Your wife ain't bad... just has her faults. Like all humans.
No one is perfect!

evy800:


I like your thought process not because I'm a woman but because I know objectivity when I see one...

U read the part where he said he and his daughter had to sleep hungry. Lot of things I can't take but God forbid I marry a lady that will rather see me go to bed hungry than to drop her cash

Mille:
Just curious so I can stop worrying about it. ***NO FRONTPAGE PLEASE*** JUST HOPE TO GET SOME INPUT FROM EXPERIENCED MARRIED PEOPLE.

Married for close to two years now with a baby. My wife hasn't worked since partly due to a lack of suitable opportunities and the fact that we are alone where we stay with neither family present. She is a graduate of a private university and I've had to sponsor a skillet training which has been completed so she can open a business. We intend to wait until the baby is one before she opens the business which is a few weeks from now. So I'm 100% responsible for everything. She is not on any specific allowance but I purposely allow inflated bills so she can get some change from it. She is also involved in weekly contributions which I pay 90% of the time.

One thing I have noticed is that she will not help with any expenses around the house. Let say I'm cash-strapped for something we need to buy today, she'll pretend she doesn't have any cash and rather wait until I bring the money tomorrow than buy it for the family. She is currently doing so now and it is reinvigorating resentments I have for her.

One event actually caused the resentment. I will share it in the next post.

Bro, don't be a coward. Sometimes, tell her u are short of cash, let her use hers.

@Op; let’s get something straight here; are you telling me that if you needed to buy medication for use and you were in this situation you have narrated with cash issues your wife will rather wait until you get the money yourself rather than for her to use her money to buy the medication for you? Will that be what she would do?

This narration I have just given is similar to food you mentioned and your wife will rather see you (her husband) go to bed hungry than to use her own money to feed herself, you and your baby?

Just to confirm did your wife have her ATM card for her account or was it only withdrawal that she has? If she had only withdrawal then maybe it was too late for her to go to the bank to do a withdrawal. But if she had an ATM card where she could have gone to the cash machine (hopefully there is one close by) to get cash for her to buy food for the family and she didn’t; that is a very bad attitude to display.

She rather decided that it is easier for everyone to starve than for her to make sure that everyone goes to bed with some food in their stomach; knowing that she has some money that she can use in her bank account?

This attitude tells me that when you are down financially, she has just displayed to you that she will not help you financially if she has the means to do so. She will rather see you suffer than to ease your burden.

You have the mind to open a business for her; you probably may introduce contribution from her part to the finances of the home. Although I know you said you cater for the home financially by yourself already; but with this kind of attitude your wife displayed, you have to see to it that this kind of attitude is put into a checkmate and nip in the bud before it gets out of hand.

@op, I dont know your wife or how intellectually sounds she is, but I can tell you some women are like that, not that they are wicked or stingy with their money but simply cant think fast to provide a solution to solve immediate problem. The funny thing is that, she might not even think that way at that moment, since she is used to being giving everything needed by you. The fact that she used to buy you something whenever she went out is enough to tell you she might not do it intentionally.

Next time, you simply ask her about the money in her account and commands her to withdraw some for the family until pay her back the next day.

Mariangeles:
She’s not a bad wife, she’s just stingy.
You can open up and try to talk to her about it.
Make her understand that you are not her father but her husband, and she’s obligated to support you in providing for the household in any way she can, no matter how little.

Stingy for who exactly? Di ya ka owu nwa ya...Comfortably allowed them to sleep on empty stomach just to pretend that she doesn't have?

If she doesn't spend on the two most important people in life, who will she spend on? Smh ufodu umu nwaanyi sef ...Herd mentality ndi my pastor si...Di m ga na e provide mgbe o wula..

Munzy14:

Stingy for who exactly? Di ya ka owu nwa ya...Comfortably allowed them to sleep on empty stomach just to pretend that she doesn't have?

If she doesn't spend on the two most important people in life, who will she spend on? Smh ufodu umu nwaanyi sef ...Herd mentality ndi my pastor si...Di m ga na e provide mgbe o wula..

I wouldn’t even say she’s stingy because according to the op, she always buys him stuff whenever she goes out.
I think it is a case of her still learning how to be a wife. They are a new couple.
As one of the commenters rightly commented, she still treats her husband like a boyfriend.
She also believes it is his sole responsibility to take care of her as his wife.
What she did was wrong, yes, but it was not enough to condemn and term her a bad person.
She needs to be given the chance to redeem herself.

