₦airaland Forum

signature2012:
In Naija,that’s the reality.You just have to over look many things and face your life.
It won’t be easy at all.Having 3 kids below age 10 will be a lot of work.
Last last,you will be fine .

Honestly it's not even easy. I get overwhelmed most times and just wish I can have some time to rest.

God has been my source of strength.

FERNANDEZISBACK:
What shame?what mockery huh..?
Are you trying to please brainless persons or what?
Let them talk live your life..you are bothering yourself unnecessarily..
** am a single mum of **** so I see no big deal there..

[b]Now coming to solution are the kids gonna be in your custody or his?[/b]look life as a divorced woman is quite strenuous..from stereotype to being alone to your mental health to the daft society who are always gonna criticize you..

Just get hold of yourself and wave it off..as a divorced woman I bet you gonna be more self confident.. productive and enjoy your life more..follow your passion and take care of yourself properly.. welcome to the club of unlimited merriment..

Thanks MA.

To your question, we are in court and the custody ish is one of the issues we are tackling but currently they are with me and every 2 weeks, they visit him for a weekend.

ednut1:
Nothing fun there in nigeria. To find love again will be hard, when konji hold you na small boys around you go dey nack in secret . Men and woman abeg let your marriage work

Don't worry. I no go knack small boys.

It can't happen.

I go hold myself Wella.

sisisioge:
Hmmmm.....no apparent shame or mockery unless you go telling the people you're divorce. Most people would assume that you are married or your husband is out of town. The issue will be when you start dating again, people that know you would wonder why you are following a guy you're not married to....they will assume you're cheating.

Biko move to another apartment, change jobs if you can, change your wardrobe, learn some new things and start afresh. Life will go on....good luck.

Thanks a lot.

Eddygourdo:
it appears you really didn't want a divorce. So why didn't you work things out.

No I don't want the divorce. I am only granting it because he asked for it because even if I don't, the judge is still going to grant it anyway after all the back and forth.

Optimistic4life:
Thanks MA.

To your question, we are in court and the custody ish is one of the issues we are tackling but currently they are with me and every 2 weeks, they visit him for a weekend.

Good for you woman..you are great and strong pls and pls don't let anyone tell you otherwise..
Keep doing your thing and taking care of yourself and the kids..let them know they are loved by you..don't listen to those blockheads on here saying rubbish..don't displease yourself to please others..
I wish you great life ahead of you..bless up..
You are loved..

davidadenrele:
Hello,
First of all i salute your courage for been able to come out and ask for advice, been a divorcee can be challenging for a woman in typical Nigerian society however i see you forging ahead since you are not afraid, you will have to work very hard let be honest having a kid is not that easy not to talk of 3kids, may I asked you did you request for child support in court while you filing for divorce through your lawyer because you will need child support from your kids father, it's either it's paid in weekly or monthly and its has to be something substaining for you and your kids.

Secondly you have to either work twice or get a business that will help you finance your kids financial burden without you being a burden to your friends and family at this moment Nigeria economy is not smiling at all, it's not easy out there trust me people will give assurance not worry that they will support you it's all a lie no one cares everybody is struggling to survive now in Nigeria. aside yahoo plus boys and ritualist, and politicians.

You will have to sit down a make a plan on how you intend to provide for your kids every month, your house rent, feeding, school fees, extra school needs, what kids of now are days can't do without like bobo, biscuits, sweets and stuffs. Let me be honest with you it's not going to be easy I know of a divorcee with kids it's not an easy task, but with God on your side you will be fine at the end. You will need support you will need assistance and you will your immediate family around you if it's only you it would have been better having to take care of kids in Nigeria of today is like climbing Mount Everest because of their excessive demands, they keep calling Mummy we want this we want that!! You have to be firm with your kids, at the same don't be too rigid and don't be too gentle when applying discipline where necessary at the same time montior them they could embrassed you if your not careful cos when they go hungry they could expose you unintentionally to your next neighbour cos at that moment what they cared about is there belly as its possible if you don't arrived from work in time for them to go and into your next neighbour house will not be a thing of shame to them afterall they have friends as next neighbour. Restrict them from collecting things from strangers, monitor them very well to avoid sexual pedophiles who could take advantage of no father figure in their lives. Provide quality to ensure they do their home work and take their studies seriously.

