₦airaland Forum

Theonlysonofher:
While others are celebrating the new year today I am here sobbing because my marriage is at the verge of breaking.

I loved my wife with all my heart but I don't think I will ever forgive her for what she has done to my mother.

I am the only child of my mother. I have three sisters on my father's side.
I am married with two beautiful daughters. my mother suffered from diabetes, bp and high cholesterol. She is on a special diets strictly no salt or too much sugar.

She came to stay with me because the person who was taking care of her wasn't doing her job properly so I had to bring her to my house so I will be monitoring her health.

I have a house help who prepares all her meals with less salt and she also makes sure she takes her medicines on time without fail.
Everything was fine, my mother is not a troublesome person, she gets on well with my wife and most of the time she is in her room resting.

On the 20th of December my house help had traveled to the village to see her people and she will be back in January 4th so my wife and I have to take care of my mother making sure that her foods is less salty and medicines on time.

Since I am always working so my wife had to take most of the responsibility. It is only for a week and fews days until the house help is back.

She had agreed to take care of my mother during this periods of time and I thought everything was fine but I noticed my mother become distant and tired unlike her and I had no idea that she was actually dying and I have never suspected that my wife was maltreating her.

So Thursday being 30th December I was at work when my wife called and asked me to join her at the hospital because mama had a seizure.

I rushed to the hospital and my mother was in a coma state and I asked her what happened to mama, she said mama woke up that morning complaining about shortage of breath and she told her to go back to bed and rest hoping she will be fine by the time she will wake up.
Only for mama to fall off the ground and started shaking with foam coming out of her mouth.

I was in panicked I couldn't stop praying for my mother to get better and I didn't leave the hospital, my wife went home to take care of the children because she has left them with the neighbour and I had spend all night prayer vigil at my mother's bedside and glory be to God my mother woke up yesterday being 31st but the doctor report was not a good news for me.

Actually my mother was poisoned with salt and guess who did it? My beloved wife couldn't bothered to cook a different meal for my mother, she used to feed her the same meal we ate knowing full well that mama cannot eat the same foods as us because we are salt lovers, especially my wife, she love eating too much salt which I have warned her over and over again because it is also not good for her health.

I confronted her, she said she only fed mama the same meals we ate twice only but according to the doctor it was more than two times.

I am hurt that my wife doesnt love my mother or treat her like her own mother because if she truly loved her like her own mother she would have put her diet on consideration and not allow her to eat the same meal as us. I love her mother and u treat her like my own mother.

It pains me a lot when I remember five years ago when her mother was in coma state and she was staying with her at the hospital, she is her only daughter amongst three boys.

I used to visit them everyday after work, I will bring foods and I have even washed her mother clothes with my own hands, I have done with love because she is my mother. I called my mother in law this morning and I have informed her about what her daughter has done to my mother and she couldn't stop apologising and she is very disappointed with my wife.

But see how she has repaid me by hurting my own mother.

She has apologised to me and to my mother, I have forgave her but I don't think I can stay with her again because one day if I become sick or bedridden she might treat me the same way.

Honestly speaking I am not even at home with her and the kids, I am at my cousin brother's house since yesterday I left the hospital and my mother is still in the hospital because she needs more treatment and hopefully she will recover by next week.

I don't feel like going home today and I don't know when I'll go home but I will always be there for my girls because they are the best thing that ever happened to me.

What other advice would you give me on this situation? What are your thoughts? Thank you for reading all I love this community.

Theonlysonofher:
Unfortunately my sweet mother left us

yemi1504:
The views saying it is intentional seem to have a point! Because if it is really more than twice, that is not even in the negligence territory anymore!

being:
Are u a Christian sir?
Then you have to forgive and also pray to forget.
You see this is a well calculated attack of the devil on your marriage!! And d attack was right at your neck ..
God is depending on you to stand for Him and resist that attack.
It is not easy.. but u need to stand strong in & for God & overcome
PLS sir.. U should forgive her and overcome d enemy in your marriage

Jen96:
forgiving your wife will be hard now

Originalsly:
Sorry to learn your mother passed on. From the write up... I'm having a problem with what the doctor said.... how would he know how many times your mother was served salty meals? On your part... you are saying that your mother's food was to be cooked with less salt. How about no salt period? Your wife cooks very salty meals.... have you considered that she put less than usual salt in the food?... which to her was not salty at all? ... but actually salty? It's not like your mother was on a no salt diet. And how did you figure your mother died because of salty food? With her foaming at the mouth.... is that what happens with too much salt?... or from ingesting something poisonous? I can buy your wife poisoned your mother period ... but not the explanation posted. Did you even consider she was not given her medication on time? Was she on insulin? If yes and she missed out on her medication she is likely to pass out and that can be fatal. Medical people can better explain... but you should consider what I stated and reconsider your judgment on your wife and family.

darealbabe:
No. You can't throw out your marriage just like that!

