Ladycewhy:
marriage really change you sha.

It's a good thing .


Imagine making a 300k financial plan dey expect her to contribute her 80k to fund the taste. This op head dey shake .

forget oh. Marriage didn't change me oh. I have been a coded horseband material but una no see am before na because I enjoyed those gender war then as it kept one busy and out of boredom lol



As for the Op, his head de spark like NGK plug lol



The op is a potential gold digger

bigpicture001:
My girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

Op this is a step in the right direction. Kudos to you for having this discussion before marriage to avoid she changed or he changed after marriage. After all said and done, I hope the same way you shared the financial responsibility is the same way you shared other duties like domestic chores like cooking, caring for the children when the time comes. If not you are being selfish Mr man, I am all for sharing responsibility but it must cover all areas. You don't expect her to contribute financially but do all the chores/ caring for the children alone.

Interesting and hilarious thread.

@OP, please if that girl comes back begging, don't ever make the mistake of accepting her.

Olatara:
I won't allow emotions to becloud my sense of reasoning.

I am not Chiwendu Precious and my fiance is not FFK.

Good luck sweetie

just know someone will treat your own son the way you treat your own husband. If you are the type that separate son(your husband) from his family ,same fate await your own son

franchasng:
Lol, my wife was only wondering why I don't ask how much she earns or if she got promoted. What prompted this was a time she got promoted from being a House Officer (what Nigerians call Doctor lol) to a full Doctor kind of. She was trying to explain the hierarchy in medical field, how they move till they become a full consultant, but she noticed I wasn't paying much attention or asking if it comes with pay rise. Honestly I have never envisaged myself pondering over a woman's income right from when I was a young single man. My heart has always been fixed on making plenty money cos I used to cherish reading about rich men, and coupled with my observation of some of my successful elder brothers, I developed my mentality about being sole provider of my marriage.



I know my wife is a highly disciplined and responsible lady and I trust she will be investing her income wisely. At least I am aware when she told me she wanted to open a bank account for our son shortly after he was born. As at then, I was aware she paid in 500k. So I don't need to bother about her income or career.


On the part of the Op, his mentality about marriage in Nigeria setting is flawed. This is Nigeria not UK or US or Canada. If you want peace and harmony in your marriage, remove eye from your wife's income and pray to God to make you sufficient enough to take care of all your family needs without relying on your wife's income. This is what I desire and what I will teach my son.



My mother was a hustler, she in fact hustled more than my father growing up, but as I grew up to an adult, I never wished my own wife to hustle and overwork like my mother, women are not created for that. The first reason God made woman for a man is emotional companionship, then as a helpmate not an equal mate to share burden with. She is only there to support you and not to share everything equally with you like gender equality proponents in the western world want.

If a woman is providing for her self and her needs and fulfills her statutory financial obligations to her home then no man cares about her finances or wat she does with her moni. Nepa bill water electricity - these are things she uses too....

The man pays rent/mortgage and other heavy stuff.

Seems like a fair deal to me....

Beautibae:

.You have only heard one side of the whole story. Don't judge yet.

Let me go by your logic. You, that believe in God, how come you believe Satan is the evil one, when you have not heard his own side of the story?

franchasng:
forget oh. Marriage didn't change me oh. I have been a coded horseband material but una no see am before na because I enjoyed those gender war then as it kept one busy and out of boredom lol



As for the Op, his head de spark like NGK plug lol



The op is a potential gold digger

oh so na cruise you come dey use us catch for here before .


Wetin dey vex me pass be say dem wan dey claim if na "abroad". Forgetting say with this kind plan na jackpot the lady go hit for divorce settlement.imagine say courts see say she dey contribute this much for the house before the marriage crash ,omo her divorce lawyer go just dey smile,e fit even take up the case probono cos na serious cash out for divorce court be this .


But for here despite contributing all this , taking care of the house , cleaning and taking care of the kids ,this op fit just wake up one day for some petty reason throw her out and even the kids too.

dmostcheerful:

Oga 3 people in a roll said you are wrong.
What makes you think you are right?
What you read online right?
How often as a man do you help with chores?
Or you are marely looking for a woman to share financial responsibility with why you sit at home and watch TV as the man.
Yes Nigerian mentality men don't do chores, if you copy the western with sharing financial responsibility with your spouse, don't forget to copy them on 50:50 house chore routine.

You did not make any sense either! That majority said something doesn’t make it right! So if 7 out of 10 persons tells me the earth is round, I should accept when I know it’s actually spherical in shape. You nay sayers have failed to answer a few basic questions, like I asked that Bishop which he also failed to answer, if her money is her money, and I use my money to take care of her and run the home, of what use is her money, of what use is her working? Of what economic benefit is her working status? Secondly, why only African women? How come western women don’t have such mentality? How come western women are more than willing to share in bills and these are same people you feminists copy emancipation and equality from, why did you guys fail to copy financial responsibility also?

