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Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman - Romance - Nairaland

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Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Abetterperson: 12:35pm On Feb 05, 2022
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

38 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Nobody: 12:40pm On Feb 05, 2022
Do whatever make you happy and fulfilled , but don't live your life base on other people's life's mirrors. As long as he has access to his kids I don't see anything wrong in that model. You are perfectly normal. Just make sure your seeds are from one man not multiple men.

69 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Lastpharoah33: 12:40pm On Feb 05, 2022
Sure you are not.

Different strokes for different folks.

31 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by daddymummy(m): 12:41pm On Feb 05, 2022
daddymummy:
Every time on the internet, we see videos of men proposing to women and being rejected by the women, sometimes after being slapped or assaulted by those women.

Now women have started playing on men's minds.

They would pay people to act these things so that it will appear that women are now rejecting men.

By this, they believe men would become desperate and would start proposing to them more, just to prove that they can still get women to marry.


Women are trying to create the impression that before women were desperate for marriage, but now it is the men who are desperate.


Trust women na. They have come up with this act so as to make men propose more.

Trust me, many men would fall for this.

If you really know women, then you would understand what I am writing.

They can manipulate you even beyond your conscious understanding.


Note: Women like following trend. Most women are desperate for marriage because other women are also desperate.

Now that some women have come up with this act, they do it to make other women to follow suit because women like copying other women.

Also they want to play on men's mind, to make it appear that men are now desperate. The aim is to make other men desperate because everyone like behaving like other people.

If they can get males to believe that they are desperate, then so many men would thank God that a woman has finally agreed to marry him.


So many men would also want to now get married because to get married would now be seen as a great achievement.

That's the idea behind all these videos of males proposing and being rejected.

That's right Sir.

3 Likes

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by illicit(m): 12:41pm On Feb 05, 2022
Are u happy

1 Like

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by SanctifiedSista(f): 12:43pm On Feb 05, 2022
Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

You are not stupid for not wanting marriage, u never saw a good marriage and the negative things u have been seeing can cement your decision..u are also young and don't see the necessity of it, that's why u don't want to enter
But it's only when u seek to know that u will find.
People may print fake money but dosent mean people will not stop hunting for the genuine thing..so seek to know the reason for marriage and GOD will answer u..HE will bring a wonderful man your way that u can't imagine life without that person.
Kill that baby mama or fornication thought of remaining boyfriend and girlfriend forever..u are built for more so don't reduce yourself into a life of foolish decisions and heavy repercussions
A word is enough for the wise...reach out to me let's talk if u need more clarification

88 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Truvelisback(m): 12:50pm On Feb 05, 2022
Whether u chose to marry or not, the best way to be invaluable to men is for u to be financially independent. Don't be a liability, be an asset, then u will see how men will have regard for u.

22 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Double0h7(f): 12:56pm On Feb 05, 2022
You need counseling to recover from your parents relationship. You've internalised another person's experience and that isn't healthy. Love and marriage isn't the things you mentioned so develop yourself, get to know yourself, conquer your fears, weaknesses, and all round mould yourself to the best possible version of yourself. Once you do the ground work then you will attract a man who has done the same and you will get what you want and deserve out of any relationship. Don't use your past as an excuse but rather a platform to grow from.

12 Likes

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Nobody: 1:00pm On Feb 05, 2022
You're not stupid. Marriage wasn't meant for everyone. But you need to be financially loaded to achieve your independent, stability and control. smiley

5 Likes

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by chatinent: 1:18pm On Feb 05, 2022
Your decisions, your happiness.
Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by StoicAdvisor: 1:20pm On Feb 05, 2022
I winder why it is strange for lots of people to understand that marriage is not for everyone. It's why so many homes are miserable. You have to know yourself well to be sure if the institution of marriage is your thing. And it's okay if its not.

@poster, you seems more scared of the man in person, not the marriage. Marriage is not slavery, its freedom. Marriage doesn't reduce, but actually increases your quality of life. Marriage even though subjected to much bastardization in modern times, had been the building block for a healthy society. A good man will heal these fears, where the job is, is to find such man.