Yes you were supportive of her mum and your mum deserves to be treated right by your wife! But THIS IS NOT A GOOD REASON TO END YOUR MARRIAGE.

Work things out with your wife. It's okay to take time out since you're still very hurt but don't make poor decisions because you are mad at your wife!

Let her know how pained you are and remind her of how you treated her own mother like yours, and expected that she would treat your own mother like hers!

Pls calm down and sort this out with your wife! Enough said.

soundOsonic:
You haven't forgiven her, if at all you have you wouldn't be here posting this.
The only problem I saw here was lack of proper education from your wife.
Now sir, reason this: if she actually knew feeding her salt will lead to this; would she have fed her?
She was only careless and didn't take her diabetes serious.
She acknowledged her mistake and she had apologized already. I know this trying time is enough to pass blame, but blaming her wouldn't make the matter better or worse.

It was a silly mistake, even doctors makes mistakes, you too make mistakes, she had learnt. Go back to your house and clear it from your chest and celebrate the new year with your family.
Happy New year

Modified:
For those quoting me
For those saying it was intentional, you need to have sense. This isn't Nollywood movie it is real life.
The wife was only lazy and took her sickness for granted. This is the most logical explanation. It is still thesame reason why you poison yourselves taking alcohol, soft drinks, and food rich in oil and fats, though you are conscious of this fact this things are not good for you yet you take them, this is because you are not taking your health serious and you haven't seen with your eyes the implications what this things can cause.
The woman was conscious of the fact this things are not good, but she took it lightly because she haven't seen in first hand the implications.
I myself haven't seen first hand the implications of diabetics. I would have made same mistake due to laziness.

Modified: I heard the mama died OP take heart. Your wife was just foolish and that foolishness led to the costly mistake that was paid with a human life. Such is life, you have every right to be angry but madam did not kill your mother intentionally. Life goes on, I wish you would forgive her one day. Just note it can happen to anybody

Originalsly:
Sorry to learn your mother passed on. From the write up... I'm having a problem with what the doctor said.... how would he know how many times your mother was served salty meals? On your part... you are saying that your mother's food was to be cooked with less salt. How about no salt period? Your wife cooks very salty meals.... have you considered that she put less than usual salt in the food?... which to her was not salty at all? ... but actually salty? It's not like your mother was on a no salt diet. And how did you figure your mother died because of salty food? With her foaming at the mouth.... is that what happens with too much salt?... or from ingesting something poisonous? I can buy your wife poisoned your mother period ... but not the explanation posted. Did you even consider she was not given her medication on time? Was she on insulin? If yes and she missed out on her medication she is likely to pass out and that can be fatal. Medical people can better explain... but you should consider what I stated and reconsider your judgment on your wife and family.

God1stson:
If her mother had died in that incident you will not be talking like that. One thing that drives people like her wife is selfishness, anybody like that will still repeat the same thing over. I had a sister who knows I suffered acute ulcer yet most of the time she puts excess pepper in food. I complained severally but often she repeats it, I even gave her d option of grinding dry pepper and put it in her own afterwards but she didn't buy it. Since I was d one providing d money for food, I had to start giving her half of what I intend giving her 4 feeding. So any day I enter and taste one spoon and is peppeperish I will quickly go to Mama's care restaurant, the woman knows I don't need 2much paper or will buy indomie. Since then she is more cautious about putting pepper but I had remained committed to the half percent of feeding money so no more excess money for buying make ups or clothes from d remainder of the feeding money lol

newdawn2017:
Pls Mr. Man, don't mind all these people here saying "forgive her" "leave her in God's hands". Ur wife has accidentally shown u who she trusly is. Pls don't unsee it. Life she cares not for things u hold dear. U re right in what u said."[b][/b]if u become sick or bedridden, she will treat u same way. She has no compassion in her, that a grounds for divorce as d scales has fallen of ur eyes.