On a final note be you a Christian or Muslim ensure they observed prayers and good home moral training it's well with you.

Thanks Dave.
I appreciate.

Richy4:
It is not the end of the world dear.. Just go to Google and type that head line question u wrote up there, it will bring so many options for you to choose.... Read it with open mind and take the one applicable to your situation.

The area that I'm interested in is about the kids welfare... Please try and be completely honest with them and no criticism of each other or blame game when explaining that it didn't work out with their dad...So that u won't bring up damaged kids.. who will grow up hating men/ women or disliking marriage...

I ensure I say nice things about their dad to my kids. It will definitely backfire on me if I try to make them hate their dad.

That is wrong.

BigDawsNet:
Where you based?

Divorce can be pretty expensive
It's fine you have been separated for a while...u won't feel abandoned

They may likely share 2kids under ur custody
the third may join you if your Exhubby is too busy to take care of kids

He will get time to spend with them and you can't deny him by law..

He will take care of their expenses from school fee, feeding and other amenities..

Don't expect anything from him...he doesn't owe you nothing anymore

You may likely get some part of his properties, depends on how the law stands in ur present location...

Move on and you will find your new man

Make dis a lesson and let it help you build your next home...don't repeat any mistakes and all will be well


Goodluck

It would have been so good if it's going the way you analyzed it.

Matter of fact he has refused to pay the kids school fees.

Yet I happily let him take the kids every fortnight (3 days) so they can bond and see their daddy.

MeghaneMorgane:
It is well. Just love yourself. See if you can reconcile things with your husband.

Thanks.
The matter is before God. His will will be done.

dahmie2013:
It is well sister. The Lord is your strength. Let your children be your motivation. Be focused on them and please don't let them hate their father.

Hate their father? God forbid.

Infact when they want to visit him, I always encourage them to play with him very well. I tell them... Make sure you jump on his body plenty times and let him carry you.

He must be part of their lives. No be him sperm contribute form them?

Isokoboy:
If there is a way to remain in that marriage...work it out and remain....you guys don't know the psychology effect it will have on the children.... U really don't know

It is well.

Thanks Isokoboy

ebenezerdaniel:
Please consider the children.

Yeah it's because of them I was willing to try again but their dad rushed to court to seek for divorce all because of multiple strange women.

MajesticKris:
DM me for Any Assistance you so desire... I'm based in Lagos.. Cute and Highly recommended..

LOL...

maxti:
You will be alright.
Nothing to be ashamed of, neither should you worry about any mockery.

You need to discuss the terms of divorce properly to accommodate needs of the kids.

Staying financially stable is one important factor.

You might be vulnerable at this point, dont allow anyone take advantage of you.

Lastly, life isn't a competition. Don't be moved by what happens next on the life of your ex.

A Neighbor got divorced with 4 kids, because he ex remarried, she rushed to get married too.
She paid for everything by herself and it didn't end well.

Live your life, you will be fine.

Thanks so much.

jamesversion:
I can be there for you sexually if you are beautiful. And occasionally help financially. If you're interested.

My sexual desires have dried up (my mindset since there is no legal man to take care of it )

So thanks but no thanks.

OZAOEKPE:
Advise you do UK and go with your kids if you have the funds

Abi?

Thanks

anonymous1759:



Abegi make una stop this nonsense “psychological effect“ It’s better to be fatherless than to have a useless father it’s vice versa .

Kids with both mum and sad still end up useless. Kids from a single parent still do well.
The most important is to have either a good father or mother the kids will be good.

My advice to the lady . Don’t remarry for now. If you don’t want your children to suffer.
You can remarry when they’re grown and can fend themselves.
There’s a reason God gave us 2 kidneys but only one is functioning. Madam OP you can do it alone .

