Klass99:
Let's not kid ourselves - you are not overthinking things, she is not a good person with a good heart or a good soul.

The fact that she had money in her account, but let all of you go to bed starving, including the fact that you 100% pay the bills without slacking off and she still does the things you mentioned only goes to show there's no love or kindness within.

The problem with majority of people who don't do honest work to earn a living (whether it is via business or salaried employment) is that, they take other people and things for granted, they also do not understand how money works.

Money comes and goes, but nothing beats good/reliable people in your life who will have your back in fair and foul weather. I won't advise you to talk to her, rather show her through actions, that kind of attitude will not be tolerated. Actions speak louder than words and she has shown you her's already, so speak the same language back to her.

Imagine for a second, what life would be like if you lost your income generating ability, through a prolonged illness or job loss. You would have no support system in her, this was just MTN network issues which lasted 24 hours and see what happened.

Klass99:


Imagine for a second, what life would be like if you lost your income generating ability, through a prolonged illness or job loss. You would have no support system in her, this was just MTN network issues which lasted 24 hours and see what happened.

Richy4:


You can't get all the package in one buddy.. U will agree with me that there are area in which u always commend her right?...
So try and manage the shortcoming part as well please...


I'm glad that u didn't want this on front page..
Cheers man...
[/color]

Palema007:
Oh I get it now... But did you ask her? I mean make a request.

Well all the same, talk to your wife. We don't know her, what could have prompted her actions or her orientation about marriage. Just talk things through, be more open and stop harbouring things that you shouldn't in your mind.

Mille:


And what should someone do if you have talked and there is still no changes?

olabrinks:
I don’t like to spend money in my house too much but what bothers me is the fact she allowed her daughter to go hungry over night especially when she has money in her account. I’m really concerned about that as that is not normal at all. You need to be very weary about this, because these are signs that she may neglect her own daughter if times get hard. Very bad.

Favfables1:


Bros how far you na??
He should ask his wife how??
So he should beg his wife to feed their daughter ba?? Her own flesh and blood o!! Someone she carried in the womb for 9months o, not someone that was adopted...So someone should beg her to take care of her daughter?... Na wa o...
Even if she doesn't want to spend on him maybe because of a misunderstanding they had, at least feed your own daughter!!!!
So, him that have been doing it in the past, did she use to ask him??

She knew the situation on ground and she had the resources to remedy that situation, yet she didn't...

If that is not stinginess at it's peak, then I don't what that is...

Mille:
she chose to allow everyone sleep hungry that night including our baby. Don't even ask about breast milk because the whole night, all I was hearing was her whining that she hasn't eaten and the baby shouldn't disturb her with cries for breastfeeding.

Mille:


You get the drift. She is good for most parts that I would think I have the best woman in the world but there are sometimes I wonder if na charm they use for me.

Thanks for the advice. I guess I will gather more experience as I get older.

Favfables1:


Chief...
I don't know your wife o, buh from what you've said, I can assume that you have no backing and support in her when the financial chips are down...

So I would advise you to open a fixed deposit account and save like 3k - 5k every month from now till you retire so that you can start a business you can fall back on...

Cause if she can be like this now, then how will things be like when you lose your source of livelihood??

Buh in all you do...
Take care of your kids, don't neglect them on her account...

And try to bring up the matter again in the near future...

Klass99:


Money comes and goes, but nothing beats good/reliable people in your life who will have your back in fair and foul weather. I won't advise you to talk to her, rather show her through actions, that kind of attitude will not be tolerated. Actions speak louder than words and she has shown you her's already, so speak the same language back to her.
I learned a lit but I don't think I will be applying it due to my nature.

Imagine for a second, what life would be like if you lost your income generating ability, through a prolonged illness or job loss. You would have no support system in her, this was just MTN network issues which lasted 24 hours and see what happened.

Mille:


I hear you're considering polygamy

ogawisdom:
Lol

she doesnt believe in supporting his man financially.

you are wasting ur money opening a business for her except u dont mind if she doesnt support ur family from the biz.

whatever u do never ever go broke otherwise u will see ur ears with ur eyes.

Have plans A to F for making money n different reserve funds for the family.

By the way 95% of women are like dt, it's difficult for a woman to support their husband with their money.

In ur case i am shocked she let her daughter go to bed hungry, women don't play with their kids

Mille:


You just summed up the reason for my fear and resentment.

I have also been thinking of what my life will be after retirement without any tangible savings.

