad,..sorry!.

AutoChick4U:
Works go some and doesn't work for some. Afterall cocokandy dey abroad with her husband and they living fine. Just get someone who truly loves you.

Are you with Cococandy and her partner?

Raalsalghul:


You can meet different people with these characteristics of the opposite sex and not just one person.

No doubt but in life everything has grade, time has a way of exposing all things, someone might look like your soulmate today but end up being just a temporary gap, while one might look like just a fling and end up being mario and never leaving, not withstanding the definition still holds true, find someone you share a real bond(real or preceived) with and build a family!

BRATISLAVA:


Why bother having a wife if everything you do is for your kids? If you don't want her, why don't you just walk out of her life and stop hiding behind children? You think she has not noticed it?

The way you men sound as if you are with the devil, why don't you just forswear relationships with women and have them with your children? Are you a saint?

Internalized misogyny has made this place toxic. There's nothing new to see. Same regurgitated anti-female posts and threads.

Very toxic forum. But I have stopped being upset about the toxicity here because 99% of the small boys that spill trash here about women have no life. Forget oooh, most of the people here forming red-piller bulshit are actually in their village looking for snake to kill and mention lalasticlala. They don't even have hope of visiting this so-called abroad in this life. This is the only place they get to feel like men probably because it's a faceless forum. I just pity the SIMPs (probably part of the 1% who have a life) who listen to this bullshit advice for lowlifers and try to apply it in the real world.

pocohantas:
Oh please,

You Nigerian men whine too much.

Marry the ones there, una no gree.
Marry foreigners, another wahala.
Come back home and marry, wailing.

What exactly is happening in a marriage abroad that doesn’t happen here? Or you are afraid you can’t batter her, cheat and pursue her from the home you both built?

Anything you see Naija men complaining of, just know their wickedness has been checked.

The ones with clear conscience and good character might have their fears, but they don’t go on and on about it like this.

The way you guys complain of Naija women, one would think your relationships with foreigners last for long. Abi how many old Nigerian men have you seen with foreign wives? All you’ll be hearing is, I dated one Kenyan, Spanish, Polish, British, Finnish… Why you no marry am?

Just hope for a good partner. Love, respect, forgive and communicate. Even on Mars, you guys would weather the storm.

The lowdown is that women are wahala. Fela na him tell me so.

abbey621:


You're reading meaning into nothing and putting words in my mouth, the response was to a MAN having doubts about marriage and bringing his spouse abroad. Whatever issues you've got with the male gender is entirely your own and has nothing to do with the discussion so miss me with the BS!

Read your initial post loudly and tell us what words were really coming out of your mouth, sir.

Thanks.

I swear he's very right, it's happening to my brother inlaw right now in the USA, she even broke her own head and called the popo, they arrested and he was in jail for almost 2 weeks and now he hasn't even seen his children for more than 5 years, DO NOT THREAD THAT PATH MAN, BE WARY

Legendrysailor:
Hell no !!!

Don't try dat shit with a Nigerian lady, u will live to regret it.

I repeat u will live to regret it





Do not quote me if ur IQ is below 10

larryking540:

this question hard for some to answer o,most ladies will never stay behind while u go over sea to hustle ,they wan follow u ,and if u can't meet up with her while over sea comparison starts ,next is fight next na breakup next na divorce oo,I don see with my naked eyes

Are you married? And if you are, how would you describe your marriage?

ednut1:
con marry me. You must be submissive, and do house chores

Send me that iPhone and MacBook first.

If I vex you, you go come open thread. For the ending you will add “my wife would be reading, she is a Nlder too” hahahaha!

BRATISLAVA:


Read your initial post loudly and tell us what words were really coming out of your mouth, sir.

Thanks.

Those that can comprehend sees no ill intention, like I said your problem is your problem miss me with the BS....THANK YOU!

Klass99:
I think Nairaland is affecting too many people in the real world and informing the choices they make, based on the toxic negativity often displayed here. Do what feels right to you at the end of the day, irrespective of people's views/opinions.

You think people do what feels wrong to them? For your mind people are stupid.

Raalsalghul:


Are you with Cococandy and her partner?

You simply lack tact. Why mention Monika?

Mariangeles:


Dis una stories ehn...

How come you guys only know friends that are suffering in their abroad marriage?

Every family has atleast on relative that has paid for their Naivety of taking the "Nigerian good girl" abroad where she turns tigeress. Even my father's youngest brother is felt the heat so much he divorced and came back in Nigeria remarried in Nigeria now stays in Nigeria. He was warned but he chose to make a stupid choice he paid dearly for it. Any Nigerian man that imports a woman from Nigeria to abroad is just Naive or plain stupid. Infact it's a dangerous Dice to roll. Best bet is leave the Woman in Nigeria. Yes she'll cheat but even if you take her abroad she'll still cheat and throw your peace of mind away by taking the man's sweat. So best bet is allow her cheat in Nigeria do DNA.....