Thanks

anonymous1759:



Abegi make una stop this nonsense “psychological effect“ It’s better to be fatherless than to have a useless father it’s vice versa .

Kids with both mum and sad still end up useless. Kids from a single parent still do well.
The most important is to have either a good father or mother the kids will be good.

My advice to the lady . Don’t remarry for now. If you don’t want your children to suffer.
You can remarry when they’re grown and can fend themselves.
There’s a reason God gave us 2 kidneys but only one is functioning. Madam OP you can do it alone .

Marriage is spoon beautiful if your partner is on same mission as you (family wise) .

Later on, if God mercy finds me, I will definitely tow that line again.

Love dey sweet ooo

Quality20:
just go out there and get a man far better than him to marry

At the right time.

Trustedpronet:
Marry a divorcee with 3kids...who wan pay their school fees. E no easy o.

Abeg calm down

DeepSight:
Perish the thought of these irrelevancies and focus on your happiness.
There is no shame in being divorced.

Thanks.

Kokoebapluse:
You don't tell why your husband want you guys divorce. But whatever it may be my sister leave pride aside beg your husband and ask his family to beg him.

Outside is not funny. Be a single mum is not easy. Don't follow advice from some women here, women are the enemy of women. Women don't like each other they will want you to be like them in regret. Tell me how many man ready to accept you with 3kids? Madam beg your husband and be more hard working later you won't get time to fight your husband.

Who told you I am fighting him?

Guy, you just concluded the whole matter and even passed sentence on top.

Weldone ooo

IamANigerianMan:
Op, what she needs is Jesus, people that divorce have a very stupid reason. No marriage is perfect on earth including my own but we continue to learn everyday, before, I would never tell my wife sorry but today I have learnt to say sorry immediately I am wrong.. I know a couple that divorce because the man did not give her what you people call head, ego , pride are all reason for divorce, that is why she needs Jesus.

I have Jesus... Plenty of him.

Your fellow man is the one who needs all of Jesus, the angels and the holy ghost as pride is among the issues...

lomprico:
3 more emotional imbalance young adults will be released in the next decade.

Divorce is not good for young kids.

Not my kids.

They are going to be emotionally balanced and we'll raised

Saintinoo:
The day you women will understand that there is only one captain in a ship, that is the day divorce will stop. kindly leave with it.

Yes sir

nosa2:
Your Kpekus is about to get a whole lot of firing

This is the only reasonable thing your brain could come up with after reading my post?

It is well with you, Nosa

DWJOBScom:
You need Jesus in all things.

In strength , comfort , love etc

It is even in your weakness that you gain the best experience.

I don't know her but i can pray in Jesus Name and she will carry on and achieve what human wisdom cannot give

Jesus is everything and wants to be your all

OH yes!

Jesus is everything.

dannywest:
None of those things you mentioned matters.

All that matters is your peace and mental health.

I'm meant to have filed for mine a year now but just been stalling.

Been separated over 2 years and totally over it now.

If there is a chance that it can work again between you both, please try.

Please.

OmegaAutos:
How will she shine her congo?

Life is not all about shining Congo you know.


Some of us are pretty decent.

godumes:
[This simply shows the type of person you are! Your family members are not aware, you ran on the internet to make show of it.

My sister, the day you stop paying much attention on the internet, that's when you'il be fine. I can see you're addicted to the internet. Am being blunt because divorce is never a good omen.quote author=Optimistic4life post=109178130]Year 2021 February to be precise, my husband served me a divorce notice. Though I saw it coming as we have been separated for some months.
The case is still in court though.

We are blessed with 3 kids under 10.

Soon the divorce will be finalized and we will both move on.

How easy is it adjusting to a new life as a divorced lady?

I just want to let it out as I have never discussed this with anyone. Just my immediate family members knows about it.

What is life like out there for me?

The shame, mockery, coping with kids alone, moving on etc

Oga calm down and read the post again... Gently.

gambia:
Another story to gain traffic, you gerrit.

Will the traffic convert to cash for me?


If it does for you, please pray tell how.