11 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by CandyOps(m): 1:38pm On Feb 05, 2022
jackcanfield:
Do whatever make you happy and fulfilled , but don't live your life base on other people's life's mirrors. As long as he has access to his kids I don't see anything wrong in that model. You are perfectly normal. Just make sure your seeds are from one man not multiple men.

Maybe you no de hear word well. Person use her mouth tell u say she is not normal unto marriage levels yet you de insist say she normal. I don't know why guys don't pay attention especially when a babe is telling them her faults

When one of my babes tell me say she de get mental issues I kuku go comot all knifes wey de my house and unplug gas cooker before I sleep. I no wan hear say mad person kill me for night. Me & sense be like 5 & 6

74 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Nobody: 2:09pm On Feb 05, 2022
CandyOps:


Maybe you no de hear word well. Person use her mouth tell u say she is not normal unto marriage levels yet you de insist say she normal. I don't know why guys don't pay attention especially when a babe is telling them her faults

When one of my babes tell me say she de get mental issues I kuku go comot all knifes wey de my house and unplug gas cooker before I sleep. I no wan hear say mad person kill me for night. Me & sense be like 5 & 6

She probably had some experience she is been very careful about and her concerns are quite valid, but what she needs is a very lovable person , it is like what some pastors do preaching about people not going to hell fire rather that preaching about been with God in whose presence there is Love so great that having 20 private jets can't replace(I think it was from him I heard the word "Unconditional Love" )...what she needs is a reorientation , a mindset change , not castigation, but I guess she has seen enough and would rather hold the mindset of not going to hell rather than have the mindset of going to heaven... it is her call.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Moneyboyz: 2:38pm On Feb 05, 2022
You won't know it now,but you will in future.
You would wish you have the power to go back in time and remake your decisions.

I might be right or wrong, fingers crossed.

1 Like

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by WiszyFraud: 2:38pm On Feb 05, 2022
SmellySperm:
You're not stupid. Marriage wasn't meant for everyone. But you need to be financially loaded to achieve your independent, stability and control. smiley



Oyel dey your head grin

1 Like

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by eherbal(m): 2:38pm On Feb 05, 2022
You're not stupid for not wanting marriage. Its a personal decision. I nearly never got married too. The problem now is when you finally decide to get married, hope you won't be Shiloh standard thengrin

12 Likes

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by blamingthedevil: 2:38pm On Feb 05, 2022
Lastpharoah33:
Sure you are not.

Different strokes for different folks.
Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Ezedon(m): 2:38pm On Feb 05, 2022
Ask ur self
Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by flexlatifa: 2:38pm On Feb 05, 2022
N
Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by JONNYSPUTE(m): 2:38pm On Feb 05, 2022
....Your life,. Do with it anyhow you want.

But don't shout had I known when the reality sets in.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Nobody: 2:39pm On Feb 05, 2022
It's not a must to get married. Personally, I don't fancy the idea of marriage.
Might get one or two kids though.

1 Like

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by DamnnNiggarr: 2:39pm On Feb 05, 2022
shocked
Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by SmartGadgetz: 2:39pm On Feb 05, 2022
Lol.
Babee girl it's a free world, live your life and take responsibility of your action because all man for themself.

In as much as you don't fancy to get married just try and get a kid one or two that would take care of you at old age to avoid loneliness and regrets. Marriage is not a must.

Volkswagen Jetta 1996 Sale for transport business for sale. Condition: Buy & Drive, No faults
Check my profile for more pictures.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by BluntTheApostle(m): 2:39pm On Feb 05, 2022
In fact, you are very wise.

Marriage is a scam. Only the most foolish get into it.

Bewarned!

1 Like 2 Shares

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by valiju: 2:42pm On Feb 05, 2022
Please do whatever makes you happy ..I have been married for 10 years and that has been the most miserable moment of my life despite having a loving and caring wife .