My belief in life is that people don't change. So you can imagine how my fears have heightened now. I have been thinking 32 years into the future.

ucheheart:
You are not alone my brother, Wives in this our generation are not just helpful. They come with entitlement mentality and most of them are very selfish, all they care about is themselves and their family members.

Mille:
Just curious so I can stop worrying about it. ***NO FRONTPAGE PLEASE*** JUST HOPE TO GET SOME INPUT FROM EXPERIENCED MARRIED PEOPLE.

Married for close to two years now with a baby. My wife hasn't worked since partly due to a lack of suitable opportunities and the fact that we are alone where we stay with neither family present. She is a graduate of a private university and I've had to sponsor a skillet training which has been completed so she can open a business. We intend to wait until the baby is one before she opens the business which is a few weeks from now. So I'm 100% responsible for everything. She is not on any specific allowance but I purposely allow inflated bills so she can get some change from it. She is also involved in weekly contributions which I pay 90% of the time.

One thing I have noticed is that she will not help with any expenses around the house. Let say I'm cash-strapped for something we need to buy today, she'll pretend she doesn't have any cash and rather wait until I bring the money tomorrow than buy it for the family. She is currently doing so now and it is reinvigorating resentments I have for her.

One event actually caused the resentment. I will share it in the next post.

Mille:


Exactly what I was thinking. Of what use is opening a business for her if I'm not getting any benefits.

Mehn, I was shocked she did that and it was the main reason I lambasted her. My daughter only takes breast milk and adult food. She'll rather take water than cerealac. I already told my wife I'll never forgive that in my life.

Mille:
On what caused the resentment.

I'm sure you all remembered when MTN network was down until the next day. Well, that day I and my daughter went to bed hungry. It was the first time in my 28 years I have ever gone to bed without eating dinner.

I receive my pay in my dorm account in USD. So I have a BDC guy who I transfer dollar to whenever I need cash. I didn't know MTN will fumble that day because I splurged all my Naira earlier that day. Evening came, MTN was down. I couldn't get across to BDC and it was already too late to go to bank to withdraw. I saw this woman's bank balance that same evening but she lied she didn't have any cash. I didn't challenge her and she chose to allow everyone sleep hungry that night including our baby. Don't even ask about breast milk because the whole night, all I was hearing was her whining that she hasn't eaten and the baby shouldn't disturb her with cries for breastfeeding.

The next morning by 7AM, I was able to get across to my BDC guy and exchanged the cash. That was the first time I have ever confronted her and I lambasted her that morning.

Still it is the same. When I have to pay PHCN bills, she'll rather have us sleep in darkness if my bank has network issues than use her own account.

Now the funny thing is, she will never go out without buying something on her way for me. So I'm a bit confused and resentful.
You're going through this simply because you were blinded by love not to discuss crucial things before you guys settled down.
I have always advised young men and women who want to get married to discuss bills.... NEPA, Waste management, gas, water, house rent, school fees, lesson fee for kids and so on. Bills are very important for married couples. Mr OP, get your wife a business, wait after 6 months for her to settle in the business then you sit her down and discuss bills who should pay what every month. For example: if you give her NEPA bill and she pretends not to have money, don't buy fuel for generator let her pay the bill or use her money to buy fuel.

Mille:
On what caused the resentment.

I'm sure you all remembered when MTN network was down until the next day. Well, that day I and my daughter went to bed hungry. It was the first time in my 28 years I have ever gone to bed without eating dinner.

I receive my pay in my dorm account in USD. So I have a BDC guy who I transfer dollar to whenever I need cash. I didn't know MTN will fumble that day because I splurged all my Naira earlier that day. Evening came, MTN was down. I couldn't get across to BDC and it was already too late to go to bank to withdraw. I saw this woman's bank balance that same evening but she lied she didn't have any cash. I didn't challenge her and she chose to allow everyone sleep hungry that night including our baby. Don't even ask about breast milk because the whole night, all I was hearing was her whining that she hasn't eaten and the baby shouldn't disturb her with cries for breastfeeding.

The next morning by 7AM, I was able to get across to my BDC guy and exchanged the cash. That was the first time I have ever confronted her and I lambasted her that morning.

Still it is the same. When I have to pay PHCN bills, she'll rather have us sleep in darkness if my bank has network issues than use her own account.

Now the funny thing is, she will never go out without buying something on her way for me. So I'm a bit confused and resentful.

You're going through this simply because you were blinded by love not to discuss crucial things before you guys settled down.
I have always advised young men and women who want to get married to discuss bills.... NEPA, Waste management, gas, water, house rent, school fees, lesson fee for kids and so on. Bills are very important for married couples. Mr OP, get your wife a business, wait after 6 months for her to settle in the business then you sit her down and discuss bills who should pay what every month. For example: if you give her NEPA bill and she pretends not to have money, don't buy fuel for generator let her pay the bill or use her money to buy fuel.