DarkJeddi:
In as much as I understood your pain..
I believe you have to not allow it to define your relationship..
Your wife may have erred...
But I doubt it was a malicious intent..
It's not easy to forgive..
But you will have to find it in your heart..
To forgive and move on..

descarado:
The man is deliberately looking for way to throw her out.
Who knows, they prophesied to him the wife is the cause of his mum's ill-health.

Mama don't have mouth again.
See pages upon pages of hatred oozing out from people. And we blame politicians when we are worst.

eyinjuege:
This your story get as e be.
I doubt the kind of salt that would make your mum have a seizure is one that anyone would be able to eat the meal, including your wife who likes salt. And this happened in about a week.
I would look into another cause for her seizures.
Hope she had a brain scan at the hospital because she might have suffered a stroke or ministroke.
Or was Mama having more than the number of tablets she should be having for her diabetes? Was she deliberately/unintentionally being overdosed on antidiabetic drugs that can cause low glucose, which in turn can cause seizures? Who is in charge of giving her the medicines? Can she be doing that by herself?
Or Mama has been avoiding eating food prepared by your wife because it's too salty, and she's still taking her diabetic medication on an empty stomach?
Please investigate further and ask your mum how she has been using her medicines.
It may be better to get her a weekly pill box with days of the week and times to take her medicine, so nobody gets confused about how she should be using her medicines

Yinkakolawole:
THE GOD OF ABRAHAM, ISAAC, & JACOB, JEHOVAH THE MAN OF WAR, HIS MERCY ENDURETH FOREVER, O PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME.

yemi1504:
I do the same drastic decisions too. I still remember in service, my roommate who cooked for both of us and the food had onions and was even raw after cooking! I hate onions with a passion and must not see it in my food. Once, I took the first spoon and I had a bad experience, I rora left the food for him and went to buy food outside. That was a message direct enough! After that day, I never saw onions in the food he cooked again! I am that kind of person if the salt is enough or too salty or onions is in my food or egg, I will leave the food for you and either cook my food or eat outside. That is always enough direct message!

NOETHNICITY:
Ur roommate is an understanding person
Some wicked people will add more onions so you can leave all the food for them

yemi1504:
All this advice is for naught already and purpose is defeated as he unfortunately lost his mom.

yemi1504:
Then I will stop contributing money to fund such rubbish insolence! Yes I am that petty!

Theonlysonofher:
While others are celebrating the new year today I am here sobbing because my marriage is at the verge of breaking.

I loved my wife with all my heart but I don't think I will ever forgive her for what she has done to my mother.

I am the only child of my mother. I have three sisters on my father's side.
I am married with two beautiful daughters. my mother suffered from diabetes, bp and high cholesterol. She is on a special diets strictly no salt or too much sugar.

She came to stay with me because the person who was taking care of her wasn't doing her job properly so I had to bring her to my house so I will be monitoring her health.

I have a house help who prepares all her meals with less salt and she also makes sure she takes her medicines on time without fail.
Everything was fine, my mother is not a troublesome person, she gets on well with my wife and most of the time she is in her room resting.

On the 20th of December my house help had traveled to the village to see her people and she will be back in January 4th so my wife and I have to take care of my mother making sure that her foods is less salty and medicines on time.

Since I am always working so my wife had to take most of the responsibility. It is only for a week and fews days until the house help is back.

She had agreed to take care of my mother during this periods of time and I thought everything was fine but I noticed my mother become distant and tired unlike her and I had no idea that she was actually dying and I have never suspected that my wife was maltreating her.

So Thursday being 30th December I was at work when my wife called and asked me to join her at the hospital because mama had a seizure.

I rushed to the hospital and my mother was in a coma state and I asked her what happened to mama, she said mama woke up that morning complaining about shortage of breath and she told her to go back to bed and rest hoping she will be fine by the time she will wake up.
Only for mama to fall off the ground and started shaking with foam coming out of her mouth.

I was in panicked I couldn't stop praying for my mother to get better and I didn't leave the hospital, my wife went home to take care of the children because she has left them with the neighbour and I had spend all night prayer vigil at my mother's bedside and glory be to God my mother woke up yesterday being 31st but the doctor report was not a good news for me.

