Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? - Romance (2)

Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? - Romance (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Romance › Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? (4022 Views)

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Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by FERNANDEZISBACK: 2:52pm On Feb 03, 2022

Qatar2022:
Woman now i know your problem

Then excuse me...

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Truvelisback(m): 2:55pm On Feb 03, 2022

Anoymus44:
There is this lady I'm so much in a woman! She's everything and more that I want in a woman. We have been dating for about a year and half, but the problem is that my parent don't want me to get married to her because she's from one of the south south states and I'm from the South East. They insisted I marry an igbo lady because I am the first son. We have been going back and forth on this issue for about 2 months. I insisted that I was going to get married to her regardless of whatsoever they think with or without their blessings.

Early last month, she got pregnant, I told my parent about the pregnancy thinking that it would further soften their hearts and make them come to terms about marrying her but it seemed worse. None of my family members are in support of the union, and this matter caused a big issue during one of the family meeting I once organised where I base.

she served in the Anambra and fell in love with the everything igbo, there is no Igbo soup she can't cook. She love everything about igbos and she's 100% willing to adapt to the Igbo culture. Give her 5 years from now she will understand and speak igbo like she is one of us since birth. She is that determined.

Now that she's pregnancy is in it 9th week, I don't want her to be my baby mama, I don't want our beautiful love story to turn sour. To be honest, I went to my hometown to for the festive period and I didn't find anyone that approved of me getting married to her from my family, extended families or relatives. Some swore that she has given me love portion to eat, others adviced that I should drop the idea of the marriage because no one is in support of the union. Not a single soul.

I tabled the matter to the UMU-NNA (meetings for men in the family usually done in the village) it went back and forth and the elders ruled that I settle it within my immediate family and that whatsoever my parent says, they are 100% behind their decision. My parent said No, and as for the pregnancy, they will be involved in their grand child's life in everywhere but they don't want me anywhere around the mother.

The frustration is real! I only find succour in my lady and the unborn baby. These days I can't even look into her eyes because I'm the reason she's in this predicament. From her side I have no issues. Her family is all welcoming and they approve of me but it's a brick wall at my end.

Some days ago my lady was painting a senerio to me about her colleague big sister's husband that was in this same predicament as i am, according to her, the husband's went ahead and did the court wedding and later on after delivery he did the trad and the husband's family later came around and became part of his family. For my lady to say such, seems she's also thinking I should do same. It could really backfire in my case because my family really get coconut head and I might be all alone with no family to run to in times of turbulence.

I'm in at a cross road. Do you guys reckon I take my lady's opinion because I see it as the only alternative if we are to be together. If you have ever been in this scenerio kindly share your experience.

Pls help a brother. Thanks in anticipation.

Are u still a kid that u can't make decisions of who u want?

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Homeboiy: 2:57pm On Feb 03, 2022

My advise here is to thread with caution because you need their support to have a blissful marriage. If you ignore them, the future consequences would be unpalatable.

This is a lie

To me, I will advice you to do what’s on your mind because I know you have chosen one already.

Which is your family

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Lovebliss2(f): 3:04pm On Feb 03, 2022

What if you end up married to their choice and never find happiness?

2 Likes

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by GerogeI(m): 3:14pm On Feb 03, 2022*

Anoymus44:
There is this lady I'm so much in a woman! She's everything and more that I want in a woman. We have been dating for about a year and half, but the problem is that my parent don't want me to get married to her because she's from one of the south south states and I'm from the South East. They insisted I marry an igbo lady because I am the first son. We have been going back and forth on this issue for about 2 months. I insisted that I was going to get married to her regardless of whatsoever they think with or without their blessings.

Early last month, she got pregnant, I told my parent about the pregnancy thinking that it would further soften their hearts and make them come to terms about marrying her but it seemed worse. None of my family members are in support of the union, and this matter caused a big issue during one of the family meeting I once organised where I base.

she served in the Anambra and fell in love with the everything igbo, there is no Igbo soup she can't cook. She love everything about igbos and she's 100% willing to adapt to the Igbo culture. Give her 5 years from now she will understand and speak igbo like she is one of us since birth. She is that determined.