Mariangeles:
She’s not a bad wife, she’s just stingy.
You can open up and try to talk to her about it.
Make her understand that you are not her father but her husband, and she’s obligated to support you in providing for the household in any way she can, no matter how little.

Mille:
On what caused the resentment.

I'm sure you all remembered when MTN network was down until the next day. Well, that day I and my daughter went to bed hungry. It was the first time in my 28 years I have ever gone to bed without eating dinner.

I receive my pay in my dorm account in USD. So I have a BDC guy who I transfer dollar to whenever I need cash. I didn't know MTN will fumble that day because I splurged all my Naira earlier that day. Evening came, MTN was down. I couldn't get across to BDC and it was already too late to go to bank to withdraw. I saw this woman's bank balance that same evening but she lied she didn't have any cash. I didn't challenge her and she chose to allow everyone sleep hungry that night including our baby. Don't even ask about breast milk because the whole night, all I was hearing was her whining that she hasn't eaten and the baby shouldn't disturb her with cries for breastfeeding.

The next morning by 7AM, I was able to get across to my BDC guy and exchanged the cash. That was the first time I have ever confronted her and I lambasted her that morning.

Still it is the same. When I have to pay PHCN bills, she'll rather have us sleep in darkness if my bank has network issues than use her own account.

Now the funny thing is, she will never go out without buying something on her way for me. So I'm a bit confused and resentful.

Palema007:
Yes... He should have asked or suggested to her to take care of the bills that night. If she had refused then he would have been vindicated and it would have been easy to really call her out. Asking shouldn't really be a big deal for Op? Rather than pretend and sulk it all up till he was able to get his transactions done the next morning. To be honest he Is just as guilty as the mother for allowing the baby go to bed without food out of Pride.

BTW do you really think a baby can go to sleep hungry? Lol... Lemme just overlook that.

To me, the lady isn't bad. The fact that she still gets something for the dude whenever she goes out definitely shows she's not bad nor stingy. To me, she lacks some basic knowledge of running a family or Op is not telling us something.

Mille:
On what caused the resentment.

I'm sure you all remembered when MTN network was down until the next day. Well, that day I and my daughter went to bed hungry. It was the first time in my 28 years I have ever gone to bed without eating dinner.

I receive my pay in my dorm account in USD. So I have a BDC guy who I transfer dollar to whenever I need cash. I didn't know MTN will fumble that day because I splurged all my Naira earlier that day. Evening came, MTN was down. I couldn't get across to BDC and it was already too late to go to bank to withdraw. I saw this woman's bank balance that same evening but she lied she didn't have any cash. I didn't challenge her and she chose to allow everyone sleep hungry that night including our baby. Don't even ask about breast milk because the whole night, all I was hearing was her whining that she hasn't eaten and the baby shouldn't disturb her with cries for breastfeeding.

The next morning by 7AM, I was able to get across to my BDC guy and exchanged the cash. That was the first time I have ever confronted her and I lambasted her that morning.

Still it is the same. When I have to pay PHCN bills, she'll rather have us sleep in darkness if my bank has network issues than use her own account.

Now the funny thing is, she will never go out without buying something on her way for me. So I'm a bit confused and resentful.

Mille:
On what caused the resentment.

I'm sure you all remembered when MTN network was down until the next day. Well, that day I and my daughter went to bed hungry. It was the first time in my 28 years I have ever gone to bed without eating dinner.

I receive my pay in my dorm account in USD. So I have a BDC guy who I transfer dollar to whenever I need cash. I didn't know MTN will fumble that day because I splurged all my Naira earlier that day. Evening came, MTN was down. I couldn't get across to BDC and it was already too late to go to bank to withdraw. I saw this woman's bank balance that same evening but she lied she didn't have any cash. I didn't challenge her and she chose to allow everyone sleep hungry that night including our baby. Don't even ask about breast milk because the whole night, all I was hearing was her whining that she hasn't eaten and the baby shouldn't disturb her with cries for breastfeeding.

The next morning by 7AM, I was able to get across to my BDC guy and exchanged the cash. That was the first time I have ever confronted her and I lambasted her that morning.

Still it is the same. When I have to pay PHCN bills, she'll rather have us sleep in darkness if my bank has network issues than use her own account.

Now the funny thing is, she will never go out without buying something on her way for me. So I'm a bit confused and resentful.