₦airaland Forum

WoundedLamb:
This can be very painful, but to be honest, there are few things in your story that make me believe you wanted to eat your cake and still have it. I made a few assumptions in this feedback, please forgive and point out any wrong one.

First, you stopped communicating with her. I'm not sure I'd advise any woman to wait for a man abroad who doesn't frequently communicate with her. Nothing is more reassuring that those calls. That things were tough for you isn't an excuse. You don't forget your partner cause things aren't working out. In fact, that's when you need them the most. It's as if you went to Ghana with the mindset of "if I meet her when I come back, cool; but I'm not going to let her slow down my life in Ghana". Or would you have remembered her if you'd met a fine Nigerian lady in Ghana that had more of what you desire as a man?

Secondly, there was no serious commitment from your side before you left. You clearly weren't committed and I think you delibrately didn't want to so that nobody would drag you if you eventually decide to move on. She knew she was just an option and not the final answer cause the lack of certainty on your side was loud enough. She had nothing to hold on to. You made sure you she left your house and you weren't communicating. You put a structure in place that'd make it easy for you to move on if you need to, but you expected her to stay locked up in place for you till you make up your mind. You jokingly told her you'd marry her and you wanted her to make life decisions based on jokes? I hope you never got involved with other ladies yourself.

My bro, I could be totally wrong, but I think you kept her as a plan B; something to fall back to in case nothing better comes. And she did exactly the same. If she had met a better man in your absence, chances are, you'd have come back to see a ring on her finger. She didn't meet anyone better and that's why she's falling back to you now. I'm infuriated by dishonesty myself but then, we are not in a position to decide for you. It doesn't even make much sense asking us this cause you alone know the level of connection you had with her. It's easy for us to say, "ditch her and find another woman", but at the end, you alone will live with the aftermath of your decisions. So do what makes you happy. If you don't believe her, you might want to consider letting her go. Marriage is nothing without trust. And if she confesses that she had some NSA's in your absence, you alone can decide if you can live with that or not. Your peace of mind is more important than our judgment.

I will honestly say thank you but to be honest your words really got me more confused and thinking.......but somehow you cleared my mind

Sammy101111:
You see small raba na Nigeria girl you one marry she will use you dupe you and dump you when she see you finish lol

lol

Boogyman557:
Holly Gram



if u ACCEPT dat BANI



I SWEAR DOWN



I go make SURE sey I FIND u COME ur UNIT



I no go USE my new KALA oooo



Na my old KALA I go take BLAST ur left leg...



70yrs OLD MAN!



U NO 1 GET SENSE...



SEE as PESIN 1 use em HAND ENTER EXPRESS..



WTF MAN

lol....I never reach 70 but you don day call me old
Your words always make me smile

muheeb01:
This is funny to read,she went to stay with a man and they didn't have anything together,even if the man is an impotent or having erectile dysfunction or very weak erection....for her to leave to go and stay with another man in the first place is a big red flag...women can't endure loniless or long distance relationship for long,those emotion is very fragile,know this know peace,never have long distance relationship either you're a man or woman,it won't end well...there's always 4people involved in relationship....try another relationship mr man

I appreciate

Ikpeabujo:
I will honestly say thank you but to be honest your words really got me more confused and thinking.......but somehow you cleared my mind

Sorry I couldn't give a black-or-white answer. I'm glad you found my response a bit helpful. Best of luck.

WoundedLamb:
Sorry I couldn't give a black-or-white answer. I'm glad you found my response a bit helpful. Best of luck.

yes it was very helpful, and in someway you predicted the future and my mindset. but I'm very sorry my decision will make you sad because I can tell you really wished I forgive her.....

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Seek for advice after Makin his mind up?
You made your mind already and you ain't backing out so why seeking advice..

Even if want to seek advice.. online huh?

I don't want to believe that somehow you are blaming me in this

Ikpeabujo:
I don't want to believe that somehow you are blaming me in this

Who is blaming you?
I am saying you don't need any advice..