Now that she's pregnancy is in it 9th week, I don't want her to be my baby mama, I don't want our beautiful love story to turn sour. To be honest, I went to my hometown to for the festive period and I didn't find anyone that approved of me getting married to her from my family, extended families or relatives. Some swore that she has given me love portion to eat, others adviced that I should drop the idea of the marriage because no one is in support of the union. Not a single soul.

I tabled the matter to the UMU-NNA (meetings for men in the family usually done in the village) it went back and forth and the elders ruled that I settle it within my immediate family and that whatsoever my parent says, they are 100% behind their decision. My parent said No, and as for the pregnancy, they will be involved in their grand child's life in everywhere but they don't want me anywhere around the mother.

The frustration is real! I only find succour in my lady and the unborn baby. These days I can't even look into her eyes because I'm the reason she's in this predicament. From her side I have no issues. Her family is all welcoming and they approve of me but it's a brick wall at my end.

Some days ago my lady was painting a senerio to me about her colleague big sister's husband that was in this same predicament as i am, according to her, the husband's went ahead and did the court wedding and later on after delivery he did the trad and the husband's family later came around and became part of his family. For my lady to say such, seems she's also thinking I should do same. It could really backfire in my case because my family really get coconut head and I might be all alone with no family to run to in times of turbulence.

I'm in at a cross road. Do you guys reckon I take my lady's opinion because I see it as the only alternative if we are to be together. If you have ever been in this scenerio kindly share your experience.

Pls help a brother. Thanks in anticipation.

Jeez you are still confused whether you should give your unborn child a solid base.

Or are you just asking for strategies to manage your people. If the later is the case then here,

How close are you to your Mum. Stop doing Macho man, corner her and cry to her. Tell her you are no longer asking for an opinion, but simply for her support to help you defend and take care of your unborn baby. Also let her know you will proceed with court wedding, and just wants her support.

She will bend, and also try to bend your father.

But mind you there are some truths in every prejudice. A lot of cultures surrounding igbo do not take marriage as serious as we do with the perspective of the woman. Igbo's find it very difficult tolerating other cultures where its easy for a woman to quit the marriage.

Its seen as calamity for her kids, who now have to become step kids. The legendary wickedness of step mother's are well documented in folklore about Nwunye_Nnam. A man not having a wife is frowned on, so your wife leaving is automatically seen as your venture into polygamy, it means internal family wars among your kids in your old age.

Then the crown of it, is a promiscous wife. Because once you marry, an kid that come from the woman is automatically your, a promiscuous wife will fetch your kids from strange men, and you start seeing funny traits in your house, things like kleptomaniacs, simpletons, metal retardation or sickness etc and traditionally known unwanted traits.
If your intended wife can understand this, an act in ways that provide your parents assurances, you might solve you problem.

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Johnsown1(m): 3:27pm On Feb 03, 2022

Have you asked them the reason why they don't want her because In my place family marries a wife and it's a one man affairs. Please find out the reason and try to find a way to solve it.

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by MufasaLion: 4:00pm On Feb 03, 2022

Johnsown1:
Have you asked them the reason why they don't want her because In my place family marries a wife and it's a one man affairs. Please find out the reason and try to find a way to solve it.

I don't know how y'all scaled through in school. Didn't you read that it was due to tribe?

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by MufasaLion: 4:03pm On Feb 03, 2022

Nobody can decide what I want. It's wrong to be against your kid's/ward's marriage just because of some personal hatred or bad experiences with someone from that tribe/religion/race...

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by MufasaLion: 4:05pm On Feb 03, 2022

InTheCloudySky:
You're an adult and your life is yours to live. It would be inhumane of you to cop out now that you've gotten her pregnant or after she gives birth, just because she's of a different state/tribe.

Marry her, then you both move away from your family. You didn't need their approval before getting into a relationship with her or before getting her pregnant (although you did know they didn't approve of the relationship), so continue what you've started and live your life. At the end of the day, it's your happiness that matters, not theirs.

Exactly!

Moreover, humans are selfish and inconsiderate. Would they have allowed their daughter to be treated that way if tables were turned? Pathetic!

1 Like

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Mrforexlord: 4:12pm On Feb 03, 2022

you don fall in love to a desperate girl , don't come here to complain in future

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by heniford2: 4:25pm On Feb 03, 2022

Anoymus44:
There is this lady I'm so much in a woman! She's everything and more that I want in a woman. We have been dating for about a year and half, but the problem is that my parent don't want me to get married to her because she's from one of the south south states and I'm from the South East. They insisted I marry an igbo lady because I am the first son. We have been going back and forth on this issue for about 2 months. I insisted that I was going to get married to her regardless of whatsoever they think with or without their blessings.