To answer your poser concerning domestic chores, I have said so unapologetically, only a wicked man will watch his wife handle domestic chores all by herself in a nuclear family setting with kids still young and unable to assist while he does nothing. Times have since changed. She is not a maid because she married you. And yes, a lot of men has since adjusted to that reality.

BigBashiru:


If a woman is providing for her self and her needs and fulfills her statutory financial obligations to her home then no man cares about her finances or wat she does with her moni. Nepa bill water electricity - these are things she uses too....

The man pays rent/mortgage and other heavy stuff.

Seems like a fair deal to me....

water and NEPA bill for an 80k earner is different from that of a 300k earner's budget.

If she was making her budget with 80k do you think she will have appliances or stay in an area for big men with big utility bills? .


Na 300k earner utility bills she go dey pay o,have that in mind.

I love people that discuss things such as this before marriage to know where you stand with your spouse for future reference. Op you did well and I applaud your foresight and practicality. However, you left out the chores part. In as much as finance is important in a marriage so is other things. Did you both discuss how both parties will be involved in the day to day running of the home, like cooking, doing laundry/ dishes, school run, caring for the children when the time comes this includes waking up at night to feed your baby or babies as the case may be, helping with home work etc. If the answer is no, then you are not being fair to her or truthful to yourself.

myfantasies:
Guy if you bring this before me , I will walk away....

I earn 80k per month
My transport fare per day is 1,200 to 1,400
Feeding morning and afternoon 800
I recharge my phone
Get data for my phone 3500
Sub dstv 7900 every month end
I get gas ... No specific amount depends on how we use it
I get my toiletries for the month
I will make my hair
I still give mumsy and popsy little change
And I still do other expenses in the house

I can't remember the last time I bought maybe clothe or shoes for myself , cos at the end of all these expenses I am left with nothing, no savings , NOTHING.

I think you should try another different approach, try and see if you can help her get a better job or ask her if she can try side hustle, at least that will be bringing in little change.

Things are hard , the economy is not smiling, married couples need to have good income before they will start thinking of saving for this and that.

and u still dey suffer urself inside unfruitful work..

BigBashiru:


Problem with Christians be say una go just dey talk IDEALISTIC talk. The economy has changed. The marriage contract has changed as well....

See, a woman isn't helping a man financially biko.

If u read wat the op wrote u will see he is paying rent and paying the majority of all major expenses so she's actually helping herself...

Women just like men are selfish and don't want stress. U want the man to provide .... did u give him virginity?? Did u give him good character?? Did you give him a peaceful home?? In what ways do you make his life easier??

You no send all those wants all u want is he must provide.

Selfish beings....

If you need a peaceful home oga, first of all remove the mentality of a woman helping financial wise.
Raising kids is no child's play, I have 2 already I dey hear am.
Waking by 4:30am, while everyone else is sleeping is just enough sacrifice, coming back from work doing chores why your husband watches T.V is enough mental stress.
I keep saying it, let a woman helping financially be voluntarily why a man helping at home be voluntarily.
That is if you want a peaceful home which should be a man's number one priority in life if you want to live long.
I have dropped my 2cent

blackpanda:


i married with 50k salary. my wife was a student. somehow we made it work and today we are very comfortable. Its not how u start or what you earn that matters, its determination, love and hardwork. A man must never be afraid to shoulder responsibility but also the wife must key into his dream and be a good helper.

I'm sure your wife didn't/doesn't have entitlement mentality. The issue with ladies nowadays is their entitlement mentality; it's disgusting. They don't bring much to the table, they don't support your dreams or care to be a good helper; all they care about is that the man must continue to bring bring bring. Look at the comments from the ladies on this thread, you'll realize that they ONLY talk about their own needs, their relatives, how to look good physically, etc None of them cares how the man will take care of his own needs or his own relatives.

Ladycewhy:
water and NEPA bill for an 80k earner is different from that of a 300k earner's budget.

If she was making her budget with 80k do you think she will have appliances or stay in an area for big men with big utility bills? .


Na 300k earner utility bills she go dey pay o,have that in mind.

An 80k earner should be able to use 30-40% of her income to take care of herself and meet her statutory financial obligations in the home....

Ladycewhy:
water and NEPA bill for an 80k earner is different from that of a 300k earner's budget.

If she was making her budget with 80k do you think she will have appliances or stay in an area for big men with big utility bills? .


Na 300k earner utility bills she go dey pay o,have that in mind.