Actually my mother was poisoned with salt and guess who did it? My beloved wife couldn't bothered to cook a different meal for my mother, she used to feed her the same meal we ate knowing full well that mama cannot eat the same foods as us because we are salt lovers, especially my wife, she love eating too much salt which I have warned her over and over again because it is also not good for her health.

I confronted her, she said she only fed mama the same meals we ate twice only but according to the doctor it was more than two times.

I am hurt that my wife doesnt love my mother or treat her like her own mother because if she truly loved her like her own mother she would have put her diet on consideration and not allow her to eat the same meal as us. I love her mother and u treat her like my own mother.

It pains me a lot when I remember five years ago when her mother was in coma state and she was staying with her at the hospital, she is her only daughter amongst three boys.

I used to visit them everyday after work, I will bring foods and I have even washed her mother clothes with my own hands, I have done with love because she is my mother. I called my mother in law this morning and I have informed her about what her daughter has done to my mother and she couldn't stop apologising and she is very disappointed with my wife.

But see how she has repaid me by hurting my own mother.

She has apologised to me and to my mother, I have forgave her but I don't think I can stay with her again because one day if I become sick or bedridden she might treat me the same way.

Honestly speaking I am not even at home with her and the kids, I am at my cousin brother's house since yesterday I left the hospital and my mother is still in the hospital because she needs more treatment and hopefully she will recover by next week.

I don't feel like going home today and I don't know when I'll go home but I will always be there for my girls because they are the best thing that ever happened to me.

What other advice would you give me on this situation? What are your thoughts? Thank you for reading all I love this community.

NOETHNICITY:
He should not allow her action define thier relationship? Even after her action directly led to the death of his mum? Na wa for una

NOETHNICITY:
No, that wouldn't have amounted to being petty. It would be the right step or course of action to take

dangotesmummy:


My condolences to him

Theonlysonofher:
While others are celebrating the new year today I am here sobbing because my marriage is at the verge of breaking.

I loved my wife with all my heart but I don't think I will ever forgive her for what she has done to my mother.

I am the only child of my mother. I have three sisters on my father's side.
I am married with two beautiful daughters. my mother suffered from diabetes, bp and high cholesterol. She is on a special diets strictly no salt or too much sugar.

She came to stay with me because the person who was taking care of her wasn't doing her job properly so I had to bring her to my house so I will be monitoring her health.

I have a house help who prepares all her meals with less salt and she also makes sure she takes her medicines on time without fail.
Everything was fine, my mother is not a troublesome person, she gets on well with my wife and most of the time she is in her room resting.

On the 20th of December my house help had traveled to the village to see her people and she will be back in January 4th so my wife and I have to take care of my mother making sure that her foods is less salty and medicines on time.

Since I am always working so my wife had to take most of the responsibility. It is only for a week and fews days until the house help is back.

She had agreed to take care of my mother during this periods of time and I thought everything was fine but I noticed my mother become distant and tired unlike her and I had no idea that she was actually dying and I have never suspected that my wife was maltreating her.

So Thursday being 30th December I was at work when my wife called and asked me to join her at the hospital because mama had a seizure.

I rushed to the hospital and my mother was in a coma state and I asked her what happened to mama, she said mama woke up that morning complaining about shortage of breath and she told her to go back to bed and rest hoping she will be fine by the time she will wake up.
Only for mama to fall off the ground and started shaking with foam coming out of her mouth.

I was in panicked I couldn't stop praying for my mother to get better and I didn't leave the hospital, my wife went home to take care of the children because she has left them with the neighbour and I had spend all night prayer vigil at my mother's bedside and glory be to God my mother woke up yesterday being 31st but the doctor report was not a good news for me.

Actually my mother was poisoned with salt and guess who did it? My beloved wife couldn't bothered to cook a different meal for my mother, she used to feed her the same meal we ate knowing full well that mama cannot eat the same foods as us because we are salt lovers, especially my wife, she love eating too much salt which I have warned her over and over again because it is also not good for her health.

I confronted her, she said she only fed mama the same meals we ate twice only but according to the doctor it was more than two times.

I am hurt that my wife doesnt love my mother or treat her like her own mother because if she truly loved her like her own mother she would have put her diet on consideration and not allow her to eat the same meal as us. I love her mother and u treat her like my own mother.

It pains me a lot when I remember five years ago when her mother was in coma state and she was staying with her at the hospital, she is her only daughter amongst three boys.