I blame the op for discussing and allowing all kinds of people type sh!t about his wife. And he was foolishly agreeing with them crucifying his wife.
A woman he should protect. A woman he sleeps and cuddles with. The mother of his child.

Talk about an enemy within! God forbid bad husband!

Mariangeles:


I wouldn’t even say she’s stingy because according to the op, she always buys him stuff whenever she goes out.
I think it is a case of her still learning how to be a wife. They are a new couple.
As one of the commenters rightly commented, she still treats her husband like a boyfriend.
She also believes it is his sole responsibility to take care of her as his wife.
What she did was wrong, yes, but it was not enough to condemn and term her a bad person.
She needs to be given the chance to redeem herself.

I blame the op for discussing and allowing all kinds of people type sh!t about his wife. And he was foolishly agreeing with them crucifying his wife.
A woman he should protect. A woman he sleeps and cuddles with. The mother of his child.

Talk about an enemy within! God forbid bad husband!

He should protect someone who would rather he starve than drop money for feeding? Uchu gbakwa.

Op better start saving for your future because you are alone.

YourCoffin:


He should protect someone who would rather he starve than drop money for feeding? Uchu gbakwa.

Op better start saving for your future because you are alone.

You and your cohorts would rather he divorce her right?

Mariangeles:


You and your cohorts would rather he divorce her right?

I only said he should start saving for his future. If he was dropping 100% of his income for family expenses, he should reduce it to 50. Invest the remaining for his future. Otherwise he will hear wee when he gets old and can't earn as much as he currently does

YourCoffin:


I only said he should start saving for his future. If he was dropping 100% of his income for family expenses, he should reduce it to 50. Invest the remaining for his future. Otherwise he will hear wee when he gets old and can't earn as much as he currently does

Well, I believe she can still redeem herself. She made a mistake once and it is not enough to condemn or write her off as a bad person.

Remember that the op typed that she always buys him stuff, so I don’t think she’s stingy. Probably irresponsible.

What she needs to do is to start working and earning money, so that she can start contributing and being responsible for her family, because that is the only way she can earn her husband’s respect.
And if I were her, with a husband like the op, I wouldn’t want his money to establish myself, because he’s the kind of person that will most likely going to always remind me that I owe my success to him.

Mariangeles:


Well, I believe she can still redeem herself. She made a mistake once and it is not enough to condemn or write her off as a bad person.

Remember that the op typed that she always buys him stuff, so I don’t think she’s stingy. Probably irresponsible.

What she needs to do is to start working and earning money, so that she can start contributing and being responsible for her family, because that is the only way she can earn her husband’s respect.
And if I were her, with a husband like the op, I wouldn’t want his money to establish myself, because he’s the kind of person that will most likely going to always remind me that I owe my success to him.

Well you are also condemning the man. Why can't I do the same to the woman? Ordinary one night feeding money she no gree bring na contribution she go come do? The husband isn't even asking her for money. He was in a bad spot just for a night and she couldn't pick up the slack even when she has. Lord knows I can't be with that kind of person. It is not a mistake. It is the kind of person she is. It doesn't mean there are no other good sides to her, which is why I didn't advise the OP to throw away the baby with the bath water. I only said he should look out for himself.

Mariangeles:


I wouldn’t even say she’s stingy because according to the op, she always buys him stuff whenever she goes out.
I think it is a case of her still learning how to be a wife. They are a new couple.
As one of the commenters rightly commented, she still treats her husband like a boyfriend.
She also believes it is his sole responsibility to take care of her as his wife.
What she did was wrong, yes, but it was not enough to condemn and term her a bad person.
She needs to be given the chance to redeem herself.

I blame the op for discussing and allowing all kinds of people type sh!t about his wife. And he was foolishly agreeing with them crucifying his wife.
A woman he should protect. A woman he sleeps and cuddles with. The mother of his child.

Talk about an enemy within! God forbid bad husband!

She still needs some brushing up....Men will do anything for the wife, as long as quality and genuine care from her is guaranteed.

I believe the OP was seriously disappointed by seeing his own better half telling lies when he has seen evidence.