Early last month, she got pregnant, I told my parent about the pregnancy thinking that it would further soften their hearts and make them come to terms about marrying her but it seemed worse. None of my family members are in support of the union, and this matter caused a big issue during one of the family meeting I once organised where I base.

she served in the Anambra and fell in love with the everything igbo, there is no Igbo soup she can't cook. She love everything about igbos and she's 100% willing to adapt to the Igbo culture. Give her 5 years from now she will understand and speak igbo like she is one of us since birth. She is that determined.

Now that she's pregnancy is in it 9th week, I don't want her to be my baby mama, I don't want our beautiful love story to turn sour. To be honest, I went to my hometown to for the festive period and I didn't find anyone that approved of me getting married to her from my family, extended families or relatives. Some swore that she has given me love portion to eat, others adviced that I should drop the idea of the marriage because no one is in support of the union. Not a single soul.

I tabled the matter to the UMU-NNA (meetings for men in the family usually done in the village) it went back and forth and the elders ruled that I settle it within my immediate family and that whatsoever my parent says, they are 100% behind their decision. My parent said No, and as for the pregnancy, they will be involved in their grand child's life in everywhere but they don't want me anywhere around the mother.

The frustration is real! I only find succour in my lady and the unborn baby. These days I can't even look into her eyes because I'm the reason she's in this predicament. From her side I have no issues. Her family is all welcoming and they approve of me but it's a brick wall at my end.

Some days ago my lady was painting a senerio to me about her colleague big sister's husband that was in this same predicament as i am, according to her, the husband's went ahead and did the court wedding and later on after delivery he did the trad and the husband's family later came around and became part of his family. For my lady to say such, seems she's also thinking I should do same. It could really backfire in my case because my family really get coconut head and I might be all alone with no family to run to in times of turbulence.

I'm in at a cross road. Do you guys reckon I take my lady's opinion because I see it as the only alternative if we are to be together. If you have ever been in this scenerio kindly share your experience.

Pls help a brother. Thanks in anticipation.

Op based on experience i would advice you to listen very careful to ur parents and Relative trust me no one knows u better than ur mother and they understand u better and when cheap get down who u go run too..as crazy as it sound is true be smart not everything be hard man Nwanne madu

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by benqo01(m): 4:30pm On Feb 03, 2022

Op I understand your point and trust me it really hurt .My advice to you is to dissolve that relationship you have with her immediately.

Don't put your self in a fix state,if your parents don't support your union,then am sorry it cant work don't listen to anyone telling you to go ahead you.

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Anoymus44(op): 5:05pm On Feb 03, 2022

benqo01:
Op I understand your point and trust me it really hurt .My advice to you is to dissolve that relationship you have with her immediately.

Don't put your self in a fix state,if your parents don't support your union,then am sorry it cant work don't listen to anyone telling you to go ahead you.

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Oyiboman69: 5:52pm On Feb 03, 2022

Anoymus44:
There is this lady I'm so much in a woman! She's everything and more that I want in a woman. We have been dating for about a year and half, but the problem is that my parent don't want me to get married to her because she's from one of the south south states and I'm from the South East. They insisted I marry an igbo lady because I am the first son. We have been going back and forth on this issue for about 2 months. I insisted that I was going to get married to her regardless of whatsoever they think with or without their blessings.

Early last month, she got pregnant, I told my parent about the pregnancy thinking that it would further soften their hearts and make them come to terms about marrying her but it seemed worse. None of my family members are in support of the union, and this matter caused a big issue during one of the family meeting I once organised where I base.

she served in the Anambra and fell in love with the everything igbo, there is no Igbo soup she can't cook. She love everything about igbos and she's 100% willing to adapt to the Igbo culture. Give her 5 years from now she will understand and speak igbo like she is one of us since birth. She is that determined.

Now that she's pregnancy is in it 9th week, I don't want her to be my baby mama, I don't want our beautiful love story to turn sour. To be honest, I went to my hometown to for the festive period and I didn't find anyone that approved of me getting married to her from my family, extended families or relatives. Some swore that she has given me love portion to eat, others adviced that I should drop the idea of the marriage because no one is in support of the union. Not a single soul.