I used to visit them everyday after work, I will bring foods and I have even washed her mother clothes with my own hands, I have done with love because she is my mother. I called my mother in law this morning and I have informed her about what her daughter has done to my mother and she couldn't stop apologising and she is very disappointed with my wife.

But see how she has repaid me by hurting my own mother.

She has apologised to me and to my mother, I have forgave her but I don't think I can stay with her again because one day if I become sick or bedridden she might treat me the same way.

Honestly speaking I am not even at home with her and the kids, I am at my cousin brother's house since yesterday I left the hospital and my mother is still in the hospital because she needs more treatment and hopefully she will recover by next week.

I don't feel like going home today and I don't know when I'll go home but I will always be there for my girls because they are the best thing that ever happened to me.

What other advice would you give me on this situation? What are your thoughts? Thank you for reading all I love this community.

wirinet:
What proof do you have that the wife's action directly led to the death of his mum? This is an old woman that suffered from diabetes, bp and high cholesterol. She could have died from high blood sugar, low blood sugar or heart attack.

We have to wait for the autopsy and toxicology result before we can conclude what killed her.

cedricksly:
saying alone u don't think you can stay with her after apologising say how stupid u are truly..... I read the topic and was disappointed, she fed your mother same food Y'all ate, wen your mom tasted the food and the salt was more than the usual, why didn't she reject it, did she spoon fed her? I'm not trying to blame your mother here, but give the poor woman(your wife) a break, u said it already, she is a salt lover, what she might consider mild salt might be too much for your mum, have you thought about that.... You are just being unnecessarily dramatic, this isn't a way to show love to your mom, it was a mistake anybody even u could make. And the doctor isn't God neither would he know for certain ur wife fed your mom more than twice, everything is based on assumption and recommendation.... I was wanting to read where u will point out how ur wife has been treating ur mother badly or maltreating her etc... Take this from a fellow brother who has a mother and he is the first son out of 3 boys.. If you drive that woman or treat her wrongly because of this incident, you will leave to regret it for the rest of ur life....

Beremx:
Your wife has asked for forgiveness. What else do you want?

Waiting for misogynistic people like Kris’s.216 to come advice you to divorce your wife

soundOsonic:
You haven't forgiven her, if at all you have you wouldn't be here posting this.
The only problem I saw here was lack of proper education from your wife.
Now sir, reason this: if she actually knew feeding her salt will lead to this; would she have fed her?
She was only careless and didn't take her diabetes serious.
She acknowledged her mistake and she had apologized already. I know this trying time is enough to pass blame, but blaming her wouldn't make the matter better or worse.

It was a silly mistake, even doctors makes mistakes, you too make mistakes, she had learnt. Go back to your house and clear it from your chest and celebrate the new year with your family.
Happy New year

Modified:
For those quoting me
For those saying it was intentional, you need to have sense. This isn't Nollywood movie it is real life.
The wife was only lazy and took her sickness for granted. This is the most logical explanation. It is still thesame reason why you poison yourselves taking alcohol, soft drinks, and food rich in oil and fats, though you are conscious of this fact this things are not good for you yet you take them, this is because you are not taking your health serious and you haven't seen with your eyes the implications what this things can cause.
The woman was conscious of the fact this things are not good, but she took it lightly because she haven't seen in first hand the implications.
I myself haven't seen first hand the implications of diabetics. I would have made same mistake due to laziness.

Modified: I heard the mama died OP take heart. Your wife was just foolish and that foolishness led to the costly mistake that was paid with a human life. Such is life, you have every right to be angry but madam did not kill your mother intentionally. Life goes on, I wish you would forgive her one day. Just note it can happen to anybody

wirinet:
My problem with the OP is that he himself has some degree of blame. He did not monitor the diet his wife was feeding his mum for 10 days since the househelp. Was he not communicating with his wife or his mother the whole 10 days.
I am not exonorating the wife. In fact I think poisoning is a more plausible explanation that simple excessive salt. But he himself should have been more involved with his mum's diet since he is aware of how crucial it is.

As I said we can only reach conclusions after the autopsy result is done.

cedricksly:
I do not blame the wife because this was not a deliberate action.. Reason is he already said it the wife love salt, a salt quantity the wife might Consider little might be too much for the mom. Moreover the mom is not dead, the mom woke up from coma on 31st why then is he still dragging the matter.....