Though oruhu ije aji akpogbo ya n'obe..But first impression matters..It will take time to regain the trust..Not when he realised he went to bed on empty stomach as married man..

Kitchen and her family's stomach wunu ihe nwaanyi ji eme onu na, but Nwaanyi op no send...Slay queen wife.

No matter how buoyant a man can be, a day will come when he will be out of cash at hand and with no options...That's when a wife can step in immediately to fill up the space..

Trust me if OP is no longer providing, this one go run...Or ga a gwa di ya ihe nshi ka mma.. like my Mom will say.

YourCoffin:


I only said he should start saving for his future. If he was dropping 100% of his income for family expenses, he should reduce it to 50. Invest the remaining for his future. Otherwise he will hear wee when he gets old and can't earn as much as he currently does

This is exactly the fate of most men who married such women when they get older and didn't save for their weaker days..

Them the hear wee Incomplete meals with Heavy Insult all the time. In such case you will hear dead man I no blame you, because I agreed to marry you. .

A man is valued for the fact he can provide...

YourCoffin:


Well you are also condemning the man. Why can't I do the same to the woman? Ordinary one night feeding money she no gree bring na contribution she go come do? The husband isn't even asking her for money. He was in a bad spot just for a night and she couldn't pick up the slack even when she has. Lord knows I can't be with that kind of person. It is not a mistake. It is the kind of person she is. It doesn't mean there are no other good sides to her, which is why I didn't advise the OP to throw away the baby with the bath water. I only said he should look out for himself.

You said it all.....

Mariangeles:


Well, I believe she can still redeem herself. She made a mistake once and it is not enough to condemn or write her off as a bad person.

Remember that the op typed that she always buys him stuff, so I don’t think she’s stingy. Probably irresponsible.

What she needs to do is to start working and earning money, so that she can start contributing and being responsible for her family, because that is the only way she can earn her husband’s respect.
And if I were her, with a husband like the op, I wouldn’t want his money to establish myself, because he’s the kind of person that will most likely going to always remind me that I owe my success to him.

Do you think this kind wife will step in when bigger challenges come? Even if she is working and earning cool.

She is who she is na...Change doesn't happen sudden...It involves a process...Very simple as ABC, she lost the trust the man has for her...

O di m ka aga m e tinye kwu ituashi na my deal breaker.. Nwaanyi m ekwesi hu ituru m ashi at all and it is vise versa...I mean if we can't stand up for eachother, Onwehu ishi na.

Munzy14:

Do you think this kind wife will step in when bigger challenges come? Even if she is working and earning cool.

She is who she is na...Change doesn't happen sudden...It involves a process...Very simple as ABC, she lost the trust the man has for her...

O di m ka aga m e tinye kwu ituashi na my deal breaker.. Nwaanyi m ekwesi hu ituru m ashi at all and it is vise versa...I mean if we can't stand up for each other, Onwehu ishi na.

Well, a nahu a macha mmadu and nobody's perfect. Everyone have their flaws, including op.

Mrkumareze:
Op, she is not working yet, wait until she starts business... And, don't expect her to start spending from a biz that's not stable yet.. grow your wife, she ll support you when she balance wella...
no reason wahala, the economy sometimes frustrates man thinking ... to survive in naija as a family man, u get to be strong psychologically n physically

Read what he posted there very well, for the fact that she had money and the family went to bed hungry makes her not only a bad wife but a very bad mother.

Tallesty1:
She watched her daughter go to bed hungry enyi.



That was so extreme

Now I see reason why guys are running away from marriage.

She is selfish but you allow her to be.

merieam16:
u had better forgive that and move on. Marriage is all about enduring and forgiveness....e be like say u never ready. Marriage is not for the faint at heart

You don't seem to understand the meaning of the word MARRIAGE. You think marriage is a poverty alleviation programs for girls to live comfortably for the rest of their lives with giving only their toto as a condition.

So marriage is about enduring and forgiveness only from the man, and? Women are not required to forgive and endure.

Nigeria is a broken society with broken values. No wonder the whole world avoid us but ready to accept Ghanians and even Beniniose.

Tallesty1:
She watched her daughter go to bed hungry enyi.



That was so extreme

Na dat one pain me pass. Watching a baby go to bed hungry as a mother is unforgivable.
It means the child will abandoned if anything happens to the husband.