Marriage is not for everybody
Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

2 Likes

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by simplepee(f): 2:42pm On Feb 05, 2022
It is good you know and have defined what you want. There are men out there who want same thing as you do..

My only concern is that you bring up your children up in a decent and good way.

Most single parents preaches hate to their kids, We don't want more nusaince in this country.

I came from a broken home too and my mum did a good job with us. We were raised right. But I don't ever wish for my kids not to experience that "oneness" and "peaceful" home.

Please raise good kids, that's all I have to say.

13 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by TheRedpillguy: 2:42pm On Feb 05, 2022
Another man saved

3 Likes

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by jaxxy(m): 2:44pm On Feb 05, 2022
Personally speaking I think u are cos there are good men out there if u look properly.

2. Ur background should not define u. Many people have rough background bt have changed their own lives to reflect what they personally believe in not what they went through.

3. U want independence and control bt can anybody can have total control or independence? whether married or not? unless Ure not going to be in any serious relationship and ur partner will just be a donor? Is that the best situation for a lady? I will say A complete NO!

Only oloshos have no particular partner.

4. There are men who like independent women even in marriage bt to a certain degree which is reasonable and acceptable. Find Sm1 with similar mindset and don’t be too extreme.

5. If u have children outside marriage think about how ur children will feel about ur choice to birth them almost like bastards.(sorry to use that word). They also will not see anything good about marriage even if ur babymama life ends up not being any better.

6. How it will affect ur kids especially daughters. There are men who won’t marry a gal from a divorced home talkless of from a complete babymama. Unless there is a very good explanation.

7, if ur lineage never marries there will be no trace of ur lineage. It will be irrelevant and lost unless any of them makes a mark individually for him or herself.

8. Until u marry u have no identity. If ur parents never married u will not have a family identity. Just bunch or random individuals mass producing like chickens especially for women.

9. There is nothing like ‘Woke crew’ in not being married and having kids. Children must bare a name and have family identity.

12 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by SmartPolician: 2:44pm On Feb 05, 2022
Abetterperson:


secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work

People don't get into marriage making a Plan B. This simply means that they don't even believe that the marriage will work. Marriage is not a vacation on Miami Beach; it involves a lot of work and sacrifices.

If you think you are not ready for it, just avoid marriage. Like I always say, marriage is not for everyone. We live in a complicated world with people full of crazy Idiosyncrasies and complexities.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by SeriouslySense(m): 2:44pm On Feb 05, 2022
You are not Stupid, you are Intelligent, considerate and thoughtful, and clear with your future.

I will advise you to build skills that helps you identify a man that compliments you.

Have a diary, and list out all the qualities you want to see, i your ideal partner. You may not meet someone who has all the qualities but he may have some important ones, that you really appreciate.

1 Like

Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by SeriouslySense(m): 2:44pm On Feb 05, 2022
You are not stupid, you are Intelligent, considerate, thoughtful, and clear with your future.

Choosing not to marry or marry is okay, its up to you. I would not impose marriage on anyone, its not compulsory, However for a woman its a delicate issue, since she has many concerns, being married and having a career simultaneously. And you still want to have children, because as biological being, its inbuilt in you to do that at certain age. With the societal settings, there is also pressure to do so. But regardless, its up to you to choose.

I will advise you to build skills that helps you identify a man that compliments you. Read books.

Have a diary, and list out all the qualities you want to see, in your ideal partner. You may not meet someone who has all the qualities but he may have some important ones, that you really appreciate.

Also, build what you want, you're already doing so, you are focused on your financial independence, you are loving yourself, etc.

Build what you want in your partner in yourself also. Make Sure the man shares values that are similar as yours, or inspires you, and also watch how the man reacts to situations and how he treats other women, and people.
Re: Am I Dumb For Not Wanting To Get Married As A Woman by Skyfly007: 2:45pm On Feb 05, 2022
Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?
I understand your feelings...and it has to do with your upbringing..

You will need to see a therapist, who will help you understand that there are still successful marriages out there...

2 Likes 1 Share

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