Ikpeabujo:
yes it was very helpful, and in someway you predicted the future and my mindset. but I'm very sorry my decision will make you sad because I can tell you really wished I forgive her.....

Honestly, it won't make me sad. What would make me sad is if you are leaving her cause of what people say here or if you accept her and still hold grudges against her. If you want to leave her cause you feel she's not being honest with you, it's valid. You know what you consider a deal breaker and what you consider no big deal. Asides the possibility of her lying, I personally don't have any other thing against her. I feel she'd open up if you opened up about your own life abroad. But then again, a lie is a lie and, like I said, it's valid if you feel you both already have a shaky foundation cause of it. And for the sake of your next relationship, I do hope you know that what you give is what you get. If you want honesty and commitment, trying offering those in return.

frozen70:
For a girl of that age, not to be with her parents, even when you asked her to go back home and she does otherwise, means she loves comfort and can't manage the situation her parents are inn

So how am I sure she can manage life with you, if things nose dives

Well for me, for the fact that she disobeyed you and went to stay with another man

Sex or no sex with the man is inconsequential, free her let her continue the life partern she has chosen

If not for poverty or poor family, what is her reasons for not staying with her parents

She loves sex because that's what she have to offer for her to be comfortable, so for her that's not a big deal, it's a way of getting what she wants by giving what she has

first time I saw opposite and honest comment coming from a girl on issues concerning her fellow.... �

Ikpeabujo:
first time I saw opposite and honest comment coming from a girl on issues concerning her fellow.... �

I always try to judge according to one's behaviour, be a man or woman
We have to say the truth though it hurts

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Who is blaming you?
I am saying you don't need any advice..

I'm so sorry, you are wrong. Some people makes or take decisions after proper consultation or advice.. nevertheless it's doesn't make me a weak man and I will be very happy if you respect my way of life

Op let me ask you a simple question, please try to be truthful in your response, the question goes thus;

In this your two years of sojourn to Ghana have you dated or simply put slept with any woman there?

Ikpeabujo:
I'm so sorry, you are wrong. Some people makes or take decisions after proper consultation or advice.. nevertheless it's doesn't make me a weak man and I will be very happy if you respect my way of life

Did I disrespect your way of life?

Ikpeabujo:
is like you have been monitoring me or you day my area

No i'm not,
i'm very far from you.
I just aired my opinion on that.

WoundedLamb:
Honestly, it won't make me sad. What would make me sad is if you are leaving her cause of what people say here or if you accept her and still hold grudges against her. If you want to leave her cause you feel she's not being honest with you, it's valid. You know what you consider a deal breaker and what you consider no big deal. Asides the possibility of her lying, I personally don't have any other thing against her. I feel she'd open up if you opened up about your own life abroad. But then again, a lie is a lie and, like I said, it's valid if you feel you both already have a shaky foundation cause of it. And for the sake of your next relationship, I do hope you know that what you give is what you get. If you want honesty and commitment, trying offering those in return.

I knew you gave your honest opinion here but maybe I should open up my pains to you.
I never totally cut her off while I'm in Ghana, if she had opened up with me herself about the guy and not hearing from friends. It could have been different issue because I loved her.
Yes when things was rough i never want to hear from anyone not just her but immediately everywhere stew I chatted her. Send her gifts and money. Her phone was bigger than mine. Imagine I brought iphone Xsmax about 3200cediz about 200k in naira and she never told me about the guy or explain to me what happened.and I got to know from her back

Ikpeabujo:
I knew you gave your honest opinion here but maybe I should open up my pains to you.
I never totally cut her off while I'm in Ghana, if she had opened up with me herself about the guy and not hearing from friends. It could have been different issue because I loved her.
Yes when things was rough i never want to hear from anyone not just her but immediately everywhere stew I chatted her. Send her gifts and money. Her phone was bigger than mine. Imagine I brought iphone Xsmax about 3200cediz about 200k in naira and she never told me about the guy or explain to me what happened.and I got to know from her back

Did you get involved with other girls? Did you tell her about them? I think we should be realistic with our expectations. Besides, that broken communication is actually a big deal. The moment a man abroad stops communicating as he used it, it sends all sorts of signals. Once the doubt is planted, your gifts become like gifts from any other man. She started nursing those doubts when you said something about you leaving her. There's no right or wrong here. I like to maintain my peace of mind while also trying not to hurt others. Do what gives you peace. It was an experience, pick what you can learn from it and move on.