I tabled the matter to the UMU-NNA (meetings for men in the family usually done in the village) it went back and forth and the elders ruled that I settle it within my immediate family and that whatsoever my parent says, they are 100% behind their decision. My parent said No, and as for the pregnancy, they will be involved in their grand child's life in everywhere but they don't want me anywhere around the mother.

The frustration is real! I only find succour in my lady and the unborn baby. These days I can't even look into her eyes because I'm the reason she's in this predicament. From her side I have no issues. Her family is all welcoming and they approve of me but it's a brick wall at my end.

Some days ago my lady was painting a senerio to me about her colleague big sister's husband that was in this same predicament as i am, according to her, the husband's went ahead and did the court wedding and later on after delivery he did the trad and the husband's family later came around and became part of his family. For my lady to say such, seems she's also thinking I should do same. It could really backfire in my case because my family really get coconut head and I might be all alone with no family to run to in times of turbulence.

I'm in at a cross road. Do you guys reckon I take my lady's opinion because I see it as the only alternative if we are to be together. If you have ever been in this scenerio kindly share your experience.

Pls help a brother. Thanks in anticipation.

you have taken this path and you've made your decision.

remember that there will be a misunderstanding in your marriage and never reminiscence on the opinion that that the situation would have been better if you'd married an ibo woman.

remember also that you can't have it all the same time cos,in my experience, all other tribe can go against their wish in terms of marriage but ibo and Hausa will never succumb to that and as the senior son, you'll you'll either go with your family or go with your woman.

However, my sympathy go to the woman cos at the end,you'll always go and get married to an ibo woman. What is embarrassing is you seeking advice after you've impregnated the girl when it is obvious that you your family will never ever consent to it. My advice is that you travel far and settle down with your wife and start a new family irrespective of the odd against you...good luck....

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Xantel(f): 6:43pm On Feb 03, 2022

If she wasn't pregnant I would advise she quit.

1 Like

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Nobody: 7:32pm On Feb 03, 2022*

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by MufasaLion: 7:35pm On Feb 03, 2022

InTheCloudySky:
They certainly wouldn't. The OP himself needs to grow up. That he's considering leaving her now and for such a flimsy reason is an indication that he doesn't love her. This is why women show be careful getting pregnant for men without marriage. If you're not married and are engaging in premarital sex, then make sure you know the man you're laying with well to avoid stories that touch.

Damn straight!

Some men are weak and they are easily influenced by family foolishly. I really hope the guy is gonna fight for his love. I hate doing unto others what we would never accept!

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Anoymus44(op): 7:39pm On Feb 03, 2022

InTheCloudySky:
They certainly wouldn't. The OP himself needs to grow up. That he's considering leaving her now and for such a flimsy reason is an indication that he doesn't love her. This is why women show be careful getting pregnant for men without marriage. If you're not married and are engaging in premarital sex, then make sure you know the man you're laying with well to avoid stories that touch.

May the good Lord have mercy on you.. I hope and pray you don't ever fall into the present predicament I am in.

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Anoymus44(op): 7:39pm On Feb 03, 2022

MufasaLion:
Damn straight!

Some men are weak and they are easily influenced by family foolishly. I really hope the guy is gonna fight for his love. I hate doing unto others what we would never accept!

Yeah right.. Easier said than done.

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by MufasaLion: 7:42pm On Feb 03, 2022

Anoymus44:
Yeah right.. Easier said than done.

It's what I can do. You really don't know me. Even my family knows I do what I want. I don't follow rules, I bend them.

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by michlins(m): 7:48pm On Feb 03, 2022

Don't marry her cause it's obvious you're not man enough to decide what goes on in your life.

Until you can decide what happens in your life, don't get married. Marriage no be child's play

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by GboyegaD(m): 7:51pm On Feb 03, 2022

Anoymus44:
May the good Lord have mercy on you.. I hope and pray you don't ever fall into the present predicament I am in.

Oga, what predicament are you in? Your said predicament is a test to know if you are man enough to marry. Trust me, if you agree with your parents just to please them, you have given them an access to an inner part of you that you would live to regret as this means they can make all decisions on your behalf.