Imagine comparing the standard of living of an 80k earner with a 300k earner.

I am sure the OP's house will have an electric stove, an electric water heater, freezer and air con in every room, the electric bill alone might be over 30k a month. About water, I hope the OP wouod be ok drinking pure water instead of demanding water dispenser.

Ladycewhy:
oh so na cruise you come dey use us catch for here before .


Wetin dey vex me pass be say dem wan dey claim if na "abroad". Forgetting say with this kind plan na jackpot the lady go hit for divorce settlement.imagine say courts see say she dey contribute this much for the house before the marriage crash ,omo her divorce lawyer go just dey smile,e fit even take up the case probono cos na serious cash out for divorce court be this .


But for here despite contributing all this , taking care of the house , cleaning and taking care of the kids ,this op fit just wake up one day for some petty reason throw her out and even the kids too.

he is not yet ready to marry jareh, na theory him de talk. When he settles down eh, he will change his mentality and approach, unless money no de him hand.



Sometimes being broke or not having enough money de make we guys misyarn lol



You ladies should pray for us to have money, once we have, forget all these long theory guys are writing here because every Nigerian guy I know doing well financially loves spending lavishly on his girlfriend and wife no be joke.



No other men spend on women like Naija guys oh, forget internet theories here on Nairaland. Go out there and observe. Even you ladies are witnesses that Naija guys arent stingy to their lovers na. Naija guys de go to rob bank or join Yahoo Yahoo just to hammer money to carry chicks No mind our commente on Nairaland oh, some of them here de use your last kobo to take their girlfriends to shopping or Mr Biggs and when they log into Nairaland they automatically become stingy redpillers but go to malls everywhere full.with guys and.their hot babes catching fun





Make una stop to de take most of the comments on romance and relationship threads too serious oh, dont let their comments stop u from meeting them oh, some na opposite of what they do in real life them de comment on Nairaland lol


Who no like fine ghel

dmostcheerful:

If you need a peaceful home oga, first of all remove the mentality of a woman helping financial wise.
Raising kids is no child's play, I have 2 already I dey hear am.
Waking by 4:30am, while everyone else is sleeping is just enough sacrifice, coming back from work doing chores why your husband watches T.V is enough mental stress.
I keep saying it, let a woman helping financially be voluntarily why a man helping at home be voluntarily.
That is if you want a peaceful home which should be a man's number one priority in life if you want to live long.
I have dropped my 2cent

Nobody said a woman must "help financial wise".... I'm saying:

1. A woman must use her own money to take care of her self. Because she has a degree and can work.

2. Make a reasonable financial contribution towards child care no matter how small for they are her children too.... I think N25,000 per month per child is reasonable regardless of her salary...0.I don't care if she makes N1million per month just make a statutory financial contribution dats all.

3. As the guy I help with childcare too... and chores no big deal...


Bottom line is women don't like stress... I don't hv a problem with that.... but then again the guy must not be used or feel used.... same for the woman she must not be or feel used.

BigBashiru:


If a woman is providing for her self and her needs and fulfills her statutory financial obligations to her home then no man cares about her finances or wat she does with her moni. Nepa bill water electricity - these are things she uses too....

The man pays rent/mortgage and other heavy stuff.

Seems like a fair deal to me....

Oga Bashiru, wait until you marry one fine chick with big ukwu, na you go even give her all your ATM and the PIN

BigBashiru:


An 80k earner should be able to use 30-40% of her income to take care of herself and meet her statutory financial obligations in the home....

While she uses the rest to fund her husband's 300k taste?

franchasng:
Oga Bashiru, wait until you marry one fine chick with big ukwu, na you go even give her all your ATM and the PIN

@ ur last sentence that's the big problem of men. They marry ukwu and legs and regret it all their life....

Biggie2000:

I'm sure your wife didn't/doesn't have entitlement mentality. The issue with ladies nowadays is their entitlement mentality; it's disgusting. They don't bring much to the table, they don't support your dreams or care to be a good helper; all they care about is that the man must continue to bring bring bring. Look at the comments from the ladies on this thread, you'll realize that they ONLY talk about their own needs, their relatives, how to look good physically, etc None of them cares how the man will take care of his own needs or his own relatives.

I agree with you, and its unfortunate. There are many women but very few wives.

Ladycewhy:
While she uses the rest to fund her husband's 300k taste?

No na what she does with her moni is her business.... I don't look to a woman's money and her money is her business.... but she just has to make a reasonable financial contribution to the house that's all.... its easy to do these days she can sell on Jumia from home or take an online work from job..

BigBashiru:


@ ur last sentence that's the big problem of men. They marry ukwu and legs and regret it all their life....