AmazingELixir:



Op let me ask you a simple question, please try to be truthful in your response, the question goes thus;

In this your two years of sojourn to Ghana have you dated or simply put slept with any woman there?

men and women has a different reaction to sex..
Moreover I was the one doing the spending on her

WoundedLamb:
Did you get involved with other girls? Did you tell her about them? I think we should be realistic with our expectations. Besides, that broken communication is actually a big deal. The moment a man abroad stops communicating as he used it, it sends all sorts of signals. Once the doubt is planted, your gifts become like gifts from any other man. She started nursing those doubts when you said something about you leaving her. There's no right or wrong here. I like to maintain my peace of mind while also trying not to hurt others. Do what gives you peace. It was an experience, pick what you can learn from it and move on.

I appreciate but than unlike me she was unlucky because I was never caught

9ja girls are out to add more burden to your life instead of softening it.

Savedday:
9ja girls are out to add more burden to your life instead of softening it.

you are not far from truth

Ikpeabujo:
She was a very loyal girl and I knew that she loved me so much but right now I'm so confused and need some advice on what to do.
Meet her when I was in school and everything was fine. after school she lived with Me at onitsha because of financial issue and she never wanted to stay with her parents.
She was staying with me when I had an opportunity to travel to Ghana and I told her that she needs to go back to her parents because I don't support the idea of her staying alone as a woman and I shared some of my property with her.
I stayed almost two years in Ghana hustling and at a time things was not smooth For me that I don't care about anyone but my hustling even to call her was a problem and she thought that I'm beginning to forget about her and at point she will send me a message on WhatsApp threatening that if I leave her that she will never forgive me though I never took that serious.
Note: somehow or jokely I told her that I will marry her and she at the other hand promise me that I will be the only man in her life thus making me to believe that no man has sex with her all these years I'm in Ghana.
THE PROBLEM: I came back to Nigeria this year to roof my house and set something in order and eventually visit her and plan ourselves, but I was told that after I left for Ghana she never went back home to her parents but rather she stays with a man in onitsha for some months before going back to her family. I confronted her and confirm that it's true but she denied ever having sex with the guy but stayed with he because of finance ...
I'm so confused and I don't know if I'm to believe her or not. A girl that I knew Deep down in my heart that she like sex when we are together.
I just want to know if I cut her off in my life is my decision harsh or she deserves a second chance

If a girl can have sex with you, she will definitely have sex with other guys. If a girl doesn't have sex with you, she is having it with other guys. Don't be confused Op, this one is not for you. You can choose to use her as your sex mate or dump her and move on. Either ways, make sure you're In a winning position.

Dating a Nigerian girl is a complete waste of time and resources. They have absolutely nothing meaningful to offer a man in a relationship apart from their over used pussies.

My brother dump that girl and move on with ur life. Please stop being emotionally weak. Forget that hoe and move on.

GoodHardDick:
Dating a Nigerian girl is a complete waste of time and resources. They have absolutely nothing meaningful to offer a man in a relationship apart from their over used pussies.

My brother dump that girl and move on with ur life. Please stop being emotionally weak. Forget that hoe and move on.

mind made up....no going back enough I lose in a way

dontrulee:
If a girl can have sex with you, she will definitely have sex with other guys. If a girl doesn't have sex with you, she is having it with other guys. Don't be confused Op, this one is not for you. You can choose to use her as your sex mate or dump her and move on. Either ways, make sure you're In a winning position.

learn learnt

.