At this time, you should do the lady a favor and bounce off. Who at your age depends on family to make decisions critical to their lives? You aren't matured enough for marriage yet because this is the least and if you have to bend to what they want at all times, certainly, you are only going to cause the woman more pains than joy.

Above all, you should decide what you want cos when the shit hits the fan, you bare the brunt. If you are convinced, talk to your parents on the matter for the last time in a round table and should they not come to terms, take your decision and let them know.

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Nobody: 7:52pm On Feb 03, 2022*

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by MufasaLion: 7:56pm On Feb 03, 2022

InTheCloudySky:
Yup, it takes a real man to step up and do the right thing in this sort of situation. He said he thought his family would soften by the pregnancy news, so I really hope he didn't get her pregnant intentionally, but I'm going to hold her responsible as well for allowing the pregnancy to take place because it takes two. Funny thing is if he leaves her and marries someone else from the same state or whatever, he may not find happiness with that person.

Your last sentence is everything!

2 Likes

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Nobody: 8:07pm On Feb 03, 2022*

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Blunttruth: 9:56pm On Feb 03, 2022

These are things that should be discussed before you go and have raw unprotected sex. The truth is when There's a problem e.g the lady becoming a widow , she and the kids will go through hell, because she is not igbo and they were against the marriage. The two of you didn't think it through. You know your people better, you should not have gotten her pregnant.

1 Like

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by DoingBetter: 10:02pm On Feb 03, 2022

Even the scriptures places the bond between a man and his wife above that of his biological family. The man shall leave his parents and "cleave" to his wife and the "two shall become one". Very few relationships are stronger than blood bond and marriage is one of them. Even that blood is thicker than water quote is often misquoted. The original quote is that the blood of the covenant is stronger but people have twisted it over the years. Marriage is a covenant.
In a normal world where people have the right priorities, this daft gender war would be obsolete. But alas, we live in world where money and material things are placed higher than life. At op, if she's the right woman and you're convinced, find a way to get through to your Mom. Convince her and you've won half the battle. Tell her to get the lady herself and do her own findings. If they're religious, visit the family pastor and ask him to pray for you guys. If he talks to your parents in your favour, they will be more likely to reconsider. This whole tribe issue being the only thing against her is weird. I'm Igbo married to Yoruba and I'm the first. Second engaged to Yoruba and third currently dating a Yoruba lady. None of us were born and bred in the West. Mom used to make jokes about Yorubas. Now we tease her about it and she's made her peace with it. Intact, she loves my in-laws. My in-laws have always been fond of me so it's been easy to love them back. My point is, love knows no tribe or language or race. Love is the one thing that's powerful enough to break down barriers. Heck, God is love for a reason.If you are both sincere, put in prayer and put a date for the answer to that prayer. See if things don't work out.
Be sure to invite me to your wedding.

odinson1:
Dear Op,

Whatever you do,do NOT cut your parents off! You can disobey their wishes but do not Cut them off because of any woman,be it your wife!

Secondly, I can see she is pushing you to do a Court wedding. My dear man,that would be the biggest mistake you will ever make in your entire life. What ever happens,do NOT go for a Court marriage, because it mostly never ends well.

She wants that court marriage so as to secure her future with your properties and resources in case of divorce or separation or something similar.

A final word: "in your family,the only person who isn't related to you by blood is your wife"

Let that sink in.

1 Like

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Johnsown1(m): 10:26pm On Feb 03, 2022

MufasaLion:
I don't know how y'all scaled through in school. Didn't you read that it was due to tribe?

Must you insult people?? I don't blame you rather I blame the faceless blog

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by MufasaLion: 10:30pm On Feb 03, 2022

Johnsown1:
Must you insult people?? I don't blame you rather I blame the faceless blog

No, it wasn't an insult. I was just trying to point out the mistake of your tutors.

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by SWATMan: 12:39am On Feb 04, 2022

Qatar2022:
You don't have respect woman

She is not a woman but a guy grin

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by Qatar2022: 7:08am On Feb 04, 2022

SWATMan:
She is not a woman but a guy

Whatever that thing is, i don't care but that thing don't have respect

Re: Me, My Parent And My Soon To Be Wife; Should I Take Her Advice? by bluefilm: 1:25pm On Feb 05, 2022

You have to seriously work hard to convince your family.

I don't think you have convinced them enough.

1 2 3 Reply

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