Regret ke, unless the ukwu got deflected na, and ukwu no de fall like big boobs. Bashi abeg go find some big ukwu make we go flex jareh

placeofallure:


I understand your argument. The man has tried already. If he can handle that much with just 300k, then he deserves an award for an outstanding prospective husband. The truth is the young people of this generation (both sexes) are whack! I pray a lot for Nigeria if these are the kind of people that will represent her future. The future looks very bleak and gloomy.

What's the big deal if he brings the plan? Is the husband not the head anymore? What will happen if you both sit and talk it out? Will any of you die afterwards? If after talking and you still don't agree, you can majestically walk away, none of you is under any oath or compulsion to stay. God grant the OP the wisdom to discern.

Well said, ma! Please, enjoy this cold juice.

franchasng:
he is not yet ready to marry jareh, na theory him de talk. When he settles down eh, he will change his mentality and approach, unless money no de him hand.



Sometimes being broke or not having enough money de make we guys misyarn lol



You ladies should pray for us to have money, once we have, forget all these long theory guys are writing here because every Nigerian guy I know doing well financially loves spending lavishly on his girlfriend and wife no be joke.



No other men spend on women like Naija guys oh, forget internet theories here on Nairaland. Go out there and observe. Even you ladies are witnesses that Naija guys arent stingy to their lovers na. Naija guys de go to rob bank or join Yahoo Yahoo just to hammer money to carry chicks No mind our commente on Nairaland oh, some of them here de use your last kobo to take their girlfriends to shopping or Mr Biggs and when they log into Nairaland they automatically become stingy redpillers but go to malls everywhere full.with guys and.their hot babes catching fun





Make una stop to de take most of the comments on romance and relationship threads too serious oh, dont let their comments stop u from meeting them oh, some na opposite of what they do in real life them de comment on Nairaland lol


Who no like fine ghel

lol.

To think some ladies fit take the deal then change am for am after marriage.

Anyway like you said ,they guy nor ready ,and e be like say the lady tick other aspects for the op, maybe na that one make am think say she go jump at the deal. Aunty nor just talk kuku jakpa no time for drama or protest.

Ladycewhy:
lol.

To think some ladies fit take the deal then change am for am after marriage.

Anyway like you said ,they guy nor ready ,and e be like say the lady tick other aspects for the op, maybe that that one make am think say she go jump at the deal. Aunty nor just talk kuku jakpa not time for drama or protest.

His girlfriend must be a No nonsense chick, no time to deliberate or even argue, just japa

BigBashiru:


No na what she does with her moni is her business.... I don't look to a woman's money and her money is her business.... but she just has to make a reasonable financial contribution to the house that's all.... its easy to do these days she can sell on Jumia from home or take an online work from job..

Lol guy nor be force na ,the lady say she nor want. Make op go type the proposal dey give every lady till e find who go jump at the deal.

See,I will not want a son in-law like the op, that's on God.if she is alone she will make her expenses based on her 80k nor be say you go say make she dey save for vacation abroad with her 80k ,yet there is no guarantee that one day you will not throw her out with nothing but her wrapper on her waist.


If na abroad where there is alimony and child support I will ask her to grab the deal ,but not in Nigeria.

Biggie2000:

I'm sure your wife didn't/doesn't have entitlement mentality. The issue with ladies nowadays is their entitlement mentality; it's disgusting. They don't bring much to the table, they don't support your dreams or care to be a good helper; all they care about is that the man must continue to bring bring bring. Look at the comments from the ladies on this thread, you'll realize that they ONLY talk about their own needs, their relatives, how to look good physically, etc None of them cares how the man will take care of his own needs or his own relatives.

They don't bring much to the table? Ok let's analyse this table.
Child bearing - You think bearing children that carries half your DNA and your family name is not bringing much to the table?
If you go for surrogacy and pay women to carry your baby for 9 month and birth them. How much do you think you will pay a surrogate to give you 3 children?

Sex - how much do you think paid sex with a commercial sex worker would cost you? If an all night casts N10k and you have sex an average of twice a week, how much will that cost you at the end of 10 years?

Child care. - if you were to pay a house girl or child care services to take care of your children, how much do you think it will cost you per month?

Cooking - how much will you pay a chef to cook food for you and your children on a monthly basis? I have not even added going to the market.

What about house keeping and washing of cloths?

Idamond:

and u still dey suffer urself inside unfruitful work..

Since you get connection, help me with better job, or borrow me loan make I start side hustle.

franchasng:
His girlfriend must be a No nonsense chick, no time to deliberate or even argue, just japa

That's because she's in her early/mid 20s and still has bargaining power with men (youthful appearance)...